


To dance above the Stars

by Majsasaurus



Series: To love and never let go [2]
Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit description of mental health issues, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Innocent smut between consenting teenagers, Ino-Shika-Cho Formation (Naruto), It gets dark and then it gets happy again, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Medical Trauma, Mental Health Issues, Overcoming hardships together, Physical Disability, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 94,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majsasaurus/pseuds/Majsasaurus
Summary: The youngest generation of Ino-Shika-Cho had learned the hard way what it means to break down and pick up the shattered pieces, patching their broken team together again. At some point, life should bring the joy and excitement of growing up and finding out your own path.But what do you do when the path you chose turns against you, the past comes back to haunt you and the future decides to –– break you?And Inojinknowshe shouldn't lie to his team. But he can't tell the truth. He just can't.
Relationships: Akimichi Chouchou & Nara Shikadai & Yamanaka Inojin, Akimichi Chouji/Karui, Nara Shikadai/Yamanaka Inojin, Nara Shikamaru/Temari, Sai/Yamanaka Ino
Series: To love and never let go [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819945
Comments: 183
Kudos: 174





	1. Fireworks

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to To dance above the Stars, the sequel to To go down with the Sun!
> 
> This is, as mentioned, a sequel to said fic, and I suggest you read that one first. However, it is completely possible to read this without the first part in this series.
> 
> This work will contain graphic descriptions of living with a mental illness.
> 
> Shikadai and Inojin are a couple in this fic.

“Are you done?” Inojin asked and popped his chin against his palm, giving it support as he laid on his stomach in Shikadai’s bed. Shikadai was still stuffing his rucksack with spare clothes.

“You think I can take this?” Shikadai asked and flashed a glass bottle of beer to Inojin. “For the party. Boruto said he had gotten a lot of alcohol and they are probably going to get drunk.”

Inojin sat up. He had not taken alcohol into the equation when he was getting ready for the New Year.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“I don’t know”, Shikadai said and twisted the bottle in his hand. “I have never been drunk before. It would be kind of exciting, don’t you think.”

Inojin moved from the bed up to Shikadai and took the bottle from his hand.

“No”, he said. “Being drunk is bad for you.”

“Not when I’m still taking medication”, Shikadai responded, almost sounding accusing. “It wouldn’t…”

“Sweetie, you know why”, Inojin said. “It’s not worth taking any risks. Besides, your mum would _kill_ you if she got to know you stole beer from her storage.”

Shikadai grunted and rubbed his forehead.

“Shikadai…” Inojin said after he received no vocal answer. “I know it’s tough. But you’ve been doing so good. Not a single symptom of a psychosis for soon a year. And soon you don’t have to take medication anymore. It would be a pity to, you know… stop the good progress.”

“I know the risks are higher when intoxicated”, Shikadai said as he heaved a deep sigh. “I _know_ the risks for the anxiety attacks are greater when drunk. I just figured one beer wouldn’t be that bad.”

“Shikadai, I’m sure Boruto is the only one who has even thought about alcohol”, Inojin assured. “I’m not going to drink, Chocho is not going to either. Just because Boruto is doing it, you don’t –“

“I’m not doing it because Boruto wants to get drunk for the first time”, Shikadai snapped. “I don’t know, I just – well, it doesn’t matter what I thought. Fine. I’m not going to take it.”

_I want to try alcohol because that is what teenagers do when growing up and trying new things, and I don’t want to be labelled as the mentally ill kid who can’t be relied on because everyone thinks I might relapse into a psychosis again._

Inojin let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you”, he said. Shikadai lingered a second by his rucksack.

“Are you scared for me?” he asked without looking up. “That I will fall ill again?”

They didn’t talk too much about the time Shikadai had fallen ill in a psychosis almost a year ago, during a mission that had turned into living hell. The circumstances of that mission had done what missions _shouldn’t do_ , and that is having grave psychological effects on the shinobi. But it had happened to Shikadai, to level-headed and sensible Nara Shikadai of the Sand who had broken down in a psychosis during that mission.

It had ended horribly.

Inojin didn’t even hesitate.

“Yes.”

Because he remembered the horror of knowing Shikadai had fallen ill and the feeling of being unable to do anything about it. He remembered how Shikadai refused the help he was being offered because he was so deep into a delusion, so scared and unable to process the reality happening around him.

Inojin had managed helped him after all. Inojin was what he _needed_ to be able to accept the help and gain anything from it.

The Yamanaka jutsu had helped him getting his brain processing the true reality. He had stayed at the mental hospital for a few weeks and for almost the entire year after that had low-stake missions, mostly administrative ones. Anything to avoid ending up in stressful situations, which could trigger another reactive breakdown.

Shikadai looked at Inojin and a sad smile made its appearance on his face.

“I’m okay now”, he said and grabbed Inojin’s hand. “And I won’t drink if it bothers you.”

Inojin closed his eyes at the incoming kiss from Shikadai.

Soon they had been boyfriends for a year.

It was honestly a pity that their one-year anniversary was going to be covered by the anniversary of _that_ mission. The mission where they had been drugged and forced into committing to a terror attack – which had sent Shikadai spiralling down into madness.

Shikadai had done it.

He did the terror attack under the wrong influence of his ill mind.

No one died, however. In the final moment their parents, who by then had gotten to know something wrong had happened, found them. They found them and managed to evacuate the target of the attack, the conference centre in Kumogakure, The Village Hidden in the Clouds.

It still didn’t erase the fact that Shikadai had fallen ill.

The road back to a healthy mind was still something Shikadai worked on, even a year later. He hadn’t even once had symptoms of a psychosis since he began the medication, which hopefully would last only one year before cutting down the dosage. He still went to therapy, mainly to deal with the crippling guilt and anxiety he experienced every day and also took medication for the anxiety.

Inojin nibbled gently on Shikadai’s lower lip.

“Oh damn, don’t do that”, Shikadai said through a smile. “You know what that does to me.”

Inojin laughed at him.

“Aaand is it a bad thing?”

“Well, yes, when we are going out among people”, Shikadai laughed and returned to his bag. “Okay. I think I got almost everything. Gotta take the pills and then I’m ready to go.”

They walked out in the living room.

“Mum?” Shikadai called out. “We’re about to leave now.”

Temari came out from her bedroom, dressed a bit neater for the occasion.

“Okay”, she said. “Where are you going to go?”

“The mountain above the Hokage heads”, Shikadai said. “We’re going to have a barbeque and stuff, I think. Boruto is behind it, so anything is possible.”

“Drinking?”

“No”, Shikadai said. “No drinking. Come on”, he added in a poorly acted chuckle. “Fifteen-year-olds don’t drink.”

Temari raised one suspicious eyebrow.

“Open your bag”, she said and Shikadai rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing to be fussy about. I just want to know you’re going to be okay.”

“I am okay”, Shikadai said as he handed his bag to Temari. She hummed but didn’t sound convinced. “I can’t believe you’re not trusting me.”

Temari gave the bag back after having quickly gone through it.

“Are you staying at Inojin’s after?”

“Yeah”, Shikadai said and before Temari had time to open her mouth he quickly added. “I’ll get the pills, don’t worry.”

He nearly leapt to the kitchen counter and opened the drawer where he kept his medicine. One bottle and two different blister packs. One antipsychotic and two for the anxiety.

Shikadai waved with the packages in his hands before throwing them casually into his open rucksack.

“We’ll be okay”, Inojin confirmed.

“Dad and I will be down in town, at Yakiniku Q”, Temari said. “You know where to find us if you need us.”

“I won’t need you”, Shikadai said, now growing impatient at his mother’s constant overprotection.

This is what he hated. He hated having lost the independence he once had. Before last February he could stroll around Konoha and its surroundings and his parents wouldn’t ever worry. They knew he could find his way home wherever he was, they knew he could get himself out of trouble if he happened to get into that.

But not anymore.

Now they were secretly guarding him. Checking that he wouldn’t get an anxiety or panic attack. Keeping him out of any stressful situations. Asking if he managed to sleep well. He had heard the lecture about sleeplessness and the higher risks of relapsing so many times he almost lost his cool if someone would say _well, you have to make sure you sleep well, otherwise you can relapse easier._

He hated when someone, out of well-wishing of course, talked about him _getting a relapse._ It made him nervous.

Anything but a relapse.

He was lying if he said he wasn’t slightly terrified of the thought of relapsing, but things were the way they were and he just had to accept that he was no longer the same person he was over a year ago.

Mental illness imprints into you.

“Okay”, Temari said. “I trust you.” The side glance she threw at Inojin did however ask him _please make sure my son will be okay._

When Shikadai was in the full motion of stuffing the medicine better into the rucksack Inojin nodded to Temari, wordlessly telling her that _Shikadai will be okay with me. I’ll make sure he’ll stay okay._

“Well, that was it”, Shikadai said. “See you next year, mum.”

“Hopefully you’ve got better jokes next year”, Temari said. “Have fun!”

“Yeah, we’ll have fun”, Shikadai said. “Come on then, Inojin, let’s go.”

He reached out his hand and Inojin took it.

They walked hand in hand out of the door.

When Shikadai and Inojin had left Temari went back into the bedroom. Shikamaru laid in bed, snoring in a nap before the troublesome task to stay awake half the night.

“Your son just left for a New Years party”, she said as she pecked Shikamaru on his side. One of Shikamaru’s biggest secrets was the fact he was hideously ticklish over his ribs, and the little touch of Temari’s sharp finger set him almost launching over the other side of the bed.

“Ouch?” Shikamaru said as he held his arm protectively over his ribs. “Is he staying overnight at Inojin’s?”

“Guess three times.”

“Yeah.”

“Where else?” Temari said and sat by the edge of the bed. She looked out of the window, into the darkness of the forest outside their house. “I hope the fireworks won’t upset him too much.”

Shikamaru let out a small groan as he switched position in the bed.

“Don’t worry about him”, he said after a few seconds of silence. “Inojin is there. He’ll be fine. I assume he took the meds?”

“Yeah”, Temari said, and turned to her husband. “Do you know if Naruto and Hinata have had the talk about alcohol and risks to Boruto?”

“Huh?”

“I just don’t want Shikadai to take alcohol”, Temari said. “It’s more dangerous to him than to other kids.”

“He’s just fifteen”, Shikamaru said.

“And you think fifteen-year-olds don’t want to rebel their parents and common sense by trying new risky things?” Temari asked.

“He’s sensible”, Shikamaru said.

Temari chewed on her lower lip before answering.

“Yeah”, she said. “I guess.”

She looked over at a stack of papers Shikamaru had brought home over the New Year’s holiday from work.

“You should arrange these”, she said.

“Well, not now, it’s celebration time, not arranging work-stuff time”, he said while getting up from the bed. Temari leafed lazily through the stack, when an envelope caught her attention.

“What is this?”

She held up the envelope engraved with a silver Kumogakure crest.

“Nara Shikadai of the Sand, Nara Shikamaru and Nara Temari of the Sand”, she read. “This is addressed to us. Why haven’t you told us?”

“Oh, it’s for us? –“

“I can’t believe you forgot a letter the Raikage sent our family”, Temari snarled and ripped the envelope open. “It’s probably about Shikadai.”

It hadn’t mattered to the Raikage and Kumo’s council that Shikadai had committed to the terror attack in their village because he had been ill, that he technically could be counted as innocent since he did the crime out of desperation, fright for Inojin’s life and a disorder. He still had a serve some kind of sentence, get some kind of punishment for destroying half the village in the bomb explosion he had caused.

The punishment ended up having to pay for the conference centre he destroyed and to have his freedom limited for a year. For soon an entire year, Shikadai had not taken a single step outside Konoha’s gates, except for the train station and the train to Suna, where he worked too as part of his dual citizenship. In Suna, he hadn’t taken a single step outside their gates.

He had been a prisoner with limited freedom basically for the year that had gone since the attack, but had been working and training like nothing had happened.

Temari read the letter as Shikamaru read it as well over her shoulder.

“The Raikage will come to Konoha in two weeks”, Temari said. “To have a meeting with us and Shikadai. Do you think they will revoke his ban to walk freely?”

“Hopefully”, Shikamaru said as he read the message.

“It would have been nice for you to, you know, not forget about this letter”, Temari muttered.

“Why don’t they use emails like every other Kage?” Shikamaru sighed. “Of course letters get lost –“

“You are just insufferable”, Temari said. “I’ll put this up on the wall so we won’t forget about it later at least.” She turned around. Shikamaru wasn’t even wearing a shirt, only loose sweatpants he only used at home. “And get dressed. We’re supposed to meet the rest at ten when our table reservation is.”

“At least I shaved”, Shikamaru said, sounding proud.

“ _At least_ ”, Temari mimicked. “Get dressed, you fool.”

“You are troublesome.”

“You are even more troublesome”, Temari responded, and banters like this usually ended in the bed, but now time was running short and they got in time to the barbeque restaurant to celebrate New Year together with Ino and Sai, and Choji and Karui.

The sky above Shikadai and Inojin was dark. Timewise it was closer to ten, so they still had over two hours before midnight and the switch of the year.

The light of the illuminating electrical neon lights lit up the streets they were walking by, polluting the darkness with light. No stars could be seen. They had walked along the streets through the centre of Konoha, through the buzzling crowds of citizen preparing for celebrating New Year. There were a lot of people out in the streets, and every street food stall had long queues.

Shikadai’s throat grew tighter and he turned hesitant. Inojin noticed he slowed down his pace, and turned around to shoot a smile to Shikadai.

“Is everything okay?” he asked gently. Shikadai bit the inside of his cheek before shrugging.

“There’s going to be fireworks”, he told Inojin. “You know. I don’t know what I’m going to think of the sound. And the lights.”

Because flashing lights in the sky reminded him too much of a soaring Kirin dragon made out of lightning, reminded him too much of lightning searching itself into his heart and kill him.

He had once almost died out of lightning to his heart. That experience had engraved deep fright into him and made thunderstorms almost unbearable for him. He hated thunder and lightning, he hated the sound of it and most of all he hated the lights.

He wasn’t sure if he would stand fireworks. It was scary and he didn’t want to get _those_ kinds of thoughts now when they were supposed to celebrate the beginning of a new year and spend time in a party together with friends. He was supposed to be happy and excited, damn it!

Inojin came closer to him, into his private space.

“It’s going to be okay”, he said. “If you need to get out, we can go home again. And I’ll be there with you.”

“It’s just embarrassing if I ruin your New Year by not handling fireworks”, Shikadai said, scratching himself on the back of his neck.

“Sweetie”, Inojin said. “As long as you are there, my New Year is not going to be ruined. I don’t care if I can see fireworks or not, the most important thing for me is to celebrate New Year with _you_. You are the most important, not some flashy colours in the sky.”

Shikadai chuckled lightly at Inojin’s sweet words.

“Thanks”, he said.

“Anytime”, Inojin said, and after throwing a glance around him, checking that people weren’t staring at them, he leaned in and kissed Shikadai. It was a sweet, soft kiss, nothing more than a brief touch of two set of lips. “Come. Chocho is probably already up on the mountain.”

“Flirting with Mitsuki”, Shikadai added.

“Of course she is”, Inojin laughed and grabbed Shikadai’s hand again, entwining their fingers. Together, they made their way up to the mountain above the Hokage Stone Heads, to celebrate New Year.

They walked up the steps by the mountainside, and up to the little hill where a lot of youngsters and teens used to assemble during celebration time. Every last day of school before summer break was usually spent here – playing games, watching clouds, or just by having picnic. There were a few hanami trees, cherry trees, there too, so every year during hanami they would have a few sodas and biscuits under the pink trees.

During New Year it was used as the place the youngsters gathered to celebrate the sneaky way, without supervision of their parents.

Shikadai and Inojin found their friends after navigating through groups of teenagers, sitting on blankets. This winter was a mild one, and particularly this night, so no thick jackets were needed. There had been no snow, and barely any rain either, keeping the ground dry and well suited for outdoor parties.

“Yo!” Boruto yelled as he noticed them. “Shikadai, Inojin! Here!”

Shikadai waved to the company waiting for them.

Boruto. Sarada. Mitsuki. Chocho. And with them, Chocho’s dog Chowi, who by now was a giant, orange coloured, fluffy dog. Once she had been small enough to have been carried in Chocho’s arms, now she was big enough to knock things over with her very presence.

They were sitting on a blanket, with warming pads under them so keep them warm. Sarada had brought her radio player and CDs containing mixed songs fitting for a new year-party. Chocho had brought homemade cookies and chips to share with the company.

They still couldn’t believe she actually had brought them to _share_ with the group. The novice would think she had maybe become less obsessed with keeping track on the equal share of everything edible, the master knew it was because Mitsuki was there.

Sometimes during the autumn Chocho had begun behaving weirdly and soon enough it was evident she had fallen head over heals in love with Mitsuki. That poor boy was still in the transition of getting used to the idea of someone wanting to be around him all the time.

They were not together, but Chocho always sat beside him when possible and sometimes they were seen just the two of them.

 _It’s complicated,_ Chocho used to say when being asked, before giggling uncontrollably. Soon enough Shikadai had been tired of her constant “ _it’s complicated”_ and stopped asking all together what was going on between the two of them. If Mitsuki and Chocho someday got together they could tell themselves, he wasn’t interested in hearing Chocho’s rather lengthy discussions about how boys were so hard to understand.

“But you should know”, she had said one day after sighing deeply, mouth filled with chips. “You know how hard it is to figure out what boys are feeling. Because you are boys and you date boys.”

Shikadai and Inojin had raised suspicious eyebrows.

“Okay, but Chocho, you should know that I don’t know how Mitsuki will react to being asked out on a date just because I’m gay”, Shikadai had said.

“How would you want a girl to ask you out?”

“Um, firstly, I would not want to go out with a girl – “

“Okay, never mind, you are impossible to talk about romance with, Shikadai! I bet Inojin is much more sensitive and sensible and _better_ at this than you”, Chocho had snarled.

Shikadai had facepalmed and Inojin had burst out laughing.

“Well, you just have to ask him”, Inojin said and Chocho had sat up and stared at him with shock smacked on her face.

“I can absolutely _not_ ask him out on a date”, she spluttered out. “That is not how it works, I have to know one hundred percent that he is interested in me and he has not flirted back once!”

“That is because he is bad at expressing that stuff”, Inojin said.

“Argh, you Yamanakas and your ‘expressing feelings’”, Chocho had muttered.

“Are you sure you are just not reading him correctly?”

“You are impossible too, Inojin! Luckily you two found each other, you can be impossible together”, Chocho had said. “You just don’t know how lucky you are to have been together for so long already. And here’s me, a young, beautiful maiden, trying to find a boyfriend and it’s so hard and you lanky boys get it on the first try! Unfair.”

Inojin had smiled smugly at her.

“You could try finding a girl”, he said. “We could rebrand our team – Ino-Shika-Cho, the rainbow team.”

“How about no”, Shikadai had cut off him fast as lightning.

“Hey, I want a boy too, you can’t have that by yourselves”, she had said. “We can at least agree that boys are the best.”

Yeah, talking about romance with Chocho lead more often to dead ends than not. She was always so overdramatic and after a while Shikadai had enough with the dramatics and Chocho relied on Sarada to spill her problems with Mitsuki to.

Shikadai and Inojin sat down on the blanket, and were given two cans of soda to open and feast on.

“Everyone is here”, Sarada declared. “So, are you excited for the incoming year?”

“Yes!” Chocho said. “I read my horoscope for the year, and it seems so good.” She cleared her throat and Shikadai and Inojin shared a gaze, rolling their eyes because they had already heard Chocho’s horoscope. “The sun is in my favour, my ruler, the magazine said. Ehum, let me quote: ‘You love basking in attention so it’s only fitting that your ruler is the ego-boosting sun’. Ego-boosting sun, did you hear it? This year is going to be amazing.”

“And when the sun goes down, what do you do then?” Inojin asked and Shikadai pinched him in his arm because he didn’t like when anyone joked about ‘going down with the sun’. That had been one of his psychotic ramblings he still remembered. “Ouch. Sorry.”

“I won’t go down with any sun, I will shine brighter than anything”, Chocho continued, voice rather brash as she noticed Shikadai’s face. “Shut up, Inojin. I know your horoscope too! Want to know what it says?”

“Do you remember them by heart?” Inojin snorted.

“The Sagittarius’ good luck is directly tied to your actions this year, essentially ensuring that you make your own luck by working hard and actively shaping your own future. This year, Jupiter is paired up with serious Capricorn again, so the mood still isn’t that light”, Chocho recited from memory.

“I’ve got two questions, one, how do you remember that and two, what does Jupiter have anything to do with my life”, Inojin said. “No wait, don’t answer, I’m not interested.”

Chocho snorted loudly as Sarada giggled a bit to Inojin’s rather unenthusiastic approach to his horoscope.

“Do you believe in them?” Sarada asked. “In horoscopes?”

“Well, I just had to read them to get a hint of how the year is going to be. I read also my love horoscope”, Chocho said, throwing a glance at Mitsuki, who was leafing through the cases of CDs. He didn’t seem to listen at all.

“Did my horoscope say ‘you’ll get your complete freedom back and you will stay sane for the rest of your life and not relapse’?” Shikadai asked, voice covered in sarcasm. Joking about this was a shield for him.

“Hey”, Chocho said. “You won’t relapse, you don’t need any horoscope telling you that.”

Shikadai looked down on the blanket they were sitting on. There was a little patch of dirt on it.

“Shikadai”, Chocho repeated. “You won’t relapse.”

“Hey, we don’t have to talk about sad stuff now when we’re supposed to celebrate, like, come one!” Boruto chipped in and exposed a bottle of apple cider from his bag. “Look what I got. I’ve got one for each one of us –

“Shikadai don’t drink”, Inojin said immediately.

“I take one”, Shikadai interrupted and grabbed the bottle. Inojin stared at him, and with his fingers in the Ram sign reached into Shikadai’s head. He had gotten rather good at the Mind Body technique.

_Shikadai…_

_Stop, I don’t want to talk about it._

_But you promised…_

Shikadai looked down on the bottle. It was still unopen.

“Well, never mind, Boruto”, he said. “Getting drunk would be a drag anyways.”

Boruto didn’t question him and took the cider back.

“Okay”, he said. “Saradaaaa! Let’s put on some better music.”

“This _is_ good music, I can’t do anything about your poor taste in music”, Sarada shot back and so began a long squabble the friends in between.

The two hours they had before the years switched rushed by in the excitement of meeting the next year of their lives.

They were fifteen years old, excited for what the future will bring them, excited to further explore the wonder and terror in growing up and moving through adolescence together with their friends and loved ones.

“One minute left until New Year!” Boruto yelled as the countdown began.

Inojin moved closer to Shikadai, grabbing his hand. He leaned into Shikadai’s side. Even if he had grown in height the past years, Shikadai was still – and would probably forever be – taller than him.

“Shikadai”, he said. “Thank you for being my boyfriend this year.”

Shikadai let his temple lean against Inojin’s head.

“No, no”, he said. “Thank you. I was a whiny baby this whole year, you are the one to get the credit for sticking around with me.”

“You were not whiny”, Inojin said. “You were ill. But you made it and I’m proud of you.”

“Don’t make me cry”, Shikadai said, smiling.

“Then I won’t”, Inojin mumbled. He whispered almost soundlessly, “I love you, Shikadai.”

Shikadai squeezed his hand.

“I love you too.”

“Ten, nine, eight, seven – “ the entire population of people gathered on the hill yelled as the final ten seconds of the year came around.

“This is the best ending of the year”, Inojin said. “With you.”

“Kiss me”, Shikadai said and Inojin shifted himself to move behind Chocho, so the fact that two boys were kissing didn’t really show to random bystanders, and their lips touched so they would end their year and being the new year in a kiss.

“ – three, two, one, HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

The year had ended. The horrible, horrible year which had been contaminated by kidnappings, terror attacks, limited freedoms and mental illnesses had ended.

This incoming year was going to be so much better, right?

The fireworks began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating schedule will be every fourth day, as usual, but I guess the more excited I get the more often I will update haha!
> 
> The main conflict will have a little slow burn in the beginning since we got stuff to deal with from Down with the Sun, but then, oh boy, when shit happens it happens hard :D
> 
> -When you aim to Dance above the Stars, beware. With broken wings the fall is high and hard-
> 
> Majsasaurus


	2. New Year's Day

Bright reds, greens and blues flashed across the sky in a colourful explosion, over and over again as the fireworks were lit and sent off to the sky.

The sky was clear.

No moon. No stars.

Only colours.

Immediately as the first firework exploded Shikadai’s knees almost gave up supporting him and he pressed his forehead against Inojin’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Don’t wanna look, don’t wanna look”, he mumbled repeatedly. Inojin held his arms around Shikadai, almost holding him up.

“You don’t have to”, he said, trying to not care about the weight Shikadai put against him. He knew well why Shikadai couldn’t stand the colours in the sky. “How’s the sound?”

“Terrible”, Shikadai whispered as his body began shaking.

Inojin looked up to the beautiful sky, wondering why he hadn’t gotten afraid of the sound of explosions and flashy colours resembling lightning when he had been there too. He had also seen Kumo’s conference centre break apart in fire and fury of a terrorist group and he had witnessed the Kirin lightning dragon in the northern sky just like Shikadai – but he had gotten nothing from it.

No lingering trauma, nothing.

Inojin felt incredibly bad as he held Shikadai hard in his own embrace, because why did Shikadai deserve to have these feelings? He didn’t deserve to fall ill for something that never was his fault. And why didn’t Inojin remain afraid of lights and sounds?

Life is so unfair.

“Do you want to go down?” Inojin asked. “We can go inside.”

A huge firework set off and the sound wave vibrated through their bodies. Shikadai began mumbling something illegible while gasping for breath.

“Sweetie, sweetie, talk to me”, Inojin said. “We go down if this is too much – “

He felt how Shikadai shook his head against his shoulder.

Suddenly, Chocho came up beside them, and likewise as Inojin, even she brought her arms around Shikadai.

“We’re here”, she said as she covered one of Shikadai’s ears with her warm palm. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

She shared a meaningful glance with Inojin, and they both noticed the pity the in the other’s eyes. Pity over Shikadai, who once upon a time was considered one of the brightest shinobi of their generation. Someone, who everyone looked at and said: “That boy will go places.”

They would probably not say that anymore. Not after they’d see Shikadai fight _so hard_ against hyperventilation against Inojin while the fireworks continued their lightning show.

Boruto, Sarada and Mitsuki tried to look at the fireworks, tried to celebrate the first minutes of the new year, but it was impossible for them to not throw worried glances over at their friends.

The pity in their eyes was also evident.

“It’s okay”, Inojin said as he stroked the back of Shikadai’s head. “I’m here. Just stay with me, okay?”

Chocho tightened her grip around Shikadai’s heaving shoulder. She pressed her hands harder against his ear and shoulder, hoping that the pressure would signal to him how he is not alone.

“You’re doing great”, she murmured. “We’re here.”

She looked up to the flashing sky. _Why can’t it stop already?_

Minutes passed on slowly, but after the first ten minutes of the new year, the final firework was over. Chocho removed her palm from Shikadai’s ear.

“Honey”, Inojin whispered. “It’s over now.”

“Um, hey, is Shikadai okay?” Boruto asked.

Shikadai nodded against Inojin’s shoulder, still his face hidden. When the silence from the sky finally penetrated him, he managed to even out his breath. Slowly, he detached himself from his boyfriend, blinking a few times before looking up at Boruto.

“I’m fine”, he said as he furiously wiped his eyes. “The fireworks made me a little bit nervous, that’s all.” He was sweaty, his knees were shaking, and he was pale as a ghost in his face.

A ‘little bit nervous’? _What a joke._

“They’re over now”, Sarada said. “Now there won’t be fireworks until next New Year. 365 days of not fireworks.”

“Good”, Shikadai said, forcing out an estranged laugh.

“But hey, look!” Boruto said to quickly change the subject, knowing already that Shikadai didn’t like the attention moments like these got, and pointed at a little tent by the root of the hill. “They’re re-casting tin over there! Let’s go and see what our fortune would say.”

One of the New Year traditions in Konoha was reshaping tin. The tradition came originally from Iwa, from Stone Country, but it has slithered its way into Konoha, and was a tradition the younger generations practised during New Year.

Each person got a tiny horseshoe made of tin. It weighted quite a lot for its tiny size, small enough to fit into the palm but not big enough for fitting even the tiniest pony.

“Do we really have to pay to get the damn tin horseshoe?” Boruto sighed when they got inside the tent. “What about you guys? Shall we do it?”

“I do it if you do it”, Mitsuki said and Sarada rolled her eyes.

“Okay, I’ve got enough money for six horseshoes, I can pay for it”, she said and gave a few coins to the man selling the horseshoes. She got six palm-sized horseshoes made of tin and gave the other five to her friends. “The fire is there.”

The following step, after one had attained the horseshoe, was placing the tin inside a little iron ladle, and holding it above a fire made of ignited gas. The tin horseshoe would melt within minutes above the flames, while the iron didn’t melt yet at all.

“Okay, according to the old tales, the youngest is supposed to do it first”, Chocho said and all gazes turned to Inojin, the December child of the group.

“Fine”, he said and placed his ladle above the burning gas. “Shikadai, you can do it at the same time as I. You’re the second youngest, after all.”

The September child put his ladle beside Inojin’s, and they waited for the tin to melt. After the tin had melted, it was Chocho’s turn.

“Because two ladles can fit at the same time, I suggest the following person can be here too”, Chocho announced. “That would be you, Mitsuki. You’re just like twelve days older than I. Come, come!”

Inojin couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes when Chocho didn’t see. She shuffled closer to Mitsuki as they placed their ladles above the gas.

“Let’s put them in the water”, Shikadai said and Inojin and he moved over to the big bucket of ice-cold water.

While the melted tin inside their ladles was still in its liquid state Inojin flipped his ladle above the bucket of icy water, letting the tin pour inside it.

The second the tin hit the cold water, it turned into its solid state again. Shikadai poured his inside the bucket after Inojin had dipped his hand into the water and fetched his piece of tin, which now had reshaped itself into an interesting shape. He didn’t look at it yet, only held it in his hand as Shikadai took up his piece.

After all six friends had melted and reshaped their tins, they all showed the new shapes to each other. According to the old tales of Stone Country, the reshaped tin will tell about your future for the year. Shape as a birds mean luck, shape like ships meant travel, and so on.

“Mine looks like a heart!” Chocho yelled when inspecting hers. “It means my year will bring true love to me!”

“It looks like a mushed brain”, Inojin responded.

“Oh, shut up, lover boy”, Chocho snorted and peeked over at his reshaped tin piece. “Yours looks like poop.”

“It doesn’t!” Inojin yelled. “It’s all spiky. Do you poop spikes, Chubs?”

“Stop talking about poop, other people are listening to you”, Shikadai cut in, while inspecting his own reshaped tin. “Mine looks like nothing?”

“It’s a star”, Mitsuki said after looking at Shikadai’s tin. “Looks like a star.”

“What is this then?” Inojin asked and showed his reshaped tin, a lump with uneven corners.

“Looks like a vertebra”, Sarada said and Inojin gave her an unimpressed look. “What? Didn’t you listen during the medic lessons? Don’t tell me you didn’t learn the names of the bones in the human body by heart? It was in the test!”

“Don’t talk about school with me when we are on winter break”, Inojin snorted, while Boruto and Mitsuki were comparing their fortune tins’ shapes. Chocho stood almost on her toes to get a sight over Mitsuki’s shoulder at his lump. It looked like a snake. Typical.

The company came to the conclusion that everyone’s weird, disfigured lump of reshaped tin meant something happy. Chocho was convinced hers meant undying love, Inojin came up with the idea that his vertebra lump meant that he was going to be the backbone of the team and with other words would be assigned to be team leader on the first mission they were going to get after Shikadai’s limited freedom was revoked and Shikadai stared at his star for a long time.

“Doesn’t a falling star mean you can wish something?” he asked Inojin silently, still staring at the star-shaped tin. “Doesn’t a star mean luck?”

Inojin took the tin star.

“It means you will be happy again”, he murmured back. “Trust me, sweetie. This year is going to be awesome.”

“Can I still get a wish?” Shikadai asked.

“Yes”, Inojin said.

“I wish you could kiss me again.”

“You’re not supposed to say your wish out loud”, Inojin smiled.

“Then I challenge you to kiss me.”

“Go and snog somewhere else!” Chocho yelled at them before they completely lost each other in the bliss of kissing. Screw if someone stared at them and thought it was weird that two boys were kissing. Screw if anyone didn’t like the thought of two boys kissing. Screw everyone who hasn’t on their side.

They were used to be against the world, after all.

The parents of the Ino-Shika-Cho-trio sat over at their favourite barbeque restaurant and had been watching the fireworks from the huge windows by their table.

Shikamaru and Temari.

Ino and Sai.

And finally, Choji and Karui.

They had assembled like every New Year to celebrate the old and new together.

The fireworks had been beautiful, with many different colours. The explosions were loud enough to be heard and felt inside the restaurant.

“You think he’s okay?” Temari whispered when the final firework blasted away.

“I’m sure he is”, Shikamaru mumbled back. “His friends are there. Inojin is there. And he has taken his medicine too this morning. I checked.”

They knew they could trust Shikadai to take his medicine. He always did. But there was a parent’s instinct to check, to ensure, lingering in Shikamaru and Temari. Not that they didn’t think he would skip the pills – no. They were controlling he didn’t take too many.

They knew such risks were higher. And they didn’t want to play with that risk.

Ino, who had inspected the couple out of the corner of her eye, decided to interfere and get them to think of other matters.

“I’ve bought a lot of amazing ingredients for the brunch”, she said.

The New Year was all about eating good together with the team that was as good as family. Every New Year’s Eve they ate at their favourite barbeque, where they once used to eat with Asuma, and every New Year’s Day they had brunch together in a rotating system. This year it was the Yamanaka’s turn to host the brunch for the three families. Last year it had been the Akimichi’s, and even thinking about beating Choji and Karui’s skills in cooking was a dream. But Ino had planned carefully and hoarded cooking books. She was ready for the challenge.

“Octopus sticks, different cheese, cabbage with a delicious marinade, only to name a few.”

“Sounds amazing!” Choji said and clapped his hands together. “I can’t wait.”

“Do you think you can get the kids up by ten already?” Karui asked. Chocho was also going to stay over at Inojin’s house. They always did it, the children, sleeping over at the one whose parents were hosting the New Years Day brunch.

“Chocho’s probably going to wake up by the smell of fresh cupcakes, Inojin’s won’t be a problem – Shikadai, on the other hand, I don’t know”, Ino said.

“Just smack him and he’ll get up”, Temari said.

“I’m sure Inojin gets him up”, Shikamaru interrupted.

“Anyways, I hope this year is better than the last”, Ino said, smiling at the sight of the hill where she knew their children were.

The rest of the company nodded and hummed in agreement. Karui turned towards Temari and Shikamaru.

“You probably knew the Raikage is coming here next week”, she said. “I heard gossips from Omoi. The Raikage’s probably going to revoke Shikadai’s limited freedom a little bit earlier.”

“One and half month earlier can’t be considered very earlier”, Sai mused for himself.

“Yeah, we got the letter”, Temari said. “But _someone_ forgot to mention it.”

“I just didn’t read the envelope that carefully, I would’ve mentioned who is was from if I’d seen it”, Shikamaru said.

“You didn’t even open it!” Temari snorted.

“Aah”, Choji said. “So _that_ is what it is about.”

“What?” Ino snapped her head towards Choji. “What is it I don’t know?”

“It’s nothing”, Shikamaru interrupted. “Let it go.”

Temari sighed dramatically, rubbing her forehead.

“If it is what I think it is, then damn it, man up and do something about it, Shikamaru! Do you know how embarrassing it would be if we missed that letter and the Raikage would arrive and we wouldn’t show up when the meeting is? I would skin you alive.”

Now Ino’s interest had totally peaked.

“ _What_ are you talking about?” she almost yelled. “No secrets among the Ino-Shika-Cho! Speak up.”

“You’re annoying, all of you”, Shikamaru groaned.

“What is it?” Ino kept yelling.

“He can’t read small texts anymore because his eyesight is not what it used to be”, Temari said before Shikamaru had time to open his mouth. “And it’s nothing embarrassing about it, Shikamaru. Just get an appointment at a doctor and get your eyesight checked.”

“I _can_ read, it’s just the text that is too damn small”, Shikamaru muttered.

“Sai, can you do me a favour and give me the menu”, Ino said, and Sai handed her the menu. “Now, Shikamaru. Read the small text with the allergens used in the Yakiniku marinade.”

Shikamaru muttered as he grabbed the menu and he stared at text which danced together into a blur. He tried to bring it closer to his eyes, but it made it worse. How damn troublesome. He brought it further away and the text turned into a little bit clearer.

“Sesame seeds”, he managed to decipher when keeping the menu on an arm length away from his face.

“Yep, that is the pose of someone whose eyesight is shit”, Temari said.

“But it’s so unfair, you’re older than me and _your_ eyesight is better than mine”, Shikamaru muttered.

“My genes are better than yours apparently”, Temari concluded. “Luckily Shikadai got my eyes.”

“Am I the _only one_ in this company who has gotten worser eyesight?” Shikamaru put out his hands in a dramatic gesture outwards. “Seriously? No one else?”

Everyone pretended to think hard, but it’s not too difficult to realise whether your eyesight had gotten worse by age or not.

“I have not”, Sai said in honesty.

“I think you’re the only one”, Choji added.

“I’m just thirty-six, this is unfair”, Shikamaru muttered.

“Well”, Temari said. “At least the new year will be brighter for you, when you get your damn reading glasses and can see small text again. And I will be so much happier when I don’t have to listen to you whining you can’t read the newspaper anymore.”

Shikamaru slouched down into a pile of grumpy Nara.

“Fine, fine, you damn troublesome woman”, he said. “And I’m only doing this to get you off my back.”

“I want Shikamaru to read all the recipes for me tomorrow when I make the brunch”, Ino said, smiling smugly at him. “I want to see how bad it is.”

“Get your own husband to read it for you”, Shikamaru muttered and Sai immediately looked at Ino, smiling at her with his sheepish smile. At least someone seemed to be happy about the delegation to read recipes out loud.

“You arrive at 9:30 to help setting the table”, Ino said, smacking her palm against the table.

“Give me another beer”, Shikamaru sighed.

“You are not coming to my house in the same hangover as three years ago”, Ino said.

“Yeah, yeah, no hangover”, Shikamaru said.

“I think we should get more drinks”, Karui said and rose from the table. She didn’t even have a long sleeve on. Born and bred on the icy slopes of Kumo, she constantly complained about the mild winters in Konoha. Temari, born under the scorching desert sun, on the other hand had complained about the cold weather.

(“Plus seven degrees is not cold”, Karui had argued the first winter both of them were living in Konoha.

“And plus 25 is not hot either”, Temari had snapped back, referring to the times Karui cursed over having to sweat during the summer.)

The company got more drinks.

Yes, it was safe to say that even the sixteenth generation of Ino-Shika-Cho, together with their significant others, were having a great New Years Eve. Even with all the troubles that came with turning older every day and realising they weren’t as young as they once were, being able to grow old together with the team that equalled family, was damn worth it.

Ino was not lying, she had prepared a delicious brunch. She had woken up the teenagers at nine and had been humming happily as she and Sai prepared the dinner table.

“Did your celebration go well?” Ino asked as she placed cupcakes on the table. “No eating before all the guests have arrived”, she added to Chocho, whose gaze wouldn’t budge from the cupcakes.

“Yeah”, Chocho said, and when Ino turned her back towards then, sneaked one of the sliced cucumbers under the table, where Chowi was laying. Chowi devoured the cucumber piece.

“We did the recasting of tins”, Inojin told her. “Mine is on my desk, it’s just a weird lump, if you want to see.”

Ino hummed as she put some of the dips on the table. She glanced at Shikadai, who was sitting with his forehead leaning in his palm. He had a steaming coffee cup in front of him.

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine”, Shikadai said. “Just tired. We didn’t get much sleep.”

“How were the fireworks?”

He glanced quickly up at her, before looking down into his cup again.

“Bad”, he just whispered. Ino didn’t press him further. This was something she, as the mother of his boyfriend, wasn’t going to pry on. She knew Shikadai’s diagnoses and what issues he was going through but had made the conscious decision to not get involved as a doctor for him. He had other professionals working with him and his mental wellbeing. The only thing she did was quickly rubbing his shoulder as a sign of support.

Soon enough the other two couples; Shikamaru and Temari and Choji and Karui walked inside the Yamanaka household.

“Hello”, Karui’s strong voice echoed inside the living room. “Oh my, it looks delicious, Ino!”

“Thank you”, Ino said. “Please, sit down.”

Sai placed the carrot cake on the table.

“We’re just about finished here”, he said and gestured the rest to sit down.

The three families sat by the table, chatting and having the time of their lives. Choji and Chocho had their plates full of food, but Ino had counted for this and had cooked food for twelve people and not for nine. This always happened when Akichimis were involved, but they had gotten used to it.

And so, by the end of the brunch everyone began looking at Shikadai. He realised immediately that they had planned something.

But what? It wasn’t anything special about him this time. No birthday or anniversary. He hadn’t done anything wrong, there were no reason for pity. Just the New Year’s Day.

“Shikadai”, Shikamaru said. “The Raikage is coming in a week. He will probably revoke your limited freedom.”

Shikadai lit up immediately.

“Is it true?” he gasped slightly. “Oh damn, yes. Yes, finally.”

Those news were the best ones he could get. He had been prepared to suffer from his limited freedom, the sentence forcing him to stay inside Konoha’s gates, with a jail sentence incoming if he defied this deal and walked outside anyway, until the end of March. That would be exactly one year since the trial when he was sentenced. Such were the rules of the Raikage’s deal after Shikadai had blown up their conference centre, where half of the lower village of Kumo had suffered greatly. The fact that he had done it while being forced, manipulated and ill did not erase the fact that a great building had been destroyed and lives could have been lost.

As if the crippling guilt and shame Shikadai experienced daily wasn’t enough punishment for that already. As if marmot and stone was more expensive than a young person’s entire self-image and mental wellbeing.

“And!” Chocho said, unable to keep the secret anymore. “We got a surprise for you.”

Shikadai raised his eyebrow.

“Yes?”

“Ever since last March, when you were sentenced, Inojin and I have collected just as much money as you every month to pay for the building”, Chocho said. “You have to give 15% of your monthly wage to Kumo, right? Both Inojin and I have put aside 15% of our earnings every month, to help you pay.”

“What?” Shikadai breathed.

Getting limited freedom wasn’t the only punishment Shikadai had faced. He had also to pay for the building he had destroyed. The sum was up in the hundred thousands, and Shikadai had counted that it would take him multiple years to be able to pay for everything by himself.

To ease the process, the account office of Konoha automatically cut off 15% from Shikadai’s monthly wage and sent that sum directly to Kumo instead. That way Shikadai wouldn’t have to worry about sending money himself. But it was hard knowing you would for years always have less money than your friends, because you would be paying monthly debt for a crime and terror attack you once committed to as a fourteen-year-old ill boy.

“Honey”, Temari said. “We have all done that. Dad and I.”

“And Sai and I”, Ino said.

“And Karui and I”, Choji finished off.

“We have all cut off 15% of our wage every month to pay to Kumo ever since you were sentenced, to help you”, Temari continued and Shikadai dropped the chopsticks he had been holding in his hand and brought up a hand to his forehead.

He stared down, smiling at his lap because the gesture – the _effort_ – these people, his friends and family, had showed him, meant so much. The smile turned, however, pretty fast into a painful grimace as the corners of his mouth turned downwards and as his eyes squeezed shut.

_Don’t cry, don’t cry._

“It’s okay”, Inojin said. “We’re here for you.”

A pathetic sob made its way out of Shikadai’s throat and before Inojin, who sat beside Shikadai, had time to do anything Temari had risen from her chair and shuffled over to Shikadai. She closed her arms around him and he buried his face against her collarbone.

“Shh, honey”, she whispered as she stroked his back heaving from sobs. “You didn’t think we were going to let you do this all alone, did you? We would never.”

He knew exactly why he reacted so strongly.

Because is was _fucking_ hard to deal with everything that had happened. It was _fucking_ hard to try to remain happy when every night before he fell asleep, all he could think of was the moment he had been ripped from Inojin in that cold cell in Frost Country, the moment his world had shattered. The moment his mind had shattered.

Temari held him close.

“Shikadai”, she murmured. “Please, look at me.”

She pushed Shikadai gently an armlength away from her. His eyes were wet, and his nose had started running.

“You are not alone”, Temari said and rubbed his shoulders. “And you will never be.”

“Great, mum”, he said and began laughing, a hiccupping laugh as he dried his tears. “You all made me cry on New Year’s Day. What a great way to begin the year.”

“I’d say it’s a rather nice way to begin the year”, Temari said, smiling. “To feel all the love around you.”

Shikadai sat down again on his chair and Inojin grabbed his hand.

Yes, it was a rather nice way to begin the year. To be there with the people he loved.

To finally get the chance to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tradition of re-shaping tin to tell about your year is from Finland (my home country), but what do they say - take inspiration (or just steal event) from your own life and put it into stories :D
> 
> The final line is kinda cute (then again I look up at the tags and sweat).
> 
> tumblr: unioncolours.tumblr.com  
> twitter: majsasaurus


	3. A Nightmare Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Nara family-centric, because I really damn love that family. And I will forever and always write parents who love their children unconditionally.
> 
> TW: Anxiety attacks, self-hatred

Shikadai didn’t know is it was physically possible to be this anxious. He couldn’t eat breakfast because he was overtaken by anxiety driven nausea and got gagging reflexes out of everything that wasn’t liquid. He drank three giant mugs of coffee instead in one sitting and had later to lie down on the sofa because his heart began speeding up, and the sweat broke free on his back and he wanted to vomit from the big dose of caffeine in his blood system.

“Shikadai?” Shikamaru asked when he found his son laying in the sofa, with an arm over his eyes and a ribcage that was heaving faster that it should. “Are you okay?”

“N-nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous, and mum and I will be there with you”, Shikamaru said. “Have you –“

“Yes, I’ve taken the meds and it’s not helping!” Shikadai snarled, now extremely irritated by the fact that he was at the rock bottom again. He was referring mostly to the anti-anxiety pills. He shouldn’t feel like this. It was embarrassing to feel like this, he wrongly deemed. “It feels like my heart is burning.”

“Come here and let’s do the breathing exercise together”, Shikamaru suggested and wedged himself in the sofa beside Shikadai.

“I feel so shit”, Shikadai whispered. “I hate this so much.”

“How much coffee did you drink?”

“It shouldn’t matter!” Shikadai yelled. “The coffee shouldn’t matter – it’s me who is wrong, and I hate this. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

His breath picked up in speed. Shikamaru knew he was nervous for the meeting with the Raikage, but it seemed to have brood into an anxiety attack.

“Hey, hey”, he said as he touched Shikadai’s arm and pulled him up in a sitting position. Shikadai slumped against Shikamaru, hiding his face. “I know you hate feeling like this. I know it’s so unfair that you got all these issues going on, and believe me, I would do anything to ease your pain. I would take away every bad thought and every bad feeling. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is be here for you. I have always been here for you. Ever since that day.”

Shikadai didn’t say anything, but he squeezed his father’s arm as a gesture to carry his words when he couldn’t talk because he was too overwhelmed.

“… hate this…” he mumbled.

“I know”, Shikamaru said. “But it will be okay, I promise you. You are probably going to be free again after tonight when the meeting is over. And then your life will be a little more normal after tonight and you can go out in the forest beyond Konoha’s gates like you love to do. You can go and just recharge outside the gates again. Doesn’t that sound nice? We could maybe visit one of the onsens a bit outside town, so you could get to relax a bit.”

Shikadai nodded.

“Just don’t wanna see them”, he whispered against Shikamaru.

“Why?” Shikamaru asked, because he knew it was important for Shikadai to recognise his own thoughts and feelings. He was guided by the professionals working with Shikadai to always ask ‘why’ when Shikadai had to sort out his own mind.

“Dunno”, Shikadai said. “Why can’t you have this meeting without me?”

“Are you afraid?” Shikamaru asked. “Is that why you don’t want to see the Raikage?”

Shikadai was silent for a long time.

“Gonna be embarrassing”, he said. “To see them again.”

“It’s not embarrassing”, Shikamaru said. “Absolutely not. You were ill, Shikadai, and the fact that you are here is a sign of strength, not weakness or ‘embarrassment’. You should not be embarrassed because of something you couldn’t control.”

“I should have been able to”, Shikadai muttered. Shikamaru held him tight, forcing himself to keep the little sigh inside. Not this again. Shikadai had been very hard on himself for once losing control and now he had gone back into that mind space.

“We’ve talked about this before”, Shikamaru said. They had talked about this a lot of times before. “You can’t control a disorder. And you can’t keep punishing yourself for not being able to do the impossible. You can’t make a broken leg magically unbroken by wishing for it. It’s the same with the brain. You can’t control it if it’s ill and you can’t magically make it well.”

“I _know_ ”, Shikadai said. “Dad, I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do.”

“What if you write down everything you’re feeling right now, and how unsure you are of how to be and what to do”, Shikamaru suggested. “And then you take that with you to your therapist on Monday, so you can talk about it and work on it?”

Shikadai nodded.

“Yeah”, he sighed. “Sounds okay.”

His breathing had evened out and he leaned into Shikamaru with a less tense body than before. He was successfully calming down. Shikamaru patted him on his back.

“And then you can maybe try to eat something”, Shikamaru said.

“Don’t feel like eating”, Shikadai said.

Shikamaru twisted his head, looking at the fridge, trying to remember what food they were currently having inside it.

“Is rice pudding okay?” he asked. “We have still some left.”

Rice pudding did sound okay, and after the reassuring discussion with his father, Shikadai felt a little lighter than earlier.

When the Raikage’s meeting rolled around, he tried his hardest to not think too much of what had happened close to eleven months ago, almost a year ago, in Kumo, when he had broken apart.

Luckily, the two people chosen to accompany the Raikage to Konoha were the best two people they could possibly choose. Omoi and Arai. Omoi, Chocho’s godfather, had been the keyperson to letting Shikadai get the correct treatment up in Kumo. With other words, he had convinced the prison department to let Inojin inside to Shikadai. Omoi had always been on his side.

Omoi was also the person who had told Shikadai and Inojin that it is _okay_ to be in love with a boy when you are a boy yourself. Because he was the same. He had taught them so much about love, more than they could ever repay him.

And then there was Arai, one of Kumogakure’s guardesses. She had always been nice to him, even during the darkest moments up in the North where no suns had been shining. She had been one of the first to realise that Shikadai wasn’t evil and understood that he had to be treated differently. She had understood that yelling wouldn’t help and that gentleness and calmness would be the key to get him to cooperate.

“Hi, Shikadai”, Arai said as Shikadai walked inside the meeting room. She smiled to him, a sunny smile, and that made Shikadai instantly feel more secure. “How are you?”

_I feel like a disaster. I hate that a year ago I was totally fine and that I could breeze through life like nothing bad had ever happened to me, and now I’ve turned into this… wreck I don’t even recognise. I sometimes hate myse –_

“Good”, Shikadai answered and returned her smile.

“Hello”, Omoi said. “Glad to hear you’re doing good.”

He must’ve heard gossips from Karui, Shikadai was sure. He probably knew Shikadai wasn’t doing as good as he wanted to believe.

“Wonderful”, Arai said and gestured Shikadai to sit on a chair. The Raikage had yet to arrive and Arai and Omoi had welcomed them into the meeting room in the Hokage’s building.

Shikamaru and Temari sat also down on either side of their son.

“I think of you sometimes”, Arai said casually while stacking paper. “I think of the boy I once chained to a table and wonder what happened to him once he got home again. I’m glad I got to meet you again.”

Shikadai smiled down at his lap.

“Yeah, it turned out fine”, he said. “I’m okay now. I take meds and stuff, so it’s okay now.”

“I’m glad to hear that”, Arai said. “Wonderful to hear everything turned alright. I will bring in our Raikage now, and then we can begin the meeting, okay? You don’t have to worry, it’s just to check in on you.”

That didn’t really ease the anxiety, but Shikadai leaned back in his chair and found a little peck of dirt on his pants, which he began scrubbing away with his thumb. It kept him busy until the door opened again and Darui, the Fifth Raikage of Kumo, walked inside.

“Greetings”, he said as he sat down on the other side of the oval table. “Shikamaru. Temari. Shikadai.”

“Hello, Lord Raikage”, Shikamaru responded politely.

“Hi”, Shikadai mumbled. All his self-confidence had fallen down the drain, but Arain shot him her bright, sunny smile and he managed to remember to breathe. He had held his breath when the Raikage had come inside. He decided to look at Arai and Omoi instead, to help him regain his confidence.

“So, Nara Shikadai of the Sand”, Darui said. “How are we doing?”

Shikadai shrugged his shoulder.

“Doing okay”, he said. “I’ve gotten a few in-village missions. I was a monitor in the chunin exams in the summer.”

“And if the Kazekage is correct, you’ve spent one period of time in Suna, too”, Darui continued.

“Yes”, Shikadai said. “I spent six and a half week there in August and September last year. I had mostly administrative business to do there.”

“When are you planning on returning to Suna?” Darui asked.

“Sometimes in June or July”, Shikadai said.

“Your parents have told me you have kept to the deal we had”, Darui said. “You’ve not walked outside the walls of Konoha, and neither have you when you’ve been in Suna walked outside the mountain walls of Suna.”

“That is correct”, Shikadai responded. “I… have not done anything. Nothing wrong at least. And I try to get better. I mean… with my head. And stuff. So… like… I’m not like that anymore.”

He could not stand to look the Raikage in his eyes and looked down once more. He didn’t know what to say and hoped for someone else to fill in the rest of the details if it was needed. Shikadai felt everyone’s eyes linger on him.

“I am glad to hear you are doing better”, the Raikage said and smiled to him. “We have looked over the situation and the new conference building of our village is soon done. During our last meeting we decided to revoke your limited freedom already, today, 10th of January.”

“That sounds wonderful”, Shikamaru said.

“Thank you”, Shikadai said, almost voiceless, because he felt so relieved. This time of being caged inside the village was ending today.

“Are you excited for the incoming Dual Citizen Event?” Darui asked.

Oh, the DCE, which it was called for short. Shikadai, Inojin and Chocho were going to be the main speakers of that event, they were going to finish the whole conference by having a speech.

Shikadai had once not believed his ears – that the Kages actually wanted _him_ and his team to be the main speaker, even after the terror attack on the first ever dual citizen event. Shikadai didn’t really want to think about standing in front of three hundred guests in a big hall, with the spotlight aimed at him and a microphone in front of his face.

“Kinda”, he said instead. “I hope this conference won’t go badly on my part, at least.”

Oh, how flat the joke fell. He tried to lighten the mood, but his stomach churned, and his face burned red.

“I’m sure it won’t”, the Raikage said and looked down on the table. There was a paper in front of him. The paperwork for releasing Shikadai from the metaphorical and literal prison. Darui signed it with both a ball point pen and with a stamp of Kumo’s crest. He flipped the paper and put it in front of Shikadai. “Your signature, please.”

Shikadai took the pen and his hand was almost shaking. He pressed the pen against the paper and wrote as neat as his handwriting possibly could go _Nara Shikadai of the Sand._

“Thank you”, Darui said and retrieved the paper. “Well, that settles it then, Shikadai. Thank you for the cooperating you’ve had with Kumogakure. I will visit Konoha again as the Dual Citizen Event rolls around. I await your speech.”

“Thank you”, Shikadai said and tried to smile. His parents forwarded their thanks to the Kage and before they exited the meeting room, Shikadai turned around and shot a honest smile to Arai and Omoi, who waved at him.

There were still nice people out there.

Shikamaru had to go to work immediately after the meeting, so he only took the stairs up to Naruto’s office, while Temari and Shikadai walked home again.

Well home Shikadai slumped down in the sofa, lazily zapping the tv channels. He felt lighter and a little bit happier than earlier that day. Temari sat on the porch arranging kunai and sendon into the system she liked it inside her ninja bag and drank coffee in peace. She didn’t let Shikadai drink anymore after his too big intake in the morning. The sound of her being there behind his back made him feel more secure.

After a while he sighed and opened his mouth.

“Mum, do you have a minute?”

Temari immediately came by his side.

“Yes?” she said.

“You must be so disappointed in me”, Shikadai said softly, looking down at his hands. Temari frowned.

“Why? Why are you saying that?” she asked.

“Because…” Shikadai smiled sadly at her. “… I am a nightmare child, aren’t I?”

Temari’s stomach grew cold and she reached a hand forward, but the second before she would touch her son – her only child – she stopped her hand from moving.

“No”, she said. “No, not at all. Please, Shikadai, why do you say that about yourself?”

“You don’t have to pretend like it’s not true”, Shikadai said. “I know you had a lot of expectations of me. Everyone had. Everyone looked at me and instead of me saw dad or granddad. They saw a born leader, a great beginning of a shinobi, a King in me. And I ruined it. I ruined everything.”

He chuckled pathetically, just to get an outlet of his emotions.

“Look at me”, he said softly. “You thought you had gotten an amazing heir, the star child of the next generation. Someone with the brightest of futures, someone Konoha and the Nara clan could rely on. And you got me. A homosexual mentally ill child. That is the definition of a nightmare child, isn’t it?”

Temari shook her head.

“No”, she said. “Oh, dear Shikadai, you can’t believe I would be disappointed in you.”

“You would want me to be normal, wouldn’t you?” Shikadai continued and his voice was so weak, so weak. “I know dad was disappointed at me when I came out. I can’t imagine how disappointed you are at me now – “

“Shikadai, no”, Temari said. “Come here.”

“I am here.”

“Listen to me”, she said, voice hard and biting. “You really listen now, Shikadai.”

He shrunk a bit at her harsh tone.

“I am listening”, he said faintly.

“When I was expecting you, when you were nothing more than what we called ‘our pebble’, we were prepared for anything”, Temari said. “It didn’t matter to us if you were a boy or a girl, because we signed up for both. We were happy to know you were a boy, but we would’ve been equally happy if you were a girl. When I became a mum to you, I signed up to love and take care of you, no matter what. And I’ve kept to that promise I once gave my little pebble. I signed up for loving whoever you would become and grow up to be.”

She shifted a little bit closer to him, watching him carefully. He looked down, face completely still and she found herself staring at his beautiful long eyelashes.

“I signed up for a homosexual child too”, Temari said softly and stroke a few stray hairs to behind his ear. “I didn’t know you liked boys when you were smaller, no. I admit that I assumed you would fall in love with a girl, like most boys do. But when I found out, I never ever loved you less. I have never loved you less, no matter what.” She smiled at him. “I am happy that you found Inojin for you. I am happy that you don’t feel like hiding that anymore, that you can kiss him without feeling shame. Believe me. I am proud of you for being who you truly are.”

Shikadai smiled at his hands.

“You really think so?”

“I do”, Temari said. She waited a few seconds before continuing. “And of course I wish you would be free of the mental instability that is plaguing you. It tears me apart to see you suffer. But it has never made me love you any less. If not, it has made me love you even more. You didn’t choose to fall ill, you didn’t choose to activate a psychosis. It wasn’t your fault, and it will never be your fault. You are not weak or pathetic, whatever you think. You are so, so strong for being here today and for living a close to normal life, even with the whole emotional baggage you have.”

Shikadai leaned against his mother, finding comfort and support by her warm side.

“When I became a mother, I also signed up for loving an ill child”, Temari said, stroking Shikadai’s hair. “I signed up for having and loving a mentally ill child. I have seen insanity before, and when you fell ill, I knew I now had to love you a little bit more. I signed up for everything, and I will take responsibility for you until you become an adult.”

That earned a little annoyed groan from Shikadai.

“I can take care of myself”, he said. “It’s just nice to have someone –“

“Prepare food for you, wash your clothes and make sure you switch bed sheets in your bed so you’re not sleeping in your own sweat for months”, Temari finished for him.

“Ugh, mum, that is different”, Shikadai groaned, with a little laugh coming straight after. “I mean, I don’t want you to count my pills or think I might take too few or too many. I want you to trust me. And I _know_ the risks, and please… let me try to solve this. Let me try. It’s my life and my brain. And I know what might trigger a relapse and I will try to avoid it. But you have to let me try.”

Temari didn’t say anything when he jumped up from the sofa and put his hands in his pockets. He did seem in a better mood.

“Dad gave me some ideas for Monday”, he said, smiling. “That I write a letter to my therapist and we talk more about this.”

“Do you feel better after working with him?” Temari asked.

“Yeah, I think so”, Shikadai said.

He had worked with the same person for over six months and met him weekly. Temari was happy to have that one safe person in that professional field Shikadai could express himself to. Not that the staff on the mental hospital he used to stay at when he was at his lowest were any bad, but Shikadai had said that he liked being in that room and stare out of the window, watching clouds, as his mouth kept talking and the therapist responded and made him think.

No, having a child who had been as ill as Shikadai had been almost a year ago was not easy. Yes, Temari would do anything to just remove every wrong thought and reaction his brain was coming up with.

“I’m proud of you”, Temari said. “I’m sure you will do great. I will let you try.”

Having a child whose sexual orientation goes again all traditions and norms Temari was used to was surprising at first, but it took her no time to accept it. She had almost expected it to be true after she did a little deeper investigation in the way Shikadai talked about Inojin and the way they hung out so much – too much. It was a pity that his, and Inojin’s, coming out would always be defiled by the mission Shikadai fell ill on. He falsely connected the two together and it had been a hefty work for him to untangle the two and see them as separate things.

Coming out had been a milestone for him.

Falling ill had not been.

But no, Temari would never ever use neither of those things defining her son against him. If he remained in a relationship with a man the rest of his life, she would still love him more than anything. If he relapsed and had to be hospitalised again and begin the tedious road of recovery once more, she would still be there for him. No matter what.

He wasn’t a nightmare child. He would never be a nightmare child.

“It’s a mother’s job to love her child”, Temari said. “And believe me. Ever since you were a little pebble in my belly, I have loved you and never once stopped. I am so proud of you for being here today. I am proud of you for being honest with yourself and who you love. I am proud that you are making huge efforts to get better. And soon you will get your first mission outside in the wilderness.”

She hugged Shikadai.

She knew Moegi had a mission on the ready for Team 10. She had explained that it was a low-stake mission outside Konoha, a B-rank, but an easy one that would be no match for the team. The fact that she had already chosen it meant that it also was a no hurry-mission. Missions that could be postponed were usually simple to deal with.

Moegi had assured that it was an easy mission, but Shikamaru had after all gone behind her back to read the mission papers, to ensure himself that Moegi wasn’t sending Shikadai into something he wasn’t ready for yet.

It turned out that it was a straightforward mission and they could rest easy. Shikadai will do great on the mission once they get sent out. He was now allowed to go outside Konoha’s gates.

He was going to return to his job as a shinobi.

Temari looked at her son, her heart bursting out of pride and love, but also out of a mother’s worry.

_I love you, my little pebble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone out there feels the same way as Shikadai in the final scene, you are not alone 🖤
> 
> And the rest of the families will also get their deserved spotlight. The middle section of this fic will be dedicated to the Yamanakas and the Akimichis will shine towards the end.
> 
> And ooooh! They will get missions again! What will happen on their mission, oooooooh?


	4. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first scene contains innocent smut between consenting teenagers. If you don't want to read this innocent smut, skip directly to the second scene (visible with scene change cuts). I am a firm believer that teenagers are allowed (and should be encouraged) to safely sexually explore themselves.

Shikadai’s skin was soft against Inojin’s naked chest. They had snuggled for almost an hour in bed since they woke up and if there was something Shikadai loved – it was morning snuggles. He loved knowing that he could just wrap an arm around another warm human and press himself close, nuzzling his nose into blond hair and kissing fair pale skin on the neck, without the stress of having to rush out of bed and get dressed.

Most of the days when they slept over, they didn’t have time for morning snuggles like these. They usually had low-stake missions somewhere in the village, training or just other smaller duties that belonged to every shinobi. Almost every morning they had to report the status of their shuriken and kunai knives, if they had lost any in training or mission, or if some of them had blunted or weren’t just sharp enough for shinobi usage anymore.

The blunt weapons would be stored and sent to the armoury and the black smiths sharping or re-casting the metal or the knives.

But not today, and today they had time for snuggles.

“Are you awake?” Inojin asked as his hand stroked back and forth in Shikadai’s loose, black hair. “Sweetie? Wakey, wakey.”

“One more minute”, Shikadai murmured and squeezed himself tighter to Inojin. Inojin could feel Shikadai smile against his chest.

“You said that twelve minutes ago”, Inojin responded.

“Fell asleep again.”

“I know”, Inojin chuckled as something warm and wet touched the pit below his ribcage. “Was that your tongue?”

Shikadai giggled and Inojin pushed him off himself.

“Did you seriously lick me?” he playfully snarled. “You are disgusting!”

Shikadai had in fact stuck out his tongue and pressed it against Inojin’s soft skin as a tease and a joke.

“You are disgusting”, Inojin repeated.

Shikadai just laughed.

“Wanna be disgusting with me?” he asked and stuck out his tongue.

“You are disgusting”, Inojin said again, fondly, and leaned forward. Shikadai’s tongue was still outside his mouth and Inojin opened slowly his own mouth and let his pierced tongue reach out. Today he had a neon green piercing inside. He had a few different ones he switched between depending on his mood.

Slowly he let the tip of his own tongue touch the tip of Shikadai’s tongue.

Their gazes locked on each other.

This moment was almost erotic for them.

Inojin grabbed Shikadai’s shoulders, kissed him properly and dragged him down in bed with him again.

It was those small moments where they tried doing something more daring, something dirtier, that they liked. Morning snuggles, handholding, kisses and hugs were amazing, they really were, but they were fifteen and they knew what the next logical step would be, and they wanted to try it one day in the future.

“I don’t think we have to get up just yet”, Inojin said. “How grumpy for coffee are you?”

Shikadai smiled.

“Not too much”, he said, and his hand trailed around Inojin’s nipple on his bare chest. “We can snuggle some more.”

He pressed his finger down in the middle of Inojin’s nipple.

“Oof”, Inojin said at the sensation. Shikadai knew he liked that. Small moments like these them between were so exciting.

Their moments were nothing more than touching and kissing on bolder areas of the body. It was nothing more than looking down when the other one was naked and stroking fingers where they knew it felt the best. It consisted of constant asking, constant figuring out things together.

But the feeling of longing for _the next step_ was there.

Inojin let his hands slide down Shikadai’s back, down to his lower back. Then they travelled further, around his butt.

“Shikadai”, Inojin said. “When do you think we’re ready?”

Shikadai, who was still occupied with trailing his fingers over Inojin’s chest, let his hand still. He looked up in the most beautiful blue he knew.

“You mean with the mouth?” Shikadai said. “I guess we could sometimes. When we are ready.”

“But like… here”, Inojin said and squeezed Shikadai’s rear.

“It sounds scary”, Shikadai admitted.

“It is supposed to feel good, they say”, Inojin said.

“Sex is more than that”, Shikadai said, and smiled. He studied Inojin. “You are thinking about that stupid rhyme people used to do in school, aren’t you?”

The stupid rhyme he referred to had been a joke undermining other relationships but the one between a girl and a boy. It was a stupid rhyme accompanied by hand movements to illustrate how _impossible_ it is to have sex if you’re in anything but a normative relationship.

Sometimes Shikadai couldn’t believe his classmates had actually chanted that rhyme during the breaks in school, when they all had been too young to even understand what they even talked about. Only the cool kids had felt brave enough to talk about that forbidden fruit, the forbidden subject called _sex_ and after the rhyme was finished they had turned into giggling messes because they thought they had been so cool for daring to joke about the forbidden adult subject.

It was a rhyme taught by the older students, a joke, something people sang carelessly and ignorantly without knowing how it had stabbed Shikadai and Inojin in their hearts when they had to witness their classmates do that close to them.

Shikadai sometimes wondered what they thought when they found out about him and Inojin.

“You know the rhyme was just stupid”, Shikadai said. “We do it our way, in a way that feels good for us and works with… all the anatomy and shit.”

That earned a chuckle from Inojin.

“’Anatomy’”, he repeated. “You don’t have to sound so clinical, sweetie.”

“Well, fuck, I don’t know how to say it otherwise”, Shikadai laughed, burying his face down against Inojin’s collarbone. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah”, Inojin said. “I know.”

They were silent for a little while, but it was no secret both of them were fantasizing, laying against each other’s skins. Fantasizing about the time they will feel ready.

“Have you talked about this with your therapist?” Inojin then suddenly asked and Shikadai lifted his head from Inojin’s chest.

“Well, not in detail”, Shikadai admitted. “But yeah, we talk about you a lot. Because you are a key to my emotions and all that shit, heh. So, he asks a lot about you and stuff. But I only tell him what I’m supposed to tell, and not in details.”

Inojin let his hands off Shikadai’s back and reached up to stroke a finger along Shikadai’s face. He sat up and very slowly, gently, kissed him.

“Whatever you need to talk about to get happy and free again”, he said.

They remained in bed, talking casually, as they were letting their hands travel up and down each other’s bodies, since that was their way of showing physical love to each other. Nothing more than that. The next step was still somewhere in the future, and for now, a warm hand against the body and the touch of smooth lips against your own was more than enough.

“So, are you ready for the first mission as chunin outside our gates?” Moegi asked when the Ino-Shika-Cho-trio had assembled in front of her.

Shikadai’s eyes were beaming. Finally they got a mission, a mission for chunin, that was taking place outside the village he had been imprisoned in for almost a year. Chocho let out a little cheer of victory, because _finally_ their lives were going to be at least a little bit like they had been before the mission to Kumo last year. Inojin let his hand quickly stroke by Shikadai’s arm, a wordless way to tell him _see, sweetie, finally things are looking bright again._

“We have carefully chosen a low-stress mission for you”, Moegi said. “Or it should be low-stress. It’s a C-rank.”

“You don’t have to choose low-stress missions for us, we can take on anything”, Shikadai said in a moment of sudden boldness. Moegi’s cold gaze made him, however, wish he never had said anything back.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t take on anything”, Moegi responded and Shikadai looked instantly down. “We will from now on carefully choose low-stress missions for you, because you can’t do what you once could.”

“It’s not supposed to be a chronic illness”, Shikadai mumbled, not looking up.

“I know”, Moegi said. “And to ensure it won’t turn into something worse we will choose low-stress missions for you. Don’t fight me on this one, Shikadai.” Her face softened. “We do this for you. This is your first mission outside the gates of Konoha in almost a year. You must take baby steps in the beginning. And if you do good and manage the stress that comes with missions, you can get tougher ones.”

Shikadai nodded.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself”, Moegi continued. “See this as a practise.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever”, Shikadai said, not wanting _another_ person who knew nothing about what is feels like and what reality is when you’ve suffered through a psychosis before and is trying to get your life back on track without letting guilt tear you apart, talk as if they knew. “It’s okay, whatever. Give us the mission details.”

“So”, Moegi said and handed out the mission papers to her team. “The small town Kaneza in eastern Fire Country has had a trouble with a league of thieves during a couple of months and have come to the conclusion that they will hire shinobi to get rid of the thieves. According to our intel the thieves are civilians and do not posess the skill to use chakra, and they seem to only be pocket thieves. I have no doubt that you will catch these thieves and bring them to the local guarding office in Kaneza.”

Moegi handed out a map to her team, a map of the small town of Kaneza. She had with a red pen circled a few places in the town, which consisted of houses in neat rows surrounding a marketplace and a main city path. The local guard office was circled, as well as the inn Konoha had chosen for the trio to stay at while in Kaneza. The mission was assigned to last three days – one for the travelling and inter gathering by the locals, one for an operation catching the thieves and the final day for travelling back home. The road to Kaneza was about 150 kilometres.

“I’m sure we’ll beat them”, Inojin said as he pressed the mission paper down in his pocket.

“And you, Inojin, will be the team leader”, Moegi said and Inojin stared at her, a smile breaking through on his lips.

“Yes, finally!” he almost yelled.

“I’m sure you’ll come up with a good plan”, Shikadai said. He felt so proud for Inojin, who had always felt like the dead last in their year. He had always compared himself with Shikadai – or with anyone for that matter, and put himself down. It was a big step and boost for him to be a team leader for their team, especially now since they were all chunin.

“Yeah”, Inojin said. “I’ll make you play shogi with every kid in the whole town and that way I’m sure we find some thieves.”

Shikadai raised his eyebrows while Chocho choked a laughter.

“That’s not funny”, he said, referring to the incident with Ryogi that had happened close to three years ago.

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry”, Inojin said. “Come, my little ducklings – “

“I am not your duckling”, Shikadai interrupted.

Inojin held out his hand.

“Come on then, _sweetie_ ”, he smiled to Shikadai.

“Oh, how I’ve missed being the third wheel of our team”, Chocho sighed out of affection for the boys. “Okay then, boys. Let’s catch some thieves!”

The town of Kaneza was small. There had to be an absolute max of three hundred houses surrounding the market square. When they arrived, it had already become dark outside, but the moon was gleaming, and the sky was covered in stars.

“So”, Inojin said. “I assume, if they’re pocket thieves, that all their activity has to be here in centre and by the main road in town.”

“Fair”, Chocho said. “But there’s no point in doing anything now, everyone is inside. This town is as good as dead. Or asleep at least.”

“I know, I have eyes”, Inojin said. “But just so you know, tomorrow we are going to sit on that rooftop and stalk the market square to see if we see anything suspicious. We want to blend in with the surroundings, so no thief will know they have sent shinobi here.”

“Sounds good”, Shikadai said, yawning. “Okay, I am damn tired, can we go to the inn now and sleep?”

They found the inn with ease and made their way into the room. They shared a room again, since they figured it would be idiocy to pay for two just to have Chocho spending the night all alone in her room, when they could have the safety of three in the same one.

“Nothing with noises”, Chocho said as she laid out her futon beside Shikadai and Inojin’s futons.

“Don’t worry, we do it quiet as mice”, Inojin said.

“Uuuuugh, nooo!” Chocho yelled dramatically.

“You have such a dirty mind”, Shikadai said, sounding rather amused.

“I have not!” Chocho snarled back. “Ugh, forgot I said anything – don’t touch my chips, Inojin, if you still want hands!”

Inojin drew his hand back as quick as a snake while Chocho snatched the bag of chips back to herself. Demonstratively she dug her hand into the bag, filled her fist with as many chips she could and pressed them inside her mouth for Inojin to watch.

While Inojin and Chocho were bickering, Shikadai moved over to take out the little fabric pouch from his bag. Ever since he began carrying the fan on his back one and a half year ago he moved over to a bigger bag around his waist, one bag on either side of him, giving space to the huge weapon on his back.

He put the pouch on the desk in the room and brought forth on the table the two blister packs of pills and one black glass bottle of pills. The medication. There was still one blister pack left in the little pouch, but he was not allowed to take it.

With his back against his team he drank some water from the water bottle he had with him and began swallowing pills. One pill, two pills, three pills.

He packed away the three packs, looking down at the fourth and final one. It was a new type of medication that had been prescribed to him right after his limited freedom ended and the became clear that he was going to get missions out in the wild.

It was a much stronger drug that was meant to cancel a psychosis if he would relapse during a stressful moment on a mission. The cancellation would not be one hundred percent successful, as it would only suppress the symptoms for a while, not take it away, and the drug had nasty side effects. That meant that he still was dependent on someone else to help him if he fell sick again.

He did not want to think of that possibility. Both Inojin and Chocho had been taught basic emergency tactics to use on him, in case they needed to. Shikadai was so ashamed. So ashamed that the risk was still _there,_ and his team had to always be aware to have his back and help him if… something happened.

Chocho fell asleep like a log as soon as they shut the lights, and Inojin and Shikadai remained awake in the darkness, nestled close to each other. Shikadai had his arm around Inojin, who rest his head on Shikadai’s shoulder.

Wispy blond hair tickled Shikadai’s face, but he only nuzzled closer.

“Shikadai…” Inojin whispered.

“Hm?”

“Everything will be fine”, he said.

“I know”, Shikadai whispered back.

Inojin was silent for a while.

“You know what?” he then asked.

“Yes?”

“I would like to dance with you one day”, Inojin said.

“Dance?” Shikadai asked, almost chuckling out of amusement.

“Yeah”, Inojin said. “Like a slow dance. You and me.”

“I don’t really dance”, Shikadai said.

“Yes, you can”, Inojin said. “Everyone can dance.”

“Okay, we can dance after this mission is completed”, Shikadai said. “But why did you think of it all of a sudden.”

“It’s not all of a sudden”, Inojin responded. “I’ve always thought it was what couples do. My parents slow dance a lot in our living room. It’s like… my idea of a romantic couple. They dance together.”

Shikadai held on a little bit tighter to Inojin.

“Well, if that is what you want, then let’s slow dance when we get home, you over-the-top-romantic-perfect-super-sweet-Inojin.”

Inojin laughed against Shikadai.

“Who’s ’over-the-top-romantic’ after you said that to me”, Inojin said.

“Go to sleep, sweetie”, Shikadai said.

“Quiet as mice, my ass”, Chocho grunted from her futon. “You are both just as sweet as a double-cream-chocolate-coffee shot with sprinkles on top. Ugh. Go to sleep.”

“At least you don’t have to listen to yourself whining about Mitsuki all the time”, Inojin snorted, and Chocho jerked up from her futon.

“Last chance, Yamanaka Inojin, before I whip you, go to sleep!”

It took a few tries of laughter and teenage teasing within the team, which felt so much love towards one another, before they all fell asleep, Shikadai and Inojin with their fingers entwined and Chocho snoring with her back almost touching Shikadai’s back.

So close and warm.

The following day – the day the trio was supposed to find the thieves, they achieved close to nothing. They spent the whole day stalking the villagers, sitting on different rooftops, following individuals they deemed suspicious and sketchy, but none of the suspects stole anything under their wary eyes.

Nothing happened. The town was as good as dead.

“Ugh, what did I do wrong?” Inojin muttered when the sun started to set, and they had found absolutely nothing. The market square was close to devoid of people, with exactly three stands of fruit and fish from the nearby river and there had been close to zero people at any given time at the market.

“No, we did all the steps”, Shikadai said, mouth in frown. He was thinking. They had done every trick in the art of stalking but there had simply been nothing to stalk. Absolutely nothing. “We should maybe talk with the people at the guard centre here, why they don’t seem to ‘be good enough to catch thieves’ on their own and hire shinobi, and then there’s nothing going on here.”

“Maybe the thieves had a day off”, Chocho pondered, with a beginning hunger and misery in her stomach.

“Thieves don’t have days off”, Shikadai said.

“Let’s talk to the woman selling fish”, Inojin said and they walked over to the old woman by one of the food stands. She smiled a toothless smile at them. “Hello, lady. Have you been bothered by thieves of late?”

She raised her eyebrows at Inojin and then scouted over the whole trio.

“Ah”, she said. “The thieves. They are five in total.”

She didn’t add anything and Inojin let out an annoyed sigh.

“It would help us catching the thieves if you, like, told us what they looked like and when they have been active”, he said.

“One was tall…” the woman began. “And another one was bald…”

“So you have seen the thieves? What is it they normally steal?” Shikadai asked. The woman looked down on her fish.

“Fish”, she said. “Excuse me, children, I have to do something.” She turned her back against them and looked down for long enough for Shikadai to grab Inojin and Chocho by their arms and drag them away from the weird old woman.

“This is a hoax”, he hissed to them when they were a good ten metres away from the lady. “She’s lying so much her tongue will soon turn black. There aren’t probably any thieves here.”

“Is this a trick by Moegi-sensei to check if we can handle stress situations again?” Chocho asked.

“Why would Konoha give us money to spend a night at an inn if this was just a trick from their side?” Shikadai snarled. “Plus, I know Konoha wouldn’t mess with me or trick me, dad has made sure of it.”

“So, this town is lying then”, Chocho said. “So typical. Feels almost like I’ve been here, done this. You know, boys, we go back to our inn, get our stuff and then we go home. No more talking to strangers here.”

“We shouldn’t abandon the mission”, Shikadai insisted. “We should get to the bottom of this. We should find out why they have been lying and why they wanted to trick a team to get here.”

“No, we should go home”, Chocho insisted.

“Stop trying to protect me”, Shikadai said and Chocho turned around, her dark yellow eyes suddenly flashing of anger. She pecked her index finger hard into Shikadai’s chest

“Don’t pretend like you’re the only one dealing with guilt here, Shikadai”, she hissed. “Who was it who chose the restaurant where Nora stayed last year? Who was it who got the freaking invitation to Kumo and sent us up there in the first place? Who was it who abandoned you when you needed me the most? Look at me. Look at me and tell me the terror attack wasn’t my fault.”

Shikadai just stared at her.

“Everything was my fault, and yet, you were the one to get punished for it”, Chocho continued. “I only got community service. Yes, I worked for free for a month, but it wasn’t that bad. You got a freaking jail sentence and more debt than any person should have. And you fell ill and to this day still take medication. And everything is my damn fault!”

“Chocho…”

“No, you shut up now”, Chocho snapped. “If I have to be the mum for our team, then so damn be it, but I will not watch us get roped into some hoax or whatever this stupid mission is. Not again. I will not do the same mistakes again.” She took a deep breath, surprised at her own anger. “We’ll… just go and take our bags. Please. We go back home and tell them we’re suspicious and then they can send someone who is better equipped to solve this.”

“But we’re chunin”, Shikadai tried. “And it’s my first mission outside…”

“I know, Shikadai, I know”, Chocho said and laid her hands on his shoulders, slowly wiggling him from side to side. Shikadai let her do it. “But I don’t want… I don’t want things to repeat themselves. Please. For me.”

She turned to Inojin.

“Inojin”, she said. “You are the team leader.”

Inojin nodded slowly.

“We’ll… go home”, he said.

The first thing they did when they woke up the following morning was packing their bags and getting the hell out of the small town that had fooled them and Konoha.

They didn’t eat any breakfast and they didn’t talk to anyone. They had only one goal and that was home.

To say they didn’t nervously check over their shoulders would be a lie. They consistently let their hands rub their necks to check if there were any tranquilization darts shot into their veins and muscles. Everything seemed to go totally okay.

Then Inojin checked over his shoulder and saw him. Right behind them a man was standing.

A man with fog covering the ground around him, his whole lower body swallowed by mist. His eyes were filled with sorrow and stared right at Inojin the way one stare at someone you know you have seen before, but cannot quite name where.

Inojin opened his mouth to alert his friends, but he found himself frozen. The man’s eyes were sunk into his skull, the skin around his eyes dark and brittle and that was the face of a man who had been through hell.

Then the man lifted one of his hands to the height of his face, with the palm facing Inojin, with his thumb bent right in the middle of the palm with the fingers stretched upwards towards the sky.

He showed him a sign, and Inojin had no idea what it meant.

Then the fog swallowed the man whole and he disappeared.

Inojin’s knees began shaking.

He had never seen the man before, didn’t know who he was or what he meant with that hand sign – it almost reminded Inojin of a salute, but the gaze of the man made Inojin almost think _he_ knew who Inojin was.

Inojin swallowed, but his mouth was dry as sand.

“Hey”, Shikadai said. “Is everything okay?”

“Um”, Inojin said. “I – I thought I saw something.”

Shikadai and Chocho looked immediately around them, but after scanning the area they concluded that no one was there.

“Let’s go faster”, Chocho said.

“Are you sure you are okay?” Shikadai asked. Maybe he had sensed how Inojin’s heart was beating hard in his chest, the way his palm was sweaty.

“Yeah, it was probably just a deer”, Inojin chuckled. “I’m fine.”

The correct answer was of course ‘no, I’m not fine’, but Inojin’s path of lying to his team had already begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where I, the evil writer, goes ":)"
> 
> What do **you** think will happen next?


	5. The Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! You all thought I would put them through trouble already. Don't worry, soon you will fear for them. But for now, let's have some teenage drama :D

Inojin didn’t mention the weird, scary man with his scary hand sign to his team before they were back in Konoha. Chocho and Shikadai sure did notice that he was tenser and twitchier than usual, and they sure asked what was wrong, but Inojin couldn’t bring himself to tell them. He had his reasons for not talking about being stalked by a scary man in front of Shikadai, since he was afraid it would trigger something inside Shikadai no one wanted to get triggered.

Chocho didn’t spare her irritation when she burst through the door to the Seventh Hokage’s office. She didn’t even care if they had a meeting on-going, but the door was unlocked and there was no guard outside.

“It was a hoax!” Chocho said. “The mission you sent us on was a hoax. They were lying!”

Naruto and Shikamaru looked up from the papers they were arranging, faces surprised and mouths slightly open.

“Hoax?” Naruto parroted.

“There are no thieves in Kaneza”, Shikadai said. “We talked with the villagers and we are certain they are lying. The thieves were just a decoy for something. The town probably wanted to lure a team there, but we don’t know why. We weren’t attacked or stalked or anything.”

He noticed the brief shocked face Shikamaru made, how his eyes grew big and worried, right before he let out a short sigh.

“Thank you for coming back home to tell us that”, he said. “I am glad you didn’t decide to delve into this problem on your own without notifying us.”

 _He’s also trying to protect me,_ Shikadai thought. He was sure that if this had happened when he was younger, or if he never had fallen ill at all, everyone would have expected them to look into this problem themselves. That is how shinobi work. Mission ranks change, a C-rank mission can become an A-rank because of an unforeseen problem or a twist in the mission and Shikadai didn’t think he had ever heard of a team of chunin coming back home with the tail between their legs because there missions premise changed all of a sudden for the worse.

He felt like a failure, because he was still labelled with the risk of relapse and everyone tried their best to avoid it.

“I will send a jonin to get in touch with the guard centre of Kaneza, who employed us in the first place, and get to the bottom with this hoax”, Naruto said. “Thank you. This mission will still be counted into your monthly earnings, even if it failed.”

_Failed._

Shikadai excused himself pretty fast after that, feeling anxious and nauseous.

“Are you sure you manage on your own?” Inojin asked. He noticed from Shikadai’s body language that he was about to fall into the dark pit of anxiety. “I can walk you home – “

“No!” Shikadai said, surprised at his snapping tone. “I… want to manage on my own. I can do it. It’s not far to home.”

It felt like his heart was burning.

“Sweetie, please don’t take this so hard”, Inojin tried. “You know it’s for the best.”

“Knowing doesn’t make it easier”, Shikadai said. “Please, don’t pity me. I just… I just want to be alone for a while now.”

Inojin lifted his fingers into the activating sign.

 _Is your mum at home to help you if you need it?_ He asked into Shikadai’s head.

 _Yeah, she is,_ Shikadai replied.

He forced a smile to Inojin.

_Thanks for caring._

He leant in and planted a soft, soundless kiss on Inojin’s lips.

“Love you, sweetie.”

With those words he spun his heel and began walking in a fast pace towards his own home. Inojin and Chocho watched his back.

“Do you… do you think he’s ever going to be okay?” Chocho asked. “Everything is so different compared with before everything got ruined.”

Inojin swallowed.

“I’m sure he’s going to be okay, one day”, Inojin said. “We have to trust him.”

“Yeah”, Chocho sighed. “Well, I think I’ll go home too. Chowi has probably been dying to meet me again after the two nights away.”

“Um, before you go – “ Inojin mumbled. “There’s something I must tell you. But don’t tell Shikadai this.”

Chocho quirked her eyebrow upwards.

“What happened to ‘trust Shikadai?’” she asked.

“This is different, okay”, Inojin snapped. “When we walked home there was all of a sudden a super scary man staring at me – his eyes were all sunk into his skull and he looked like a corpse, okay, and he lifted his hands while staring at me. Like this.” Inojin raised his hand into the hand sign the man had shown, an open palm with fingers towards the sky and the thumb leaning against the palm.

“What does that even mean?” Chocho asked. That was no ninja sign. It was a salute, probably.

“I don’t know”, Inojin sighed. “And he disappeared the second after that. You didn’t notice anything.”

“And why isn’t Shikadai allowed to know we were stalked?” Chocho asked and put a hand against her hips. “This concerns him just as much as me.”

“Because what is his greatest fear?” Inojin asked, now growing irritated at her. “What is the one thing that may trigger his paranoia? It is being stalked by spies. And I don’t want him to know we have been followed by a weird man – even if that man was just a drunk or whatever and it meant nothing – because to Shikadai’s brain it might mean everything. So, don’t tell him anything.”

“He will be furious if he finds out that you withheld this information”, Chocho said.

“I know!” Inojin snapped.

“He takes medicine against it”, Chocho said. “He could probably handle it.”

“Do you want to play with fate, huh?” Inojin said. “Do you want to _risk_ him getting bad again?”

“Of course not”, Chocho gasped. “I’m just saying that you are betraying him.”

Inojin stared at her.

“That man meant probably nothing”, Chocho continued slowly. “Let it go a few days and then you go and tell him. Because hiding the truth from him will break him and his self-esteem.”

Inojin looked down.

“I already ruined a part of it by refusing him to continue the investigation”, Chocho continued softly. “I just don’t want him to get worse because of stuff like this. He wants to be normal. Let’s give him as much as that as we can.”

Inojin nodded.

“You are right”, he said slowly and decided to tell Shikadai when he saw him next.

However, when Inojin saw Shikadai the following time, they were being surrounded by friends. Team 7 had also decided to come to the dumpling café Chocho had invited the boys to, and Inojin narrowed his eyes with irritation when he saw the yellow hair belonging to Boruto from the distance.

In case Shikadai would freak out by the news, he knew Shikadai did not want other people to witness it. He was embarrassed as it was without the extra attention from the other friends.

The second element of irritation was the fact that Mitsuki was there. Now Chocho wouldn’t have her attention on Shikadai either, because she would dance around Mitsuki, trying every single step in getting his attention.

Team 7 wasn’t, all in all, a great addition when it came to discussing touchy matters, and being stalked by a weird man _was_ a trigger for Shikadai. Inojin kept his mouth firmly shut and just nodded towards their friends.

He settled to give Shikadai a soft kiss on his mouth instead as a hello.

“Lover boys”, Chocho said under her breath, but her voice was filled with affections towards her two team members. She was used to being a third wheel to accompany their romance.

“Chubs”, Shikadai greeted her back.

For the rest of the hour spent in the dumpling café, they spent listening to Boruto and Sarada trying to convince them that only one of them was right in a rather ridiculous argument they had. They ate their dumplings, and soon enough there was space in their bellies for a second set.

“I didn’t take enough money!”

“Boruto, I can believe this”, Sarada sighed. “I paid for the tin horseshoes. I’m not paying for your second dumpling.”

Now Boruto was really craving that second dumpling with lemon taste and to be fair, everyone wanted to get a second dumpling with lemon taste.

“Don’t be a drag and go and buy for us”, Shikadai said and tossed his wallet to Boruto. “I’ll treat, but for this time only. It’s not like money grows on trees.”

“Yes!” Boruto said and grabbed the wallet. “Thank, Shikadai, you’re the best.” He scurried off to the counter and came back a moment later with six lemon dumplings. “Here, here and here.”

The company took the dumplings and began eating again.

“Hey, Shikadai”, Boruto said after swallowing down his dumpling in a similar way a seagull swallows a whole fish. To say the least, he didn’t really care about going down with style. “I saw your ID in your wallet. What does ICE-222 mean?”

“Huh?” Shikadai said and exposed his wallet again, taking out the ID-card. Beside his photo, on which he undoubtedly seemed way too tired to agree to anyone to take his picture to immortalise in his ID-papers, and below the text with his name, nationality and ninja id-code, there was a little red square with the text ICE-222 inside. “Ah. ICE stands for In Case of Emergency and 222 is the code for mental health. So basically, if I during my missions is part of something ‘traumatic’, they will after the mission send me to the psych hospital to get emergency counselling. It’s a way to avoid having my brain come up with bad stuff. Kind of a precaution and this was the deal if I want to keep working as a shinobi. Which I want to.”

“I think it’s wonderful that they think about this stuff”, Sarada said. “I don’t think emergency counselling even existed when our parents were young. Like, you would have to suck things up and just live with it.”

“Well, if your brain is normal, then you might be able to live through bad stuff, but mine isn’t”, Shikadai huffed. He shuffled his wallet with the ID back into his bag.

“You are normal”, Inojin said. “Don’t say like that about yourself when you know it isn’t true. And we’ll prove it to everyone at the incoming Dual Citizen Event.”

“The DCE!” Boruto yelled. “Are you excited? I am excited for it.”

“You’re not even invited”, Inojin said.

“I know, but I still think it’s cool that it became a thing”, Boruto said. “Like after all the previous drama and stuff. The fact that every Kage still gives it a chance – gives _you_ a chance. Isn’t it cool?”

The anxiety was slowly setting in for Shikadai. He hated talking about the incoming DCE, because it made him want to throw up and hide under his covers. But despite the anxiety, he _wanted_ to do the speech. To be able to prove himself, to get the validation.

He wasn’t evil, and never were. He wanted to show that he functions normally and lives a normal life nowadays. He wanted to show to everyone that he could _make it._

Boruto, Sarada, Inojin and Mitsuki began talking about the incoming DCE, and Shikadai zoned out. Inojin noticed it but knew Shikadai didn’t want to draw attention to when he became anxious, so Inojin just grabbed his hand and squeezed while talking.

Mitsuki turned to Inojin.

“You are also invited to this conference because you are Chocho and Shikadai’s teammate”, he concluded.

“Yes?” Inojin said. “The teammates are also invited.”

“How does it feel for you?” Mitsuki asked, slowly, as if he was unsure the question he was about to ask wasn’t a too private one. “To be there beside your teammates. Shikadai and Chocho have their individual legacy of being dual citizens and having roots in another country. But you don’t. You only know half your family. Doesn’t that make you sad?”

Well, _that_ was a question Inojin certainly didn’t expect from Mitsuki.

“I am proud of being a Yamanaka”, Inojin said. “That’s the only thing that matters. Sure, it would’ve been cool to know where my dad comes from, but no, I’m not sad that I don’t know.”

He was sad that his father ever had to go through that certain pain of being a former ROOT member, taken away from his family and brainwashed to the point of him not even remembering how to be a human. He had experienced an inhumane childhood without parents and _that_ made Inojin sad. Not that he had lost his grandparents before he even had a chance to know them.

“Hm”, Mitsuki said. “I know how you feel. I only have one side of a family, too.”

Inojin had no idea how to react to that. He settled to chuckle instead to lighten the mood.

“That makes two of us then”, he said.

The discussion moved over to a more neutral area and Mitsuki went over the counter to buy a third dumpling. He had luckily grown out of the phase where he would without blinking an eye follow Boruto down a cliff if Boruto asked. When they were younger Mitsuki would never had on his own accord gone to buy a dumpling.

He came back and sat by Chocho.

“Chocho”, he said. “Would you like to share this dumpling with me?”

Chocho grew dark orange in her face and _squealed._ She immediately reached forward to take a bite out of the dumpling Mitsuki held in his hand. She bent over, purposely to show a little of her cleavage.

The sight of it made Inojin roll his eyes so hard he just had to open his mouth.

“Mitsuki, Chocho wants to go on date with you”, Inojin said and Chocho almost choked on her little dumpling piece. “She really likes you.”

“Yamanaka!” Chocho yelped. “That is too far of you, lover boy!”

“I can go on a date with you”, Mitsuki said immediately, almost shrugging his shoulders. Chocho squealed an indignant sound and hid her face in her hands as she kept doing high pitched noises against her palms.

Sarada gasped and Inojin smiled contently at his effort in Chocho’s relationship dramas.

“That was tricksy of you”, Boruto laughed. “And I’m sure you weren’t _this_ forward when you two got together, huh?” He pointed at Inojin and Shikadai.

“I did the first move”, Shikadai said, barely hearable over Chocho’s sounds. This new turn in the discussions had made him come back from his anxiousness. Inojin smiled towards the floor as his hand squeezed Shikadai’s.

“Really?” Boruto said. “I wouldn’t have expected that of you. But well, considering I didn’t expect you were gay at all, I don’t know anything.”

“He can get bold if he wants to”, Inojin laughed.

“Can we go on the date now?” Mitsuki asked just as Chocho had collected herself from the shock. She looked like she’d die on the spot.

“Yes”, she just whispered before squealing once more.

When Chocho left with Mitsuki to go on their impromptu date, Shikadai excused himself, and only vaguely said he had a meeting to attend.

Inojin knew the ‘meeting’ was an appointment with the psychiatrist, because they were going to discuss whether he can lower the dose of medicine he takes, to slowly wean him from the drug. They had talked about it earlier, and Shikadai had been carefully optimistic towards the future.

Boruto and Sarada waved him off, and when no one heard Inojin leaned in closer to Shikadai.

“Call me when you’re done, okay?” he said. “I want to know how it went.”

“I’ll call”, Shikadai said, gave a kiss on Inojin’s forehead and walked away.

Inojin hadn’t told Shikadai about the mystery man. And he would never do it.

Chocho had _not_ been prepared to go on a date right now. She hadn’t even showered that same morning and probably smelled of dog since Chowi used to sleep with her in bed.

Mitsuki seemed though to be totally unaffected by her nervous fidgeting with her hair. She found tons of split ends and decided in this stressful moment to butcher them all, while they walked.

“Where are we going?” she asked. She was nervous yes, but she had dreamt of romance for so long, and really wanted to cherish her first date. She even dared to dream of a kiss.

“I don’t know”, Mitsuki said as he kept walking. “We were just at a café. Maybe something that doesn’t cost money.”

He was right. Chocho didn’t really have more money to spend on baked goods right now after the dumpling. After all, she did give away 15% of her wage every month to support Shikadai.

“We can go home to me”, Chocho heard Mitsuki say and she let out yet another squeal. She had never been at Mitsuki’s home, in fact, she wasn’t sure if anyone out of their friends had ever been at Mitsuki’s home. Everyone was a little bit intimidated by his family situation and that was no secret among their class. Even Mitsuki was aware of it, but it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

“Are you sure?” Chocho asked.

“I am sure”, Mitsuki said and smiled to her.

Chocho giggled without controlling herself, stared down at her exposed toenails, which were painted white. She liked how the white of nail polish made a significant contrast against her dark skin.

She followed him home.

Shikadai would maybe have been nervous for the meeting, but he had had so many different appointments over the year that all the hallways in the hospital were familiar and even the doctor’s room was the same he used to visit when visiting the psychiatrist.

He knew what the left wing of the hospital was for. It was the psych ward he had spent fifteen days at a year earlier when he fell ill. He, very pointedly, didn’t look at the outer doors leading into the reception and the common area of the ward. To the right of the common room was the dining hall and then to the left were the hallways with the rooms.

Nope, he did not want to remind himself of that time and he did not want to go through those doors, only to hear the clicking sound of a door locking behind him, again.

“Do you think they’ll lower my dose?” he quietly asked his parents, who had accompanied his to the appointment. Since he was still so young, his parents were involved in almost everything concerning his health.

“You have been doing good”, Shikamaru encouraged. “Maybe they will.”

The psychiatrist opened the door to her room and shot a smile to Shikadai.

“Hello”, she said. “Welcome inside.”

They walked inside and Shikadai sat down in the chair closest to the doctor’s desk. His throat grew tight.

“How have you been?” the doctor asked.

Shikadai shrugged.

“Mostly fine”, he said.

“Have you felt comfortable with your therapist?”

Shikadai nodded.

“Yeah. He’s good”, he said. “We mostly try to fix the guilt and shame and stuff. And how to control anxiety. And the flashbacks. All the fun stuff.”

“Do you feel like any of your goals are achieved?”

This was a more difficult question. Shikadai shrugged.

“I don’t think any of my goals will be achieved before I can get missions without people holding me back”, he said. “Because it constantly reminds me of that I’m not like everyone else anymore.”

A heavy silence filled the room. Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably in his chair and cleared his throat. Shikadai didn’t even spare him a side glance. He could figure it out himself.

The doctor’s fingers danced rather aggressively down over her keyboard.

“Do you find your medicine working?”

“Probably”, Shikadai said. “At least the anti-psych one. But I don’t know, I still have a lot of anxiety and I get those attacks like once a week. And I hate it. Why don’t they help?”

The psychiatrist looked back at her computer and began discussion other types of medicine and drugs. The discussion was mostly aimed at Shikamaru and Temari, who tried to keep up with the lists of pills and what the possible side effect were. Shikadai grew impatient, he wanted help _now._ But no one and nothing could fix him immediately.

_I am unfixable._

“So, Shikadai”, the doctor said after they had discussed through and decided to not change the medication for anxiety. “You have managed without relapsing for a year. Usually we begin to lower the dose after a year, first by half, and then you can manage completely without medication. However, there is the DCE coming around next month, and I think it is beneficial for you to keep with the current dose until after it.”

“Okay”, Shikadai said. He didn’t have it in him to beg for his doctor to lower the dose. He knew that he would never be in charge of this discussion. He was the patient; they were the professional who had control over him. At the beginning he was bothered by the feeling of the unequal relationship he had to have with all the professionals in this field, that he would always be the one with less power in a discussion. He would never be trusted because he was the sick one.

But he got used to it, and the more months passed, the better he felt that he didn’t have to be in control. He should just trust.

Trusting was, however, sometimes hard. Trust that someone out there can fix him.

“Do you think it will ever happen again?” Shikadai asked. “The psychosis?”

The psychiatrist was silent for a second or two, fixating her gaze at the computer screen. It was evident she didn’t want to answer.

“Little research has been done of reactive psychosis before”, she began. “Reactive ones are rarer that the ones stemming from other illnesses, and even rarer among young people. You had extreme unluck to fall ill to one.”

What an encouragement.

“We do know that some of the ones who has fallen ill to a reactive psychosis relapse”, she continued. “Some of them fall into a cycle where the psychosis appears every year or every other year, but they can live a perfectly normal life in between the hospitalisations. Others never relapse.” She looked at the computer screen again. “Considering your profession in the shinobi world… I think we have to consider the risk of relapsing, I am afraid. Stress is the main factor increasing the risk, and out on missions you are constantly under stress and pressure. Short time stress can be worse for some, long time stress is worse for others. It is impossible to know in this case which one you are more sensitive to, but according to your last time, it seems like short time stress is worser.”

“Being under death threat can’t really be called stress – it was death agony”, Shikadai said, sounding whinier than he intended. The psychiatrist, however, was used to all kinds of emotions among her patients, so she didn’t even bat an eye at him.

“I know, which is why I tell you to consider the risks”, she said. “I have seen shinobi who have walked through hell to get back from missions, I have seen shinobi crumble in their own minds before. I know what your profession is. I have seen it from close. And since you are so young, I want to encourage you to rethink. Is the shinobi profession really worth it?”

“Yes”, Shikadai snapped.

He had never considered stopping. Never considered rebranding, hell, becoming a civilian, _retiring_. That was the ultimate failure from someone coming from a renowned shinobi clan, someone who is of the Kazekage family of Sunagakure – he _can’t_ stop being a shinobi. His career was just starting and he did not want to see his future crumble into dust because he was sick.

He wanted to be good again. He wanted to become better.

He wanted to be a shinobi.

Being in love with a boy felt like bringing his family’s reputation down enough as it was.

Having to stop being a shinobi because he was mentally ill felt like taking away his entire identity – who he was.

“Please, don’t make me stop”, Shikadai said. “I will continue eating the medicine.”

“We will lower your dose after the Dual Citizen Event, since we have to consider the stress the event might give you”, the psychiatrist said. “I don’t say you will be stressed – but I think we have to be careful there. And after that I will prescribe you a lower dosage of the drug.”

She shot a bright, assuring smile to him.

“Don’t worry, Shikadai”, she said. “We will do our utmost that you won’t have to visit us for too long anymore. After your time of taking medicine is over, I hope we won’t meet again under these circumstances.”

Shikadai smiled back.

“I hope so too”, he said.

“Keep well”, the doctor said and after that, the family left her room. Shikadai felt slightly better, she had sounded like she cared after all. After the DCE he won’t have to take the full dose anymore, and a month of getting used to less drugs he will be able to stop taking medicine all together.

It felt like a relief. To finally be able to be like everyone else. To maybe, one day, not be considered and labelled as ill anymore.

One day.

(that was not coming soon).

“Did you tell Shikadai about the man following us?” Chocho would ask a few days later. “How did he react?”

“Oh, he took it fine”, Inojin would lie. “We talked it out. It was probably just a drunk man or something.”

“See, I told you he’ll manage”, Chocho would say and she would slam Inojin on his back as an encouraging pat. “You don’t have to be so protective over him.”

“Yeah, everything is fine”, Inojin would say.

He would be lying so much his tongue soon would turn black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the next chapter is The Dual Citizen Event! 
> 
> How will our trio manage with their speech? Will everything go smoothly?


	6. The Dual Citizen Event

“Sooo, how was your date with Mitsuki yesterday?” Inojin asked with the most pleasant smile he had ever mustered when Chocho came into the living room of the Yamanaka family’s house.

Chocho’s face flashed briefly a dark orange colour before it regained its normal colour. She pouted her lips and pointedly crossed her arms over her chest, twisting her face away from Inojin.

“We had it nice, and it was surely _not_ your effort!” she said.

“Just nice?” Shikadai echoed. “Aren’t you super-duper in love with him and it was your highest dream to go on a date with him?”

“Okay, sweetiepie – “

“Don’t call me ‘sweetiepie’, ugh, what are you, my girlfriend?” Shikadai said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be a drag and just tell us how it went.”

Chocho gave him an unimpressed look.

“Love doesn’t happen just like that, you idiot”, she said. “Just because you were lucky to get the boy on your first try doesn’t mean everyone does.”

“So, I take it you didn’t kiss?” Shikadai said. “Or well, I would’ve seen it on your face already.”

“NO!” Chocho yelled and it was hard to tell whether she yelled like that because she thought it was absurd of Shikadai to even believed that she might have _kissed_ Mitsuki on the _first_ date, or because she was slightly embarrassed that the date hadn’t ended in kisses and smooches. “He invited me to his home.”

“His home?” Inojin said. “What was it like?”

“It was a completely normal house”, Chocho said. “But he also showed me their lab, the lab his parent use in his work. And _that_ was completely crazy!”

“What are they researching?” Shikadai asked.

“Growing nerves in tubes and stuff”, Chocho said. “Like, human nerves are unfixable if they get damaged, especially the motoric and sensory ones and Mitsuki’s family is trying to come up with a way to grow nerves that can be attached to broken nerves and therefore help people.”

“Oh, sounds interesting”, Shikadai said. “Is it working?”

“The research is still in the beginning phase, so no one knows”, Chocho said, and her gaze settled to stare at the horizon outside the window, completely zoning out. She began thinking of when she was going to meet Mitsuki again, how it would be, if she possibly could kiss him the next time – is it appropriate to kiss on the second date? and how she would –

“Yo”, Shikadai interrupted her thoughts. “I know what you’re thinking about, and that is not why we are here. Come on, Inojin and I already got the document up.”

The document.

The document on which they were going to write their speech for the Dual Citizen Event, where they were going to be the main speakers. They were going to finish the whole event in a speech for all dual citizens from over the continent invited. It will sure be a better, nicer way to finish off an event than to blow it up in a cloud of fire and pieces of shattered marmot.

They had two weeks left until the DCE.

“Have you written anything yet?” Chocho asked and peered over at the computer screen. There was a blank, white document with one line written.

‘ _Hello, my name is Yamanaka Inojin.’_

“You are impossible”, Chocho sighed. “Shikadai, you can’t just cave into everything he does.”

“I’m not caving in”, Shikadai muttered and deleted the line. “Okay, I think we should start by introducing ourselves, so everyone knows why we even were chosen to be the main speakers. But that means… that we should tell them what I did.”

“What _we_ did”, Inojin corrected. “We did it all together and we are all equally guilty of it.”

Shikadai sighed deeply, rubbing violently his eyes with the heels of his palm.

“Okay, come on then, guys”, he groaned. “What are we going to say? That we are the three idiot musketeers from last year in Kumo.”

“The rainbow team”, Inojin mused.

“You and your rainbows”, Chocho said. “Let me. I’ll handle the keyboard.”

And so the trio sat squeezed side by side on front of the computer to figure out what the hell they were going to talk about to make them sound smart enough to have gotten the honour of being the main speakers of this event.

Two weeks pass quickly, and the closer the event came, the more nervous the trio became. Not really because they were going to have a touching speech in front of over three hundred people, but because, somewhere deep down, the worry about a second terror attack loomed inside their bodies.

It had happened once. What really made this conference so much safer than the previous one in Kumo? Was there any guarantee history won’t repeat itself?

“You will be fine”, Inojin told Shikadai the same morning as the event began. The doors opened at noon, when the first travellers from afar would arrive, and the trio had gathered at Shikadai’s house to eat breakfast together before getting ready to go to the event.

The breakfast was still untouched on the dinner table.

Shikadai was sitting on the floor in his own bedroom, unable to get up. He resorted to hiding his face among his arms when the reality felt too overwhelming to deal with. Inojin sat by his side, with his arm over Shikadai’s shoulders, rubbing them to make him feel safer and more loved.

“Do you want me to come?” Temari asked from the door opening.

“No, go away”, Shikadai sneered in his hiding. Temari pinched her lips together, not really moving away from the door frame.

“We can handle it”, Chocho said. “Shikadai, everything will be okay. This is not Kumo, you are here with us and you are safe. You are _safe._ ”

Shikadai made a little shuddering noise. Inojin strengthened his grip around him.

“… hate when this happens”, Shikadai grumbled against his arms.

“We won’t get separated this time”, Chocho said soothingly. “I’ll make sure of it. We will all be in the same workshops and we’ll sit by the same tables. I won’t let you guys be alone.”

“We will be there for you”, Inojin said. “We won’t ever let you be alone. You will be safe.”

A minute later Shikadai took a deep breath and managed to stand up.

“Thanks”, he said shortly and glared at his mother, who was still standing there, observing him. “Ugh. Let’s eat. I can manage now.”

Shikadai had at first decided that he didn’t want to join any workshops or anything, only be there at the opening ceremony and later have his speech at the third and final day, bow and get out of there. He was scared of flashbacks, breakdowns and relapses, but after tangling up the problem he had together with his therapist decided to attend all three days. It would help him more if he managed to experience a similar event and realise that he can make it without the negative emotions.

This would be a conclusion, a time for him to be able to forgive himself to be at a dual citizen event again after the destroyed one, to see that he can be at these places without having to be sick.

The loneliness and forced separation had been the worst last year. Now they will be together and won’t feel lonely and scared on their own anymore.

“Come on”, Chocho said after the final cup of hot chocolate was finished at their breakfast. “Let’s go there.”

The Dual Citizen Event turned out to be a success. The security processes worked as they should and no one seemed to think or fear that a possible attack could happen again. All Kages of the Five Elemental Countries had the great opening speech and the schedule was filled with interesting speakers, workshops and debates about dual citizenships over the nations. Children of two cultures shared their experiences and how they felt about having loyalty and duties to two different nations.

The dinners and lunches were amazing. Chocho ate and ate until she almost had to roll out of her chair, but Inojin and Shikadai weren’t less gluttons either, if one was honest. Specialities from all over the nations and even smaller independent countries had been brought in and prepared by hundreds of chefs, and when the dinners rolled around everyone could hear different kids proudly tell about their cuisines from their home countries.

Shikadai was no different.

“Oh damn, look!” he said and almost hugged the coffee machine. “They’ve got real Sunese coffee here! Not the bland boring beans, these are dark roasted beans, oh wow. This is the good stuff, try it, try it!”

“Yeah, okay, give me some”, Inojin said, even if he really still didn’t enjoy coffee to the same extent as Shikadai, who was already a full-blown addict to coffee.

It was way easier to remain calm than Shikadai had expected. He wasn’t as twitchy as he ever had expected, and it felt so damn good. So good to not have constant anxiety at the back of his head.

It wasn’t of course always easy. One time he had to lock himself into the bathroom to just cry in an attempt to let some of the tension leave him and Chocho had literally elbowed herself into the men’s restroom to be by his side when she heard whispers of a ‘weird boy sobbing in one of the booths’, but after that one time, he had managed to keep himself together. He didn’t tell his parents of this inconvenience and would later fake to his therapist that that never happened.

It had been his most childish anxiety attack to date.

Holding Inojin’s hand as much as possible was one of the factors helping him. He didn’t care that random event visitors sometimes looked down at where his one hand was, down at the other paler hand grippling around his in a firm and secure grip. Inojin had never really cared that people stared, but Shikadai was sometimes bothered by it.

Not now.

Because he needed it. He needed to hold Inojin’s hand.

The final speech of the Dual Citizen Event, Chocho’s, Inojin’s and Shikadai’s speech, was coming closer and closer for every minute and every second that passed.

The big conference hall was filled with people. Three hundred teenagers between the ages of twelve and nineteen had been invited and almost everyone accepted the invitation. All teams had arrived on time, no one had been late. No one had been kidnapped on the way.

“Drink some water”, Chocho offered and reached the water bottle to Shikadai. He accepted it and drank in a few careful gulps. Chocho gave the other two their copies of the speech. “Remember the deal, Shikadai. If you have to leave, you just leave. We have all practised the speech and if you can’t deliver your part of it for whatever reason, we do it for you. You just touch mine or Inojin’s hand if you don’t want to talk and we do it instead.”

Shikadai nodded. He was so nervous for the speech his tongue felt paralysed. He would now stand in front of all dual citizens, including the ones who had been invited to Kumo’s conference last year.

The conference he destroyed. The teenagers he could have killed.

Because both of his teammates knew how hard this was for him, they had decided to not push Shikadai to try if he couldn’t manage it. They had the code sentence – a single touch on either of their hands – in case Shikadai would have to leave the stage and retire. They had all practised reading each other’s part of the speech, so two or even one could manage all of it if necessary.

The spotlight was strong against them, and turned the audience into a black-brown blob with unknown faces.

Chocho pecked on the microphone, checking if it worked. A hollow sound echoed from the speakers, yes, the microphone was on.

Three days of workshop, dinners, speakers and fun entertainment was over, and now, it was the main speakers turn to have the final speech of the conference. They were ending the whole event.

Everyone was looking at them. It was completely silent.

Chocho flashed her warm smile.

“Dear dual citizens of all nations”, she said. “Firstly, I want to thank everyone for a fantastic first Dual Citizen Event. I have enjoyed my time here immensely. Secondly, I want to thank all Kages and Feudal Lords for making this possible for all of us to enjoy. Thank you for the finance that has been given to the dual citizen projects. And thirdly, teammates of dual citizens, thank you for joining your friends to get a taste of foreign cultures, food and shinobi traditions.” She took a deep breath, looking over the audience.

“You might not recognize me or my friends here”, she continued. “Let me introduce us. My name is Akimichi Chocho, and I am a dual citizen of Konoha and Kumo. I was last year invited to the first dual citizen conference, which took place in Kumo last February.”

Inojin took over the microphone.

“My name is Yamanaka Inojin”, he said. “I am no dual citizen, but I am Chocho’s teammate and I was also invited to Kumo’s conference last year.”

He reached the microphone to Shikadai.

“You okay?” he whispered. Shikadai nodded and grabbed the microphone.

“Hi”, he said. “My name is Nara Shikadai of the Sand and I am a dual citizen of Konoha and Suna. I was also invited to Kumo’s conference last year.” He looked down on the paper, where their speech was printed. “If you were at Kumo’s conference last year, please raise your hand.”

They spotted a lot of hands. There had been ninety invitees at Kumo’s conference. Around thirty dual citizens and sixty teammates.

Shikadai took a deep breath.

“It was I who activated the bombs. I caused the explosion.”

That was not in their speech. Both Inojin and Chocho stared at him, with mouths already open, ready to interfere. Shikadai gave them a meaningful gaze.

Inojin reached into Shikadai’s head to listen to him.

_Please, let me. I have to be able to forgive myself. This is my way,_ Shikadai said.

Inojin smiled sadly to him.

_I trust in you, love. Do whatever you feel you have to do._

When Shikadai looked back over the audience, he felt his tongue glue to the roof of his mouth and his jaw began shaking slightly.

“I don’t know if you know the story behind it”, he continued slowly. “But… I didn’t do it because I wanted to hurt anyone. I… was ill.” He took a deep, shaking breath. “I was ill, okay. I didn’t want to do it, but I did anyways. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for almost killing the ones of you who attended Kumo’s conference.”

Now Inojin decided to interfere.

“What Shikadai means is that we are all sorry”, he said. “We did not intend to talk about this now here, in the open, but hehehehe hey ho, let’s go.”

His voice was shaking as he let out a nervous laugh.

“This team”, Inojin flashed his hand towards Chocho and Shikadai, “including me, got kidnapped on our way to Kumo last year. We were forced into committing to the terror attack. I know it was all over the news, but in case any of you are still doubting us – or doubting Shikadai, please know that we have been punished accordingly.”

“We were chosen as main speaker for this event for this very reason”, Chocho said into the microphone. “Because we destroyed the last conference. And you out there in this audience, you don’t know what burden it has been, to have that on our conscience. It could have broken us. It could have killed us. The last conference brought all of us to the doorstep of death. I got stabbed by a spear in my abdomen.”

“I got overdosed with ketamine”, Inojin said.

“And I got struck by lightning in my heart”, Shikadai mumbled.

“And we fought hard to reclaim happiness”, Chocho continued. “So all of you, who were shaken by the terror attack on the last conference, please know this. It was hard for us too. And we suffered the most.” She looked at Shikadai, who was staring intensely down.

Was this too much for him? To be forced to think back at a time he had confused and scared ran up and down the corridors of the conference centre with bombs in his hands, trying to do what he thought was necessary – the only choice he had.

How he had completely lost himself inside paranoia and fear.

Inojin stroked a hand over Shikadai’s back. He had begun breathing more heavily.

“I don’t – “ he whispered. “I can’t – “

“Do you want to sit down?” Inojin whispered, painfully aware that they were being watched by so many people. “Let’s go away, you don’t seem well.”

“I don’t want to be here…” Shikadai whispered as he had his eyes squeezed closed.

“We’ll go backstage”, Inojin said, and threw one final glare at the audience as he held Shikadai’s hand, ready to guide him away from the podium into the backstage.

That was when he saw the woman.

A woman with eyes sunk into her skull, black, dried eyeliner thickly drawn around her big eyes, matching her matte black hair. The look inside her eyes were the one of someone, who just found someone they recognised, but where not sure if the person they looked at was the person they looked for.

Inojin felt a cold shiver go down his back.

Then the woman lifted her arm in a sign. The palm was open and aimed at Inojin, the thumb pressed against the palm and her fingers reaching up to the ceiling.

The very same sign as the scary man on the way back to Kaneza had shown him.

This building should be safe. The security measures were insane to get inside Konoha’s conference centre, and no one expect the ones invited plus the ones working for the event could get inside. Outsiders were not allowed in here, and the building was shunshin secure.

Who was she? Why are they being followed?

Shikadai let out a dry sob and Inojin had to tear his eyes away from the woman staring at him with those hollow eyes.

“Move”, he whispered as Chocho’s voice echoed through the speakers. She had taken it as her task to continue with the speech – and bring it to the end, in case Inojin and Shikadai wouldn’t return. Her voice was strong with a twinge of glee to cover the sad topic Shikadai has blurted out.

They made their way backstage and Shikadai slumped down in the sofa. His breaths were shaky.

“How are you?” Inojin asked.

“I – I did it”, Shikadai said as he breathed in and out, slowly. “I managed to do it.”

“To tell everyone?”

“To say I am sorry”, Shikadai said. “Oh man, my knees are all shaky. Oh damn. I really thought I was going to faint out there.”

Inojin quickly prepared a glass of water for him.

“If you wanted to say you are sorry for the ones who were up in Kumo, then I am proud of you for managing to go through with your plan”, he said and caressed Shikadai’s arm as Shikadai drank the water.

“Thanks”, he said, and someone opened the door to the little backstage lounge they were sitting in. It was Shikamaru.

“Hey”, he said and sat by his son. “I heard your speech.”

“Are you angry at me?” Shikadai asked, barely a whisper.

“Angry?” Shikamaru asked. “No. No, not at all. I am so amazed by your bravery, that you confronted everyone out there with your story. Was it Gaara who suggested you would tell them?”

Shikadai shrugged, but a little smile escaped his lips.

“How are you feeling?” Shikamaru asked.

“It felt like all air left me”, Shikadai began. “But I made it. I didn’t get an attack, like I was prepared for. I feel just a little shaky. And anxious. I think I want to stay here for a little while.”

“Hug?”

Shikadai leaned forward and Shikamaru closed his arms around his child.

“You were fantastic”, he mumbled into Shikadai’s hair. “I am proud of you.”

Inojin looked at the them before looking down at his own hands. He found a little bit dirt under one fingernail to peck at, so he focused all his energy on that. He heard the sounds of applauds in the big hall – Chocho must’ve finished the speech for them by now. Something in him didn’t want to go out to bow or take any credit for being the main speaker for this event.

Well, ‘main speaker’. He had been just a few minutes out there before Shikadai began feeling bad, so he didn’t even deserve any credit, even if he was part of the writing process.

And he didn’t want to go out to check if that woman was still there.

The nasty, scary woman with those hollow, sad eyes and wispy black hair framing her face as if she had stayed out in pouring rain.

He had become so afraid when his eyes had met hers.

“Guys!” Chocho shouted when she came inside the little backstage room. “We made it! We _made it!_ ” She looked at Shikadai, who smiled back at her. “You were so badass. Damn, Shikadai, was that part of your goal?”

“Yeah”, Shikadai said, and he couldn’t but smile at the thought.

He had managed doing the thing he feared, the thing he felt would make him get better and start healing for real.

He had asked for forgiveness.

“You don’t know how much they are clapping. Can’t you hear they’re still going on?” Chocho said. “Let’s go out there and bow.”

Shikamaru gave Shikadai a supporting clap on his back.

“Go”, he said and smiled. “I think it will do good for you.”

Shikadai rose from the sofa on shaky legs.

“Shall we go?”

Inojin wanted to say no. He didn’t want to see if the woman was still there in the audience, close enough to the stage for him to be able to look into those eyes.

“Yes”, he said and grabbed Shikadai’s hand.

When they walked out on the stage again the audience had risen from sitting on the chairs to standing. They gave them standing ovations. For being so honest. For going on with their lives after the terror attack.

For asking for forgiveness.

Shikadai felt how a few tears made their way down his cheeks. This was true catharsis for him, to receive something positive after the year that had been pained by tears of everything that wasn’t joy. Sadness. Illness. Diagnoses. Stress. Guilt. A hell of a lot of guilt.

The woman in the audience was gone.

After the speech a young man sought them out.

“Excuse me?” he said and flashed an apologetic smile to the trio. “Chocho? Inojin? Shikadai? Do you have a minute?”

“State your business”, Inojin said, but he didn’t sound hostile at all.

“Um, nothing more than to just talk”, the man said. “My name is Joru and I… well, I was in Kumo at the same conference as you. I raised my hand back during your speech and all, but you couldn’t probably see the audience that well when you were in the spotlight, well, um, I was a team mate to my dual citizen friend and I was at the same seminar as you, Shikadai, up in Kumo.”

Shikadai raised his eyebrows. The seminar he didn’t remember anything of, because he had been deep in a delusion and scared to death, clutching to his bombs as a lifeline.

“I remember when you came inside”, Joru continued. “And everyone of us realised something was wrong. It could be seen in the way you walked and moved, and the way your eyes were staring at everything.”

He cleared his throat, embarrassed over telling Shikadai this story. He didn’t even know if Shikadai couldn’t handle the memory. But Shikadai remained still, giving him the courage to continue.

”I knew something was wrong with you”, he said. “I remember how you stared at me when you sat down, and even if it was for just a second. I can still remember that… gaze of yours. The desperation. Then you ran out, and we all stared after you after you had slammed the door shut. The speaker asked even in the mic if anyone of us knows who you are, and if someone can go after you.”

Joru looked down, biting down on his lips.

“No one went out”, he said. “The speaker asked someone of us to go and check if you were okay and no one did anything. Not even I. We just looked around us, hoping that _someone_ there would’ve been your friend, but there was none. And no on went after you to check if you were okay.”

He got slowly down on his knees and Shikadai took a step back, a warm and thick feeling spreading inside his head when he realised what Joru was about to do.

Joru bowed down, hands and arms stretched in front of him along the floor, until his forehead touched the floor.

“Forgive me for not doing anything to help you, even when I knew something was wrong and you needed help”, he said. “The terror attack was all ours fault, all the teammates who shared the seminar with you. We could have helped you, but no one did. Forgive us.”

Shikadai rubbed his neck. No words could describe how this felt, it was as confusing as it was the biggest relief in his entire world. They didn’t hate him. The attendees from Kumo didn’t despise him, thinking he was a psycho to be locked away forever. They had realised that it could have been prevented if _someone_ had helped him, and they realised they had done him – and the entire conference wrong.

“I forgive you”, Shikadai said, though he had to admit that a slight bitterness was lingering on his tongue. They had all talked about that weird, ill kid who had come inside and not done anything before running out and planting bombs, but no one had done anything.

Of course Joru felt guilt for that too.

Joru remained a few more second in his deep bow, before raising on his feet. He was taller that Shikadai.

“I have often thought about you”, he said. “I have wondered what happened to the boy I saw inside the seminar room. I am glad to see you in good health.”

He bowed once more and walked away in the crowd.

Inojin stroked a hand across Shikadai’s back.

“See, people are not mad at you”, he said. “They understand.”

“Is it wrong of me to be happy?” Shikadai asked.

“No!” Chocho said. “You are allowed to feel happiness, Shikadai, heck, you are _supposed_ to feel happiness.”

Shikadai smiled down at the floor.

“Finally.”

The Dual Citizen Event had been a success.

The following morning Shikadai took the first pill that contained only half the dose of the anti-psychotic drug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this story had ended here, it would be a happy story. In the next chapter you will get to know who the weird man and woman are.
> 
> And there is still about 12 chapters left, and the angst train has left the platform. Choo choo, hold on tight, dear readers.


	7. Inojin alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Remember that this fic is rated M for gore, angst and hurt/comfort.**
> 
> TW: Non-consensual body modification (and blood and injury)
> 
> Hold on tight, here we go!

The light in the library was way too bright and cold for a normal person to find comfort in. Inojin had been spending way too much time wandering among the shelves, looking for he didn’t even know what. Books about signs. Secret signs. Anything along those lines. But such books did not have giant flags on them, and he was unsure what their titles even possibly could be.

He wouldn’t be here if it had only been that weird man from Kaneza showing him that hand sign. He would have brushed it off, laughed it off. But now there had been the woman inside the DCE. And that was too weird for being a coincidence. This wasn’t a coincidence anymore.

Inojin was certain he and his team were being followed.

He hadn’t told Chocho of the woman in the conference centre. She only knew of the man outside Kaneza, and had probably forgotten about it already, since there had been no mentions of him ever since.

Shikadai knew nothing.

Inojin bit down on the inside of his cheek while thinking of how he had betrayed Shikadai. He hadn’t told him, and the longer time had passed the less inclined he felt of actually telling Shikadai.

So, he had gone alone to the library to try to figure out what the hand sign meant, because it had to mean _something._

Earlier that day he had asked his father Sai both what hand signs had been used in ROOT among the soldiers forced into submission under that rule when the organisation was still in the works, then he had asked what hand signs ANBUs were using, and none of them were even remotely similar to an open palm, fingers towards the sky and the thumb pointed against the palm.

Inojin began looking for other kinds of books. He found a book of history of eastern Fire Country, where Kaneza was located and leafed through it until something caught his attention.

_The Terasawa clan of Kaneza_

Inojin began reading.

He found out Kaneza had a long history defiled by a clan containing a few families, which was also called The Terasawa Cult. In reality, these families, all related to each other, were not too much different from the Hyuuga family and their internal problems, but their rumours had spread around Kaneza and the neighbouring villages. Calling it a cult was more of a slur from people not part of the families, as the families themselves just lived their lives by certain clan ideologies.

Inojin thought it sounded weird and was close to move over to the next book, since he had no interest in reading about strange ideologies, but when he switched page he almost choked on his own spit as he saw an illustration of the hand sign both the man and woman had showed him.

A coldness spread in the pit of his stomach as he read the meaning behind the sign.

If one did it with the left hand, it meant _I see you._

If one did it with the right hand, it meant _I remember._

The signs were used to communicate with members who had either detached themselves from the families of free will or had been cast out for different reasons.

Inojin’s mouth turned dry and his heart beat hard in his chest. He couldn’t remember whether the man and woman had done it with the left or right hand, but it didn’t matter, since both meanings were equally freaky.

They were being followed by a clan with strange ideologies from a village he had never visited before that failed mission.

Was this how Shikadai had felt before he lost his mind, convinced of being followed by spies? Inojin realised that this was something that had to be kept away from him, because he was sure as hell not going to be responsible for a relapse, not when he deep inside knew he was the catalyst to Shikadai’s last downfall. He just _can’t_ tell Shikadai they had been followed by these weird people.

Should Inojin tell Chocho?

In hindsight, one should always – always – tell your friends and family when something is bothering you, whether it’s small or big. Always tell about your concerns. Neither Chocho nor Shikadai had once upon a time told anyone they were carrying bombs, with disastrous results.

Inojin _should have_ told someone.

But he wasn’t a fortune teller. He was just young, scared and way too naïve.

The night sky was so, so beautiful when Inojin walked along the path to the outer walls on Konoha. He walked out of his village and straight towards east – towards Kaneza.

_The Terasawa Clan of Kaneza is believed to have been formed around the same time as the Uchiha clan. Little is known about the clan, since they detached themselves from Konoha right after the Founding Era, and moved eastwards. One sibling, Usio, from the main family remained in Konoha, right after the truce between the Uchihas and Senjus, and took upon themselves the last name Homura instead. Since then, the Terasawa family have upkept their own community as an independent shinobi society not associated with any Kage. Members of the family are labelled as a rogue ninja._

Inojin did not go far from Konoha. No way in hell was he going to all alone venture into that strange little community alone, but he couldn’t take his team with him. He had with his Ink bird travelled a far bit outside of Konoha, closer to fifty kilometres, when he realised his mistake. He jumped down onto the ground, turned heel, and began walking towards home again. This was totally unnecessary and now he would miss a good nights sleep.

How stupid this was of him.

Someone touched his shoulder.

He twisted around and kicked the person trying to grab him. The shadow of a human ran towards the bushes by the side of the road and hid inside the thick leaves.

“You are not getting away!” Inojin roared after them. He ran blindly into the leaves.

He painted an Ink Beast on a scroll, commanding the pink cat to follow the human hiding in the bushes.

“Don’t hurt her!” another voice called out and startled Inojin to the degree he lost control over the chakra inside his Ink Cat, and it splattered into puddles.

“Who are you?” Inojin growled and raised his paintbrush higher.

The woman, the very same woman who had stalked them inside the DCE crawled from the bushes. Her feet were pink from Inojin’s ink. The man, who had yelled at him earlier, came and helped the woman on her feet.

They were both very thin, the woman with hair black as a raven’s feathers and the man with grey hair. Their ages had to be closer to sixty.

“Please, we don’t want to hurt you”, the woman said, not really daring to look into Inojin’s eyes.

“Well, you seem interested enough in my team as you’ve stalked us”, Inojin spat. “Tell me your names and who you are, and how you found us. I possess a Yamanaka Mind jutsu, which means I can contact the ANBU of Konoha immediately and then you will be sorry when the ANBU comes and kill you. Tell me, now.”

“Oh no, please, don’t inform anyone”, the woman said and fell on her knees. “I beg you, don’t tell anyone.”

“Spit out then why you are here”, Inojin snarled.

The woman looked up at Inojin for the first time really up close. Tears rose in her eyes and she looked over at the man, who was staring at Inojin as well.

“I can see Kenta in him”, she whispered. “Oh, my dear, he looks like Kenta if you really look.”

Inojin furrowed his brows.

“Who?”

“A mother never forgets”, the woman said. “I heard he had a son and, oh… does your mother have blue eyes?”

Inojin took a step back. He wasn’t sure he was understanding the woman correctly.

“I – um, what?”

“The mother must have blue eyes, yes”, the man said. “Blue eyes and blonde hair, yes. Boy, please tell us, what do you call your father?”

Inojin stared at them.

“Explain who you are, or I will call the ANBU here”, he said. The road to Konoha wasn’t _that_ long. The ANBUs would reach them in a short time if he called.

“The only thing we need to know is what you call your father”, the man said, bringing his hands up in a peaceful gesture. “Please, know we do not want to hurt you… we just want to know.”

“My dad’s name is Sai”, Inojin snarled. “There you had it. Yamanaka Sai. Now get lost.”

”Oh honey, Kenta is called Sai nowadays”, the woman said, and her voice almost burst out of relief.

“Who – do you know who my dad is?” Inojin asked. “My dad was part of ROOT when he was young, he was taken away from his family and he doesn’t even himself know who his parents were.”

The woman’s smile to Inojin hid years of heartbreak behind it.

“Oh, little boy”, she said. “I am your father’s mother.”

Inojin stared at her.

“What?”

“Boy”, the man said. “We only wanted to get a good look at you, since we lost our little boy so many years ago. Just a look at you confirmed to us that he is happy. Thank you. We will be on our way.”

They turned around and began running through the bushes and in that moment Inojin was so baffled and surprised and _eager_ to know more. He followed them.

If what they told war true – that they were indeed Sai’s parents, he couldn’t just let them run away without any second words. Yes, Inojin should maybe have contacted his parents, but it was late and he was reckless and didn’t simply think of it.

“Wait!” he yelled and dashed through the bushes in a desperate try to follow his grandparents. He saw their backs and he forced his legs to move faster. His whole life he had wondered who his grandparents on his father’s side had been. He just couldn’t let them just go away without even telling their own names. He followed them for closer a kilometre right into the wilderness. They were now a good distance from the main road, in brushwood and difficult terrain.

And then they were gone.

“No! Wait!” Inojin yelled and ran up to the place he had seen them disappear.

He stood right in front of a staircase going right into the ground.

The staircase and the opening in the ground was made with care, out of stone, cement, and wood. And down there, a dark, dark tunnel began.

Inojin could still hear the faint echo of their footsteps inside.

“Hello?” he shouted down the tunnel, hearing his own voice echo back at him.

He walked down the stairs.

Inojin had a few Ink Mice running in front of his feet, checking for enemies and controlling that there weren’t any steep height differences in the floor as Inojin stormed through thick darkness. Somewhere in front of him he still heard the echoes of footsteps.

Then a voice could be heard. Inojin stopped immediately to listen.

“Did he follow us? Oh dear, do you think he followed us?”

“I think so.”

“Get him out! We can’t let Kumiko find him”, the man’s voice hissed.

“But it’s Kenta’s son. Maybe she won’t notice if we take him to the fire room”, the woman answered him. “She’s almost never there.”

“I can hear you”, Inojin said. “I can still contact the ANBU so I suggest you tell me everything before they come and storm this… hideout. What even is this place?”

Fluorescent strip lights in the ceiling lit up and the darkness drowned in a strong, cold light. Inojin had to squeeze his eyes at the brightness.

The first thing he notices were the skulls in the walls. A lot of skulls.

Before he had time to scream over the absurdity, he managed to look up at the people claiming to be his grandparents. They had their hands up in peaceful gestures.

“We don’t want to hurt you”, the woman said. “Since you came this far – we can give you the story if you wish to listen. But please be as quiet as you can.”

“What is going on?” Inojin asked. “What is this place?”

“Come quickly to the fire room”, the woman said and waved to him to follow her into one of the side corridors. Inojin followed her into what she had referred to as the ‘fire room’ at the end of a twisting and turning tunnel. As the name of the room suggested, it had a fireplace in it. So there had to be a chimney coming out of the ground somewhere, Inojin thought. This was so absurd. The staircase going into the ground had been in total wilderness, but if a chimney puffed out smoke ever so often at least _someone_ should have noticed that there was living activity here.

The woman sat herself down in a comfortable chair, and Inojin sat himself down on the little bench opposite of the chair.

Then he stared at the painting next to the woman’s chair.

A huge painting – it had to be an oil painting – of the woman herself and two giant black panthers.

He became so consumed by awe at the painting. It was so beautiful, and yet so sad at the same time. The woman was wearing a simple black dress, and, in the panting, a veil of sorrow was covering her head.

Inojin stared at the painting, fingers slightly twitching at the inspiration. He wanted immediately to grab a pain brush, put up a canvas and get his oil paints in action. He had oil paints, but almost never used them. He liked acrylics and water colours, or just pencils, way more.

He didn’t even notice the man had left and went somewhere else.

“It’s me”, the woman said after she had looked at Inojin for a while. “In the painting. The two panthers represent my children. Kumiko and Kenta.”

Inojin twisted on the bench he was sitting on.

“So”, he said, chuckled nervously. “I take it you saw me in Kaneza already. Then you came somehow into the Dual Citizen Event, and I don’t know how, and you both showed me these signs.” He lifted both of his hands in the signs _I see you_ and _I remember._

The woman sighed deeply.

“We just wanted to know if you were Kenta’s son. We had to give away our son – “

“You _gave him away?_ ” Inojin almost yelled. “To Danzo?”

“It was for the better.”

“Are you aware of what ROOT even was?” Inojin spluttered. “What – why? Why did you give your child away?” He stared at the painting again, at the black panthers.

“Of course I am aware of what ROOT was”, Inojin’s grandmother said. “Danzo’s grandfather was once part of our clan, before he detached himself from us. We all knew what that branch of our family was up to. Danzo knew we had to get rid of Kenta, and he offered himself to take him in as a ROOT soldier.”

Inojin felt how all warmth disappeared from his face.

“Why?” he just whispered.

“They were twins”, the woman plainly said. “Twins are a curse. We had to kill one of them.”

“Twins are not a curse!” Inojin yelled.

He slapped his hands frustratedly against the sides of his head, clutching his hair. It was no lie that he had almost all his life wondered why he didn’t have any paternal grandparents. Sai had told him that he didn’t have a biological family, only a found family, and a found brother who died a long time ago. Then the talks usually ended with “but I am so happy now, so we don’t have to think about things that don’t exist anymore”.

And this woman here claimed she was Sai’s mother and that she had given him _away_ to Danzo. And apparently Sai’s birth name was Kenta. Inojin couldn’t even grasp the enormity in the puzzle that was his missing heritage.

“What?” he just repeated. “I don’t understand.”

“We care a lot about our bloodline, our clan”, the woman began. “We only want the best for our grandchildren, for example. That’s why we only keep the best child, to purify.”

“And you tricked my team to Kaneza just to _stalk me_ so you could check if I was your grandson, like, hello, a letter directly to my dad could maybe have solved the problem?” Inojin interrupted.

“When we heard he had survived Danzo’s mission we found out he had a happy life. We decided to not take up any contact with him”, the woman said. “Then we found out you existed.”

“You could still use letters!” Inojin yelled. “You freaked me out back there. There are more convenient ways to contact people than stalking.” He brought up his hand to interrupt the woman again in whatever she tried to say. “Anyhow, how the hell can you believe twins are a curse?”

“Because”, the woman said. “The weaker twin sucks out the strength of the stronger one, which results in two weak children. We had to make the choice to get rid of our weaker child.” She sighed deeply. “Kenta was such a soft child. We always painted together and took care of the chickens. Kumiko was the older one and she was the opposite. Strong-willed and powerful ever since her birth. Everyone knew Kenta was the one doomed to die.”

“I don’t get it”, Inojin said, voice shaking out of fury. “How can you even imaging killing your own child?”

“Such are the – “

“Rules? Is that what you were going to say? That the _rules_ of your freaky clan say that only one child can bring the family forward – that is bullshit!” Inojin said.

He had heard the stories. The horrors which his father went through as a child. And now his mother dares to say that she willingly put him through that just because she’d _kill_ him if not?

The woman sighed deeply.

“Many members of our clan has given away their weaker children to Danzo when he was still operating”, the woman said. “It’s not unusual to get two or three children and then weed out the weak when they were older. Donating them to ROOT was the most logical option. It has turned out to be an issue now that ROOT is no longer active.”

“Why don’t you just leave your freaky ideology?” Inojin asked. The woman sighed.

“You are too young to understand”, she said. “This is how we do things. Just like you probably have your own culture and way of life.”

“But… killing your own child…”

“It’s for the best of the family and for the bloodline”, the woman said.

Inojin rose from the bench.

“Well, fuck your bloodline”, he said. “If what you said was true, then I am ashamed of being part of it. This is so fucked up. You better run away from here, because I will bring my father and his ANBU here to burn this place until nothing but ash remains. And whose skulls are there on the walls? Danzo’s dead soldier children?”

The woman rose violently up from the chair, jerking herself up, but it wasn’t Inojin’s foul words hauling her up from the comfortable position, but something else. She stared at a point behind Inojin.

“Kumiko, please, no!” she let out and Inojin whipped around to see a tall woman with pale skin and black hair, intense dark eyes staring at him.

“Is this Kenta’s son?” she snarled.

“Kumiko, please, let him go”, the woman said, trying hard to get her voice to remain calm. Kumiko, apparently Sai’s sister, took a threatening step towards Inojin.

Fast as lightning, Inojin exposed his scroll and the brush he had on the ready, prepared to attack his aunt. He brought his arm back, to collect chakra into his entire arm to make the best Ink Beast he ever had and then –

He felt extreme pain in his raised hand.

Something had bit him.

He screamed and twisted his head to see one of the panthers from the oil painting biting him, with black oil paint teeth sunk into his skin. Then he heard and felt the sweet _crunch_ of bones breaking into shatters inside his hand.

These people knew his father’s jutsu.

These were Ink Jutsu users.

Inojin’s grandmother had commanded one of the panthers from her oil painting to immobilize Inojin.

“Please, don’t make this worse”, she begged, and the panther bit harder and blood began dripping down from Inojin’s arm onto the floor.

“Let me go!” Inojin yelped and stabbed the panther in the eye with his tanto he had on his back, but the tanto just sank into paint and got stuck.

Kumiko grabbed his other arm and twisted it, almost snapping bones and ripping tendons under his skin from the position she forced it in.

Inojin screamed.

“Your bloodline is supposed to end”, she hissed and now her face was really close to Inojin. Inojin stared into the eyes so familiar and similar to the dark, friendly eyes that looked fondly upon him back at home. “My younger brother was supposed to die, either by my parents’ hands or by Danzo’s missions, and what is it that my foolish mother brough back to me like rodents the cats bring back? His spawn? His pitiful looking child?”

Both of Inojin’s hands were immobilized, one by the panther digging its teeth into him. He had lost sense of touch in his hand. Kumiko held Inojin’s other hand in a firm grip.

“Don’t kill him”, Inojin’s grandmother pleaded. “Kumiko, please, don’t kill him.”

“Dishonour on the family”, Kumiko snarled. “How old are you?”

“Let me go!” Inojin hissed and the panther bit harder.

“How old are you, answer me, boy!” Kumiko asked again.

“Fifteen!” Inojin let out.

“What is your name?”

“Inojin…”

Kumiko’s gaze wandered over him the same way someone looks at utter, stinky trash and by now Inojin began feeling dizzy from the pain in his arm.

“So, mother”, Kumiko muttered. “What do you want to do with weak spawns like this? Save him? Let him wander back to tell Kenta? Plant a little seed of revenge? Not now, not before the Festival of Blood when Kira turns fourteen. I don’t want to think of the filthy blind alley of our bloodline when it is time to celebrate the real blood kin.”

“Let’s curse him instead”, Inojin’s grandmother said, as if that was the better option. “Please, if Kenta is happy, let him be happy!”

“He is supposed to be dead”, Kumiko said. “Very well. Inojin, son of Kenta.”

“Sai…” Inojin hissed.

“What did you say?”

“My father’s name is… Sai.”

Kumiko let out a sharp blow of breath.

“Sai”, she mimicked, ridiculing her voice. “You know what, Inojin? What a coincidence that you happened to wander down here right now. We are about to celebrate the Festival of Blood, when the true heir of our bloodline comes of age in a few weeks. My daughter. And now I see that there is another child about her age, my twin’s son, coming here and ruining everything.”

Inojin’s grandmother took a few sharp steps toward Kumiko.

“No, no, I beg you, he is innocent”, she said. Inojin couldn’t believe she was there, trying to save his life, while she had an Ink Beast almost biting off his hand. His sense of touch was lost by now, and his eyes threatened to slide close out of pain and blood loss.

He couldn’t even believe this happened. From him sitting in the library to the worst situation ever. And he was all alone. All alone.

“Curse him instead”, Inojin’s grandmother suggested again. “Kenta won’t know anything.”

Kumiko huffed out a blow of breath.

“Fine. Come with me, weakling.”

The Ink Panther let go the hard grip it had Inojin’s hand in and Inojin realised he couldn’t move his fingers anymore. The pain was unreal.

He whimpered as Kumiko dragged him out of the room with the sad oil painting and the fireplace and he was so scared the only thing he could focus on was not stumbling. His jutsus were out of game – his right hand was totally ruined by the panther’s teeth, with almost every bone inside broken. That meant no painting with his right hand. And no Ram sign for his Yamanaka Jutsu. Or the square required for Mind Transfer.

He lost totally control over himself when he saw what was inside the room Kumiko had dragged him to

“No!” he yelled. There was a big chair with straps where the legs and arms will go. There was no doubt over what kind of room this was.

This was a torture chamber.

“No, no, no!” Inojin screamed out of fear before he even knew what was going to happen. He just knew that the second he gets strapped down to that chair, he will…

He didn’t know what. The only thing he knew was that he _did not_ want to get strapped down, anything but that.

“Stop whining”, Kumiko hissed and forced him against the chair. Inojin tried to stop the process and pressed his hand against the chair, but with bones snapped by razor sharp teeth, it bent right under him as it wasn’t strong enough to hold against the pressure Kumiko put on him.

It hurt so badly someone might as well have chopped his whole hand off.

Why, why, _why_ did he come down here alone?

First his healthy arm was strapped down. Then the injured arm. Then the left leg. Then the right leg. And finally, a strap going over the forehead to keep the head from moving.

“Please, don’t – please, I’ll do anything, just please, let me go home”, Inojin whimpered. He was so afraid he couldn’t even process thoughts correctly.

His grandmother sneaked inside the torture chamber, peeking over her daughter’s shoulder.

“It will only hurt for a moment”, she said, as if that would help. “Don’t worry, your father went through this too.”

“Let me go home!” Inojin yelled.

“Can I cut off his tongue?” Kumiko asked.

Flashbacks from the woman Inojin’s had made cut out her own tongue and her screams up in Kumo last year echoed inside Inojin’s head. No, no, no, anything but that!

“Kenta won’t know anything if we just curse him”, Inojin’s grandmother said.

“Fine”, Kumiko said and tipped her hand downwards.

Inojin stared at black, thick ink – no oil paint – making its way out of a vial Kumiko had strapped against her wrist. The paint solidified into a sharp knife in her palm.

She was also an Ink Jutsu user.

Kumiko played around with her Ink Knife.

“I assume you, being the son of a ROOT member and all, that you’ve heard of the cursed tongue seal Danzo used to perform on the members of ROOT?” Kumiko said. “Our family taught him that way back. It’s a cursed seal he learned from us and claimed it as his own, but it is actually an Ink based sealing technique. My family’s strength.” She snorted. “It pains me to see you have also learned our strength. You pity little thing.”

Grandmother came over by her daughter’s side.

“It made me happy to see Kenta taught him our jutsu, just as we asked Danzo to teach him the same technique”, she said as she exposed some kind of gag made of metal. She looked at Inojin. “Trust me, it only hurts for a while. If you have ice, put it on your tongue when you get home.”

Then she forced the gag of wood inside Inojin’s mouth and locked it in place around his head. The metal inside his mouth forced it to remain open. He couldn’t close his mouth at all. His tongue was, however, not behind any metal.

His tongue was exposed for the cursed seal to be branded onto it.

Kumiko looked down at him with disgust in her eyes.

“I do this only because my mother has a weak heart for my brother”, she said. “But let this be known, Inojin, son of Kenta or Sai or whatever you called him. When our festival is over, I will kill you. The future of our bloodline lies with _my_ daughter. Mine. You are an eyesore. What is this?”

She pressed a finger against the piercing in Inojin’s tongue. Then she placed the knife against her wrist, and the ink formed a little bracelet around her arm to keep the knife in place. Now, with both hands free, she twisted the piercing free and threw it away. Inojin heard the sound of the thin titanium bar hit the floor.

Kumiko untied her knife again.

The tip of the Ink Knife bent, forming an instrument instead of a pure knife.

“Let’s make sure you are all alone with knowledge”, Kumiko said. “All alone with no one to help you.”

The tip of the Ink Knife cut into the back of Inojin’s tongue.

It burned, it stung, it felt like it tore his tongue apart as the cursed seal branded into his flesh.

Inojin tried to scream and cut his lip on the edge of the knife. The knife pressed just harder as the second line of the seal manifested.

At some point his tongue began to bleed and Inojin turned nauseous from having to swallow down blood.

After the third line he lost his sense of touch in his whole tongue.

After that he passed out.

Kumiko slapped him and woke him up.

“Three minutes”, she said. “You’ve got three minutes to get out of here. And remember that I left you alive. You know what that seal does, don’t you? It makes sure your filthy father or blond slut of a mother will never know your true heritage. We don’t want the weak bloodline, you see. He should’ve died and you shouldn’t have been born.”

She let his feet free from the straps.

“The cursed seal paralyses you if you try to tell anyone”, she said. “And after our Festival of Blood, I will hunt you down and get you out of my daughter’s way.”

Trying to negotiate would be worthless. These were people indoctrinated, poisoned by an ideology to only keep the strongest sibling and their blood alive. Twins were a curse; Sai was a curse and Inojin was a curse for this family.

Kumiko let free his injured hand and then the other hand. Finally, she released his head and Inojin bolted out of the torture chair. He was dizzy, nauseous and couldn’t even walk straight from the shock and pain.

Without looking back he ran as fast as his weak legs could take him up the stairs from the catacomb and out in the bushes.

The midnight sky and all its stars were so beautiful.

Inojin bent forward and threw up behind a tree. There was blood in his vomit, but he was sure it was just the blood from his tongue he had swallowed down.

His tongue hurt and had begun to swell. His right arm had already swollen up a lot and the entire limb had turned blue and purple from bruising. It looked horrible.

He let a little cry escape as he tried to stretch out his fingers. The oil paint panther had ruined his hand.

Inojin walked home, exhausted, terrified and pain ridden. It took him two hours to get home.

He kicked up the door to his home with such a bang his parents woke up.

“Inojin?” Ino asked. She had probably assumed he was at Shikadai’s and not worried because of that reason, but now her face shone of fear and confusion when she walked into the hall to greet him.

“What has happened?” Sai asked, immediately there by Inojin’s side and Inojin had to look away because now he saw the similarities of Sai and Kumiko. The same facial structure, the same eyes and hair.

“I hurt my hand”, Inojin whimpered, voice tiny and pathetic.

The second after that, he burst into tears.

Last year, it was Chocho’s heritage as a dual citizen to Kumo that ultimate made them stand on the doorstep of death.

Looks like this year, it would be Inojin’s heritage coming back to kill them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone of you had guessed correctly who these people were, tell me, I will scream! 
> 
> I figured it would be neat to have this interpretation of Sai's background, hehe.
> 
> So, dear readers, the pain train has lost its brakes. We will have angry parents, angry Shikadai and Chocho, a lot of anger next chapter.


	8. Feeling Shame

“Inojin, what happened?” Ino asked as she held up Inojin’s arm to inspect his hand. “Were you with Shikadai? Where is he? Is he also hurt?”

“No, I was alone”, Inojin blurted out, his articulation off since his tongue was burning.

“Why?” Ino asked. “Why were you out alone? Who did this?”

Now Sai had taken Inojin’s arm in his gentle touch, inspecting his hand, the dried blood and the holes in his skin and flesh from the teeth.

The holes were black of the oil paint from the panther. Sai wrinkled his forehead.

“I can’t say…” Inojin mumbled.

“We have to get you to the hospital”, Ino said after she had let healing chakra make its way into the wounds on Inojin’s hand. Her eyes widened when she felt the damage inside her son’s hand and wrist. She could only sigh out of relief that the big veins in his wrist weren’t slit. Otherwise Inojin might have bled out. “This has to be fixed immediately.”

“Inojin”, Sai said. “You have to tell us who did this to you.”

The shame of having been fooled into this situation felt overwhelming, overbearing to know the secret of Sai’s family, knowing this freak of family had _given_ their child away to ROOT, knowing what pain they would put their child trough was overwhelming for Inojin. And all of this just because of their cursed views on their bloodline.

And now Inojin had been cursed with the same seal his father had been forced to bear as a child and teenager, because he had been so _stupid_ and followed his grandparents. He had just wanted to talk to them, to know. All his life he had wondered who they were and if they were still alive, so he had simply not given the dangers any second thoughts as he had walked down the stairs to the catacombs.

He hadn’t known.

Maybe he should have known that this would end badly.

“I… can show you.”

Inojin opened slowly his mouth and stuck out his tongue. Ino gasped and Sai just stared at the cursed seal.

Three solid lines and two broken ones, carved into his flesh with a knife, tattooed with black Ink and cursed with fuuinjutsu.

“Oh my god”, Ino said. “Oh my god, Inojin, what has been done to you?”

“Who did this?” Sai just said, voice hard and almost emotionless. He had never been much for showing emotions, but the light shiver on his voice was loud enough to tell Ino and Inojin that he felt heart-breaking empathy for his son.

He remembered the process. He remembered how he had sucked on ice cubes to ease the pain, how he has pressed his eyes shut to avoid showing anyone he had cried as Danzo had carved it into his tongue.

Without even asking consent, Ino pressed her palm against Inojin’s forehead, forcing her Mind Reading into him to get a look at the person who had assaulted her baby. Anything would do, their face, the sound of their voice, any memories.

Her chakra forced its way into Inojin’s memories, but everything was distorted and covered in something sticky and black. All voices were altered, messed up into low-pitched growls. They sounded like voices out of nightmares, impossible for anyone to decipher what they were saying. All faces Inojin had seen were covered by black splotches of ink, protecting their identity. The rooms he had been in were faded and Ino couldn’t recognise anything inside them.

“Does the seal also affect memories?” Ino snarled to Sai. “I can’t see anything in here, for fucks’ sake!”

“I never had anyone read my mind while bearing it”, Sai said.

“But do you know if it affects?”

“It was never discussed among us”, Sai said. “We were deemed skilled enough to not be caught by mind readers.”

It felt like the ultimate failure to not know this crucial information. He had, like all the other former soldiers, been held in the dark regarding this curse. The only thing they knew were the horrible side effects if one tried to speak of the forbidden subjects.

Ino growled.

“Okay, here is what we will do”, she said, voice covered in distress, as she dragged her hand through her hair. “Hospital first. Then I’ll get into talk with some people. Oh dear, we will fix everything, and we will punish those who did this to you. Trust me, my baby.”

Somehow, Inojin wasn’t so sure it would be so easy.

Shikamaru just returned to his office, humming for himself. Inside his pocket there was a little case, a brand-new case which he was somewhat excited to open.

He had finally taken the step to go to the doctor to get his eyesight checked and just like everyone knew, a few weeks later he had gone to the optician to fetch the new reading glasses. They were now resting inside their case in his pocket, ready to be used for the first time.

Shikamaru looked somewhat forward to this moment, to open his computer and be able to read emails without having to squint and zooming in on the text just because it blurred together into an unreadable blob.

He was just about to sit down by his computer, content and ready to take on reading the emails with a little less drag than usual when the door slammed open.

“Shikamaru!” Ino roared and Shikamaru didn’t think he had even seen her so furious with bloodshot eyes. “Have you and Naruto been lying to everyone this whole time?”

“What?” Shikamaru asked.

“Is ROOT still operating?” Ino snarled.

Shikamaru stood up, not really understanding what Ino was asking.

“What? No”, he said. “What are you talking about?”

Ino lunged forward and smashed her hands down on Shikamaru’s desk.

“Someone cursed Inojin with the ROOT seal!” she yelled. “Someone with the knowledge about the cursed seal Danzo used to perform in ROOT.”

Shikamaru just blinked.

“Someone cursed Inojin?”

“He came home in the middle of the night, tongue sealed, and his right hand totally wrecked”, Ino hissed. “Something has bitten him – hard. Or we think it was a bite, since it looked like teeth marks in his hand. He has already gone through a surgery to fix the tendons in his hand, I already healed majority of the bones.” Before Shikamaru had time to answer, Ino fit her fist again against his desk. “I want you to ask Shikadai if he knows anything about this. Make sure he tells the truth. Inojin can’t speak of this and I can’t get access to his memories or mind about who did this to him.”

“Shikadai was at home the whole – “

“I _know_ he was!” Ino snarled. “But he might know who did this to Inojin.”

“Where is Inojin now?” Shikamaru asked.

“Still in the hospital, waking up from the surgery”, Ino said. “He is somewhat okay, but that is beside the point. The point is that _someone_ knows the technique to use the cursed seal and our job is to figure out who the hell in Konoha knows it! We all thought it died with Danzo.”

“Oh god”, Shikamaru said and rubbed his face. “You are the interrogator.”

“I know, and I _will_ interrogate, but you must give me a complete list of shinobi who were freed from ROOT who still lives here”, Ino said. “Give me the complete list and come to Interrogation and Torture at three. By then I will have all former ROOT members there and I _will_ find out who still possess that skill.”

She turned around ready to leave Shikamaru’s office, but before she slammed the door shut, she gave him one final look.

“If this spiral out of control and our children get roped into some schemes again”, she began. “You know they will suffer. Both Shikadai and Inojin. And I will do everything in my power to fix this, to hinder it from spiralling out of control. Because if it does… Well. Let’s make sure it doesn’t.”

Ino left.

Shikamaru looked immediately through the register of shinobi and gathered nineteen names of former ROOT members still living in Konoha. He printed out the list, slipped it into an envelope with the red stamp of _HIGH SECURITY – Yamanaka Ino_ on it, ordered a chunin to bring it to the T&I department, closed his computer and went home where Shikadai had just come home from collecting deer antlers in the forest.

He sat on the porch, cleaning the antlers from dirt before they would be washed and be ready to be pressed into powder.

“Hi”, Shikamaru said. Shikadai pressed his lips together, immediately knowing something was wrong. “Just sit down, okay. No one has died, it’s okay. It’s just Inojin… he is hurt.”

Shikadai wasn’t too good at handling news like this anymore, not since he had fallen ill to the panic disorder. One of his three diagnoses.

All Shikamaru could do was hugging and ensuring that _Inojin is fine, he just had to get a surgery, yes, we can visit him when you’ve calmed down, everything is fine, look at me, let’s do the breathing exercise again, shall we?_

“Inojin?” Shikadai asked when he stepped into the Yamanaka household. Because Inojin’s surgery was in his hand and not in an important organ, he had gotten to come home after he had successfully woken up.

“Hi”, Inojin said and apologetically waved with his arm, which had a thick bandage around it almost up to the elbow. His fingers were visible under the white binding, but the rest was firmly tucked away. “Want to draw something on my bandage?”

Shikadai let out a sigh of relief before crashing into a hug.

“I was so scared”, Shikadai whispered.

“I’m sorry if I scared you”, Inojin mumbled into Shikadai’s ear. “I’m so sorry, sweetie, for scaring you. I’m okay. I’m okay.”

“But what happened?” Shikadai asked, still not releasing himself from the hug. “Where were you?”

“I can’t tell you”, Inojin said, as he closed his eyes. His waterlines turned wet. “I’m so sorry, Shikadai, but I can’t tell you.”

That prompted Shikadai into pushing Inojin to an arm length away from him.

“Why?” he asked with suspicion. “Are you trying to protect me again?”

Inojin tried to smile, but whatever his face did turned into a remorseful grimace.

“I tried, yes”, he sighed. “But that is not why I can’t tell you… it’s something else.” Before Inojin had time to admit what had been carved into his tongue the outer door opened and Chocho and Chowi, her dog, stood on the other side of it.

“There you are!” Chocho burst out. “I heard you were at the hospital – Inojin, we are not supposed to get into trouble all by ourselves, you have a whole team to drag into trouble.”

She let the leash of Chowi go, and the big fluffy dog luffed over to Shikadai to lick him in the face. Shikadai crouched down and patted Chowi’s head. Chocho had taught Chowi to always go up to Shikadai and give him kisses, ever since she had read that gentle dogs had a positive effect for people prone to anxiety and panic.

“How is your hand?” Chocho asked and stroke a finger over the white bandage on Inojin’s hand.

“Two tendons snapped, and I broke some bones”, Inojin said, purposely avoiding Shikadai’s judging gaze. “They sewed the tendons together again and then have applied medical ninjutsu on top of them too. My hand should go back to completely normal. I just have to wear the bandage for a month and two days a week go to the hospital to get medical chakra into the tendons. It just sucks that it’s the right hand, I can’t hold anything in my hand, not even a pen. My fingers are kinda stiff.”

So that meant all ninjutsu was out of the question until Inojin’s hand was healed again. Their team, who _just_ had gotten green light to have more exciting missions were forced once again to low-stakes missions because of injury.

“And why is it that you can’t tell us what happened?” Shikadai asked slowly.

Inojin pinched his lips together. He did not want to tell them, he did not want to admit the great mistake he had done. Did not want to tell them that a completely mad woman, his aunt, wanted to hunt him down just because her daughter was the only one who has allowed to live and bring the _bloodline_ forth.

“You’re going to hate me”, Inojin said.

“We won’t hate you”, Chocho said. “Come on now, we don’t keep secrets from each other.”

When Inojin didn’t say anything for a few seconds Chocho’s eyes widened.

“It’s the man who was following us, wasn’t it?”

Shikadai snapped his head up.

“What man?”

Chocho stared at Inojin.

“You didn’t tell Shikadai even after I told you to?” she asked. “You lied to me!”

“Tell me what?” Shikadai asked, raising up from the crouch he had been in to scratch Chowi behind her ear.

Inojin slapped his healthy hand against his face, because everything backfired now into his face. He hadn’t kept the information away from Shikadai because he wanted to be mean, but because he _didn’t_ want to worry Shikadai and it had surged badly in his stomach when he had thought about telling Shikadai. It had felt like telling Shikadai would harm him more than help him.

But he should have known that the day Shikadai got to know about this, he would be really mad.

“I’m sorry…” Inojin mumbled.

“What haven’t you told me?” Shikadai repeated. “Inojin. Look at me.”

Inojin put his hand down, fighting to find the courage to look into those beautiful, green eyes shining with disappointment.

“We have been followed by a man since the mission in Kaneza”, Chocho decided to tell before Inojin opened his mouth. “And let me guess, it was him who did this to you, right? You didn’t tell Shikadai – you didn’t tell me you investigated in this and got into trouble all by yourself and now your hand is injured. Was it worth it? Huh? Was it worth lying to your team?”

“I didn’t lie!” Inojin spat out.

“You lied to me and you withheld information from Shikadai!” Chocho almost yelled.

“Because –“

“Because you wanted to protect me, right?” Shikadai interrupted and Inojin shut his mouth immediately. Shikadai’s eyes were dangerously close to start crying, the waterline filled with water and the whites of his eyes red.

Inojin knew he had betrayed Shikadai. Betrayed the trust in his boyfriend. Lovers shouldn’t withhold information from each other. Shouldn’t have to keep the other one in the dark.

Yet that was exactly what Inojin had done.

He had wanted to protect Shikadai, even though he _knew_ Shikadai hated when people did that.

“I’m sorry”, Inojin just repeated.

“Why?” Shikadai asked. “Why would you do that when you know I want you to trust me. You… you still didn’t believe me? Did you honestly believe I am not well enough to handle whatever you were going through?”

“No, no, of course I don’t think that”, Inojin said. Shikadai looked away, rubbing his eyes. “Shikadai, sweetie – “

“I can’t believe this”, Shikadai said. “I can’t believe you didn’t trust me.”

“Look, it was not your fault –“

“Of course it’s my fault!” Shikadai let out. “Because I’m not good enough at pretending I am fine! Because I will always – always be the psycho of the team.”

To hear him call himself that made Inojin’s blood run cold.

“Oh, sweetie – “

“No, Shikadai, that isn’t true”, Chocho interrupted, voice bellowing over Inojin’s light gasp.

“You want to know the real reason I can’t tell you?” Inojin said, voice shaking. “It’s… not as complicated as you think. It’s not because I want to lie to you. I just can’t tell you. Physically.”

Slowly he opened his mouth, showing the cursed seal at the back of his tongue.

Shikadai and Chocho stared.

“Oh my god”, Chocho whispered. “It’s… like Danzo’s seal for ROOT, isn’t it?”

“He is supposed to be dead”, Shikadai said, swallowing slowly. “Inojin… oh god, this is my fault, isn’t it? Just because you couldn’t _trust me_ enough to tell me whatever was going on this happened to you.” He slammed his hands against his face.

Inojin was quickly there to wrap his healthy arm around him.

“No, no, no, sweetie, it isn’t your fault”, he whispered.

This was the great Nara issue in Shikadai. To always take the blame rather than blaming others. To always see the problems in oneself, to want to fix them and solve them, even if it brings them to the verge of self-destruct.

“Don’t blame yourself, it was one hundred percent my fault”, Inojin said. “Shikadai, promise me you won’t blame yourself.”

Shikadai didn’t answer.

“You don’t have to fix this”, Inojin continued. “This is my family’s issue, we will fix this, and you don’t have to do anything, okay? Just be here with me and be safe.”

That made Shikadai incredibly angry and made him launch into that self-hating mindset that made him behave in a way he hated. Inojin had just confirmed he had held his secrets because he wanted Shikadai to be _safe._

“You don’t have to protect me!” Shikadai spat. “You – you think that keeping me here will keep me safe! _I_ am the most dangerous person to myself, Inojin. Me!”

“Hey, hey”, Inojin said. “Don’t think like that. Please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for lying to you and not telling the truth – I hate myself for it! Shikadai, I punished myself for it already. My hand became fucked up! And my tongue is sealed. I did learn from my mistake.”

“Yeah, you should be sorry”, Shikadai snarled and crouched down, hands grippling in his own hair. “I can’t believe this – This is just like last year… this is just… I fucking hate this…”

The fluffy dog Chowi noticed the body language and before Inojin or Chocho had time to react she had waddled over to Shikadai and began giving him wet kisses. She helped him release his hair from the strong grip of his hands and when his hands were free, he threw his arms around Chowi and openly sobbed into her fur. Chowi stood perfectly still, letting Shikadai bury his face in the fluff.

Inojin felt the worst guilt he had ever experienced. This was way worser than guilt of being the survivor from last year – survivor’s guilt. It had maybe felt better if Shikadai had been furious at him. Furious and spiteful at Inojin, for having held his secrets.

Shikadai wasn’t furious at Inojin. He was furious _at himself_ , blaming himself for not being able to help Inojin when he needed it. Blamed himself for being sick and weak and not trustworthy.

Inojin sat down by Shikadai’s side, leaning into him.

“Shikadai…” he whispered, and his voice was shaking. “Please, look at me.” His lower lip began quivering. “Sweetie…”

“It hurts in my chest”, came the reply.

“I’m so sorry”, Inojin said as the first tears began coming. “Do you want me to hug you?”

“Chowi”, was the only thing Shikadai managed to say.

“She can stay there with you”, Chocho said and sat down on the other side of her dog. Chowi had still not moved a centimetre, letting Shikadai hold her close. Eventually she began licking his face again when the smell of salt of tears became too tempting for her.

That forced a small laugh from Shikadai, when he was once again smothered in big dog kisses.

“Shikadai”, Chocho said. “Look at Inojin.”

He turned to look at the one he loved the most. Inojin’s eyes were red and his nose was running. Shikadai didn’t look any more represent than that, having his skin all red and blotchy, and his eyebags puffy.

“He feels so much remorse right now that you don’t even know”, Chocho continued in a calm voice. “Please forgive him for lying to you.”

“He got hurt”, Shikadai mumbled. “And I wasn’t there for him. He was all alone…”

“I know”, Inojin said. “But it was my fault. My parents will take care of this, trust me. You don’t have to worry, or stress about this. Promise me that.”

“I want to be angry at you”, Shikadai said. “But I can’t. All I feel is…”

_Self-hatred._

“I want to help you”, Shikadai finished.

“You don’t have to avenge me…” Inojin said.

No one had to say it out loud. It didn’t matter how much Inojin would try to tell them that it is okay, they don’t have to worry, because they would still help him out, no matter what it would take.

Someone had violated Inojin.

Forced knives into his mouth, carved his tongue open. Had something – no one but Inojin knew yet what – destroy his hand, snap off two tendons and grind his bones.

This was all too similar imagery for Shikadai and Chocho, reminded them too much of the time Inojin had been cold and close to lifeless from an overdose of sedative. That vulnerability came back.

This violation of whoever had done this demanded revenge.

And revenge was bad. Everyone knew that revenge only asked for more trouble.

“They took out your piercing”, Shikadai said after silence. “They took out what represented our team and what we went through.”

Inojin just nodded. Piercing holes in tongues heal very fast, and he couldn’t anymore get a new bar through the hole. He’d have to use a needle again, and right now, the mere thought of sticking a needle in his tongue made him shiver.

Everyone knew revenge was bad.

But since when did knowledge stop vengeful teenagers?

When Chocho and Chowi had gone home, Inojin and Shikadai walked over to a local shop, bought a hypodermic needle and a new piercing. This time, in the bathroom on the second floor of the Yamanaka family’s home, Shikadai pierced Inojin’s lower lip.

“Tell me if it hurts”, Shikadai as he pressed the piercing clamps around Inojin’s lip, around the little spot Inojin had drawn where he wanted the piercing. He tipped Inojin’s head back.

“Just do it”, Inojin said. He didn’t want to have a new tongue piercing. Not now, when the tongue bore the cursed seal.

“Okay, one, two, three.”

Shikadai pressed the needle through Inojin's lip. It didn’t even begin to bleed.

“My hands are shaking”, he muttered as he placed the titanium bar as an extension of the needle and with the needle slid it inside the lip. He began screwing the ball in place. “Okay, I think I’m done. Close your mouth.”

Inojin closed slowly, moving his lower lip around. The new piercing was vertical, right through the lip, with piercing balls on both the topside and the bottom side of the lip. A vertical labret, it was called.

“Thanks”, he said.

“I’m going to miss the tongue one”, Shikadai said. “It was fun to play with it while making out.”

Inojin smiled. His lip began pumping warmth through it as he moved it. It hurt slightly.

“You can play with this one too”, he said. Shikadai moved forward and kissed Inojin, letting his lips nibble on the top piercing ball.

“Yeah, I like this one too”, Shikadai said through a smile. Inojin drew him into a close hug and smiled against Shikadai’s skin on his neck.

“Hey, sweetie… please don’t take this too hard”, Inojin mumbled after revisiting what Shikadai had said earlier. “We’re going to get through this. Mum and dad are interrogating people who might know about this as we speak.”

Shikadai was just about to go out through the door.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Inojin asked.

“I manage”, Shikadai said. “Chowi helped me quite a lot. Hehe. Maybe I should get a fluffy dog myself.”

“It could be an idea”, Inojin said. “Are you really sure?”

“I will manage”, Shikadai said. “Mum will be at home, I think. She can help me if I need something.” He fell quiet for a second before shooting a smile to Inojin. It was sad and a pathetic smile, but a smile nonetheless. “I want to kiss you again.”

“Come here”, Inojin said and kissed Shikadai again.

When Shikadai walked home, he had already decided to make someone pay for this, whatever it takes. One does not hurt Inojin without having to fear the vengeful mind of a young Nara of the Sand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter we'll get to know how Ino and Sai's interrogation is working.
> 
> Don't worry, the bad guys will have much more to fear than just Shikadai hehe


	9. When the Hunted became the Hunter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy- around halfway through the fic already!! 
> 
> A little more innocent smut in this chapter between the boys, in the second scene of this chapter. We need some fluff.

Nineteen men were sitting in front of Ino and Sai.

Shikamaru and Naruto were there too.

“Can I ask a question?” one of the former ROOT members, Yamanaka Fū, asked. “Why were we summoned on such short notice?”

Ino narrowed her eyes. She and Fū had had many differences in opinions in the past, the most burning one the fact that Fū disregarded Inojin as the future heir of the Yamanaka clan, because of his sexuality. Ino had no patience for debating with Fū, so she looked up over the men.

“I want you to tell which ones of you still possess the skill to perform a cursed seal on the back of a tongue”, Ino said.

The men stared at her, before sharing gazes.

Naruto took a step forward.

“One of our chunin has been cursed”, he said. “Cursed with a seal on the back of his tongue, just like you once were by the organisation ROOT. It is your duty to inform if you know the technique used to curse someone, so we can bring the perpetrator to justice.”

There was a silence and a few distant hums among the former ROOT members, some of them in Sai’s age, but most of them older by five to ten years.

Yamato, the Wood User, was among them. Or Tenzo. Or Kinoe. The fact that these men never knew their first names was unsettling. They had all grown up in a harsh environment, in a community where the lives of one’s comrades didn’t mean a thing. All they had worked for was for the village, from the shadows, among the shadows. Individual lives had been useless for ROOT, the only thing they cared for what the collective.

“Who was been cursed?” someone asked.

Ino pinched her lips together.

“My son Yamanaka Inojin was this night taken by someone who knows the technique to curse someone”, Ino said. “He is unable to tell us what happened, or who did it to him. My Mind jutsu can’t penetrate the curse, as it also affects the brain. Inojin can’t tell us what he saw that was so sacred that he had to be cursed for it. I can’t figure out what it is, not even with mild torture techniques.” She let her gaze rest on the company of nineteen rather uncomfortable men.

“He had also his hand bitten by something big”, Ino continued. “It required surgery to fix what was ruined inside his hand.”

“This is of grave importance”, Naruto said as he stepped by Ino’s side. “I, as the Hokage, had no idea this technique was still in use. It is important that no one is aiming to continue ROOT without the blessing of the Hokage. I condemn the work ethics ROOT used and wish for no one to have to continue living under such conditions. Therefore, because this curse now has reappeared in the new generation of shinobi, we have to find out who is doing this behind his Hokage’s back.”

The silence that ensued afterwards was awkward, to say the least. No one uttered a word.

Then Yamato opened his mouth.

“You probably know this already, Yamanaka”, he said. “But we were never taught it. I’m sure your husband already told you that. We were being used.”

His voice didn’t shake, but he didn’t seem happy about talking about it either.

“I know”, Ino said. “However, someone knows the technique. And it is my duty to find out who.”

She moved closer to the first man in the row.

“I will now look into your memories”, she said. “I will look at the memory of when you got burned by the cursed seal.”

The man stared at her.

“I don’t want you to see it”, he said.

“In the name of peace for Konoha, I must”, Ino said. “I will just take a quick look.”

If it had been Ino alone with the soldier, he would probably have put up a much bigger fight. To revisit the memory of then someone cursed his tongue was not something he wanted to do, but with the Hokage in front of him, he didn’t dare to make a big deal out of it.

Soldiers were supposed to just swallow down whatever had happened to them and get on with their life and _deal_ with the cards given to them.

He remained still when Ino placed her hand on his forehead. Sai, Shikamaru and Naruto had their gazes lingering on him and he closed his eyes. There wasn’t any use to make a fuss out of this.

Ino searched her way into his brain and his memories.

Before Ino saw any images, she felt fear, the very same fear this man had felt when he as a six-year-old boy had been cursed.

Strapped down to a chair – this curse was not something done with a simple sign, no, this curse was physical – Ino felt how the little boy tried to move, but with his head strapped in place couldn’t.

Ino felt sick. Not only because this was something that had happened in Konoha, and no one knew or no one dared or even cared to stop it, but because she knew both Sai _and_ Inojin had gone through the same thing.

The echoes of the boy’s scream inside the man’s memories were shattering as a knife carved into his tongue and the pain he had felt mimicked inside Ino’s body. Suddenly her tongue began pumping warmth and the taste of iron filled her mouth.

The pain of getting this curse was almost unbearable.

Ino looked up at the person doing this to the boy soldier. It was Danzo. Danzo was the person who was carving into their tongues.

She had to get out.

“Thank you”, she said.

Then she moved over to the next man.

Nineteen times she witnessed the same process over and over again. Danzo carving seals into the tongues of children, cursing them, making them go through unfathomable pain. And through the memories, she never saw anyone else. It was always Danzo doing it.

And finally, she revisited the memory she already had seen once before.

Sai’s memory from when he was cursed.

Inside there, there was Danzo pressing a knife against Sai’s tongue. Ino knew this already, but somehow, now the pain felt more stabbing and burning than the first time she had seen this memory.

Inojin had gone through this very same process and she had been unable to help him.

She had failed as a mother.

This interrogation had felt like a failure. No one was able to give any hints of who possible besides Danzo knew the sealing technique, as to everyone it had been said man cursing them.

None of these men were the guilty ones. They didn’t know who possibly possessed the skill.

“Do we know if Danzo was the person coming up with the cursed seal?” Shikamaru asked when they had let all former ROOT members go home after an interrogation that felt like an utter circus and failure to Ino.

Sai looked up.

“Huh?”

“Was Danzo the creator of the seal, or did he learn it from somewhere else?” Shikamaru asked. “It could be worth taking up with our elder council members. They knew about ROOT, and I assume they might know the history of the seal too.”

Sai thought about it for a moment.

“We always assumed Danzo was the one person who made the seal”, he said. “But you are right. He could have learned it from somewhere else. He was a powerful man who sucked out powers and information from anyone.”

Like he had stolen eyes with Sharingans for his own good. He had been a leech when it came to powers, sucking them from wherever he could get it.

The more they thought about it, the more it made sense. Danzo had taught Yamato Wood Style, without being able to perform it himself. He had taught Sai the Ink Jutsus, without being able to use them himself.

He had learned the techniques from somewhere, at least to the point where he had been able to teach it forward to other children. And Danzo didn’t learn by asking nicely.

A leech of a shinobi.

There was someone else, beside him, who possibly knew the technique.

Ino didn’t sleep well that night.

A week passed by. Inojin’s memories were as inaccessible as they were the same day he returned with a carved seal on his tongue, and the worst thing was that the seal affected his own perception of his memories.

He was now unable to remember where the secret passageway had been, the road he had been running in a hazy and pain-ridden fog back home. So now, neither Ino nor Inojin could get access to his own memories and as devastating as it was, it was true.

The road and passageway were however the only thing Inojin had covered in blank spaces in his brain. Inojin still remembered the sad oil painting with Inojin’s grandmother and the two panthers, representing Kumiko and Sai. The twins, one of which was kept and nurtured to a leader with wicked views and the other one given away as a child soldier to die for the village.

He still remembered the pain from his hand and his tongue. He remembered Kumiko’s face and her voice.

Because his memory wasn’t working properly, as if the seal itself chose which information he even could process, he was unable to properly give hints to his parents about what had happened, where and even why.

“So…” Shikadai said as he ran the sponge along Inojin’s back. “Kaneza, huh? I assume you wanted to figure out who followed you. And you found out something the bad guys didn’t want you to know and thus cursed you.”

Inojin didn’t answer, only curled his back further and pressed his forehead against his knees. It was crammed in the bathtub, to have two boys trying to fit into it, without them having to fold their legs into weird positions. Shikadai was becoming quite tall, and the bathtub was not designed to keep two boys inside it at the same time.

Inojin was sitting between Shikadai’s legs, with his back towards Shikadai and arm covered in a plastic bag to keep his bandage from getting wet. Shikadai was busy with bringing the sponge over Inojin’s back, scrubbing his skin clean with soap.

It was again one of those sweet moments in between them. Inojin had wanted to shower, Shikadai had wanted to snuggle, so they brought the snuggle to the bathtub. Being naked together was still kind of exciting, but they had since long gotten used to the feeling of the other one’s skin.

Shikadai didn’t press Inojin to answer. He brought the soapy sponge under the warm water and pressed the soap out of it, and put it, this time filled with water, up against Inojin’s back to clean off the soap from his back.

“Does it feel nice?” he asked.

Inojin nodded and smiled against his knees.

“Yeah.”

Shikadai continued to wash Inojin’s back.

“Is this itchy?” he asked and scratched slightly at a little acne breakout on Inojin’s shoulder blade.

“Yeah. A little bit more to the left”, Inojin said and Shikadai scratched a little bit to the left. “Ah, that felt nice. Thanks.” They remained in silence for a while as Shikadai kept scratching Inojin’s back, slowly bringing his fingers over his skin. “Shikadai. You know I don’t want you to meddle into this.”

“Chocho has already meddled”, Shikadai said, sounding not the least concerned. “She is trying to piece together the puzzle. Since you can’t really tell what is going on she has become a little detective.”

“This is my parents’ business”, Inojin said. That made Shikadai interested. He didn’t say anything, only figured. Why was this so limited to only Inojin’s family?

“You can’t think we’d let you bear this burden alone”, Shikadai said slowly. “Ino-Shika-Cho live and die together. And when someone does this to you, then we make them pay. Like we did last year. We punish those who wrong us.”

“I don’t want you to relapse”, Inojin blurted out. Shikadai’s hand stopped. He sighed.

“I won’t”, he said.

“But you can’t make promises like that”, Inojin said. “Because you don’t know. You don’t know!”

He purposely didn’t turn around to look at Shikadai.

“I want you to be safe”, Inojin continued. “So, please. Let my family fix this.”

There it was again. ‘My family’. Shikadai didn’t say anything for a while.

“I’m sorry if I made you sad”, he said. “It wasn’t my intention. And can we please not talk about the psychosis?”

Inojin nodded.

“I’m sorry for making you worried. I know I made a mistake”, he said. He turned around to look at Shikadai. “How long have we been here already?”

“Over half an hour, probably”, Shikadai laughed. They hadn’t even begun washing their hairs yet. They had just sat in the bathtub and enjoyed each other’s presence, the soft presence of naked skin.

Shikadai brought his arm around Inojin’s chest and pressed himself hard against Inojin, burying his nose into Inojin’s wet hair. Inojin leaned into the touch.

“Sweetie?”

Inojin twisted his head so he could get a good look at Shikadai. His hair was wet, loose, and slick against his scalp and those green eyes as captivating as ever.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Aws”, Inojin said, making himself slide a little more down in the tub, so he leaned more against Shikadai’s chest. The water rose almost to his face. “I love you, too.”

Shikadai detached one hand from Inojin’s chest and reached it down between Inojin’s legs instead.

“Do you want me to?” he asked.

Inojin nodded and closed his eyes to completely concentrate at the feeling of someone touching him at the most sensitive place of all.

It felt so nice.

They didn’t keep check of the time, but they spent a long time in the bathtub, until the water turned lukewarm and later almost cold.

But what did it matter when you got to spend time with the one your heart beat the hardest for, the one your body turned warm for?

You don’t need warm water for that, the only thing you need is him.

“So”, Chocho said when she met up with Shikadai. “Inojin will probably be mad at me.”

“He doesn’t want anyone to meddle”, Shikadai said. “Did you find anything?”

“So, while Sai and Ino are figuring out who is capable of performing this seal technique – last I heard they were working they way through the entire sealing division – “

“That’ll take them days”, Shikadai said. “There are over a hundred shinobi working as sealers.”

“I know”, Chocho said. “So, I got stuck on the fact that there was this weird man from Kaneza who followed us. What if it wasn’t our team he was stalking, what if it was _Inojin_ he was stalking? Like, Inojin personally.”

“That doesn’t make sense”, Shikadai said. He took a sharp breath, brought a hand in Chowi’s fur. It felt so calming to feel her warmth through the fur. “Do you know if Inojin’s family has some… I don’t know. Secret issue?”

Chocho’s brows knitted together at this statement. She pinched her lips together, figuring things out.

“I mean… the coincidence is scary”, she said. “That Inojin’s dad used to have that seal and now he has it. It’s like history is repeating itself.”

“Someone who has a grudge with his dad, perhaps?” Shikadai mused. “Could you possibly ask your parents? I know mine will probably lie to my face since they’re all about protecting me.”

Chocho shot him a meaningful gaze.

“You know why they want to protect you.”

“And I want to protect Inojin, but to do so I need information”, Shikadai said. “I don’t want to be the one in need on protection, not always, not forever. Just two weeks left of half the dosage and then I will be off anti-psych medication completely. I am _fine_. And I just want to know. Then we can send our parents to kill the person who did this to him.”

 _Kill the person._ Chocho swallowed at Shikadai’s words.

“I will ask them”, she said. “I feel so horrible that Inojin is going through this alone. That we weren’t there when it happened.”

“Yeah”, Shikadai mumbled, because that feeling was so familiar. To know Inojin had been cursed while he had slept in his own bed and to know Inojin had had his hand hurt in the same process.

That had been the subject on the latest therapy sessions. Now there was a new guilt to work on and to untangle. But it was hard, so hard.

Chocho decided to corner her dad later that evening. Choji was sitting in the sofa, waiting for the commercials from the tv to be over so the cooking show – a dramatic contest between chefs, was going to start. He had a glass of white wine by his side, as Karui had wanted to get a glass of wine for the evening and they had also chocolate ice cream in bowls. Chocho had already eaten her serving of the ice cream, while her parents had waited for the night.

They adored cooking shows. In fact, so did Ino and Sai, and they talked about the results often. Temari and Shikamaru had not been as enthusiastic about keeping up with these shows, but Chocho could imagine they had it on in the background in their house too, so they’d know _something_ when their friends got turned on by red wine sauces and crème brûlée.

“Dad?” Chocho said. “How is the Yamanaka’s taking the Inojin-thing? Have you talked?”

Choji looked up at Chocho, clearly surprised at her question.

“What do you mean?”

“Are they devastated? What are they talking about at home? How is Sai feeling? You know, those things”, Chocho said. “Do they even have a hunch who did this?”

The cooking show began and Choji’s eyes darted to the tv screen. He was obviously uncomfortable with Chocho’s questions, but he bravely tore his gaze from the screen and back at Chocho.

“Well…” he said. “Yes, we have talked about this. Of course everyone is sad.”

“Details, dad”, Chocho said.

Choji sighed, threw a helpless gaze on the tv, before shutting it off. Karui sat still on her side of the sofa, wineglass in her hand and Chowi’s head in her lap. She didn’t say anything.

“Come here”, Choji said and shuffled Chowi’s butt away from the middle of the sofa so Chocho could squeeze herself in between them.

Similar, in the Yamanaka household Sai and Ino had the very same cooking show on the tv. Inojin was inside his room, alone.

“You have to talk to him”, Ino said when the first commercial came around. This week had been hell, and she had barely found sleep during the nights. All she could think of was Inojin’s distorted memories, the blurred out faces and voices tweaked to unrecognisable nightmare whispers. The only memories sharp enough for Ino to gain any use from were the memory of the sealing.

The way the knife had –

She didn’t even want to think about the pain her family had gone through. Both her husband and son.

“He probably feels so alone in the world right now”, Ino continued. “Being the only one with that… _burden._ To be the only one knowing something he can’t tell.”

Sai said nothing for a while. This had been hard on him, to have to look at that cursed seal on the tongue of his son. It was a lot of emotions and memories for himself to go through and sort out and for many days he had felt completely lost in the process. How the hell was he going to be able to talk to Inojin about this?

“It’s been a week already”, Ino mumbled. “I just don’t want him to feel… abandoned. Like we don’t care that we underwent that torture.”

Sai sighed deeply, staring out into nothingness.

“I will talk to him”, he said, and, without even looking at the cooking show, rose from the sofa and walked over the stairs to Inojin’s room.

He found Inojin having put up one of the biggest canvas they had in his room, brush tightly in his left, non-dominant hand.

“Oil paints?” Sai said as he looked down on the palette Inojin had balancing on his bandaged hand.

“Want to try”, Inojin said and pressed the brush, dripping in black paint, against the canvas. He had sketched in lead pencil the motive. A person and two big cats

“What are you painting?” Sai asked.

“They are panthers”, Inojin said and pointed at the big cats. “I just can’t really remember what the face of the lady looked like. It’s just a blur.”

Sai creased his brow.

“Are you trying to paint someone you’ve seen already?” he asked. “Who is it?”

“Can’t say”, Inojin snapped. Sai realised immediately what Inojin was trying to convey.

“So, it was a woman…” Sai said. “Did she have two panthers?”

Inojin nodded. The word Ink Beast or Ink Panthers in this context belonged to the words paralysing him. This was the closest he could get to tell what had happened, but everyone’s faces were blurry, like a dream you remember in a fog and when you try to remember the faces, you realise you never really remember them.

Inojin didn’t anymore really remember how he had run down the stairs, or how he got out. The most vivid memory he had was Kumiko’s sharp Ink Knife in his throat, the story of the Festival of Blood to celebrate the winning bloodline and how Kumiko had said _I will hunt you down._ He also remembered his grandmother’s sad oil painting and the pain from when the panther bit him.

Sai sat down on Inojin’s bed, gesturing he wanted Inojin to sit with him.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. Inojin shrugged.

“Frustrated”, he said. “That I can’t say anything. And Shikadai wants to help me and I don’t want him to, but I know he will go behind my back.” He looked up at his father. “ _You_ must help me. You and mum. Not Shikadai, not Chocho. This is _our family’s_ problem.”

Sai’s wrinkled his forehead.

“The black liquid in your wounds…” he began. “Was it Ink?”

Inojin tried to nod. Sai looked at him for a long, long time.

“Is there someone else who can do the Ink jutsu out there?” Sai asked. Inojin blinked in a way to tell him _yes_. Sai stared out in nothingness. “How come?” That was a rhetorical question to win time for Sai. In times like these he used to freeze, unable to really manage to say anything, afraid he would say the wrong things.

He had his whole life thought he was the only one with Ink jutsus, but how _stupid_ had it been to imagine that Danzo had created the jutsu? Now Sai got it confirmed, Danzo had learned, or stolen, the technique from somewhere.

And this _somewhere_ and _someone_ had to be behind the violation of Inojin.

He looked at the painting.

“The lady over there?”

Inojin shrugged, because his tongue froze in place the second he tried to say _not her but someone else_. His left hand gripped the brush harder as frustration raged through him because he knew the second he tried to write the information down, the seal would stop him from forming the correct thoughts and the paper would remain empty. It was incredibly frustrating to for the moment lose the capacity to even form coherent sentences.

Was this how Shikadai had felt when he was unable to bring forth coherent sentences, when he had rambled the same lines over and over again and was unable to express himself?

“Can’t say”, Inojin whispered. “Can’t say, _can’t say_ , _can’t SAY_!”

He hadn’t expected to let his whisper grown into a full-blown scream. The frustration, the shame, the anger he experienced made him almost go mad for a second. _Why_ had he let himself be so stupid? Why did this happen to him? Why did his grandparents try to seek him out, even if they knew their daughter would like to see him dead?

“I can’t say and you know it!” Inojin finally hissed. “You know it… you… fucking… know it.”

Sai manage to bring his arms around Inojin just in time before the first tears began to fall. Father and son, both knowing what pain it is to be cursed, hugged for a long, long time.

A few weeks flew by, Ino growing tenser and more irritated by the day of not solving the puzzle. So far they knew someone from the outside knew both the sealing technique and most likely the Ink jutsu, but every lead they had led to a dead end.

Inojin grew more nervous day by day as well. He began fearing going outside Konoha, because Kumiko’s words echoed inside his head.

_I will hunt you down._

Someone out there was after _him._ For something he couldn’t control.

Last year they had been captured because of Chocho and Shikadai’s dual citizenship. Because of something _they_ couldn’t control, and Inojin had tried his best to empathise with his friends. Now he knew how they had felt. To be targeted because of genes and heritage was not fun and it was scary as hell.

His aunt Kumiko had really meant what she had said. And Inojin cursed himself for being unable to tell anyone through any means. Not through written text, not through verbal language, not through images or paintings.

Living with this burden was… the worst thing he had ever experienced. And one day he snapped because of irritation and smashed the book with the text of the Terasawa family in Chocho’s hands.

She had found the passage of the text describing the signs and read it.

And pieced the puzzle together.

“Inojin”, Ino said one day. “Inojin, my love, Chocho told me she thinks she has found clues to who did this to you.”

Inojin stared at his mother. He was practising simple Ink Beasts in the backyard, hand now almost completely healed. He had gotten the bandage off two days ago. His hand was still weak, but the tendons were healed with the help of the rest and medical chakra pumped into it.

“She had found a map of catacombs and passageways under Konoha. There are kilometres upon kilometres of them”, Ino said. “And she says this has something to do with a man following you from Kaneza.” She took a deep breath. “We think this man is the Ink user who did this to you.”

“Oh god”, Inojin said. “You – you think you’ve found him?”

“We will catch him today”, Ino said. “And we want you to join us, now that your hand is better. Take Ink and brushes with you.”

Inojin quickly wrapped his scrolls, Ink and brushes, nervousness churning in his stomach. His mind was completely empty. He didn’t know what to expect, what to think, how to feel. He was going to get his revenge today.

He and Ino walked around the corner of their house and Inojin spotted black hair up in a ponytail.

“Shikadai”, he blankly said as Shikadai jumped up to him and kissed him.

“We’ll kill the person who did this to you”, Shikadai said, voice swimming in an eagerness Inojin hadn’t heard from Shikadai in a while. Shikadai was overall feeling better as of late. He had stopped eating the anti-psych medication, and because he didn’t have to deal with the side effects anymore, he was relieved and _happy_ to be a little bit more normal again. “We think we know where to find him now.”

_Kill?_

Inojin looked beside Shikadai, at Shikadai’s parents. Shikamaru and Temari.

“We’ll be together again”, Chocho said and slammed a hand against Inojin’s shoulder. “We will fight together again.”

Behind Chocho were Choji and Karui.

“Are you all…?” Inojin said.

“My parents would kill me if we had done this without them”, Shikadai said, almost chuckling.

“Well, I am freaking glad you told them and not tried to do anything yourself”, Inojin let out, because it now dawned to him that it had been Shikadai and Chocho who had pieced the puzzle pieces together. What if they had tried to do anything themselves, just the two of them?

Inojin didn’t want to think how it would end if Shikadai and Chocho were in a battle against Kumiko and his grandparents on their own.

“We will all go”, Ino said. “It’s better to have a full-fledged team with you, and I don’t think Shikadai would have wanted to stay at home twiddling his thumbs while we hunt down criminals.”

“Of course not”, Shikadai said, not amused by Ino’s bad joke. He was _itching_ to get to fight again, against these people who hurt his Inojin.

“I’m getting all nostalgic”, Karui laughed, katana sharp on her back. She wore pants instead of the everyday dress and had her Kumor armour on. The only thing telling that she also had citizenship to Konoha was the forehead protector, which now had both the Kumor and Konohan crests side by side.

In honour of the DCE the forehead protectors for either shinobi who pledge their loyalty to new nations through marriage – or their children who pledge their loyalty to two nations through heritage, had been renewed. Now they didn’t have to wear _two_ different headbands, now both crests were carved into the same metal plate.

Beside Karui was Choji, with a slightly worried expression on his face.

That was no match to that worried expression of Temari and Shikamaru. They had agreed for Shikadai to be part of this battle of revenge, only with the condition that they were going to be there with him. And Shikadai had still the strong drug in his little pouch, ready to swallow, in case he slips away from reality.

To say they were worried was an understatement. They were terrified for him because this quest was so sensitive for him. Because this was about Inojin. And in case something bad happened, it would be a high trigger for him.

“Let’s go”, Sai said and Chocho lead the way to where she and Shikadai had figured out the opening to the tunnels would be.

And soon enough Inojin stood in front of the very same staircase he had forgotten he had entered.

He bit down on his lip, the memory finally coming back to him.

This was where Kumiko and his grandparents had been. This was where he had been cursed and hurt in the first place.

He felt Shikadai searching for his hand.

“We will make this”, Shikadai whispered to Inojin. “I promise.”

They walked down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so they enter the catacombs.
> 
> And now, I will put the warning here. The following three chapters will be dark. (Those of you who has read my fic Trial of the Heart from earlier this year, you know the drill from the ten last chapters of that fic. Kinda like that). What do you, dear readers, think will happen? 👀
> 
> But remember, I will write a happy ending to this tale! :) Trust me.
> 
> The next update will come a little bit slower than usual, since I will spend a few days at a forest cottage without electricity so I can't have my computer to edit or upload haha. Expect the next chapter sometimes around 3-4.8!


	10. Two Cousins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, are you ready for the plunge? Get your chocolate and tissues ready, dear readers, now I will raise the stakes.

The first scent that hit them was the smell of oil.

“There is oil on the floor”, Karui noted.

Inojin stared down at his feet, trying to remember whether it had been there when he was here for the first time.

“What the heck is this place?” Shikamaru whispered into the chilly air of the underground catacomb. They all stared at the skulls attached to the walls. Small skulls. Children’s skulls. “Has this been one of Danzo’s lairs back in the days?”

“I’ve never been here”, Sai said, gaze wandering over the shelves containing children’s skulls.

“Whose skulls are these?” Ino asked as she dared to touch one of the skulls.

Inojin began whining, wanting to say _fire room, oil painting of the panthers, somewhere here,_ but whenever the mere thought of saying those words entered him his tongue lost its sense of touch, paralysed, and he knew his memories and coherent thoughts would be clouded in darkness if Ino tried to reach inside.

Sai commanded Ink Mice to run around in all different directions to search for life and Ino raised her hand in an attempt to find other chakra systems.

“I found them”, she whispered after a short while. “The fucking bastards. Inojin, where are you going?”

Inojin had begun walking down one of the corridors, mind a little fuzzy, but he _remembered._ This must be the way to the fire room, where the oil painting is. He didn’t really think straight.

“Hey, hey”, Shikadai said as he jogged to catch up to Inojin. “Where are you going?”

Chocho caught up with him as well, face in a deep frown.

Being overwhelmed by not knowing what he could say without feeling like someone forced a sock down his throat to suffocate him and what he could say just fine Inojin just pointed in front of him.

“Inojin, the people are not here, they are somewhere way else, far down that way”, Ino said and pointed at the other direction.

“Then _go there!_ ” Inojin snapped and began pointing furiously towards where _he_ wanted to go. Kumiko and his grandparents might be somewhere else, but the oil painting was over _there._ He wanted to go up to it and destroy it before doing anything else. His grandmother didn’t deserve to have a representation of his father as a panther when she willingly had given him away, had him face horror and death, and still been at home nurturing the other child she had.

What a hypocrite of a mother.

Ino took a leap forward to grab Inojin’s shoulder, to make him look her into her eyes.

“Inojin”, she said, voice hard. “Why do you go down that road?”

“We need a plan”, Shikamaru said. “We could split up. Shikadai comes with me and Temari.”

“I’m not abandoning Inojin”, Shikadai snarled. “You must let me be independent for one single second, dad. I will not go with you. I can manage on my own.”

“That was our deal”, Temari said. “That we come with you. That way you were allowed to come with Inojin on this quest of revenge, nothing else.”

“It cannot be called ‘coming with Inojin’ if you are going to force me to be apart from him”, Shikadai said. “I don’t care what you say, I will not go with you.”

Shikamaru let out a little huff of air. This was the first time ever Shikadai was willingly defying straight orders from them. Willingly talking back in an ugly manner.

“Shikadai”, Temari said, voice telling him that she was not forgiving him for the ugly tone he had used.

“Let him go”, Shikamaru said. “Okay, Shikadai. Go with Inojin.” He looked up at Ino. “Do you sense anyone in the direction Inojin wants to go?”

Ino tried again.

“No”, she said. “They are west of here. This corridor must reach pretty far, they are many hundreds of metres away from us.” She looked at Inojin, still stubbornly leaning towards the other corridor. “Inojin. Contact me immediately if you see anything suspicious. Choose your fights. If you see the person who attacked you last time – you contact me and try not to fight them on your own.”

She took a deep breath.

“Inojin, you are the team leader for your team on this mission”, she said, looking over at Chocho and Shikadai. “Take care of your team. I trust you that you won’t put them in unnecessary danger.”

“You can trust me”, Inojin said and looked over at Temari and Shikamaru. “Trust us. We can take on any challenge thrown at us.”

By now, a smile had entered his lips. Yes, he was nervous, he was anxious and stressed out, but he was _together_ with his team now. When they are together, nothing can hurt them. Or that is how it feels for a teenager with the world at his feet, the feeling of being unstoppable – _invincible_.

“We are the next generation of Ino-Shika-Cho”, Inojin continued and smiled his cocky smile.

“We live and fight together”, Shikadai said, purposely changing the _die_ to _fight._ It made him feel safer. His heart was beating a thousand beats per second, and yes, it felt like he wanted to fall apart into Inojin’s hugs, but right now there were more important matters. Way more important matters.

“And together, we are unstoppable”, Chocho finished. “Trust us. The future lies with us. We will follow Inojin to hell and back if we need to. You go and find the people, interrogate them, ask them, make them tell you the truth of this fucked up place. We will follow Inojin.” She looked at Inojin. “We will follow our team leader.”

Their speeches made their parents almost smile. One shouldn’t smile and feel pride before the battle was won, but it was impossible to _not feel pride_ over your child and their teammates when they stood there, with determined faces.

They don’t leave anyone alone. They would fight to the death for each of their lives. And now Shikadai and Chocho were ready to fight for Inojin. Last year they fought for revenge of what had been caused to Shikadai as Chocho had grabbed Nora, the Bastards of Kumo’s leader, by her throat and pressed her hands together so hard everything inside Nora’s neck had burst.

“I trust you”, Karui said and Choji looked at her. He couldn’t help but feel slightly worried over his daughter, but then again – she had beaten Nora one year back. Karui didn’t return his worried looks, she only let her gaze rest at her child. “Whatever you find, beat it.”

Karui’s boldness sparked that trust in Temari she needed for Shikadai.

“Shikadai”, she said. “You have that strong medicine in your pouch, don’t you? If you have to, take it, and feel no shame. Feel no shame for what you’ve been through or whatever you might go through. You are amazing and strong, and I trust you.”

Her words made Shikadai almost tear up.

Ino bit her lip before opening her mouth.

“Inojin”, she said. “Lead your team to victory. I trust you. We will go and look for the other people. You go and look for whatever you wanted to look for. I trust you.”

“Thank you”, Inojin said and with those words, he and Shikadai and Chocho turned around to continue walking inside the corridor to the fire room, where the oil painting and the panthers resided.

The parents, Ino and Sai, Karui and Choji, and finally Shikamaru and Temari walked the opposite way, to the place where Ino had felt the chakra systems move slightly inside a room. They had been assembled as around a table. Maybe they ever were eating together.

All of the mothers had said “ _I trust you”_ to their children. None of them had said _“I love you”_ to their children.

One should always say I love you to the ones you care about before a battle was going to take place.

But in that moment, they all forgot. Trusting was more important than loving. If only they knew how much trusting came from loving.

They hadn’t told their children how much they loved them.

(No one is invincible).

Inojin walked with secure steps towards the fire room. He could see the door now. Now he remembered the scent off the oil paint, still a little wet, against the huge canvas. He remembered the scent of burned firewood inside the fireplace.

“There”, he said.

They walked inside the fire room. A little fire was crackling inside the fireplace. Someone had been there just ten minutes prior to this, lighting the fire. Inojin’s stomach churned of anxiety.

“Were you here?” Chocho asked, looking around in the room. Her gaze found the painting. “Oh wow!”

Inojin stared at the big canvas.

It was not the same painting. The old woman with the two panthers were not on the canvas.

Instead, there was a younger woman with black hair and a long black dress – not a mourning suit, but a beautiful dress nonetheless, and one huge tiger. Instead of an orange red coat under black stripes, like tigers usually have, the tiger on the painting had white fur under the black stripes. A white tiger with striking blue eyes.

“Was this what you wanted to show us?” Shikadai asked. “Is there something special about it?”

“It wasn’t this one…” Inojin said, feeling dumbfounded.

If the sad woman had represented his grandmother and the two panthers her children – Kumiko and Sai, then this painting had to represent Kumiko… and her daughter.

Inojin remembered Kumiko talking about a daughter, someone named Kira, who was the ‘true heir’ of their bloodline. Inojin’s cousin.

“Nki”, Inojin said.

“What?” Chocho asked. “What are you saying?”

“Don’t go close”, Inojin said. “N-K-I.”

“What gibberish are you talking?” Chocho asked again.

“He is saying Ink backwards, Chubs”, Shikadai said. “He is trying to fool his seal on his tongue, don’t you see?” He looked at the painting. “I assume the painting is a weapon then?” He wrinkled his forehead. “It has to be chakra infused Ink, just like the one Inojin uses, right?”

Inojin nodded.

“Lio”, he said.

“Oil?” Shikadai asked, earning a nod. “Chakra infused oil, huh? Creative. I thought you and your dad were the only ones who knew this jutsu” He was silent for a second, before looking at Inojin. “Sweetie? Is this… is this your family?”

Inojin pinched his lips together. He nodded.

“The family on your father’s side is alive?” Shikadai asked. “ _Your family_ cursed you?”

Inojin groaned in irritation and nodded so furiously his bangs were flying around his face. Chocho placed a hand over her mouth, clearly shocked.

“No one knows this?” Shikadai asked and Inojin shook his head.

“Couldn’t tell”, he said. “I had to come here to have the memories come back. I still can’t talk at all about who or what really happened. But being here really makes it easier to process the thoughts.”

Chocho walked as close to the painting she dared. It didn’t move.

“Aunt?” she asked and pointed at the woman in the painting. Kumiko.

“Okimuk”, Inojin said, after having to think for a moment what her name would be backwards.

“Kumiko”, Shikadai said. “Your aunt’s name is Kumiko?”

Inojin nodded, finally letting a little smile show on his face. Being here really stimulated his mind and memories to be able to process through the curse. Back when Ino and Sai had for the hundredth time asked Inojin to tell anything at all about the person who did this, he found himself unable to even produce the sounds and his mind wasn’t working.

Being here helped him.

“Chocho, watch out”, Shikadai said. “If the painting is a weapon the tiger might bite – “ He stopped and stared at Inojin. “ _That_ was what bit you, wasn’t it? The tiger from the painting?”

Inojin thought of shaking his head, because the answer was obviously _no, it was the panther_ , but it demanded too much of him and his failed and cursed language, so he nodded instead. It still conveyed the same message.

The cat animal in the paintings are dangerous.

“Can I touch it?” Chocho asked.

“No”, Inojin said. “Don’t. In case – “

“Look, there is another painting”, Shikadai said and pointed at one of the dark corners in the fire room.

There was another painting.

Inojin walked closer to the new canvas. It was as big as the first paintings, but it wasn’t yet finished. Instead of Inojin’s grandmother or Kumiko at the left side of the painting, there was a man, a black haired man with pale skin and dark eyes, and by that painted man’s side was a lynx, a light-coloured lynx cat with beautiful blue eyes.

Inojin licked his lips when he realised this was a painting of Sai. And the lynx cat had to represent… himself.

If Sai and Kumiko were panthers, and Kira, Kumiko’s daughter was a white tiger, and _he_ was a little lynx cat, that had to mean they all believed he was the weakest of them all, since they painted him as the smallest cat animal.

But they _had_ painted him.

He stared at the painted floor below the man and the lynx cat. It was littered with blood.

“It’s me”, he just said, and as in a trance, walked closer to the painting. Without controlling his actions, he lifted his newly healed hand and touched the lynx on the painting. “This is supposed to be me.”

Shikadai and Chocho stared at Inojin.

“I painted it”, a voice called out from the door opening and Team 10 turned around, fast as lightning to get a look at whoever had said it.

By the door, a girl was standing. Her skin was pale, and her hair chestnut brown. Her eyes were the same blue as the tiger’s in the painting. A lot darker than Inojin’s blue.

“Kira, I take it”, Inojin said, slowly bringing the brush into his hand from his sleeve where it was hiding.

“And you must be Inojin”, she said. “My cousin.”

“And I am Chocho”, Chocho said, smashing her hand against her own chest. “I am Inojin’s teammate and I will kick your ass for cursing him.”

Kira furrowed her brows.

“Introducing ourselves, huh?” she just said. “Well then, Chocho, teammate of Inojin, nice to meet you.” She looked over at Shikadai, clearly expecting him to introduce himself too.

“I am Shikadai”, Shikadai said slowly. “I am Inojin’s boyfriend.” He noticed the slight disgust raising in Kira’s face. “And I will kill you.”

It still didn’t really sit right with Inojin to hear Shikadai talking about killing people, but that was the truth behind their profession, and he knew his parents would slaughter Kumiko if they managed to.

“Will you?” Kira asked. “I don’t think so. I don’t see how you can kill me.”

She had to be in their age, fourteen if Kumiko had been correct when she cursed Inojin. Inojin looked down on her arms and noticed vials attached to her wrists. Vials with Ink.

“Boyfriend, huh?” Kira continued. “That is a dead end for a family. I see why my uncle should’ve died, if the only heir he managed to produce was a failed one. Your bloodline is cursed.”

This made Inojin’s blood boil. Not again, not another person who _again_ held his sexuality against him – he had enough of this, enough of this filthy family who saw children as products. Kira’s choice of words, “produce”, only confirmed it. She saw herself as a product that had been manufactured to keep the bloodline going. Inojin was a failed product. For… loving Shikadai.

“Shut up”, he hissed and ripped a scroll out of his bag. “Let’s capture her!”

Capturing was Ino-Shika-Cho’s speciality. In all generations, they had been the teams sent out to capture the enemy. Shadow bindings worked wonderfully for this, as well as the Yamanaka Mind jutsu.

They were trained for this.

Shikadai reached down into his bag, at the one light bomb he had. _Please, let me make this_ , he thought, knowing that the light might be too much for him. He had to push himself, he can’t remain behind because of his issues – _he must make this!_

The light blinded them all, and Shikadai commanded his shadow to reach Kira, when the lynx bit him. It had jumped straight out of the painting. Paintings are not affected by the strong light the same as a human is.

_Fuck!_

Shikadai screamed and the lynx bit down into his arm as he saw from the corner of his eye how the gigantic white tiger stepped out of the painting.

The vials on Kira’s wrists were opened, black, thick Ink has poured down into her hands and solidified into knives sharp as obsidian.

Maybe the light bomb had been a mistake after all.

Chocho roared something and jumped forwards, grabbing the lynx from Shikadai’s arm at the same time as Inojin had painted dogs, aiming to attack Kira.

The tiger was huge.

And as Chocho tried to crush the painted lynx in her strong Akimichi grip, which was easier said than done as paintings are not like human bodies, Kira attacked from behind with the sharp knives.

Inojin lunged forward and as the dogs battled the tiger in a combat that for each attack turned more and more white than purple – the colour of Inojin’s dogs, unsheathed his tanto on his back and –

– almost stabbed Kira in her back. He had been so close, but the tiger came in between. She turned around and as her tiger manhandled Chocho, who very aggressively fought back with expanded fists, began a tight sword fight with Inojin. She had two knives, he had one tanto.

Shikadai had unfolded his fan, after realising that the room is still too dark for a shadow to work. The fire from the fireplace enlightened the room, yes, but the corners were still too dark and, given the speed of the lynx, too unreliable.

He took on the battle with the lynx, aggressive and fast as the wind. It ripped open his bag as soon as it got the chance, sending all his items and weapons flying around the floor.

They had fought Ink Beasts many times before. For Inojin, this was every day, since he used to train with his dad often. There was just one big difference from fighting this lynx and tiger, and the Ink Beasts he was used to.

These beasts were made of oil paint, not the Ink Inojin was so familiar with. Because they were made of oil, their abilities were different. Firstly, they didn’t break at all as easily as normal Ink Beasts. The characteristics of oil made them durable and could stand way more damage. Secondly, the oil made them sticky and harder, which Inojin got the experience first-hand when his tanto _got stuck_ in the tiger and he had to drop it. The tiger grabbed also his bag and ripped it open, all the bottles of Ink dropping and breaking into splatters and shards.

This is bad, this is so bad!

But instead of attacking Inojin, Kira looked around, as if she knew something, or waited for something to happen.

“Come!” Kira yelled to her beasts, and the tiger dropped Chocho, whose expanded arm it had bitten. She ran out of the fire room and Shikadai’s shadow was _this_ close to touching her, but she was one step further away.

“Damn it!” Shikadai snarled. “Let’s follow her. We can’t let her escape!”

Yes, they had worked on their teamwork during the year, but it was now painfully evident that they weren’t as good as they once had been. There was always the damn one second too slow, and their teamwork had not really the same sharpness as it once had.

Inojin had been a whole month away from training. Before that they had had almost no missions with fighting involved. Their trainings focused mostly on the fun in getting better and casual working out, not bloody fights of life and death.

They were all chunin but didn’t work like chunin. This just didn’t work! They were, after Shikadai’s long sick leave and slow rehabilitation, as well as after Inojin’s sick leave, simply not as good as before.

Shikadai, who by now had become obsessed with the thought of succeeding, because this was his one chance to show his parents that he is okay and can take on the big bad guys, dashed after Kira, with his fan on the ready.

Not even wind could kill the tiger and lynx, because of the wonderful strength of oil based paint, which meant that Kira had to be physically wounded to stop her from controlling chakra inside the animals.

Inojin and Chocho followed.

Kira ran fast as the wind up the corridors, up the stairs and into the forest outside the tunnel.

“I will not let you escape!” Shikadai roared after her. “You cursed Inojin!”

Inojin felt his face turn cold as he heard the screams of his boyfriend.

“Chocho”, Inojin panted. “Use your jutsu!”

Chocho nodded.

“On it!”

Kira was insanely talented with the Oil Paint Jutsu. Insanely talented at controlling chakra inside her Oil Beasts.

There had to be some weakness to her. There had to be something she couldn’t save herself from.

If just Chocho’s jutsu worked.

“Human Juggernaut”, Chocho yelled and her body expanded into a big, dangerous boulder as she stormed – now faster than Shikadai – past him and towards the Oil Beasts.

Hah! The tiger and lynx had to jump to the sides, and she was so fast, so fast.

Kira got pushed out of the way, right into a tree by Chocho’s brutal strength. She dropped the Ink Knives.

“Inojin, now!” Shikadai yelled and Inojin wasn’t too late this time.

“Ninja Art! Mind Transfer Jutsu!” he yelled and was drawn into Kira’s head. She was close to completely blank inside.

Inojin saw his own body fall face first into the ground, neither Shikadai nor Chocho had time to take care of his body. He didn’t, however, have to spent too much time inside Kira’s head, because he felt how her body was swallowed by a shadow.

He released his Mind Jutsu and opened his own eyes in his own body again.

“Are you okay?” Shikadai asked, not looking at Inojin, because those green eyes were staring hard at Kira, leaning against the tree with a bruised face. She was locked in place by his shadow.

“Yeah”, Inojin said and pushed himself off the ground.

When Kira’s chakra inside her head had been disturbed by Inojin intruding her mind, the white tiger and light lynx chakra stopped working, and both of them found themselves as puddles of oil paint in the grass.

They had won over Kira.

“Now”, Inojin said. “Now you tell us everything.”

Kira spat at the ground.

“Do you know what I can do?” Inojin asked. “This ‘failed product’ can make you hurt yourself and you can’t stop me. I can perform a Mind Destruction Jutsu on you. I can make you break your own fingers, one at a time, until all ten are snapped.”

Kira looked at him, then she looked behind them, as if she waited for something.

Something was wrong.

Inojin sensed for chakra, he found nothing. No one had followed them up to the forest.

“Are you hoping someone followed us?” he asked mockingly. “Because there aren’t anyone coming. You are all alone here with us.” He crouched, feeling power rise inside his chest. “Tell me, cousin. Tell me about your wicked family.”

“Guys”, Chocho said. She wasn’t looking at Kira anymore and had turned her gaze toward whence they came. Towards the tunnels. “Something is wrong.”

“How do you know?” Shikadai asked, but the second after that he realised what Chocho referred to.

They smelled smoke.

Smoke from a fire.

Then they saw, beyond the trees, right where they knew the opening to the tunnels was, the smoke. Black, thick smoke.

“There was oil on the floor”, Shikadai whispered.

The oil on the floor hadn’t been oil paint, it was been engine gas, petrol oil. Highly flammable oil.

“They’re – they’re burning the tunnels”, Chocho whispered. She turned sharply around to Kira. “Are they trying to burn the tunnels?”

Now Shikadai crouched and grabbed the collar of Kira’s shirt.

“Was that why you ran away, up here?” Shikadai asked, voice shaking. “Because you knew you would burn the place down?”

Kira giggled.

“Yes”, she said. “And I think your parents are burning alive down there as we speak.”

“Oh my god”, Chocho said. “Oh my god. NO!”

She began running back towards the tunnels.

“Chocho!” Shikadai yelled after her, but Chocho wasn’t listening. Kira ceased that moment, a folded fist hitting Shikadai right in his nose. “Ouch!” He brought hands up to his face and that moment of blindness was what Kira needed to haul herself up, and then she was gone in a flash. “Fuck!”

She was gone.

“Shikadai”, Inojin said. “What should we do? What _should we do?”_

“Go back to the tunnels”, Shikadai said.

Going back into fire is the worst thing one can do. The absolute worst. The danger of fire isn’t the actual flames. It is the smoke and heat. And one had to breath in just a few breaths of black smoke to fall unconscious.

Shikadai’s head was completely numb when he rose from the ground and began running back towards the tunnels again. The thought that his parents might have died didn’t fully penetrate. He couldn’t think of it. It felt like a joke, all of this. His mind tried to save him from this idea, tried to defend him from this new information, by numbing him completely.

Chocho was far in front of them, as they could only see her as a tiny figure.

“Shikadai, look at me”, Inojin said between panting breaths. “It’s going to be okay. They are not dead. Kira is just trying to scare us – “

That was when _that thing_ happened. The thing that should not have happened.

The ground beneath Inojin and Shikadai truckled, gave up, under them, ceased to be. It turned out that this was an old ravine trap, a manmade ravine which earth, moss, roots and most likely a purposely weak Earth Jutsu since long had covered like a soft carpet.

It was a ravine trap that had most likely fallen into oblivion, a forlorn trap from older times. People had most likely walked over it before, but one day the old coverage was doomed to break.

That day was today.

Shikadai and Inojin fell.

Shikadai had luck as his tumbling body stroke by the wall of the ravine, softening his fall. He still held the fan in his hands and just before he was about to hit the stone ground, he managed to open it slightly to soften the hit. His knees and ankles still failed to take the hit and he had to throw himself into a somersault.

Ouch. He hit his head against the rock wall.

Then he heard Inojin’s body smash against the ground.

“Inojin?” he immediately asked into the dim light down in the ravine.

He saw Inojin laying on his back.

“Inojin? Are you okay?” Shikadai whispered, trying to stand up. His head and back hurt and his vision got covered by a red filter. Blood had dripped down from his forehead into his eye. “Please, say something.”

“I’m okay, I think”, Inojin groaned. “Hurts a lot.” Shikadai tried to crawl closer. “Don’t touch me!”

Surprised by the aggressive tone Inojin had used, Shikadai stopped.

He witnessed how Inojin raised his one hand, looked at it, closed it into a fist and then let it drop. He raised his other hand before closing it into a fist while staring at it. He let his hand drop beside him. Then he laid completely still.

“Inojin, what is going on?” Shikadai asked, shuffling himself closer. “Are you much hurt?”

Inojin didn’t dare to move his head to look at Shikadai, only let his gaze search itself into Shikadai’s eyes.

“Shikadai, sweetie”, he said slowly, voice almost breaking apart into a cry. “Please don’t freak out.” A single tear fell down the side of Inojin’s face. “But I… I can’t really feel my legs. I – I think I broke my spine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Inojin, for doing this to you. 
> 
> In my fics even shinobi bodies are as fragile as the human body really is.
> 
> And now a lot of things are happening. What is going on with all the parents and the burning tunnels? And Chocho? And most of all, Shikadai and Inojin down in the ravine?


	11. The Blood Eagle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there, dear readers, and get those tissues and chocolate ready.
> 
> TW: fire, cutting ones own wrist, mental health decline, paraplegia

Shikadai was unsure he heard Inojin correctly.

_I – I think I broke my spine._

“What?” Shikadai just whispered. He shuffled closer, head spinning, and he wiped the blood away from his eyes. It stung. “Your spine?”

Inojin let out a tired groan.

“You know what that means, don’t you?” Inojin said, just staring up at the hole in the ground they had fallen down from. He couldn’t almost himself believe how rational and calm he was. All emotions were gone and what was left was a stunned shell of a boy who just had lost his function in his legs.

This was a shock reaction.

The sun was about to go down on the sky above them.

“You can’t feel your legs?” Shikadai asked, still unable to really understand.

Inojin was silent for a few seconds, as if he tried his hardest to move. He then shook his head. He put his hands against his face, breathing slowly in and out.

“Oh fuck”, he sighed. “I can’t believe this happened to me.”

“What should I do?” Shikadai asked, now with raising panic in his voice. Inojin looked into Shikadai’s eyes.

“There’s nothing you can do”, he said.

Shikadai sat on his knees beside Inojin. Slowly he put a palm against Inojin’s chest.

“Can you feel this?” he asked, voice shaking. Inojin nodded. Shikadai put his hand against Inojin’s diaphragm right below his chest. “Can you feel this?” Inojin nodded. Shikadai let his hand slide down Inojin’s stomach and placed his palm above his navel. “Can you feel this?”

Inojin nodded.

Shikadai put his hand below Inojin’s navel. He immediately saw in Inojin’s eyes that he couldn’t feel that anymore.

“I can’t feel it…” Inojin whimpered. “I can’t feel it… oh my god.”

Shikadai looked up at the hole they had fallen down from. It was many metres up there, probably close to ten, and even he had had such basic medical training that he knew that a person with an injured spine was not allowed to be moved without having the spine secured first.

He would not be able to get Inojin safely up from this ravine without hurting him even more.

As that hard, cold reality reached into him he felt his eyes fill with water.

Inojin had been paralysed from the hips down.

Where was Chocho? Then Shikadai realised the danger that had gotten them on the move in the first place. The smoke from the tunnels.

What if their parents had died of smoke poisoning already?

Shikadai leaned forward, as the lack of control and the awful – _awful_ – mortal fear took over his system.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no”, he began whining, folding his arms over his head and face, as the anxiety attack rinsed through him.

“Sweetie”, Inojin said, but he utterly failed to convince Shikadai he was in any more control. He managed to grab Shikadai’s hand and squeezed as hard as his weak hand could. “Sweetie, please, look at me. It’s okay… everything is okay.”

He was lying of course. In his world Shikadai’s safety was the most important. Right now, Inojin couldn’t process what had happened to him, and even if he on a rational level knew what had happened, he couldn’t think of the severity of injury he had suffered. All he could think of was _please Shikadai, don’t break apart, stay with me, please…!_

“How is this okay?” Shikadai asked. “I – I think I’m going to pass out.”

“No, no, don’t”, Inojin said. “I am here. I’m not leaving you.”

Inojin felt like he wanted to pass out himself, the burning pain in his upper body almost numbing him completely. But he couldn’t think of himself right now. He was thinking of Shikadai.

Shikadai looked up again, chest heaving out of panic and hyperventilation and cheeks wet of blood and tears.

“I… can’t get you up”, Shikadai said and every word hurt on his tongue. “I can’t get you up without hurting you more. Oh god, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?”

“You don’t have to do anything”, Inojin said. “You just have to be safe for me, okay, sweetie? I want you to just breathe and stay here with me.”

It was way easier said than done.

“Why didn’t Chocho come back?” Shikadai snarled as he rose from the ground. It was extremely painful to see Inojin just lay there, not daring to move other than his head and a little bit of his arms. “She… she didn’t even turn around to _check_ if we were with her. Oh god, _why_ did this happen?” He dragged his hands through his hair, almost ripping a few strands of hair out of his scalp, fingers clawing his cheeks. “Are you in pain?”

Inojin let out a little huff of breath.

“I think I’ve broken some ribs too”, he said. “My upper body hurts a lot. I don’t know, I don’t what I feel. Not my legs at least.” He tried to laugh – a reaction to the damn absurdity of everything, but his face wrinkled in pain from his broken spine and ribs. Another tear found its way down the side of his face.

Shikadai was leaning against the uneven wall of the ravine, but after his knees failed him, he had to drop down on his bum. He was so, so shaky, so shocked he couldn’t even collect chakra properly in his body.

“Call your mum”, he just said.

But just like Shikadai, Inojin was also set in a shock reaction to what had happened. His mind was unable to see the damaged reality, and he could only focus on talking to Shikadai and get him to think of something else than the injury.

He tried, but his mind wasn’t working like it should. It couldn’t collect itself correctly, and the Mind Body Technique failed.

“My head hurts”, Inojin sighed.

“Fuck”, Shikadai said. He knew _he_ could get up and run for help, but that was the last thing he wanted – to be forced to leave Inojin alone in this horribly vulnerable state. He knew it would harm himself too, more than he would want.

“I can send a bird to dad”, Inojin mumbled. “I… I can’t reach to my Ink. Can you get it for me?”

Shikadai crawled over to Inojin, put his hand by the side of Inojin’s leg, but the bag was ripped open, empty.

“It’s… it’s empty”, Shikadai said.

“Is it?” Inojin said. “Fuck then. That tiger took them.”

Shikadai felt his own bag and its own emptiness. The lynx hade as well targeted the bag, destroyed it to the point of everything falling out of it.

Now the final rays of sun were shining right through the hole, right at the blond hair around Inojin’s face. It looked like a halo surrounding his head. Now Shikadai saw that Inojin was bleeding slightly from the back of his head, as well.

“No scrolls?”

“No scrolls”, Shikadai said.

“That tiger took them as well”, Inojin said. “Probably Kira’s plan to steal everything from me. Why didn’t I just kill her? I had the chance.”

There were so many whys. Why didn’t they do this instead of that? Why did they run? Why did they step exactly where the ground was at its weakest? Why did Inojin fall in a way that ended up being too much for his body?

Why did his spine break?

_Why_ did this happen to them?

Logical thoughts began to slowly slip away from Shikadai. He began to slowly be consumed by confusion. Why had this happened? Why had he _again_ been unable to save Inojin? And when he looked up, he was sure he saw monsters in the darkness surrounding them and he was convinced he heard someone giggle.

“There is one final thing I can do”, Inojin mumbled. “You are not going to like this.”

“What?” Shikadai asked, trying to tear his eyes away from all the monsters. “What do you mean? Your Ink is gone. Your scrolls are gone.” His voice was shaking.

“I can use Ink because I infuse chakra in it”, Inojin said. “I thought Ink was the only thing it worked in, but now I learned that you can also use Oil Paint. Shinobi with affinity for water can infuse chakra into water, just like you can infuse chakra into wind.”

Inojin had Water Release, which was a must to learn the Ink Jutsu. Inojin hadn’t ever really practised with water, and relied more on Ink, even if he knew the most basic water jutsu. But there is more to a Water Release than to use water or Ink.

“Yes?” Shikadai said.

“I will infuse chakra into my own blood”, Inojin said. “I will make a Blood Eagle.”

Shikadai stared at him as his blood ran cold.

“How?”

“Can you give me your kunai?”

“No!” Shikadai let out. “I can’t let you hurt yourself…”

“I knew you wouldn’t like it”, Inojin said and smiled. “Please. My head hurts too much, I can’t contact mum.”

Who knew if Ino was even alive anymore?

“My Ink is gone”, Inojin continued. “And you should not be left alone. I want you to stay here with me and…” _Fuck,_ it hurt to say the words. “… protect me. I _am_ already hurt. What difference will this make?”

Shikadai closed his eyes. His eyelashes were wet. Without looking he untied the only kunai he had and handed it to Inojin.

“Thanks”, Inojin said. “Please, don’t look.”

Shikadai didn’t look as Inojin raised his hand and placed the kunai against his pale wrist.

_Slice._

He angled his hand downwards so fresh blood would pour down into his palm.

“Sweetie?”

“Yes?” Shikadai said, eyes firmly closed, because now the world was spinning around him, and it made him nauseous and that _damn_ giggle wouldn’t stop ringing in his ears.

“Can you take off your shirt? I need a surface for my Bird”, Inojin said. “Can I paint it on your back?”

Shikadai nodded and ripped off his shirt, which was damp of sweat. Now, half-naked, he realised how cold it was down in the ravine. 

Inojin’s finger was warm and wet against his skin.

Slowly, his back became painted with chakra infused blood – Inojin’s blood. Shikadai began shivering.

“Are you okay?” Inojin asked.

“No”, Shikadai said. “Not at all.”

“I wish I could hug you”, Inojin said. “But I don’t dare to sit up.”

“No, don’t move”, Shikadai said.

“Ninja Art. Super Beast Imitation Drawing”, Inojin said, voice lacking enthusiasm. Shikadai felt how the dried blood on his back moved and flew up. Shikadai opened his eyes to see the Blood Eagle rise to the sky and disappeared through the hole.

The sun had gone down now.

Before the Blood Eagle disappeared completely a single drop of blood fell from it and landed right on Shikadai’s cheek.

It mixed well with his tears.

“It flew”, he got out.

“Shikadai”, Inojin said. “Come here by my side.”

Shikadai positioned himself beside Inojin and laid down by his side.

“Tell me if this hurts you”, Shikadai said and carefully laid one of his arms around Inojin’s chest.

Inojin just smiled at him, as a new wave of tears overrode him.

“I can’t dance now…” he whispered. Shikadai looked at him.

“Oh honey…”

“I – “ Inojin had to pause to sob. “I wanted to dance with you. Do you remember when we talked about it?”

They had done a tiny bit of slow dancing in their rooms before. It had mostly contained of wiggling around, laughing against each other’s necks and squeezing butts. Just dancing for fun, and Inojin had loved it. Loved being so close to the one he loved the most, loved moving slowly around to emotional songs. He loved dancing.

“I wanted to dance more…”

“Shh”, Shikadai said. “The help is on the way now.”

Lies, lies, lies.

He didn’t know if Inojin’s Blood Eagle had found their parents. They didn’t even know if their parents were alive.

“I can’t… _move…!_ ” Inojin kept crying. The reality was beginning to fully set in now.

Shikadai kissed Inojin’s forehead.

“I’m so sorry”, he said. “I’m so sorry.” He stared up against the sky.

As the night filled the sky the stars appeared above the hole in the ground. Shikadai and Inojin laid side by side, both of them damaged, one in his mind and the other one in his body, looking up at the beautiful starry sky visible from the hole.

Inojin didn’t feel how cold his feet would turn in the darkness of the ravine.

“One day I will dance with you…” Shikadai mumbled. He was freezing. “One day, when you’re good again.”

“Shikadai… this injury never goes away”, Inojin whispered back, the cry audible in his voice. “It’s for forever. I will never be able to dance again.”

“Shh”, Shikadai said.

There was a falling star right above them. Shikadai’s eyes filled with tears once more. He closed his eyes as the wet trails flowed down the sides of his face and said his one wish out loud.

“One day we will dance above the stars.”

“We have to get out!” Ino shrieked when they realised the traps.

Fire traps.

“Fucking oil!” Karui growled and turned her heel to get the fuck out of the burning tunnels.

The team of six shinobi, Ino and Sai, Shikamaru and Temari and Choji and Karui, had walked deep into the tunnels, following Ino’s lead where the chakra systems were hiding. Sai’s Ink Mice had run in front of them, making sure everything was okay.

Everything had been okay except for two things.

Their children had gone somewhere else, somewhere Inojin wanted to go. They had decided to separate the groups, to let the children get the independence they needed to grow into good shinobi. They needed to be able to make their own decisions, because the parents wouldn’t always be there to help them.

The thought of letting Shikadai in a situation like this be independent felt unsettling for Shikamaru, but he knew he _had_ to trust his son. Trust that he can live a normal shinobi life.

The second thing unsettling them was the oil on the floor. It was literally everywhere.

They had walked inside the tunnels – the catacombs – following the human chakra Ino was sensing for. All of chakra systems where in the same room and Shikamaru had a plan of how to ambush and capture all of the four people Ino had sensed were in that room.

“I smell food”, Choji had said when they had walked closer. He even managed to pinpoint what spices were used in the broth that smelled to deliciously in the tunnels. It was just a pity the smell of oil was contesting again the wonderful smell of curry in the tunnel.

“Are people _living_ down here?” Ino muttered for herself. She counted the chakra systems again and sensed them sitting in an order than indeed did suggest they were sitting by a dinner table.

They never even got to reach the assumed dinner hall, before fire behind them raged.

Sai didn’t get to stare his sister in her eyes, nor see his niece, nor see his parents before the danger was very real and insanely acute.

None of Kumiko’s family were sensors, and everything would have worked perfectly for Ino-Shika-Cho and their families if not Kira had been outside the tunnels, and coming from behind and just briefly seen their backs before they had disappeared behind the corner.

They had not spotted the Ink Snake slithering above their heads in the ceiling, faster than them. An Ink Beast’s chakra worked different than a human’s, and Ino didn’t think of that possibility.

After all, at that moment they had still believed Sai and Inojin were the only shinobi who had mastered Ink techniques.

They had figured out Danzo had stolen the sealing technique from elsewhere, but the thought that he had also been taught the Ink technique from someone else hadn’t really set in. And they sure as hell didn’t expect to run into Ink users here. The image was still too bizarre.

The Ink Snake slithered inside the dinner room before Ino, Shikamaru and Choji, with their spouses.

Kumiko had calmly raised from her chair, commanded a few small Ink Mice to carry ignited matches to run up to the enemy, this time again in the ceiling.

“What is that?” Temari snarled as they saw the small flames dance in the ceiling above their heads.

“Don’t let the fire fall!” Shikamaru shrieked at the same time as the door in front of them closed and the Mice behind them dropped their burning matches.

Temari’s Wind made the Ink combust into splatter and nothingness, and most of the small flames died.

Well. Most of the flames.

One single, tiny flame – just a drop of fire, fell into the highly flammable oil and the whole floor ignited.

“Fuck!” Temari yelled and more wind blew around in the tunnel in the hopes of putting out the fire completely.

Wind feeds fires, and now there was fire everywhere.

“Temari, no!” Shikamaru hissed and grabbed her arm.

“We need to get out”, Karui yelled and ran _right through the fire._

Her feet burned, her hair almost caught on fire, and the fire was never ending. The oil was everywhere. Every-fucking-where.

“Choji!” she yelped as she inhaled the first set of smoke.

Ino had ripped her shirt upwards, to cover her mouth.

“Hold your breaths! Get down!”

If only crawling to avoid the smoke was an option, but the floor was burning.

One could maybe judge them for not handling the fire very well, but when you are crammed in a dark tunnel with raging fire around you, every second counts.

Smoke poisoning happens within minutes. Sometimes the smoke is so hot the lungs burn from the insides, destroying them.

Smoke poisoning is horrible.

Sai didn’t have enough Ink to cover the flames, to smother the fire.

“Super Expansion Jutsu!” Choji tried and his body expanded into a ball big enough to almost cover the entire tunnel. “Follow me!”

He rolled over the fire in a speed making it difficult for the fire to burn him, and temporarily made a passageway for his friends.

“Run!” Shikamaru screamed as he lunged forward to get the hell out of this place, accidentally inhaling smoke. The smoke burned his throat and lungs, and the sensation almost paralysed him out of pain. He shut his eyes as tears erupted.

Temari grabbed his arm and dragged him with her. She had held her breath for a long time now. Soon she’d have to breathe.

Ino and Sai ran as fast as they could right behind Choji, holding their breaths, trying to cover their mouths with fabric.

Then Choji rolled over a little human bump.

Karui had passed out on the ground.

“No, no!” Choji said as his expansion broke and he kneeled beside Karui. They had managed past the worst fires, but it was spreading quickly with the help of the oil.

Shit, this was bad, really bad.

“Karui, please, get up”, Choji tried.

“Choji! You need to move”, Ino hissed.

Ino lifted Karui up in her arms, grunting out of the weight.

Now that they were at least a little bit away from the worst flames, Sai managed to bring up his arms and command an Earth Jutsu so seal the pathway. A wall of stone rose from the ground, smothering the flames.

He wasn’t an Earth Jutsu expert, as Water was his element, but he was the only one capable of performing it right now. Shikamaru bent forward and threw up from the inhalation of smoke, and Choji took over Karui.

“Oh honey, honey, are you alright?” he constantly asked, but received no answer. Karui was limb in his arms. “Oh no, oh, my Karui…”

“Fucking fuck, they were trying to murder us”, Temari hissed while patting Shikamaru’s back as his breathing sounded more like a wheeze.

“The kids”, Ino said. “Our kids!” She brought up her hand quickly, and found three chakra systems outside the tunnels. Oh, the relief. Shikadai and Inojin, side by side, somewhere further away from them, but their chakra was healthy, so Ino didn’t worry too much about them. Chocho was on her way towards here, and she was fast.

The stairs were in front of them, and immediately as they were outside in the cool starlight Ino began giving first aid to Karui. The Earth Jutsu crumbled inside the tunnel and the smoke began clouding from the opening, but now they were out in fresh air and not down in a fire trap.

Thirty times Ino pressed hard on Karui’s ribcage. Three times she blew air into Karui’s mouth. Thirty times she pressed on Karui’s ribcage again.

“Oh Karui, please wake up”, Choji was mumbling by her side.

“Mum!” someone yelled. Chocho had now caught up to them, coming dashing head over heels. “Mum, no!”

Temari was immediately on her legs, grabbing Chocho’s arm.

“Don’t look”, she hissed.

“ _Mum!”_ Chocho screamed and managed to get free from Temari’s grip. She fell on her knees by Karui’s side. “Mum, please wake up. What happened?”

“Fire traps”, Temari said, looking up again. She saw a little tower of smoke coming up from the ground a good bit away from them. “Shikamaru, look.” Shikamaru, even though his breaths were not sounding totally okay yes, was able to stand on two legs. “There is coming smoke up from the ground there. There has to be the secret opening the wicked bastards used to get out.”

Temari unfolded her fan. The metal on it was hot from the fire she had ran through, but she was a strong woman and her heart was burning out of spite.

“Come on, Shikamaru”, she said. “Let’s go and hunt them down.”

Shikamaru threw one last look at the Akimichi family, one unconscious from inhaling too much smoke, and two worried souls by her side.

Ino was still doing the CPR on Karui, and Sai worked with calming Choji down.

They could manage.

They _had_ to manage.

“Let’s go”, Shikamaru said and he and Temari ran towards the tower of smoke to see if they could catch the people who had had a nice dinner down in the catacombs before attempting to murder six people, leaving the Akimichis and Yamanakas.

“Damn it”, Ino mumbled, when she once again pressed her hands against Karui’s ribcage. Time was running out. “Sai, honey, you have to go to Konoha and get – “

That was the moment Karui began coughing.

“Oh thank god”, Choji cried out and hauled Karui into his arm hug.

“Mum, you’re alive”, Chocho let out.

Ino leaned back, sighing out of relief. Karui was most likely going to be okay. She was dirty, some of her hair had burned, she was covered in oil and soot – which all of them were, but she could breathe on her own. Her breaths were however wheezing and short.

“You must get to the hospital as fast as possible”, Ino said. “Playing with smoke poisoning is dangerous.”

“Chocho”, Sai said, earning her attention. “Where are Inojin and Shikadai? Why did you come alone here?”

Chocho looked at him. All of a sudden she realised that Sai didn’t know who the bad guys were.

“Inojin and Shikadai managed to capture one of the enemies”, she said, while looking at her mother sitting, slowly breathing. “Inojin have not been able to tell you this himself. But the girl they captured is your niece. Your biological niece.”

Sai just stared at her.

“What?”

“ _What?”_ Ino almost yelled. “Niece?” She looked at Sai. “Let’s go there immediately.” Then she remembered she had felt no more chakra systems but her son’s and Shikadai’s. Had they already killed the girl?

Ino licked her lips, Sai was on his feet, pacing nervously around. Ino looked at Choji.

“Please, go to the hospital now”, she ushered. “Thank you, Chocho, for the information. Go to the hospital, all of you. We come to you later.”

The Ino-Shika-Cho split again.

Temari and Shikamaru had run after the enemy, trying to find anything that would give away where they had run. Choji, Chocho and Karui went straight to Konoha, to the hospital.

Ino and Sai ran to where Ino had felt her son’s chakra.

“Ino”, Sai said and stopped abruptly. “Oh no.”

“What?” Ino asked before looking up in the sky. A beautiful bird made of blood soared down to them. The Blood Eagle was seconds before splattering into drops and it dived straight down, crash-landing on the ground before Sai’s feet. The blood formed the outline of the big eagle, and inside its body three words were written.

_Help. Broken spine._

Ino sensed the charka inside the blood. This was Inojin’s chakra. This was Inojin’s blood.

Ino pressed a hand against her mouth when the meaning of the words fully set in.

“Oh no”, she managed to get out before her feet were running before she had commanded them to.

This had to be bad.

Really bad.

“Inojin!” she screamed. Sai was completely silent beside her, breaths slightly panting. Even he was now running with a face stiff of nervous features.

Ino sensed her son, mind racing and her own thoughts almost sobbing inside her. He was just in front of them, but she couldn’t see him.

“Inojin!” she yelled again.

Shikadai snapped his head up as he heard Ino’s voice bellow above them.

“The bird found them”, he said, relieved, and sat up. Inojin was laying still, just staring up at the sky. “Oh god, Inojin, sweetie. They’re here.”

“Ino, they’re down here”, Sai said and jumped down the ravine.

“Dad”, Inojin whimpered as a wave of fresh tears fell down his face. “Dad, I can’t move my legs.”

“Shh”, Sai said as he kneeled beside Inojin as Ino jumped down. Sai’s priority focus was keeping Inojin calm.

“Oh my god, my baby”, Ino said as she stroked Inojin’s hair. She looked up at Shikadai, who had moved a little bit further away. “What happened?”

“We fell”, Shikadai said.

“You fell?” Ino responded, and her voice was way too strong, way too stressed and way too high-pitched. She couldn’t contain herself, mind totally consumed by fear for Inojin. She didn’t think of how she talked to Shikadai. She didn’t even, in this stressful moment, realise how damaging it would be to yell at him. “You fell down here? Why? Why didn’t you realise there was a ravine here?”

Ino didn’t even know what she was talking about – she just babbled. This was a shock reaction. A common, so common shock reaction.

But in Shikadai’s head, it sounded like she accused him.

Why hadn’t _he_ been able to realise there was a ravine there.

Shikadai pressed his hands against his face. The giggle inside his ears sounded extra spiteful.

This was all his fault. He was the cause of Inojin’s injury. He was the culprit here.

_You did this to Inojin,_ the old, very evil voice in Shikadai’s head said. That voice had been quiet for a long time. Over a year, in fact. _This is all your fault._

It had awakened again.

_I… I want to save him._

_You can’t. You can’t save him anymore. The sun has gone down already. It’s over._

Shikadai stared at Ino and Sai talking to Inojin, who were bringing solidified Ink by Inojin’s sides to stabilise his torso and spine. The final logical thoughts slipped into nothingness and confusion and fright were the only things he could process anymore. His hand gripped around the shreds of his bag. The bag, which did not contain the strong drug anymore.

“Where does it hurt?” Ino asked as she tried to reach inside Inojin with her medical chakra.

“My back”, Inojin said. “My back is hurting a lot. It burns, it burns so much.”

Ino just nodded, lips pinched together and a lower jaw shaking from trying to hold tears inside.

Medical chakra has little to no effect on nerves. Medical chakra is meant to benefit muscles, bones, and veins – even organs. But the spinal cord? There it is useless.

“It’s okay, my baby”, Ino said – lied – to him.

“I will now try to get you out of here”, Sai said, meaning he will make the brace out of Ink he had painted around Inojin’s body, fly and slowly raise up from the ravine.

When they lifted Inojin’s body they saw exactly why his spine had cracked as he had landed. The ground had been uneven, divided into two different levels. The height differences between the ground where Inojin’s upper body had landed and where his lower body had landed turned out to be too much.

It was maybe five centimetres at the most.

But five centimetres height difference had been too much. The human body is so fragile.

“Come with us, Shikadai”, Ino said without looking at him, her eyes steadily on Inojin’s face, as she tried to read his face to know if Sai’s movement hurt him.

Shikadai followed them, not saying a single word.

They arrived at the hospital, and Inojin was transferred into a moving bed. Now they had to work quickly, to reduce the swelling inside his spine.

Ino and Sai were fretting over their son, who was possibly facing life-long consequences of the fall, and soon enough were called in by a doctor to discuss the future and rehabilitation for Inojin.

Inojin had been sent to both an X-ray and MRI-scan, a surgery was about to take place and soon enough he became sedated.

And in the midst of all uncertainty and stress, everyone forgot Shikadai was still there, waddling around in the waiting room.

He was so confused, so confused. Where was Inojin? Why had they taken him away from him? He had walked inside the bathroom and cleaned off the blood from his face. The wound was on his scalp, hiding in his hair.

He was so scared. Where were mum and dad? Why was Inojin in that room? Why didn’t they let Shikadai go inside that room? They had taken Inojin. Taken him!

“Thank you for taking care of your friend until now”, one of the nurses said, smiling at him, when he was sitting in one of the sofas, finding a loose thread he began ripping out from the fabric. “He is in good hands now. You may come tomorrow and visit him again when he’s woken up. Injuring the spine is a serious case. Do you have someone at home to talk to about this accident if you feel like it?”

This is where the nurse should’ve asked for his ID and check whether he had the ICE-222 code or not. The code which would refer him to professionals to guide him through trauma.

Shikadai furrowed his brows. He didn’t know where his parents were. But he wasn’t capable anymore of telling that either.

He just nodded.

_Why did they take Inojin away?_

The nurse had smiled and talked gently to Shikadai, but she was stressed as well and had a list of patients to look after, and Shikadai was just in the way in the waiting room.

“Go home now”, she said.

The 222-code exists for a reason. To help shinobi sensitive to stress and trauma getting help before it was too late. Everyone working at Konoha’s hospital _should know_ to check for that code inside shinobi ID-paper.

This nurse didn’t.

Shikadai was not able to tell himself that he needed help.

So, he walked home alone instead.

When Temari arrived at the hospital, tired, black of soot in the face and hair, she first checked in on Karui. It was custom to always check in on the wounded members of the party. She hadn’t yet heard of Inojin when she stepped inside the room.

She had come alone, since Shikamaru had stormed to Naruto to tell him about everything that had happened.

“Did you hear about Inojin?” Choji asked silently from Temari after she had brought forth her well-wishes. Karui was going to be one hundred percent okay, and was supposed to get to come home the following day after getting more oxygen for a while.

Temari felt her stomach grow cold.

“No?” she said. “What happened to him?”

“Spinal cord injury”, Choji mumbled.

“What?” Temari just breathed. “What?”

“You should probably find Ino”, Choji said. “They’re also here, on another floor.”

“Where’s Shikadai?” Temari asked. This was the burning question. How had Shikadai managed this?

“Probably with Inojin.”

Temari rushed through the floors of the hospital, until she found Ino and Sai. They talked for a while, about Inojin, about the _why did this happen to us_. Finally, Temari asked them the question.

“Where is Shikadai?”

“He was probably referred to the psychiatrist already”, Ino said, voice hollow. She had obviously not sent Shikadai a single thought in the midst of her own crisis.

“I go and check in on him”, Temari said. She could only imagine the crisis Shikadai himself went through. Good thing he had been referred to the psychiatrist to get emergency help, since this was _what was not supposed to happen_ , and this was a high trigger for him.

He had probably gotten the help needed.

The mental hospital was not in the same campus as Konoha’s big hospital, but a few blocks away. Temari walked in a fast pace down the cement road leading to the hospital she was so familiar with.

The nurse behind the info desk recognised Temari.

“Hello”, she said, and her smile faltered when she saw Temari’s stressed face.

“Hi”, Temari said. “Has Shikadai gotten the emergency counselling already?”

The nurse’s face fell in worry.

“Emergency counselling?”

“The 222-code counselling”, Temari said. “Shikadai was witness to an accident, nature of which was triggering for him. He should have been referred to you for a trauma processing session.”

The nurse clicked around on her computer.

“I am afraid he had not been sent here”, she said.

“What?” Temari breathed.

The nurse swallowed.

“I’m sorry, but he has not come here.”

“Where is he, then?” Temari asked. The question was rhetorical. “Fuck… where is he?”

She ran back to the main hospital, pushing herself up to that info desk. There, another nurse was sitting behind the computer.

“Have you sent Nara Shikadai of the Sand to the emergency counselling he has right to?” Temari snarled.

“Who?”

“Yamanaka Inojin was admitted earlier today to you”, Temari said, voice shaking. “He was accompanied by my son, Nara Shikadai of the Sand, black hair, green eyes, and my son has the 222-code. He is not allowed to be left alone after witnessing Inojin’s accident. He has a right to emergency counselling.”

The nurse sighed.

“He didn’t tell us he had the 222-code”, she said. “We didn’t know.”

Temari smashed her fist down the table.

“You are supposed to _check for it!”_ she almost yelled. “He was probably in a state where he couldn’t tell you! It’s your _job!”_

“I’m sorry”, the nurse said, completely unenthusiastic.

“Fuck you”, Temari whispered. “Where did he go then? Where did you send him?”

“We sent him home”, the nurse said.

_Home? Alone?_

“Did you send him home?”

“Yes.”

“Alone?”

“Yes.”

“With no one to check on him?”

“I’m afraid, yes.”

Temari’s head turned completely blank.

_Oh no._

“I – I understand”, she said, even if she didn’t understand at all. “Thank you for absolutely nothing.”

Shikadai had been sent home alone, during a time he was not allowed – _supposed_ to be alone. Being alone with his own head is the greatest threat to him in a time of crisis.

When Temari walked towards their own home, her tears had begun to fall. So much had happened the same day that she was barely able to process it all. Karui had almost died, they had all almost died in the fires, and Inojin had sustained an injury. And deep inside her heart, she knew.

She knew that when she got home, she would find Shikadai.

And Shikadai would have relapsed in a psychosis once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you get something in your eyes?
> 
> The next chapter will be emotionally heavy as well, and after that things will get slowly better. 
> 
> happy ending happy ending happy ending


	12. The death of Ino-Shika-Cho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I try to depict a spinal cord injury as realistically I can (with the deviation of the time it takes from accident to the beginning of the physio rehab, it is sped up here). I have probably spent over 20 hours researching, reading medical reports and articles, info sites, as well as watching hell of a lot of vlogs by paraplegics. Hopefully I manage to portay everything realistically.
> 
> Enjoy!

Temari took a deep breath before opening the door to their home.

“Shikadai?” she called out. “Shikadai, honey, are you here?”

It was dark in their house. She took a step inside.

“Shikadai?” she said again. “If you can talk, please say something.”

“Who is it?” a weak voice called out.

“It’s Mum”, Temari said. “Mum came.”

Temari walked into his dark room. Shikadai had ripped his bedsheets off the bed, and held the blankets in his arms, just staring at the bed, as if he didn’t understand why it was there. He wouldn’t look Temari in her eyes, but quickly ran his gaze over her when she entered.

“Oh, thank goodness you haven’t hurt yourself”, Temari let out. “Shikadai, how are you? Can you tell me how you are feeling?”

“He is not here”, Shikadai said, slowly shaking his head while staring at the bed. “I looked for him, he says we meet here. But he is gone, not here.”

“Are you talking about Inojin?” Temari asked, slowly sitting down on the bed. She remembered well the instructions, how to talk to a person in a psychosis. Be at their eyelevel. Never yell at them. Be gentle. Don’t make them feel threatened.

“I don’t understand”, Shikadai said. ”I don’t understand where he is.” He stormed out of the room and Temari followed him. He walked to the bathroom, looking inside the shower. “I must save him.”

“Shikadai…”

“Save him!” Shikadai snarled as he walked past Temari. This time he looked up in her eyes. She followed him again. “He is hurt. I don’t know where he is. They took him, the spies took him. I _am_ looking, stop that.”

Temari didn’t know what to say as her heart slowly, slowly broke.

“He said we here on the room”, Shikadai said and now his sentences broke completely apart. He wasn’t able to talk coherently anymore, the grammar falling apart. He sat down in the sofa, staring in front of him. After a few seconds of not blinking he closed his eyes and groaned. “He is not here gone. They took him.”

Temari took a deep breath, mostly to collect herself.

“Shikadai”, she said. “I know where Inojin is.” Shikadai stared at her, and she saw in his eyes that he was delusional again.

“You took him?” he asked. “Why did you do that? Why are you on their side?”

“He is safe”, Temari said and forced herself to smile.

“Lies”, Shikadai said. “Lying. Tears means lies, is lies. I hate you.”

Temari bit her teeth together.

“Shikadai, my pebble”, she said. She had _never_ called him for her pebble in this context before. “If you follow me, I will take you to Inojin. And I will show you he is totally okay. You have already saved him. If you just hold my hand – ”

“Don’t touch me”, Shikadai said.

Temari waited. _Be patient with him, be patient with him, he’s ill and his reality is different._

“Please, can I hold your hand?” Temari asked again. “I will take you to Inojin. I know where he is. He is waiting for you. He will be _very_ happy to see you again. Please, Shikadai. Just hold mommy’s hand, okay?”

She realised she had begun talking as if she was talking to a young child. Shikadai stared at her, as if he fought to decide whether to trust her or not. He looked up at her, a pleading gaze as if he was a scared.

“Will it hurt?”

“No, honey”, Temari said. “I’m not hurting you. Please.” He reached out his hand. Temari grabbed it, holding it firmly. “Thank you, Shikadai. Let’s go to Inojin.”

She mildly directed him out of the house. He looked around himself frantically, as if he tried to spot Inojin from behind every tree and every corner.

Or maybe he looked for spies.

“Is Inojin there?” Shikadai asked.

“Yes”, Temari lied. “I will take you to Inojin.”

Shikadai began squeezing her hand back, as if he was afraid and this touch was the only thing giving him safety.

“Scared”, he said.

“I know, sweetie”, Temari said. “I know you are scared. But I’m taking you somewhere safe, please, trust me.”

Shikadai let himself be dragged after his mother, holding her hand.

The road to the hospital felt like taking forever. The fastest route was through the centre of Konoha, and Temari didn’t want people to stare at her and her son in this vulnerable state, so she took a slight detour instead.

Shikadai was walking slowly, occasionally stumbling when he had twisted his head to look behind him and wasn’t looking where he was going. Sometimes he mumbled something that didn’t make any sense at all, and Temari grew nervous.

What made her feel a slight relief was the fact that Shikadai didn’t shy away from her touch anymore. He still held her hand. Maybe it was a lifeline for him to have something stable to hold onto.

If he were himself, he would probably die of embarrassment from walking through Konoha, holding hands with his mother, but right now he couldn’t think of it. Right now, he needed help and fast, even if he himself didn’t recognise that need.

He should not have been left alone, damn it!

Temari cursed herself to infinity. Why did she and Shikamaru try to chase the other people in a useless try to catch them. They had found nothing and the mission had failed. They had found absolutely nothing, and these people were still out there somewhere.

Why hadn’t she understood to check to Inojin and Shikadai _first?_ That way this relapse could maybe have been avoided, that way Shikadai would have gotten help faster. He wouldn’t have had to spend hours alone with his own head.

Temari looked up and noticed a familiar figure in front of them. Sarada. Sarada’s face had burst out in a smile and her hand raised in a wave – both of which faltered when she saw Shikadai’s face, his panicky gaze as he stared around himself, and the way Temari held his hand hard.

Sarada swallowed.

Temari knew she must’ve realised what was going on. Temari nodded shortly to Sarada and continued guiding Shikadai with her. They were close to the hospital now.

“Look”, she said when they walked the path to the main doors. “We are here. Now you can get help and you don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

“Don’t need help”, Shikadai said. “Scared.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to be scared anymore”, Temari said as she pushed Shikadai in through the doors.

It was the same nurse behind the info desk as when Temari had come the first time.

“Hello”, she said when she noticed Shikadai. He was chewing on the back of his finger in a nervous tick. “Oh dear. I’ll call the doctor immediately.”

She came out of the info booth.

“Let’s get him into a room”, she said and fiddled with her keys, letting Shikadai inside a room.

“Inojin?” he called out. He walked around the corners before staring up at Temari, hurt visible in his eyes. “Liar!”

“You need help”, Temari said, and oh, how much words can hurt, how much the reality can hurt.

“I need Inojin!”

Temari took a few steps back.

“Don’t leave me”, Shikadai said. He grabbed her hand. “Scared.”

“You can stay with him for now”, the nurse said. “I’ll get the doctor.”

The minutes they awaited the doctor were the longest minutes of Temari’s life.

And after the evaluation, it was decided that Temari leaves this hospital alone, and Shikadai stays here.

He was inconsolable. In his world, everyone was sided against him and everyone was out to hurt him – Inojin was taken away and now his mother would be taken away as well. He cried and cried as he clutched himself to Temari’s side. He complained about a giggle in his head and a voice calling him mean things.

This was even more horrible than the dark nights up in Kumo when he was symptomatic the last time.

“Don’t leave me”, he begged. “I don’t want to be alone!”

But Temari had to leave him at some point.

After the nurses managed to trick him to swallow calming and antipsychotic medication Temari managed to leave him to talk with the psychiatrist alone.

“He is not aggressive, which a relief”, the psychiatrist said. “We can either wait out the symptoms with normal medication, or we can use a stronger injective drug now. However, the stronger drug will give him side effects and I would not recommend that one for him. What do you want us to do?”

Temari almost snapped she wanted Ino here to pull Shikadai out of the psychosis, but reminded herself that Ino was currently going through something very similar than herself. She had her own crisis to deal with along with Inojin’s injury. To demand her to get over to the psych ward to treat Shikadai would be selfish.

Besides, who knew if Shikadai would become aggressive since Inojin wasn’t going to be able to join. Last time he had refused anyone to touch his head, and the treatment would take an hour and a half.

“I’d like to call my husband”, Temari said, biting her lower lip. “His father.”

“We don’t have to make any decisions now”, the psychiatrist said. “Call him and talk this through.” She gave a sad smile to Temari. “I’m sorry for you all.”

Temari walked over to the phone booth and pressed some coins inside the machine. The number she called was Naruto’s office number.

“Hello, Hokage’s office, Nara Shikamaru speaking”, Shikamaru said on the other side of the line, sounding stressed. “Please state your business.”

“It’s me”, Temari said. “I’m calling for the psych ward.”

It was silent on the other side of the line.

“Did Shikadai get the 222-code emergency counselling?” Shikamaru asked after carefully evaluating his following words. “Is that why you’re there?”

“He did not get it”, Temari said. “He was sent home alone. And that is precisely why we are here again.”

“Oh no”, Shikamaru said. “Oh no.”

“Can you come over here?” Temari’s voice was slightly shaking. “He is… he is not okay. He have to stay here. We, um, we have to make decisions in his treatment.”

Shikamaru’s breathing sounded heavy in the phone.

“I’ll be right there.”

The phone call ended, but Temari remained inside the phone booth for a minute or two longer. Anything but having to deal with the awful reality outside.

The cold reality wasn’t any easier in the other hospital a few blocks away.

Four days had passed since Inojin fell down a ravine and broke his spine. Since then he had gone through a surgery to slightly move the one vertebra that had been pushed into his nerves, needles containing anti-inflammatory medicine had been injected directly into his spine and he had gone through all the scans and X-rays.

And finally, the swelling inside his spine had reduced enough that they were able to assess the degree of injury.

_L3. Incomplete injury._

This was a blessing in disguise. Out of all possible places in the back, Inojin broke his spine at the L3 in his lower back, the third to last lumbar vertebra in the whole spine. This meant he had complete control over his core muscles, all of his abs, which made a lot of things much easier, even if the pelvic area and the legs were out of the game.

After the swelling, and the first shock, reduced, Inojin got some weak sensation back in his hips and the front of his thighs. His feet were paralysed, but his thighs had sensation – even the weakest of movement!

The muscle strength in his thighs was feeble and Inojin could not move his legs himself, because he had become – if not a complete, but nonetheless, a paraplegic.

Through medical ninjutsu his broken ribs were healed in the blink of an eye, and after the broken vertebra had been moved to its proper place even that one became healed. No organs had suffered from the fall, and he had not attainted any brain damage either. The only thing damaged was the spinal cord.

“There is no point wallowing in the past”, the doctors had said. “Now we must focus on the future, and your rehabilitation.”

“Will I be able to walk again?” Inojin had asked. “It tingles a bit, but I can feel this.” He placed his hand on his thigh.

The doctor waited a few seconds, staring at Inojin’s X-ray images.

“You might be able to walk again someday in the future, with assistance”, the doctor said, and shot a smile. “We can’t yet tell how much muscle strength you still have. Let’s focus now on what you can do, not on what you can’t do. I’ll write the referrals to the physiotherapists and the occupation therapists. Now that the bones in your body are healed, you’ll slowly begin the rehab. Good luck.”

It still felt unreal. Not being able to just sit up in the bed and walk out of the room felt so unreal.

Not being able to feel or move his feet felt unreal. As if his body ended below his weist. The first three days Inojin had to be on a flat rest, which meant he would lay flat on his back without a pillow, not allowed to move at all, before all the bones and everything but his nerves were okay. Medical ninjutsu could do wonders in those areas. After that he could sit up – and he had no idea one could be so _exhausted_ after just sitting, leaning against a pillow.

The first night Inojin was allowed to sit up, he woke up in the middle of the night. He tried to move his legs, and only managed to make them shift a centimetre to the side. The legs fell then back into their neutral position. Inojin lifted away the covers and after a few moments of grunting as he sat up, he placed a hand near his groin.

It tingled and felt weird, almost burning, but he _felt the touch of his hand._ Slowly he let his hand slide down along his thigh, cataloguing how it felt.

Before he reached his knee, his sensation stopped completely.

Inojin bit down on his lip, grabbing his shin with his hands – forcefully – and bent his knee with his hands to be able to feel all the way to the foot. His hands travelled from his knee down his shin. He maybe imagined to be able to feel something, but his brain was lying because it expected sensation. His foot was completely dead. Inojin stared at it while he pressed his fingers with force into the skin, something he knew would bring pain.

Nothing.

His brain fought to make sense of it. He stared at his own limb and curled his fingers, clawing his foot until the skin turned red and he felt nothing.

Nothing, nothing, _nothing!_

They were paralysed. _He_ was paralysed.

He immediately hugged himself, desperate to be able to recognise touch. The skin on his arms responded accordingly. Or, well, the nerves managed to send the signals up to the brain unhindered. It had been explained to him that since his injury was incomplete, some of the nerves still managed to send signals to his brain. That was why he still had sensation in his thighs, but the nerves going to his feet were out of the game. The vertebra that had been pushed into his nerves had tore them.

Inojin’s lower lip began quivering. He tasted salt in his mouth as a tear found its way into the corner of his mouth.

He leaned back against the pillow, covered his face with his arms and cried.

One single second was all it had taken to rip his spinal nerves and now time was moving forward, but life was never going to be the same again.

Why had this happened to _him?_ It felt humiliating having to have nurses help him with all of the things, it felt embarrassing to use a catheter and most of all it was incredibly boring to just sit and draw in his bed because he couldn’t go wherever he wanted.

“Why hasn’t Shikadai come here yet to visit me?” Inojin asked the following day. “He could maybe bring shogi with him. Is he not allowed?”

Ino dreaded this question.

“Inojin”, she said slowly. “You… you are probably aware that your accident was a high trigger for him.”

Inojin stared at Ino. He closed his eyes. Deep inside he had known. He had always known.

“No…” he whispered. “Please don’t say he… don’t say it happened to him again.”

Ino licked her lips.

“Don’t blame yourself”, she said. “This was an accident and you’ve got enough going on with your own health. You could not do anything about this.”

“Has he relapsed?” Inojin asked. “Tell me now what is going on with him. Don’t lie to me, don’t you dare to lie to me.”

He opened his eyes again, those blue eyes shining against bloodshot red. He looked devastated.

“Yes”, Ino said. “He is hospitalised again. And… this time for a whole month, at least.”

Inojin stared at his mother.

“A whole month? It was two weeks last time”, he said. “A whole month… can’t I see him in a whole month?”

“I hope you can”, Ino said. “But for now he needs the peace that comes with not being connected with the outer world. It… might actually harm him more if he is connection with you.”

“I miss him so much”, Inojin whined. “Like, here I am, can’t feel my fucking legs and I can’t even fucking pee anymore without a catheter! Damn it, I hate this so much and now you tell me Shikadai is sick again. This is just a nightmare… Why did this happen to me – to him?”

The only thing Ino could do was hugging him carefully.

“I want to wind time back”, Inojin cried. “Before everything.”

“I know”, Ino said and when she closed her eyes against his silky blond hair she felt how her own tears fell. “I know, my baby, I know.”

When one sustains a spinal cord injury – and even if Inojin had managed to save both sensation and movement in parts of his legs, one’s whole life is going to change. One day you are ablebodied, the next irreversible disabled.

That is a crisis on its own, especially when you are just fifteen years old.

This had not been easy for Ino or Sai either. The first night after the accident was the worst. It felt horrible to just leave Inojin there for the night, drugged and freshly awoken from the surgery, complaining about pain in his back and that he can’t move his legs.

Neither Ino nor Sai had slept at all the first night. After they had laid in bed in silence for hours, occasionally snivelling quietly and taking turns hugging the other one, they had instead refurnished their entire home. Inojin’s room had been in the upper floor, which was not really an option anymore. They spend the night moving all of Inojin’s things down from his room, and all of their own things from their room up to his old room. In one single night, they had switched rooms. Ino and Sai had moved upstairs and Inojin’s new room was what once had been the master bedroom.

As soon as Sai woke up from the weird feverish slumber the couple managed to get in the morning after the horrible sleepless night, he took a hammer and a saw. During complete silence, without having eaten breakfast, he ripped up every threshold in their house, making the home accessible for a wheelchair. They looked over at the little step outside leading into their home and immediately as the carpenter shop opened commissioned a builder to make a ramp for their home.

Doing something practical helped arranging the thoughts somewhat.

After that, they went back to the hospital to accompany their son on the tedious road of rehabilitation.

The drama and fire escape down in the tunnels fell on the backburner. Sai couldn’t even comprehend all the information Chocho gave him. He had a sister named Kumiko. He had a niece named Kira. He had a mother and father who _were alive,_ and he had never known.

And these people wanted to kill Inojin for being a failed product of their family.

There is only so much a person can grasp and he consciously pushed away the image of a ‘family’ and focused all his energy on Inojin instead. He just… _couldn’t_ deal with the enemy right now.

Inojin getting a fast recovery was the number one important plan, and as a parent, one become consumed by one’s child’s accident and the recovery. Sai hovered over books, he studied into infinity this specific injury and tried to learn as much as possible. Ino and Sai were present at the first rehabilitation session, and they were probably more nervous than Inojin about it.

“Hello, Inojin”, the physiotherapist said gleefully when the first session came around. “We’ll start by practising the simple. Learning to transit from bed to chair.”

He had been bedridden 24/7 for a few days and now it was time to get moving and learn to live his life again. Inojin glared at the wheelchair by his bed. He didn’t want to, but he had no choice. He couldn’t walk, couldn’t even move his legs on his own. So, he had to swallow his pride, look up at the physiotherapist – look towards his future – and begin working.

Shikadai opened slowly his eyes and felt the damp spot by his face on the pillow. He had drooled again in his sleep. He was immediately angry.

He laid in the bed for a few minutes before a nurse came inside.

“Good morning”, she said, opened the blinders so sunlight could pour into the room, and placed a glass of water and a purple pill in a plastic container on Shikadai’s bedside table. “How are we today?”

“Shit”, Shikadai mumbled. “You can leave me here. I don’t want to get up.”

His head was still throbbing of Shikadai didn’t know what. It wasn’t headache per se, it was more a groggy feeling from big doses of drugs they had tricked him to swallow. He had refused to eat, so they tricked him to get them down without someone manhandling the process. All he could remember that he had been convinced they had tried to poison him. Now he was aware of his situation again.

Everything had fallen apart in Shikadai’s hands. His health. His future. His Inojin.

“That’s not the right attitude if you want to get better”, the nurse said. “Don’t you want to get to visit your friend soon? If you make enough progress in two weeks, you can see each other again.”

“Boyfriend”, Shikadai muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“Not ‘friend’. Boyfriend. We’re together”, Shikadai said. “Is it so hard to understand that someone might love someone of the same gender, huh?”

The nurse sighed.

“Forgive me”, she said. “I didn’t know you were together. Boyfriend. I’ll remember that.”

Shikadai grunted and hid his face in his damp pillow. Because the drugs made his muscles relaxed and his mind sleepy, he drooled a lot more, sometimes even when awake and he just didn’t notice it.

“Do you know what happened to him?” he asked with a tiny voice. He could remember him screaming about it out in the common room, scaring one of the other patients, and the nurses had locked him inside a room and threatened to physically restrain him if he didn’t calm down. He was now so embarrassed he didn’t ever want to look this patient in their eyes again.

“Yes”, the nurse said. “And we will help you get better so you can visit him again. Most of us remember you from last year.”

“Ugh”, Shikadai grunted and sat up in the bed. He reached for the pill and water.

Four days had gone since he his second full-blown psychotic episode began. It had taken him three days of delusions and weak understanding of reality before he managed to get out of the psychosis to the degree of understanding what had happened and where he was.

He still was confused and weirded out by everything around him and the giggle in his head was still present, but he was once more aware of what had happened. He swallowed the pill.

Back to square one.

“Breakfast is ready”, the nurse said. “Get dressed and come to the dining hall.”

Shikadai was slow as he put on pants and a shirt. This was so different compared to the last time he was here. Last time he was more… livid. More himself, even if he had fought battles up in the North.

Now he felt like a wreck. And his heart cried for Inojin, he wanted to be able to kiss him and talk to him, even for ten minutes. Just like the last time, he was not allowed any contact to the outer world, this time for two weeks starting now, just to be able to focus on himself.

There were currently seven patients at the psychiatric ward for younger patients. The ward had space for fifteen but was hosting seven. The oldest was twenty-two, and Shikadai was the youngest.

_One month._

He had cursed very ugly words when he heard that this time he was supposed to be here for a month and not only two weeks like the last time.

He sat down by the dining table and began slowly to eat. He missed home. He missed his parents, he missed Chocho and he missed Inojin. It was hard to focus on eating when his thoughts would go amok and try to convince him everyone wants him to stay at the ward forever as a punishment. Because he hurt Inojin.

The only road is the road to tomorrow. Take one day at a time. Take your meds. Talk to the staff when something bothers you. Don’t be aggressive to the staff. Don’t lie to the psychiatrist. Make friends among the other patients here.

As if it was so easy, but Shikadai wanted to keep fighting, keep trying. He could only imagine the road of rehabilitation and recovery Inojin had to go through as newly injured, and he wanted to honour Inojin’s fight by _stop whining_ and fight for his own health, too.

Two weeks until they can meet again.

He wanted to get home after the month was over.

After breakfast he asked for a pen and a notebook from the nurse, both of which were given to him, and sat by the desk in his room. He noticed the tip of the pen was as dull and he was not allowed to close his door as long as he had the pen.

He ripped out a sheet from the notebook, which lacked the spring steel in it, and began writing a letter to Inojin. His thoughts were maybe not running at his normal speed, some of his sentence structure didn’t follow proper grammar, his handwriting was horrible, but he was writing.

And for every day he was not allowed to see Inojin, he wrote a letter to him, planning to give them all at once to him when they were reunited once more.

Two boyfriends, separated by walls and a few blocks of buildings, began their individual rehabs from two vastly different conditions, one physical and one mental.

So close, yet so far away.

“Hey”, Sarada said as she sat down by Chocho’s side on the bridge. Chowi, the dog, sat on Chocho’s other side, more interested in watching the fish down in the stream below the bridge.

Sarada let her feet dangle down from the bridge.

“I’m so sorry for what happened”, she said after a few seconds of silence. Chocho wasn’t looking at her, staring in front of her instead. It was April already, the trees were in full bloom and nature was smiling around them. Everything was so, so beautiful.

When Chocho didn’t answer, Sarada cleared her throat awkwardly.

“I saw Shikadai when he was symptomatic”, she said. “He looked so differently compared to his usual chill posture.”

“What would you look like when you’re delusional and don’t know what is going on?” Chocho said, more biting than she meant.

“I’m sorry”, Sarada said, choosing her words carefully. “I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I guess I was just surprised and a little bit shocked myself to see him like that.”

“It’s just… it’s just…” Chocho didn’t even know what to say. “We were _just_ getting our exciting missions back. We were going to be okay. Shikadai was healthy, we made it past the DCE, we were happy. All of us. It felt like everything was going to go back to normal again.” She gritted her teeth. “And then… and then this happened.”

Tears fell from her eyes.

“Why my team? Why my boys?” she whispered. “Wasn’t the hell in Kumo enough for us? Why do we have to go through hell again?”

“The life of a shinobi is – “ Sarada began. Chocho snapped her head up, gaze burning at Sarada.

“Shut up”, she said and now her voice was threatening. Sarada immediately shut her mouth. “You don’t know anything, Sarada. Your team just dance through life – what is the worst injury you’ve suffered? Was it when Boruto broke his thumb? Or when you were manipulated through a harmless genjutsu? Why is it that _your_ team just get perfect missions and you manage perfectly like the perfect little prodigies you all are in your teacher favoured perfect little Team 7?”

Sarada stared at Chocho.

“We’re not perfect – “

“It’s just so fucking unfair”, Chocho said. “You don’t know how my heart aches for Shikadai and Inojin. For my team. For our legacy.”

She buried her face against Chowi for a moment before looking up again.

“It was an uphill battle to get the Nara clan and Yamanaka clan to accept Inojin and Shikadai as the heirs because they are in love”, Chocho said. “Do we have to go through that battle again now because of this?”

She took a deep breath. Sarada was looking intensely down at the fish in the stream.

“The Seventh… he called me to a meeting.” Chocho’s voice almost broke and she couldn’t look at Sarada. “They don’t plan on having Inojin and Shikadai returning to active shinobi work anymore. They plan on retiring them both… _retire_ … at the age of fifteen!”

Sarada didn’t say anything.

“Shikadai could probably be able to work at really low-stake D-rank field missions… maybe he’d like to be an assistant for someone in the future”, Chocho muttered. “Or maybe be a fulltime deer breeder.” She chuckled to her own bad joke. “But Inojin… I don’t know if he ever can to any type of shinobi work anymore.”

She took a deep breath.

“But the years of the legendary Ino-Shika-Cho-formation, our battle formation, our _legacy…_ it’s over _”,_ Chocho whispered. “Ino-Shika-Cho died with us. Do you even know how horrible it feels?”

“No, I don’t”, Sarada said. “I’m so terribly sorry for you. And you know I will always be here to listen to you.”

Chocho didn’t know if she wanted someone to listen. She wanted someone to punch, someone to yell at, to cry out her frustration and grief to. She wanted someone to turn back time before hell rained down on them again.

And after all of this, misery loves company. Chocho wasn’t spared from sorrow either.

“There’s one thing I haven’t told you… or anyone for that matter”, Chocho said. “I was planning on telling Shikadai and Inojin when we got older and… starting families would be a thing. Remember, last year I was stabbed in my abdomen? And Inojin healed me?”

Sarada bit her lips and nodded, fearing what Chocho would tell next.

“The spear went right through one of my ovaries”, Chocho said and her fingers trailed the scar she could feel through her shirt. “Inojin healed it as good as he could, but to be fair, you medic ninjas almost exclusively practise on male bodies. He doesn’t know how to even try to heal an ovary. He had zero experience in healing anything like that, so I don’t blame him. But the damage was still done. I have… a lower chance of becoming pregnant than most other girls. I don’t know if I can get a baby on my own.”

Sarada knew that the only thing she could do was to be quiet and listen to Chocho.

“I honestly don’t know if there even will be an eighteenth generation of Ino-Shika-Cho”, Chocho said, voice as hollow as her soul felt. “I honestly think we are the last ones of Ino-Shika-Cho as Konoha, we and our parents know it.”

_Ino-Shika-Cho will die with us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Kumiko and Kira are still on the run :))))) 
> 
> Now, how will our baby Ino-Shika-Cho manage this tough period?


	13. One foot in front of the other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of suicide and eating disorder

They remained in silence even after Ino had placed their cups and sweets on the table. Temari stared out of the window. It was raining. There was no energy for chitchatting among the company, a result of too many sleepless nights, too many discussions with doctors and psychiatrists.

Ino poured sugar into her cup of tea. Jasmine tea, with a hint of strawberry. The taste reminded her of the time when she was pregnant and Inojin was a little infant. One of her pregnancy cravings had been strawberries and it had not been easy for Sai to find strawberries during the autumn after the harvest was over. They had to buy ridiculously expensive strawberries from Grass Country instead, instead of local ones. Ino didn’t care, all she had cared for was the damn strawberries, let it cost whatever it cost.

The sound of her spoon clinking against the porcelain of her cup, mixing her sugar in the hot water, was the only sound in their living room.

What was there even to say? That everything had gone to shit?

After a while Shikamaru cleared his throat.

“We have a card for Inojin”, he said. Ino and Sai looked up from the void they had been staring into. “But we haven’t given it to you yet. It felt wrong giving it without Shikadai’s signature. But I guess we can make another one with him.”

“I think he comes up with something himself”, Temari mumbled, still looking outside. “He probably misses Inojin there.”

“Look, I’m sorry I couldn’t help this time – “ Ino said, but Shikamaru held up his hand and she fell silent.

Because Temari and Shikamaru knew Ino was in disruption after Inojin’s accident, they didn’t even ask Ino to try to treat Shikadai. The first day, they didn’t even tell her what had happened. They had just returned to a dark and empty home.

Then they washed the bedsheets Shikadai had ripped from his bed and put on the TV and stared at the screen.

Shikamaru and Temari had chosen to not use the strongest medication on Shikadai. They decided to trust in another type of medicine to bring him back to reality.

Ino hadn’t known what to say when she heard the news. She didn’t even know if she was relieved they didn’t ask her to treat Shikadai, or angry that they didn’t even give her a chance. In truth, she honestly wasn’t sure if she would have been able to perform that technique in the same extend as the first time. She had been exhausted from lack of sleep, stress and grief over her own son.

Two sets of parents with children in two different hospitals, sat around the dinner table in the Yamanaka household in silence. No words were needed to share how devastated the four of them were.

“I’m still sorry”, Ino finished.

“You had your hands full”, Shikamaru mumbled. He slowly lifted his own teacup to his lips, but it was still too hot to drink and he winced when he burned his lips.

The silence returned.

“Will Inojin be able to walk again?” Temari asked. That was a touchy question, a bold move to ask the parents of a newly injured _that_ question.

There was so much more to this than just the simple act of walking. The injury affected more areas than just the legs. The bladder. The bowels. And there was more to think about than the one day he will possibly walk again.

It was all about him learning to be independent again. To learn how to use the wheelchair. To learn how to transfer from the chair onto different surfaces. To learn how to use the catheters by himself, to learn how to do his toilet business when those functions are gone. Learn how to live a life where he can’t walk.

Ino and Sai couldn’t sit around and dream of the day he possibly walked. They had to think about the _now_ and the _now_ was Inojin not being able to move his legs.

Temari stared at the door opening, which didn’t have any threshold anymore.

“I see you removed the thresholds”, she said.

“Convenience”, Sai replied. “We are also going to get a ramp to the front door.”

“He might walk part-time one day”, Ino said. “But that day isn’t now. The odds are not really looking good.”

“Doesn’t he have movement in his hips and thighs?” Shikamaru asked.

“Yes”, Ino said. “But not in his feet. He doesn’t have sensation in his feet at all. And he has no balance or strength left.” She sighed, clearly irritated by all questions when no one really knew. Rehab takes time. Fifty days, six hours of physiotherapy a day, according to the physiotherapist. It had only been a little over a week. “And Shikadai? How sane is he?”

She was very aware of how offensive it was of her to word her question that way. This situation had made her bitter and she was mentally exhausted.

Temari made a grimace at Ino.

“He is… somewhat okay”, she said. “He doesn’t eat well, doesn’t sleep well and he is anxious. The psychiatrist sends us reports each day and according to them Shikadai has said that he wants to be better. For that I am thankful. He… hasn’t given up.”

Her gaze fell down on her coffee.

“He isn’t aggressive either”, she said. “He is just… sad and angry and confused. And I feel like the worst mother in the world. I should have been faster back at the hospital. I might have managed to help him earlier.”

“It wasn’t your fault, we didn’t know the hospital had incompetent staff”, Shikamaru said. They had filed a complaint about the nurse and how she had handled Shikadai, and according to the trustee for relatives of the patients she had been given an official warning. But a warning didn’t take Shikadai’s illness away. The damage had been done. And it was painful.

“If you are the worst mother then I am the worst father in the world”, Sai said. “If… the things Chocho told us was true, then these people are my family. A family who… did this.”

He looked up at the raindrops slowly pouring down the window.

“I never knew. I always assumed my parents died a long time ago. I have no memory of my parents, or a sibling for that matter.” His silky-smooth voice began sounding hoarser and hoarser, each word closer to breaking into a sob. “They… they knew where I was. They knew I got a son. They knew all this time and yet… they didn’t interfere.”

No one dared to utter a word. Sai was never vocal about negative emotions, only the positive ones. They didn’t need any signal to realise that this was important for him.

“I don’t understand”, he said. His face turned into a grimace, a way of physically trying to hold back tears. Sai wasn’t used to crying, yet he felt it bubble up his throat. “Who would… I would never let Inojin go through that. And I failed to protect him. From the seal, from the horrible process of getting it carved. From injuring his hand.” He swallowed. “From injuring his spine. We _lead_ them to that place. We agreed to do this. And it had… these consequences.”

His chin fell down towards his chest.

“You think you are horrible parents, then what does this make me. A father who lets his son facing a family wanting to kill him. A father who… is the ultimate reason for his son’s injury… his disability… his future…”

“Sai, my love”, Ino said as Sai tipped himself against her side, burying his face against her neck.

Shikamaru and Temari had never seen Sai cry before.

It continued raining outside.

The teas turned cold. Temari was the only one who managed to finish her drink.

Shikadai sat in one of the sofas in the common area of the ward. The nurses had ushered him out of his own room, meaning that he should socialize instead of hiding.

He had found a pillow in the sofa and sat with the pillow against his chest, arms crossed, as if he hugged it. It made him feel a little more secured in a world where he heard Inojin’s voice accusing him of disabling him. There was a damp spot on the pillow. He had drooled again and not noticed it before the dampness of the pillow reminded him. He wiped his wet chin on his sleeve, feeling devastated at his situation.

A boy was sitting on the other side of the common area, in one of the sofas opposite of Shikadai. He had been looking at Shikadai occasionally, while drumming on his legs.

“Can you stop?” Shikadai finally asked. “You’re a drag, making that noise.”

“Aren’t you excited?” the boy asked.

“Excited for what?” Shikadai asked.

“The therapy dogs are coming today!” the boy said. “I’ve been waiting ever since they were here the last time.”

Shikadai’s glare shifted into a careful, almost hopeful, look.

“Therapy dogs?” he repeated. “Are there coming dogs here?”

“Yes”, the boy said. “You’re Shikadai, aren’t you? Voices?”

“Amongst other shits”, Shikadai said. “You?”

“Just as much shit as you, probably, if not more”, the boy said. “I am Naoki. I’m 17 years old. Fourth week here.”

“Shikadai, but you knew it already. 15 years old. Second week here. But you remember maybe when I came”, Shikadai said. “So, dogs, huh? That’s going to be fun.”

Shikadai loved dogs.

This was the first time since he came out of the fog of delusions that he felt genuinely interested in something. The week and a half that had passed had been a rollercoaster of emotions and he was just about to find his way back to a more normal temper and mood. The fogginess in his head was slowly leaving him, but he couldn’t remember if he had smiled a single time since he came here.

“Yeah, I’m excited”, Naoki said.

They fell silent for a while. Shikadai became carefully curious about Naoki, in what condition he had been when he had arrived. Shikadai knew he had been a complete mess when he had arrived, and secretly yearned to hear that someone else had gone through the same switch of… everything. Personality. Temper. Reality.

He knew he wasn’t however allowed to ask more specific questions. Not that talking about mental health was a taboo topic, no, not at all, but because it could be harmful. Talking in detail, and even more so, engaging with hallucinations or delusions was harmful. It would be the same for Shikadai. If someone who didn’t know what they were doing made him talk in detail about the things he experienced, the voices he had heard, while in a psychosis he could be sent back into a dark place.

He became curious, but the mutual nod between the boys settled it _. Let’s not talk about what makes us ill. The fact we’re here in this place speaks enough for itself._

“There are three dogs”, Naoki said. “Tatsu, Isi and Dari. Tatsu is the smallest, he is just this big.” Naoki showed with his hands a space that only a really small dog could fit inside. “And Isi is a big, big dog. But he is so gentle. He loves being pet on his belly. And Dari has black spots all over her! She is so sweet.”

“Were the dogs here before I came?” Shikadai asked.

“The day before”, Naoki said. Shikadai honestly believed that no one would have let him pet dogs in the mess he had been when he came. Good thing they were the day before.

He smiled as he thought of Chowi.

“My friend has a dog. Chowi”, he said. “She’d let me hug her and she’d calm me down if I felt like shit and…” He hugged the pillow in his arms even harder. His jaw began shaking. “I… I…”

He buried his head in the pillow. Now things became too hard to manage all by himself again. Naoki made no effort in helping him, but fetched a nurse, who let Shikadai cry against her shoulder and hold her hand until there were no tears left.

The dogs came later that day. The seven patients gathered in the common room, sitting on their knees to let the dogs come up to them. Four men and three women. On the outside all of them seemed like any other fellow person. On the inside, they all fought different battles against themselves, against different disorders.

The dogs whipped their tails back and forth but remained calm unless someone visibly showed that they wanted closeness. These were trained therapy dogs, dogs who would patiently sit by the human and let them pet and hug and cry against their fur if needed.

Shikadai sat by Tatsu, the smallest dog.

“Can I hold him?” he asked of the owner, not really daring to look into her eyes.

“Absolutely”, the owner said. “Tatsu, come here.” She patted in front of Shikadai’s knees and the small dog waddled over to him. Tatsu, used to unsure humans, wiggled his tail and placed his front paws on Shikadai’s knees.

“Aren’t you sweet?” Shikadai said as he let the dog climb up in his lap. He felt instantly better, like the nausea and shame was taken a little bit away by this dog, who did not judge him for being ill, for being weak, for not saving Inojin. He wiggled his tail like to any human. He didn’t care Shikadai was a patient in a mental institution. To the little dog, Shikadai was someone worth showing love to. “Hi, little guy.”

Tatsu reached up to Shikadai and licked his nose.

For the first time in soon two weeks, Shikadai smiled.

Smiling didn’t, no matter how badly one would want it to, make Shikadai magically happier. His days were still a rollercoaster with highs and lows, and he was equally frustrated with his rapidly changing temper. One minute he felt more normal in himself, the following a sudden wave of rage and sadness overrode him and he thought he was dying.

The dose of sleeping medicine was high, and Shikadai really _tried_ to fall asleep, but after a psychosis it is hard to sleep.

“Don’t want to eat”, Shikadai muttered by the breakfast table one of the mornings he hadn’t gotten sleep and it felt like someone was stabbing his forehead with a knife. “I’ve got a headache.”

“We can give you painkillers”, the nurse said. “But you have to eat first.”

“You are tricking me”, Shikadai said and he looked up at Naoki who was throwing an amused side glance at him. “Why are you smiling?”

“Nothing”, Naoki said. “Just eat. And after you’re done, I can show you something.”

“Can’t”, Shikadai muttered and poked in the natto he had in front of him. “Got therapy in an hour.”

“Are you planning on sitting here, eating one bean at a time for one hour?” Naoki asked.

“Fuck off”, Shikadai said, aware of his ugly language, but he was so _low_ that he couldn’t bring himself to be nice.

“When you’ve eaten, you will get your coffee and painkillers for your headache”, the nurse said.

Contrary to the amount of coffee Shikadai was used to drinking each day, the psych ward only allowed him one cup a day, instead of the three-four-five he would drink at home. They meant that it would benefit him more if he didn’t consume so much caffeine, but the sudden lack of it made Shikadai cranky. He had gotten to choose if he would get the coffee cup in the mornings or afternoons, and he had chosen mornings.

Now the nurses used that to make him eat when he didn’t want to. _You’ll get your coffee when you’ve eaten breakfast._

Common sense told Shikadai that breakfast is important, and having a routine and rhythm was particularly important for someone who is trying to get their life back on track after losing reality, meaning he had to sit there until he had eaten his breakfast.

That didn’t make anything easier, however.

“I will throw up if I eat”, Shikadai complained.

“I will sit here with you for as long as you need”, the nurse patiently said. She was probably very used to sit with patients for ages by the table, since there were ever so often patients with intense eating disorders at the ward.

Naoki rose from his chair. He had eaten everything.

“Come to the common area after your session”, he said. “I’ll show you something.”

Shikadai didn’t bid him goodbye as Naoki loafed away. He resumed to glare at his cold natto, as he realised he had drooled again. He wiped it aggressively off himself, feeling ashamed. And finally, after sorting his own thoughts, organising them a little bit better inside the scrambles of his brain, he took the chopsticks and ate one bean at a time, drinking one sip of water in between the individual beans.

It took him fifteen minutes, but he made it. It felt like a small accomplishment for the day and the nurse gave him a smile and encouraging words.

He enjoyed his coffee – felt real enjoyment and not just the fake imaginary enjoyment – and after that he felt a little bit better for the day. It was time for cognitive therapy. It was the best to seem put-together in front of the psychiatrist, since he wanted permission to visit Inojin as soon as possible.

When he walked out of the therapist’s room after the session, not really knowing how to feel, Naoki jumped up to him. He had a guitar in his hand.

“There you are!” Naoki cheered.

“How can you be so jolly all the time?” Shikadai asked. “Like… happy?”

“I’m not happy”, Naoki said. “But I’m faking until I make it.”

“Sounds troublesome”, Shikadai said.

“Come on, then, we still got an hour until lunch”, Naoki said. “Do you want to sit in your room sulking your entire stay? That is not what to do if you want to get out of here.”

“I know”, Shikadai said. “I was not going to sulk. I was going to write a letter.”

“Ooh, a letter!” Naoki said. “For who? Someone special?”

That prompted Shikadai to smile.

“Yeah”, he said. “His name is Inojin.”

Naoki raised slightly his eyebrow.

“Ah”, he said. “The guy who became paralysed.”

Shikadai stared at him.

“Oh no, don’t tell me you also heard that”, he said, thinking of the second day at the ward where he had been a panic filled psychotic mess and had walked around in the common room yelling about Inojin and what had happened. In that moment he remembered being just so angry at everyone for keeping them separate and the voices had been too loud in his brain. It was simply a symptom of his illness.

“I was there”, Naoki said. “Don’t worry, I’ve been like that too.”

Shikadai didn’t say anything.

“So, is Inojin your best friend?” Naoki asked.

“He is my boyfriend”, Shikadai said. “Yeah, yeah, I’m gay, get over it.”

“I’m not judging”, Naoki said. Shikadai sighed and awkwardly tried to hold his arms around his body, as in a hug, desperate for love and touch.

“I miss him a lot. I wish he could visit me.” His voice was whiny and thin.

“I know what you can do instead”, Naoki said and shook the guitar in his hand. “Come with me.”

Shikadai followed him as Naoki walked up to a nurse.

“Can Shikadai borrow a guitar too?” Naoki asked. The nurse locked up a storage room and handed a second guitar to Shikadai.

She sat opposite to them in the sofas. Shikadai weighted the guitar in his hands, and threw gazes at the nurse, who just looked at them.

“30 minutes”, she said. “After that you have to give them back. I have to be somewhere else then.”

“You don’t have to guard us”, Shikadai said. “I don’t want you to stare at me.”

“As long as you’re borrowing the guitars, I am checking in on you”, the nurse said, crossed her legs and leaned back, prepared to sit there for a while.

“Why?” Shikadai sneered.

Naoki laughed.

“To check we’re not removing the strings of course”, he said light heartedly. Shikadai stared at him as he made a hand motion simulating a noose around his neck.

“Naoki, stop that”, the nurse said and Naoki put down his hand again.

Shikadai began immediately to feel nauseous. So that was the reason. Strings and ropes were forbidden here in this place after all.

“Playing really helps me calm down”, Naoki said, and now there was not a single trace of laughter in his voice anymore. “I have something to do with both of my hands, and I have a little task to concentrate on. It drowns out the voices, you see. It makes me feel better.”

“I’ve heard you play in the mornings”, Shikadai pointed out.

“After breakfast I always ask for twenty minutes of guitar”, Naoki said. “I look forward to it. Playing gives me a purpose after waking up.” He looked at Shikadai. “You remind me of my little brother, you know. He’s one year younger than you and looking at you… I kind of want to help you. Make you feel less alone. It would make me feel happier if I knew I had a purpose, you know? That I’m more than a freak with voices screaming at me.”

Shikadai looked back at Naoki, who now didn’t want to elaborate further.

“So…” Shikadai said, throwing a gaze at the nurse. “Tell me which chords I should begin with.”

Naoki lit up and showed one chord at a time to Shikadai.

After the thirty minutes had gone, Shikadai felt like he had also gotten a new little dream. He didn’t tell anyone what he was thinking about, but added it to the final letter he wrote to Inojin that day.

In two days he might meet Inojin for the first time since the accident. He hoped, dreamed and wished.

“Push, push, push!” the physiotherapist, Suki, said. “Push as hard as you can!”

Inojin laid on his back and the physiotherapist had bent his leg over his stomach. He was meant to push back against her.

He mustered all powers he had in his thigh and pressed back. It was hard to know how much he made it, since he couldn’t feel the pressure building up against the woman and bending his own knee back by free will was harder than before. He felt, to put it simply, so much weaker in the muscles he still had control over than before.

Even if he couldn’t feel the pressure building up, he could see his foot move forward against the physiotherapist and it felt like a victory.

“I can’t do anymore”, Inojin panted as he released his all might to move the muscles. The leg flopped against Suki’s arms. He was so tired.

“Amazing”, Suki said and rubbed him on his thigh after she had bent his leg back and forth a couple of times before laying it down against the sport mattress. “And now, try to lift your entire leg.”

Inojin stared at her.

“How?”

“Like you used to before”, Suki said. “I will hold your foot and help you along the way when it gets tough. But just try to keep it up. You should have enough flexibility in your knees left to be able to lock them.” She smiled at her patient. “I will help you.” She placed her hand beneath the back of his heel. “On three. One, two, three.”

“I can’t, I can’t”, Inojin said as he tried, but failed. He couldn’t lift the leg in the angle Suki asked for.

The physio sessions were tough, but Inojin thoroughly enjoyed knowing he still possessed somewhat function in his legs. Not enough to walk, but something.

His rehabilitation programme had begun, and he had now physiotherapy from morning until afternoon. It was everything between strength training his upper body, because his entire life now relied on upper body strength and the ability to lift his own body, along with learning to transfer from the wheelchair to all kinds of surfaces. The floor to chair transfer was one of the most important ones to learn, and also the hardest, and that one Inojin practised a lot together with someone to help him.

His days also included learning the basic tasks such as learning to getting dressed when you can’t stand up and learning to visit the bathroom when his bladder and bowel weren’t functioning anymore like they once did. And then of course, special physio treatment meant for bodies that suffered from a spinal cord injury.

“So, Inojin”, Suki said. “Are you ready to walk?”

He nodded.

The “walk” was a practise before he one day could maybe walk on his own, at least part-time. It was a walk between two rails – rails he could hold with his hands to help him balance.

He wheeled over to the rails at the other side of the hall. He had the first day learned how to manual the wheelchair. It had not been too difficult, and at least here at the rehab centre attached to the hospital, there were so many people in wheelchairs that Inojin didn’t feel singled out as the disabled one, or the weird one.

That didn’t mean however that he didn’t fear the future when he would leave the hospital and use the wheelchair out on the streets – everywhere – until he maybe learned how to walk again. If he ever learned it again at all. There was no guarantee.

And yes, he grieved his loss, the fact that he had lost his career, his chance as a shinobi, his unquestioned independency, his legacy and his once abled body.

Suki dressed a harness on Inojin – oh, how he hated the harness since it made him feel like a big baby – and secured the straps.

“Okay”, she said as a second assistant came over. The assistant took the rope which attached the harness to the roof and held it, ready to shorten the rope when Inojin would stand up. “Are you ready, Inojin?”

Inojin lifted his knees and let the feet slide down from the footplate onto the floor he couldn’t feel. He grabbed the end of the rails.

“Breaks on”, Suki said as she placed herself behind his wheelchair. “You forgot again. Always breaks on.”

“Ugh”, Inojin grimaced. “On three?”

“One, two, three.”

He dragged himself up in a standing position with his arms, as Suki held around his torso to ensure he was stable. The assistant quickly shortened the rope, meaning the harness held up Inojin’s body weight. This was the first step in walking again, with no body weight on the legs. Just practising the movement of placing one foot in front of the other. With so few muscle groups he still had control over, it was difficult.

“Okay, let’s begin with the right foot”, Suki said.

Inojin lifted his leg – it went slowly and he had to slightly cock his body to the left to give space to his right foot to leave the floor and almost kicked it forward. His ankle was wobbly, because he had zero stability and movement in it. It wanted to bend outwards. His custom-made ankle braces to give him stability there had not yet arrived, which was an element of irritation.

He was so far not able to stand on his own against gravity without the help of the rails and harness. Without the harness he would crash down onto the floor.

He moved his hands forward on the rail as he kicked his left foot forward. He had taken one whole step.

Ten left before the end of the rails were coming. He knew he would be exhausted and in pain after ten steps. His remaining stamina in his legs and hips managed by hair these ten steps.

He kicked his right foot forward.

He was going to fight to become as independent as he possibly could again. And tomorrow he would see Shikadai again for the first time. It scared him to death to meet Shikadai again and to see in which shape he was. It scared him to expose himself in his new, but still old body – a body that doesn’t move when he wants to.

Ino had talked to Temari and Shikamaru and they had gotten greenlight from the hospital. Shikadai would come from his hospital over to this, he would visit Inojin.

Inojin was dying for his voice, his touch and his lips. They had not each other for over two weeks, and last when they parted it had been on the worst terms possible. Inojin had been in pain and was rushed into a room and had not been able to even say goodbye or a thank you to Shikadai.

_Thank you for not leaving me alone in the dark, cold ravine. Thank you for letting me paint your back with blood. Thank you for being you._

And he knew of course that that parting had damaged Shikadai to the degree of him spiralling back into the dark place everyone had wanted to save him from. Inojin had not been able to say forgive me.

_Forgive me for being the reason you broke down again. Forgive me for not being able to help you sooner. Forgive me for being your greatest weakness._

Chocho had visited Inojin almost every day, but he wanted Shikadai. He wanted his boyfriend.

He kicked his left foot forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you liked it!
> 
> In the next chapter the boys will meet each other again. Finally.
> 
> What do you think will happen when they finally see each other again? :)


	14. Chocho's wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: reference to suicide

Shikadai didn’t know what to expect when the psychiatrist told him he had given him permission to visit Inojin. The three doctors working at the hospital had decided that Shikadai got to get two hours off the ward to visit Inojin. This would also be the first time he would see his parents again after his breakdown. That was eighteen days ago now.

“Hey, honey”, Temari said and closed her arms around Shikadai when they came into the reception hall in the hospital. Shikadai hugged back, shivering a bit at the touch he had longed for. “Oh, I’ve missed you. How are you?” He had lost a lot of weight, just like the last time. She could feel his spine between his shoulder blades.

Shikadai inhaled her smell and existence as her warmth transferred to him through the hug.

“I’m… not as… like that anymore”, he said, unsure how to word himself. Usually words were his strength, but to put words on and explain _this_ was beyond hard. Talking in therapy was hard enough and it made him exhausted. “I think I am okay.”

“That is wonderful”, Temari said and released him from her hug. Shikamaru brought his arm over Shikadai’s shoulders, gently squeezing him.

“Good to see you again”, he said. “We’ve gotten reports of how you’ve been doing. I’m proud of you.”

Shikadai snorted.

“You don’t have to pretend”, he said.

“I’m not pretending”, Shikamaru said. “Some people lose their lives to conditions like these. And I’m so happy that you have made it this far.”

Shikadai was immediately reminded of the guitar strings. He forced those destructive thoughts into the darkness of his mind and looked up at his father.

“The tunnels”, Shikadai said. “What happened with the tunnels? When are we going to avenge Inojin?”

Shikamaru and Temari exchanged quickly glances, trying to wordlessly figure out how to tell Shikadai he won’t return to shinobi work anymore.

“You are not going to avenge him”, Shikamaru finally said. “This is from now on to be dealt with by us adults. Your main priority is to get healthy and stable again. We won’t let you fight these people anymore.”

Shikadai stared at him.

“I _want_ to fight them”, he spat out.

“Don’t fight us on this one, Shikadai”, Shikamaru said. His cold stare made Shikadai’s heart almost stop.

“You… you have… you have decided to make me quit?” Shikadai breathed out. “You are going to retire me?”

“We are not going to talk about this here”, Shikamaru said. “You have yourself to focus on.”

It hurt in Shikadai’s heart and he clutched the little fabric tote bag he had over his shoulder. _This can’t be true… this is… not true…!_ He almost wanted to scream.

“Can we go to Inojin now?” He must’ve sounded like a child begging for comfort, because Temari hugged him again and held her hand steady at his back, as if she was afraid to let her ill son out in the dangerous world again.

Shikadai held the tote bag he had with him hard. In there were all his letters, fourteen letters, that he had written Inojin. He hadn’t re-read any of them, partly because he knew he would feel anxious and embarrassed from having to revisit whatever emotional mess he had written the first days and partly because they were time-capsules he didn’t want to revisit.

These were for Inojin and Inojin alone.

The Nara family were walking along the concrete path and Shikadai had never felt sunrays so gentle on his face. The birds were chirping, and the trees were in full bloom. It felt amazing to be outside and hear all the different sounds. During the eighteen days that had passed he hadn’t been allowed to go out in the hospital’s garden at all, but after today he will have permission as long as a nurse was with him.

They went in through the doors of the rehab centre and there, in the reception hall, Inojin and his parents were already waiting.

“Inojin”, Shikadai said, more like an estranged cry than a normal sound. Inojin looked small, sitting in the wheelchair, but Shikadai, who had lost so much weight, looked equally small in his loose fitted clothes.

He stumbled forward, Inojin reached up his arms as Shikadai bent slightly his knees to be at the same level as Inojin. Shikadai hugged Inojin as hard as he could.

“I’ve missed you so much”, Inojin whispered into his ear, just pressing he side of his face against Shikadai’s cheek. “I’ve spent almost every waking hour thinking of you. Oh my god, Shikadai, I am so sorry for being the reason you fell ill again.”

Shikadai had now begun to cry – his words weren’t carrying anymore and he sobbed into Inojin’s hair. It was all so similar to how he had wept into Inojin’s hair up in Kumo when they first got to meet each other after the days of imprisonment apart.

“Not your fault”, he managed to get out and someone patted his back. It was Ino.

“Go to Inojin’s room, so you can get some privacy”, Ino said. She looked at Shikamaru and Temari. “There’s a café in the second floor, let’s take a piece of cake or something while they boys get to be by themselves.”

“We are not allowed to leave him alone”, Shikamaru said.

“He is not alone, he is with me”, Inojin said. He was holding Shikadai’s hand, and Shikadai squeezed Inojin’s hand back hard, staring down, not wanting eye contact with his father.

Temari and Shikamaru exchanged glances. They _knew_ how important it was for Shikadai to get a moment alone with Inojin, to get peace in his heart with everything that had happened, but it felt scary and wrong to just let him strut away with Inojin, beyond their guarding view.

“I promise I won’t do anything bad”, Shikadai mumbled. He hadn’t done anything bad. Hadn’t tried to do anything with the pen he had, with the guitar strings, with anything. “Please?”

Temari looked over at Inojin.

“Take care of him”, she said, her eyes pleading at Inojin.

“We will manage”, Inojin said, attempting a weak smile at Temari. She sighed deeply, as she let Shikadai go.

“Well, Ino, where is this café?”

“We manage”, Inojin said again and looked at Shikadai, who was drying his tears with his other hand. “I can’t really hold your hand now, while wheeling this chair – “

“I’ll push you”, Shikadai said and walked behind the wheelchair. “You just tell me where to steer.”

“To the elevators”, Inojin said. “How fast can you go?”

“No running in the corridors!” Ino yelled after them as Shikadai planted his feet into the ground to run off pushing Inojin as fast as he could.

After his little sprint of brand five metres he let off a little laugh. It felt weird in his face and throat to have laughed, since it hadn’t happened in a while. He could look down at the blonde hair he loved so much, he was close to Inojin again. Shikadai reached one hand down over Inojin’s shoulder and Inojin took his hand, bringing it up to his cheek to just feel.

Shikadai might have cried again at the gesture, but didn’t tell anyone.

Inside the room, Inojin showed how he could transfer from the chair to the bed, with a little pressure from his legs, but almost exclusively upper body strength moved himself from the chair over to the bed.

Inojin showed Shikadai where he still had sensation, guiding him where he still could feel his hands.

“When you go down there, I can’t feel this anymore”, Inojin said as he had his palm placed over Shikadai’s hand, guiding him around. They were now on Inojin’s knee. Inojin moved Shikadai’s hand to his foot. “I can’t feel this either.”

Shikadai bit the inside of his cheek.

“Sweetie”, Inojin said. “I know what you are thinking.”

“Hm?” Shikadai wasn’t able to talk. The little run they had in the corridor had been fun and games, but now inside the privacy of the room, when he was alone with the person he loved the most, everything began falling down on him again.

“It wasn’t you fault”, Inojin said. “Look at me. It wasn’t your fault and I will never blame you.”

Shikadai covered his mouth with his hand to avoid having his jaw shaking so much. He just nodded.

“Come”, Inojin said and leaned back until he flopped down onto the bed. “Come and lay beside me.”

Shikadai nodded again and laid down beside Inojin. He brought his arm around Inojin’s chest and squeezed himself close, almost as in a bedtime spoon.

“Will you…” Inojin’s voice was thin in Shikadai’s ear. “Will you break up with me?”

Shikadai pushed himself off Inojin to stare at him, popping himself up on one elbow.

“What?”

“I don’t judge you if you want to”, Inojin said. “I… am paralysed - I have a disability nowadays. And… I understand if you’d want a boyfriend who wasn’t in a wheelchair and who could feel his legs – “

“Stop”, Shikadai said, breaking off Inojin’s sentence. “Why are you saying that? Sweetie, I would never break up with you because of this. It was an injury and you – you didn’t choose this. Meanwhile, I _chose_ you. I fell in love with you because of the way you laugh at your own corny jokes and because of your smile and your artistic sense and your beautiful eyes and the way you look at me and still call me ‘sweetie’ when I’ve behaved like an ass because I’ve been too anxious.”

He took a deep breath after having spluttered out his previous sentence. His heart was beating fast because he didn’t ever want Inojin to think he wanted to break up with him and his anxiety was skyrocketing.

“After I was sick the first time, I was afraid you’d break up with me too. Who would want a psycho boyfriend – “

“You are not a psycho”, Inojin said.

“And you are not unlovable just because you’re in a wheelchair!” Shikadai responded fast. “Listen to me. I’ve only got an hour and a half left here before I have to go back. They will lock me in again for the rest of the time. They are watching everything I do; they trick me to make me eat.”

“You know why”, Inojin said. Shikadai lowered his head.

“It’s just hard”, he said. “But know this, Inojin, sweetie. I was so afraid you’d leave me. But you didn’t. You’ve held my hand when things got way too tough, you’ve sat on floors with me when I was too frightened to move, you have _saved_ me. You have done so much for me that I thought I couldn’t ever repay you.”

“You don’t have to repay”, Inojin said.

“But now I got a purpose”, Shikadai said. “I can repay by helping you now. Whatever you need, I will help you.”

He took Inojin’s hand, squeezed it hard.

“I want to be with you”, he said and put his forehead against Inojin’s. “Because I love you.”

Inojin smiled a smile with hidden pain behind.

“I love you, too”, he said and Shikadai pressed his lips against Inojin’s. Their first kiss since they had walked down the stairs to the tunnels. Inojin almost snickered.

“You know what?” he said and pointed at his vertical labret in his lower lip. “This is re-pierced again! They took it out before I went into the MRI-scan, as you can’t have metal on you in there. But I forced mum to pierce my lip again, and now I also have a silicone piercing I can put in there when I go to the scan again.”

Shikadai raised his eyebrows.

“How troublesome it is to have piercings for you”, he said and softly caressed Inojin’s cheek. “And oh. I wrote you letters.” He sat up.

Inojin cracked a smile as he as well sat up, grunting a bit at the motion.

“Letters? How sappy of you”, he said.

“Oh shut up”, Shikadai said and reached the bunt of folded paper. “Bear in mind that I’ve been messed up when I wrote the first ones and I haven’t reread them, so they’re probably completely whack, sorry.”

Inojin just kept smiling as he looked at the letters.

“Now I know what I do tonight when I am bored”, he said. “I really look forward to reading them.”

“If I can get a guitar here I can be even sappier”, Shikadai blurted out. Inojin lifted an eyebrow.

“Guitar?”

“There’s a dude at the ward who taught me the very basics of how to play a guitar”, Shikadai said. “I… you’ve never heard me sing before… but I… think I want to, because it would make you happy. Like I would play and sing for you.”

“Oh my god”, Inojin said and almost slammed his lips against Shikadai’s mouth. The kiss was loud and wet. “Are you going to sing for me? Is this a dream? Just _how_ sappy are you today? Are you eating a new drug?”

“Hey, they told me it is important for me to have small goals all the time”, Shikadai said. “And one of my goals is to be able to sing for you. You know. Because I love you.”

Was it possible for the cheeks to hurt so much from smiling? For a split second Inojin forgot about his paralysed lower body and just immersed himself into Shikadai’s closeness.

“And yeah, I take another medicine”, Shikadai said. “Maybe that’s why I’m so sappy. Or because I finally got to see you again, oh god, this feels so nice. I haven’t felt this good since before everything.”

He stood up and Inojin had the reflex in him to also just stand up from the bed and he shuffled his butt closer to the edge of the bed before he realised he couldn’t stand up. Gravity could press his feet against the floor, but the actual movement of sitting up wasn’t there.

“I’m so sorry”, Shikadai whispered.

“Don’t”, Inojin said as he did the transfer to the chair again. With his hands he lifted his feet onto the footplate of the wheelchair. “I… don’t want pity anymore. I want courage, I want fighting spirit. I want to walk one day again, if I can.”

Shikadai understood. He didn’t want pity either for his condition.

They were almost the same now. Both of them with something hindering them from functioning normally.

The stack of letters was still on the bed and Inojin was going to get to reading as soon as Shikadai had gone back.

“You know…” Shikadai said, a faint smile tugging on his lips. “I want to play around with that one day when I get a chance.” He was referring to the wheelchair.

“Sure you can when I get my own. This one is just temporary”, Inojin said. “I’d like to see you trying to balance yourself on the big wheels.” He grabbed the pushrims of the wheels and jerked them backwards, creating a momentum where he balanced on the rear wheels. “I did that the one of the first days. The nurses weren’t happy about it. Did you know I have had to practise falling backwards out of the chair? Like on cushions and stuff? Almost broke my neck when I tried the first time.” Inojin let out a little laugh before setting his mouth in a frown. “Everything is different now.”

Shikadai nodded.

“We’ll make it somehow”, he said.

“We still got some time”, Inojin said. “Shall we also go to the café? Have you gotten any sweets at all over there?”

“Once we got toffee pudding”, he said. “And then another time ice cream. But a really fat and sweet pastry would sit good.”

“You lost weight”, Inojin pointed out.

“I know”, Shikadai said. “It’s just so hard sometimes to get food down. But right now I’m feeling a little bit better, so I think it’ll go good.”

They walked and wheeled over to the café. It was easily accessed, the corridors were wide and there were no thresholds anywhere.

The adults had chosen a table with a wide space around it, making it easy for Inojin to come up to it. Shikamaru went and bought two fat pastries for the boys, and for that split second, when they were all sitting down by the table, everything felt normal.

If one ignored the location of the café, it felt like any other day. Shikadai would be healthy and happy and Inojin would sit on a usual chair and would dangle his feet like he used to. If one ignored that Shikadai had drooled a little bit again and actually was in a bad shape, he seemed like he always had. If one ignored the handles on the sides of Inojin’s back, one could think he sat in a usual chair.

That was not the truth however. The truth was that Shikadai was in a severe period of his illness and that Inojin was wheelchair bound.

Life was never going to be the same anymore for the families.

But what the parents had to focus the most on was that both boys were alive. Inojin had survived the fall and Shikadai had survived his second psychosis.

After Shikamaru and Temari walked Shikadai back along the concrete path to the psychiatric hospital they gave their farewell for this time and promised they would visit the next day already. Shikadai was feeling down and anxious of parting from his parents and Inojin once again, pacing nervously around in the reception hall until a nurse took him by his arm and gently guided him through the door into the ward. After the sound of the door locking behind his back, Shikamaru and Temari walked home again, hearts heavy.

They ripped as well up the thresholds in their house and Shikamaru planed a few wooden planks to make a ramp up the little porch into their home. It was the least they could do for Inojin – for Shikadai as well – and for the whole Yamanaka family. They would make their home accessible for Inojin as well.

Because Shikadai would love him and never let go.

Inojin read through all the letters Shikadai had written that same night, crying through most of them. He read through heartbreak and thoughts of committing the most horrible of decisions that Shikadai had cluttered and tried to hide he had ever written down in the first place, but then he assured in every letter that he won’t do it, he will fight, he wants to live a normal life again and he wants to _dance_ with Inojin.

Shikadai had ended all of his letters the same way.

_Until we dance above the stars,_

_Your Shikadai_

The survivor’s guilt is horrible. While the Yamanakas and Naras where running in and out to physio therapy sessions or cognitive therapy sessions and tons and yet another tons of doctors appointment to get diagnoses and recovery plans, planning the future for their sons because everything had crashed down upon them, the Akimichi continued living their lives.

Karui had come home from the hospital after just one night with no lingering complications. Chowi was happy as usual and Chocho drowned her sorrow in spending time with her dog. She had begun teaching Chowi a lot of tricks – like recognising colours and know that certain coloured post-it notes give her different kinds of treats. Tricks just to give Chocho something to focus on.

Choji had of course visited both the Naras and Yamanakas, talking briefly with them and grieving with them, but he would always feel like someone who didn’t have the rights to feel sad. This affected his friends’ families so much, and not directly his. Chocho didn’t have a severe mental illness, nor was she disabled.

The one who took this the hardest was Sai.

Sai, who now had gotten to know that his biological family had ultimately caused this and had injured Inojin; thrice.

The first time the panther almost crushed his hand.

The second time they carved a cursed seal into his tongue, a seal he _still_ bore since the curser – whoever out of Sai’s family it had been, probably the sister or his parents – hadn’t been killed yet.

The third time his spine had snapped.

After thinking and mulling over a certain idea, Karui finally rose from the sofa.

“I’m going to visit the Yamanakas”, she said shortly. “I’ve got an idea, but I need Sai’s approval.”

“What are you talking about?” Choji asked.

“I tell you later”, Karui said and hurried away. Choji didn’t see that she took the tattoo gun she owned – since she was a Kumors and Kumors usually learn to tattoo each other and themselves when they come of age. Karui had two full leg sleeves, most of them done by herself, the rest by Omoi.

Sai approved the idea she proposed, and Karui, Sai and Ino returned to the hospital. Now it was time to convince the doctors.

The doctors approved, if Inojin wanted to try it out.

When Inojin was presented the idea, he just stared at Karui.

“Yes”, he finally said. “Yes, I want to try.”

They moved over to one of the physiotherapy rooms, where Karui covered the bench with plastic wrapping, to make it as sanitized as possible.

“Can you transfer yourself?” Ino asked and Inojin nodded.

“I’m good at this”, he said and wheeled up by the bench and pushed his feet off the footplate of his wheelchair. He counted to three in his head after having placed his hands where he needed them to be, and transferred over to the bench.

He fought to lift his own legs by the legs’ own power, only to realise he couldn’t. He grabbed his legs and lifted them up on the table, shuffling around to get a better position.

“Our plan is to tattoo help lines to you with special Ink”, Karui said. “Sai has chosen Ink you can control, which I will tattoo into your skin. Your chakra is still working there your own body isn’t, which means that when you control the Ink tattoos, your legs should be able to move without you being able to control the muscles. It won’t give you sensation back, but movement to some degree. There is also a chance this technique won’t work at all, if you never can stand against gravity. But we will try.”

Ino helped Inojin remove his shoes and trousers.

“Can you lie on your stomach for me?” Karui asked and Inojin grunted as he shuffled over, with more struggle than before. When the hips aren’t moving, rolling over isn’t as easy.

Karui traced her hand along Inojin’s calves and the back of his thighs to get a sense where the lines should be. Inojin didn’t feel her hand at all.

“To give you stability, I will begin the line already on the sole of your foot”, she said. “Then it will go up over your heel and Achilles tendon and all the way up – here.” She put her hand below Inojin’s waist, right where the pelvis bones ended. A little above the L3 vertebra, which was the one that had broken. “This way, you will be able to keep your balance without falling when you push the Ink tattoo against yourself. Likewise, I will tattoo one line on each side of your ankle to give you support, and then one final over your foot blade and up a bit on your ankle, to give you the possibility to lift your foot up towards yourself.”

She checked his knees.

“You can’t really bend your knees, you said?” she asked. “Let’s see what we’ll do with the knees. But for now, we should focus on your ankles.”

Sai took out bottles and bottles of Ink in different colours.

“Do you want the complete rainbow of a specific colour?” he asked and Inojin chuckled against his forearms.

“Purple is okay”, he said.

“I knew you would choose purple”, Ino said fondly.

Karui put on plastic gloves and disinfected Inojin’s ankles, where she was beginning her work.

“You are lucky when you won’t feel anything”, she said as she prepared the tattoo gun. “The ankles are real bad when it comes to pain.”

“Tattoo away”, Inojin said.

He didn’t care about that he was going to have purple, thick lines all over his legs for the rest of his life when he knew he would be disabled for the rest of his life. Even if Karui’s plan doesn’t work, he’d at least have a nice splash of colours over his useless limbs.

He didn’t feel when the tattoo gun got pressed against his skin, but he heard the sound of it. And while Karui worked on his paralysed ankles, Inojin pressed his forehead against his arms. If this didn’t work… he might never walk again.

The faster he accepted his disability, the easier it will get. Inojin clenched his teeth together, squeezed his eyes shut.

Then a calmness covered him. Whatever happens, he will accept it.

He _has to_ accept his injury at some point. Better start now.

Tattooing the first set of lines took a few hours and Karui’s back hurt and it was time for Inojin to have dinner.

The lines were two fingers thick, solid lines. Now both of Inojin’s ankles had four thick lines on all sides tattooed, his sole of his feet and well as the top of his feet.

“Try to manipulate the Ink”, Karui prompted and everyone, doctors and Suki, the physiotherapist who had come to see if it worked stared with anticipation. Did it work?

Inojin lifted his fingers.

“Ninja Art. Super Beast Drawing”, he said and focused on the Ink inserted in his skin.

He commanded the line on the top of his foot to draw upwards, towards himself, lifting the foot slightly.

It did move a little bit. Inojin couldn’t feel anything, but just the sight of it made his stomach flutter. He could maybe learn to use this technique – if not to walk then simply to be able to get dressed a little bit easier.

“This is amazing”, the doctor said.

“We’ll practise on this tomorrow”, Suki said. “High five.”

Inojin high fived her and stared down at his purple ankles and feet.

Maybe he one day could really use his legs again.

Chocho was aimlessly watching TV. It felt almost as if her life had lost a purpose, the little silver lining of the clouds covered in darkness.

Now all clouds were dark and gloomy and Chocho had no interest in having more meetings with her superiors to figure out which new team she should join in a few months’ time. She didn’t want to join a new team, she wanted Inojin and Shikadai!

She wanted Team 10, her parents’ legacy and their parents before them. She didn’t want to intrude on another team who’ve had three years to prepare and perfect their teamwork, she didn’t want to see the reality around her. Imagine her – born and bred into a specific formation with specific people – coming into another team with a completely different set of techniques and powers. She’d be completely lost for weeks. Who even wanted a fourth wheel to their team?

Chocho had spent hours talking with Inojin in the hospital, when Shikadai had been out of reach. Inojin had cried against her shoulder and cursed his spine and his legs, had cursed that he, in addition to having lost his control over his legs also lost his control over his toilet business. Nurses helped him with it the first week, and since then he did it mostly himself. Manually. With fingers and catheters.

He hated it and it felt so dehumanising. But it was reality now.

Chocho knew Inojin was faking a lot of his smiles and good moods, and all she could do was let her shoulder turn wetter and wetter as Inojin’s tears came.

Both her boys were hurt and Chocho was not.

Not even chips made her feel better. In fact, she hadn’t eaten chips in days. They tasted bland on her tongue and she didn’t get any satisfaction out of them anymore.

Maybe even Chocho had broken down to some extent.

“Hi”, Karui said. “Can I sit down?” She was mainly aiming her question to Chowi, who laid in the sofa, taking up all the other space.

“Chowi, get on the floor”, Chocho said and Chowi listened politely to her, jumping off the sofa. “What is it?”

“I just wanted to check in on you”, Karui said.

“Watching TV”, Chocho said.

“Are you angry?”

“Yes”, Chocho said. “Because I am at home, I sleep in my own bed, I can watch my own TV. They can’t.”

“What would you like to do?” Karui asked.

Chocho hesitated before opening her mouth.

“You remember up in Kumo”, she said. “We killed the leaders of Bastard of Kumo. I killed Nora. With my own hands. I’ve been thinking back a lot, thinking about the strength of revenge we all used… If I got it my way, I would like to kill the girl who we were fighting.”

“Inojin’s cousin?” Karui asked. Chocho nodded.

“I have killed once in a blood feud”, she said. “I could do it again. I’m sure Shikadai would do anything to be able to kill that little bitch, but I don’t know if he will ever be okay enough to be able to do it without harming himself in the process.”

“How much have you been thinking about revenge?” Karui asked.

Chocho admitted the truth.

“Almost daily”, she said. “These weeks have just been so awful, and it feels like the second best solution, after turning back time of course, would be to pay back all the damn hurt they have caused us. That they caused Inojin and Shikadai. I want to avenge them both.”

Karui didn’t respond immediately, and just stared at the flashing tv screen. Chocho had muted the tv and the ongoing show wasn’t in the least of interest. Finally, Karui rubbed Chocho’s shin, which she had popped up on the sofa.

“When I was a little bit older than you are now, my teacher Lord Killer Bee was facing an attempted murder”, she said. “I was so, so mad at the person who tried to take my teacher away from us, and so were we all. Our Raikage signed a Kill on Sight warrant for the criminal man who did it.” Karui wondered if she really could namedrop Sasuke to Chocho. Sure Chocho knew not everything was really alright with Sarada’s family, but most of the darkness was uncovered and hidden from the children. “It turned out he had friends, who pledged for his life.”

Now Karui couldn’t hold inside a little chuckle. It had been so many years since she had beat Naruto bruised and bloody that both of them just laughed at the memory nowadays. Neither of them had laughed back when it happened. To say the least, they both avoided each other for nearly five years after Karui moved to Konoha and it had been hell of an awkward discussion to get over the memory when they finally addressed it. Since then, they forgave each other and began laughing.

“I beat the living shit out of that friend”, she said. “He let me. I punched him and punched him until my own knuckles bled. It felt good and horrible at the same time.”

Karui remembered just the sheer hurt of having someone claim that friendship was more important than the life of a respected mentor, and her fists had acted before her mind.

“We Kumors are people who often take to revenge”, Karui said. “It is imbedded in our culture, in our upbringing to never let anyone disregard us or drag us through the dirt. Through thunder and lightning, remember.”

_Through Thunder and Lightning_ was Kumo’s saying, similar to how Konoha’s saying was _A will of Fire_ and Suna’s saying was _Strong as a Storm._

If Chocho was completely honest, she thought Kumo’s saying was the coolest. And nope, she was not the slightest biased.

“I was so mad back then, and I saw revenge as the only solution”, Karui continued. “Our nation believed revenge was the greater good.”

“Konoha doesn’t believe in that”, Chocho said.

“Konoha is sometimes weak”, Karui said. “We have fantastic shinobi here, yes. But sometimes the structure fails, when people do not take the chance of revenge. Sometimes revenge is not the answer, no. But sometimes I see it as perfectly suitable. There is a moral choice to make. Just because Konoha as a nation believe in the good in every human, do we as individuals have to see that? Do we have to go out our way to by force see good in every human?”

Chocho looked at her mum.

“This Kira girl was part of something extremely cruel”, Karui said. “This talk about a bloodline makes it sound like they commit genocide. Killing their own children to keep the strongest alive is not something to play around with. They are a cruel family.”

“Sai’s sister must be killed”, Chocho said.

“Indeed”, Karui said. “A family like that must the brought to justice for the crimes they did to their child.”

Karui raised from the sofa.

“Sai has decided he wants to kill Kumiko”, Karui said. “We are still waiting for the right moment to attack. They want Inojin to come home from the hospital before a battle of revenge will take place. And Shikamaru and Temari wants Shikadai to come home too.” Karui flashed a brief smile when Chocho stared at her, clearly annoyed at the wait. It will still take a few weeks before the boys are home again. “Yes, we are shinobi, but above all, we are parents. I understand why they want to wait.”

Karui took a deep breath.

“Chocho. If you want revenge as well, I will not stop you”, she said. “We might need backup. We might need you. Sai and Ino and Temari and Shikamaru might not want you to interfere at all. But I will let you get your whole anger out. Shikadai can maybe help you when he comes home again, but you have to take care of him. He will need you.”

With those words, Karui left.

Chocho sat for a long time in the sofa, as her plan of revenge slowly grew. She had decided that she wants to, and she will, together with Shikadai, kill Kira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can warn you - from now the stakes will once again rise. We got one angry Kumor girl who wants to avenge her boys.


	15. Broken

Chocho spent hours in her room, on trails with Chowi, thinking about the problem she had at her hands.

Shikadai would soon come home from the ward, but she was unsure in which condition he was. His time was prolonged by ten days, and that made Chocho nervous. Would he be able to fight at all? He had to fight. She needed him to fight, they were a team, and maybe revenge was going to help him overcome his demons as well. At least she hoped they would.

Chocho had the maps of the tunnels spread over her desk. They were of course copies of the originals she once had attained, as Shikamaru and Ino had taken the original maps to examine.

A search team had gone down in the catacombs, to look over the burned ruins that remained, only to find nothing. The skulls in the walls had cracked from the heat and almost all of them had turned into dust – making any kind of the premature DNA testing methods Konoha used impossible. The tunnels consisted of a network of small blind alleys and corridors, many of which didn’t even exist on the map. It was impossible to map the labyrinth, it turned out to be too great.

The tunnels were indeed a giant mystery. No one knew who built them and when. It was speculated that these tunnels were built before the founding era by this family – or clan – whichever term one wanted to use. It remained a secret, a code no one could crack, no matter all the information Chocho had brought forward. Inojin’s tongue was still sealed and Shikadai was believed to be unreliable when it came to information.

Chocho got up from her chair and walked over to the other side of Konoha.

To Mitsuki’s home.

She knocked on the door so hard her knuckles hurt and she didn’t even have time to be afraid that it might be Mitsuki’s parent on the other side of the door. Normally she would have sweated and procrastinated walking over there in the first place out of fright for his scary parent, but nothing was normal anymore and Chocho was mad.

Luckily, it was Mitsuki who opened the door and not Orochimaru.

“Chocho”, he said, slightly surprised. “Do you want to go on another date? I am ready, if you just let me put on my shoes.”

“No, no date now”, Chocho said, biting her lower lip. “Can I – can I come in? Please? I have something very important to ask of you.”

Mitsuki eyed her for a second before taking a step to the side, letting her in.

“What is it?” he asked. “You seem stressed. I have your favourite chips here at home. I bought it earlier to give to you. Would you like some?”

To Chocho’s surprise she burst out in tears at Mitsuki’s cute words. He had bought her _chips_ to give to her. All emotions stormed around in her body and she threw herself at Mitsuki, almost crushing the lanky boy in her embrace.

“Yes, I want chips”, she literally bawled in his ear. “Mitsuki, everything has been a nightmare! You know what happened to Inojin and Shikadai, don’t you? It’s so, so horrible.”

After Mitsuki had collected himself he brought up his arms and hugged her back, awkwardly patting her on her back.

“It’s not the end of the world”, he calmly said and Chocho couldn’t almost believe her ears.

“How can you say like that?” she gasped.

“They didn’t die”, Mitsuki said. “Shikadai will bounce back to his normal self, one day, with the help of others. And it’s perfectly possible to live a good, quality life as a wheelchair user for Inojin. He can’t maybe be a shinobi anymore, but his life is not over. Your friendship is not over.”

Chocho fell silent.

“Since when have you become this sensible?” Chocho finally asked, pouting slightly. “Sarada has talked to you, hasn’t she?”

“Sarada has talked to me”, Mitsuki said. “And she was also crying. I think it’s sad that you all focus on the tragic stuff when you could focus on how to make the future better with the cards that has been dealt to you.”

“It’s not that easy”, Chocho blurted out. “Not when everyone else is just dancing through life and we have to fight to even survive.”

“But there is only one choice, isn’t it”, Mitsuki carefully said. “The choice to keep fighting. Keep fighting back, no matter how deep down on the bottom you are. You don’t want to be sad. You want to be happy. You want Inojin and Shikadai to be happy. Then fight for it.”

Chocho wondered briefly if Mitsuki had not understood a word she had said, or if he was a secretly an interactive genius under the blank face of his.

“I don’t know how to keep smiling anymore”, Chocho finally admitted. “It just became too much.”

“What can I do to make you smile?” Mitsuki asked.

“In what stage is your research?” Chocho asked and Mitsuki looked curiously at her. “You were growing nerves in tubes, motoric ones, sensory ones. You showed me on our first date. Can they be attached to a damaged spinal cord?”

Mitsuki blinked at her.

“We have only tried to heal nerve damage in a wrist to make the skin feel temperature again”, he said. “We haven’t made spinal nerves. I can’t promise you anything.”

“Well, I hope you’ve got a goal”, Chocho said. “Make it work on a spinal cord, Mitsuki. I beg you.”

“Chocho…” Mitsuki said. “I hope you know that even if we could manage to attach new nerves to him, it might never work to the extend of a complete spinal cord. He will most likely never be as good as he was before. And… for his sake, I think you have to learn to accept him as he is now.”

That made Chocho almost angry.

“How can you say I am not accepting him?” she almost snarled.

“Because you are asking us to fix him”, Mitsuki said. “You make it sound as if you see him as half, or lesser than an ablebodied person.”

“That is not true!” Chocho said.

“Then ask Inojin’s consent first before you ask me to fix him”, Mitsuki said softly. Chocho looked down.

“I just want to help him…” she mumbled.

“And how do you help someone who is newly injured? You are there for them, as they are, and fight for their possibilities to live a normal and active life”, Mitsuki said. “Just like you did to Shikadai when he was sick. Inojin just has something that is more visible than Shikadai’s condition.”

“How do you know perfectly what to say?” Chocho asked.

Mitsuki smiled to her.

“I’ve listened to you complain to Inojin and Shikadai how insensible they are”, he said. “So, I figured out you would like me if I was sensible.”

Chocho’s heart almost stopped.

“You are upset and angry”, Mitsuki continued. “You are allowed to be upset. But I think Inojin would be happy if you were there for him as he is. Not for what he can become.”

His words made Chocho cry again.

“Why are you right about this?” she cried again against his shoulder, without feeling shame that his parent might be somewhere in the house, listening to her. “Why is it that you who know exactly what to tell me?” She sobbed. “Damn hormones!”

“If it makes you feel better, I can kiss you”, Mitsuki said and Chocho didn’t know if he heard him correctly.

“Wha- what?” she squealed.

“I think it would make you feel better”, Mitsuki said. “If you want. I think that when people date, they could also kiss.”

Without any second thoughts, Chocho grabbed his shoulders and yanked him closer, giving a full-blown wet kiss on his cool lips. He remained completely still, letting Chocho lead the way. He looked slightly dazed when she pulled away. Yes, to be frank, getting to kiss her crush did make her feel better, but it equally distorted the feelings in her stomach. She didn’t know which emotion won in the end, the butterflies or the sadness.

She and Mitsuki talked for a long time, slightly, nervously holding hands.

Mitsuki had made Chocho feel better in many ways, and he made her realise that no matter what happened with Shikadai and Inojin in the future, she would still love them just as much, if not even more.

Inojin got finally to come home, after fifty days at the rehab centre. The ramp outside their house had been finished for a long time before he rolled up to their porch.

“I can do it myself”, he said as he lined up the wheelchair by the ramp.

“I can push”, Sai offered.

“No, I want to do it myself”, Inojin muttered and tried to ignore the hand hovering right behind his back, ready to give the extra push if he needed.

It was his first time home again since everything happened. Suki, his physiotherapist, was with them to help him practise doing the transfers in his own home, and to check if anything had to be rearranged in the house to make Inojin’s life easier.

Ino opened the door for him and he got inside his home.

“I want to see my room”, was the first thing he said. He had heard that he had a new room in the old master bedroom and was excited to see which of the interior his parent got right – and which ones they messed up.

“Okay”, Ino said and they went to Inojin’s new bedroom. He inspected it with critical eyes, but Ino knew her son well and had nailed most of the interior, like he had had in his old room. This room was mirrored compared to his old bedroom in the upper floor, so it looked weird, but overall, he was satisfied with what his parents had done.

Oh, how nice it was to be home again.

Suki inspected the room with different eyes, however.

“How does your dressing go?” she asked.

“I still need help with that”, Inojin admitted, thinking of how trousers were almost impossible to get on. Now, with the tattoos all over his legs, he could rise somewhat, but his balance was non-existent, and he still needed to sit down to get dressed. And it was hard, and it sucked that even such a basic task had become difficult.

Tattooing the help lines gave back his movement in an outer manipulative way, but with so little control over this muscles walking was still close to impossible without the rails or a harness. Suki estimated it would take him many months at least to learn– even with his tattoos – to walk again.

“Do you get dressed in the chair or in your bed?”

“Bed mostly”, Inojin said.

“Then we need to move your dresser beside your bed, so you will have easy access to it”, Suki suggested.

They moved the dresser from the corner to right beside his bed.

In a similar manner, they went through the whole house. They checked the toilet had everything it needed, that there was enough space for him inside, and made room for the shower chair in the bathroom.

Everything felt okay as long Suki was there with her calm voice, explaining everything and somehow making everything sounds so easy. Of course Inojin could manage independently and take himself from place A to place B inside their house, learn the most effective way to get dressed when the legs didn’t move like he wanted and manage to do his toilet business by himself. Of course he will manage.

But when Suki went home again, a big, black lump collected in Inojin’s chest.

At the hospital it had felt somewhat easier to be in a wheelchair, because so many were disabled in different ways there and the whole building was designed to be accessible.

Now here, at home, it finally – completely manifested inside him. This was what his life will look like from now on. These are the cards dealt to him.

Ino noticed his sad face.

“Honey, is there something you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know”, Inojin said, and wheeled up to the sofa. He had decided he wanted to lay down there for a while, to just get out of the chair for a little while. “You can probably guess that I feel a little weirded out. By all the rearrangements. And… that I am in this chair for… like forever… or a long while. Don’t help me!”

Ino had moved closer to him in an attempt to help him transfer to the sofa and she politely backed off when Inojin snapped at her. He had had to receive so much help over the two months that had passed since his accidents, and he was probably sick of being in the need of help. But the worry Ino felt was real. He was still not able to get up from the floor by himself to his wheelchair or a sofa, not even with the help of the tattoos. It was still too early for him to be able to unlock the true potential of them. If he fell from his chair and no one was there to help him, he might be stuck on the floor until someone arrives. There were so many potential things that could make his every day life more difficult that it already was, and Ino dreaded it.

Inojin transferred over to the sofa, and lifted his legs up on the couch, snuggling around until he found a nice position.

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you try to do it by yourself. I will from now on only help you if you ask it of us”, Ino said. “Whatever you feel, I will be here to listen to you. No matter how big or small.”

“I just wish… I don’t know what I wish. That we never went to Kaneza”, Inojin sighed, covering his face with one of his arms. “It’s not even about walking. It’s about everything else. I’d like to be able to pee like everyone else. And… be able to get dressed like before. And… not have people pity me or stare at me when I am in the chair. You saw how much they stared when we got here. I just feel… like I lost my worth as a human. I am a broken human.”

Ino waited a few seconds before opening her mouth.

“You are absolutely not broken. You are just as much worth as everyone else”, Ino said. “You didn’t choose to fall. It was an accident. And this chair is not you. You are not defined by how you move around, by how you take yourself to point A to point B. You are Yamanaka Inojin and you are still the heir to our clan. You are defined by your skills and your heritage – “

“My heritage who wants to kill me”, Inojin said.

“Your Yamanaka heritage”, Ino said, voice strong. “That is the only thing that matters. You are a Yamanaka.”

Inojin snorted.

Ino placed a hand on the wheelchair.

“This is just a means of transportation”, she said. “This is not you. You are a wonderful son and I am so honoured to be your mum. You are a fantastic friend. You are a great boyfriend who’s always there for Shikadai when he needs you. You are a talented artist. You are Inojin. Not Inojin the wheelchair user. Just Inojin. Inojin who just gets around a little different than most people.”

Inojin smiled under his arm.

“Look”, he said. “At my foot.”

Ino saw that he now had his hand in the activating sign, and his foot wiggled up and down as he stretched his toes towards himself and then downward. He had activated the tattoos.

“That’s great”, Ino said and the instinct to pat his shin was there, but then she remembered that he wouldn’t feel her touch. “Inojin. Everything will be okay. Please. Trust in yourself and your own abilities without pushing yourself too hard.”

To her surprise, Inojin began laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” she asked.

“’Without pushing myself too hard’” he repeated. “Hehe. That’s the only thing I do nowadays. Pushing my wheelchair.”

It was a genuine laugh coming after that. Ino laughed with him. Then Inojin twisted his head to look at her.

“But seriously”, he said. “It’s everyday life that is a freaking struggle, not the wheelchair. And then something else.”

“What is that something else?” Ino asked.

“I want to be able to dance”, Inojin said. “With Shikadai.”

Ino smiled at him.

“One day I’m sure you’ll dance. In one way or another. One day”, she said absentmindedly, and her gaze automatically drew itself to her and Sai’s wedding photo they had up on the wall. They were dancing their wedding slow dance on that photo.

They both had their foreheads touching and broad smiles on their lips. When they got married Inojin was already a little seed inside Ino’s belly. They had called him their little poppy seed. They had been so excited for their little unborn child, wishing the best future for their little poppy seed.

“I love you”, Ino said without stopping herself. “I love you so much, Inojin. No matter what happens – or has happened – I will always love you.”

Inojin looked at her.

“I know”, he said. “Love you too, mum.”

This time around Ino wouldn’t do the same mistake as when Inojin had walked off by himself and his team into the darkness of an unfamiliar maze, when she had only just _trusted_ and not told him how much she loved him. She would not do the same mistake as when Inojin walked for the last time.

(Because no one is invincible.)

Outside the living room Sai was sitting by the dinner table, listening to the discussion they had. He wanted to walk in and say _I love you as well,_ but he couldn’t bring himself up to do it. Couldn’t just walk up and look at Inojin – paralysed because of choices Sai had made. Instead he folded his arms over the table and put his forehead against his forearms. He really felt like the worst father in the world.

“We have located them”, Sai said and put the map over Naruto’s desk. He, Ino, Shikamaru, Temari, Karui and Choji surrounded the desk, all of them staring at the map of the small town of Kaneza. “Thanks to the information Chocho was able to give us we have finally located a person named Terasawa Kumiko. To find this person was not an easy process, but I have now an address.”

He took a deep breath.

“Tonight, we six will go to Kaneza and find this Kumiko, and interrogate her”, he said. “If this Terasawa Kumiko turns out to be my sister, and the person who cursed Inojin, we will proceed to kill her.”

He had circled a house on the map in the town of Kaneza.

“The tunnels were most likely some sort of relic for their family”, Sai said. “We have no reason to believe someone actually lived down there, and we believe this house here is where they reside for the most time. What they actually did down in the tunnels is still a mystery for us.”

They all looked at each other. This was now or never. So much wrong had happened in their families lives – their children’s lives – and now they were vengeful. Everything that had happened in two generations, first Sai’s childhood where the death of a companion was every day, then Inojin’s curse, injury and disability and Shikadai’s second psychosis, everything boiled down to this very family and person.

Sai was disgusted of the fact that, if everything was true, this person was his sister and blood family.

But the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

He was ready to kill his blood family if he needed to. He didn’t feel the need to bond with people who deliberately did this to their family.

But even if Sai and his friends were shinobi, and highly skilled at that, they still had a family to care for and children who, forever, would have the first priority.

“I think it’s best for us to leave Shikadai with Inojin while we’re away”, Temari said. “He will be the calmest and most content there.”

Shikadai had as well finally come home from the hospital, and the plan was to let him try his way in the world, but eventually, if things get too tough too soon, have him coming back to the ward for a shorter period to recharge. His diagnosis had switched. For the worse. It had maybe always been stewing during the year, and maybe the Nara family, including Shikadai, deep inside knew this was coming. This past year had been a struggle after all.

He was taking different medicines with different side effects now to better work with the new cards dealt to him, and everything was still a constant try-out to find what worked the best and a constant fight for him. He had, however insisted that there was one thing making him happier and that would be a guitar. Without even a second question Shikamaru had immediately gone into town and bought a guitar for Shikadai. He was still not supposed to be alone, at least not for long, for the time being. Shikadai had a new routine he was supposed to stick to, but some tasks, like eating, seemed to be hard for him and he needed a lot of prompting to get through the day. The guitar playing helped him a lot, which was a relief.

The struggle was completely the same for Inojin, just in a different way. He needed prompting and encouragement to keep up with his schedule to use the catheters to avoid wetting himself without even feeling it, he needed encouragement to get through the day when it was still new to him to be disabled and he didn’t have all the systems worked out and he felt frustrated and angry when he fell out of bed when reaching for underwear in the dresser beside his bed and didn’t get up by himself, and Ino or Sai had to come and lift him up again.

“I can send Chocho with them too”, Choji said. “She can help them both if they need it. In that case, they would all be together, and I feel like that is the most bomb proof plan right now to ensure their safety.”

“I like that”, Temari said. “Inojin and Shikadai are safe in each other’s presence.” She took a deep breath. “They complete each other.”

“And Chocho and Shikadai can help Inojin if there’s anything he need”, Sai said.

It still didn’t really feel right to just _leave_ them alone, without supervision.

“I still think I will send my mum to check on them later during the day”, Ino said. Shikamaru raised his eyebrows, weighing his words carefully.

“Shikadai might get annoyed if he thinks we’re not trusting him”, Shikamaru finally said. “Especially since they don’t know where we’re going. They will think they’re only getting together for a nice afternoon together, drink coffee and chitchat.”

“And do you seriously think Shikadai won’t guess anything?” Temari snorted. “You underestimate him and will make him disappointed and sad for being held in the dark. Grow a backbone and communicate with your son properly now.”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

“Yes, okay”, he said. “Okay, so we tell the kids we are going to avenge them? Works for me.”

“I can call my mum and tell her to make cupcakes or crepes for them”, Ino said. “That way she has a reason to visit. I think it’s good to have at least one adult to check in that everything is okay.”

“Fine”, Karui said. “We’ll go home, collect some weapons and tell Chocho to get over to your place. See you all by the gates in an hour?”

The 16th generation of Ino-Shika-Cho, along with their spouses scattered to their own houses, telling their children to get together to have a nice evening with crepes and videogames and late night talking until they get home again.

Shikadai agreed nicely to stay at home. He tried to smile and said he understood why he wasn’t going to join them.

Chocho was excited for the company and the crepes. Maybe more excited of the crepes than the boys, but she had so many beans to spill regarding her kiss with Mitsuki that maybe the boys won this time around.

Inojin just accepted that he wasn’t ever going to fight again in the same way anymore, shed a few tears after his parents had left and started his gaming console to drown his sorrow over his lost abilities inside fiction.

Ino had left the outer door unlocked on purpose after she and Sai left so Shikadai and Chocho could get inside with ease, meaning it didn’t require Inojin to do any unnecessary transfers to the wheelchair or trying to walk with the tattoos on bad, weak legs.

Inojin kept gaming until he heard the door open. _Finally Shikadai is here,_ he thought and felt a flutter spread in his stomach as he had _longed_ for Shikadai’s touch and kisses

“Hi, sweetie”, he called out. “I’m in the living room. Come here and kiss me!”

The door closed again. It wasn’t Shikadai standing in the hall, facing Inojin in the sofa. It was a girl with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

“Hello, cousin”, Kira said. There was a giant Oil Paint White Tiger by her side. “I came to kill you.”

She unsheathed her Ink Knife and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh fuck. 
> 
> Looks like the parents left to hunt down Kumiko and Kira at the same time Kira and Kumiko came to hunt down Inojin...


	16. Sai's Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end!

The town of Kaneza was silent. Just like when the youngest generation of Ino-Shika-Cho were there, there were close to no activity among the villagers. There were three food stands, one selling fruits, one selling cabbage and the third and final one selling fish, at the market square. The same woman Shikadai, Inojin and Chocho had asked about the non-existing thieves was there, and she looked down as she saw the company of six shinobi running on top of the rooftops.

Another team of chunin had fined the town of Kaneza for hiring shinobi for unnecessary work, but the incident was filed and put in a stack of paper somewhere and slowly had gotten forgotten amongst the paperwork for all other failed missions. No official investigation had ever been made for why Team 10 was fooled into that village.

The house Sai had targeted as the house the Terasawa family lived in was up in a hill above the village, a splendid, beautiful house with view over the whole village and the main street as well as the tiny market square.

“Is this clan the ruling family of the village, do you think?” Choji asked when they spied on the house from a safe distance.

That house had to be the most expensive one to build in the whole town. Whereas most of the houses were built in an old fashioned way – with electricity attached to their houses much later after the houses were built through rather dangerous powerlines across the streets, and a half-assed sewer system running under the town, this house was modern.

“At least they’re the richest by far”, Temari mused as she looked up at the solar panels of the house they were targeting. It was a modern house. “I assume they collect the wage the clan makes from doing shinobi missions. It’s not too unusual for feudal lords or other communities to hire rogue ninja instead of shinobi from an established village, if the rogue in question had a good rumour. Seems like the Terasawa had made a name out of them here in the eastern Fire Country.

They turned to Sai, who was staring up at the house.

“You all know how to fight Ink Beasts?” he said, and the question was rhetorical. All of them had at some point fought Ink Beasts, either Sai’s in a friendly spar (or the less friendly first encounter between Choji, Shikamaru and Sai) or Inojin’s Ink Cats as the parents had trained their children in their formations.

Ink Beasts were most of the times children’s play for them. This was however different. This was something else than the Ink Beasts they’re used to.

“The plan”, Sai said. “Karui and Temari are the best at stealth, they will get inside first to find information. Ino and Shikamaru will stand on the roof, Ino will check how many people there are inside and Shikamaru will send information to Temari and Karui and in case it is needed, while he is still outside, sneak in shadows to bind them whenever they don’t expect anything. Choji is our wild card, and he will storm the house last, to surprise them.”

“And you?” Ino asked.

“I will knock politely on the door”, Sai said. “And look my parents in their eyes and ask them ’why’. After that I will kill my sister to free my son. He has suffered enough by these people’s hands. And you will help me.”

“We will”, Ino said and looked at her teammates, Shikamaru and Choji. She also looked over at Temari and Karui. “Guys.”

That was aimed at Shikamaru and Choji.

“We were once Ino-Shika-Cho, we three”, Ino said. “We fought together, we went through heart ache together and we grew up together. We attended each other’s weddings, shed tears of joy for each other.” She looked over at Temari and Karui. “We greeted new members into our team. Our spouses. They became like a part of our team, ever if we don’t ever really go out on missions together.” She took a deep breath. “I am so happy you agreed to come with us. This revenge does not only belong to the Yamanakas, to Sai and me. This belongs to the whole of Ino-Shika-Cho.”

“Of course this concerns us as much as you”, Temari said. “These fuckers sent Shikadai into a headspace no one deserves to be in. Through Inojin they hurt him just as much. These people are not enemy of the Yamanakas, they are the enemy of Ino-Shika-Cho and me.”

Ino couldn’t hold inside the tiniest, weakest smile. She wasn’t even happy, that wasn’t a happy smile. That was a smile of hope. When Temari had her mind set on revenge, there was not much room for mercy left.

Karui had placed her hand on her hip. Ino felt Karui’s self-confidence pour into her as well. Choji seemed the most worried out of them all, but he had food pills with him and Ino knew they could count on him.

Shikamaru had that wrinkle between his eyebrows, his nose slightly scrunched in a grimace of disgust and that was his face of anger. His son had also faced horrible consequences because of this.

And then Sai. Ino’s Sai.

His face was as stiff and hard as steel like it usually was when he was concentrated or angry.

“Let’s get inside the house”, Sai said, and the six parents got up on the hill and from different angles got close to the house.

The house was almost as silent as the town of Kaneza. The windows were dark and zero activity from the inside could be seen from the outside. Ino and Shikamaru jumped up on the roof by the solar panels. Ino felt no chakra system inside the house.

“Huh”, Shikamaru said as he let his hand run by the solar panels.

“What?” Ino asked, not looking at what he was doing. She was staring down, as if she had a byakugan and could stare into the rooms of the house. The fact that the house was empty made her stomach churn in an unpleasant way. Where were the people living here? Where were the Terasawa family?

“Same brand of solar panels as we have on our roof”, Shikamaru said.

“Hey, focus now”, Ino snapped. “Get your thick head focused on the mission.”

Shikamaru crouched in his trademark position.

 _Sai, my love. Are you ready?_ Ino sent into his head.

 _I’m ready_ , Sai replied. _Check Temari and Karui._

Ino searched out for them.

_Temari, Karui! Are you inside?_

_I’m in_ , Karui said. She had skilfully opened a window on the upper floor and slinked inside, covered by darkness. _It’s dark inside._

Temari had gotten inside as well on the lower floor and sneaked, covered by the shadows, around the house. There was nothing out of the ordinary, and it was completely empty. There was plenty of furniture and a TV inside the living room. She briefly wondered if they had targeted the correct house after all. This seemed so ordinary for a family who had spent, for whatever reason, time down in a catacomb with hundreds of children’s skulls by the walls. She walked inside the kitchen.

“Temari?” Karui hissed from the staircase and Temari snapped her head up at the sudden sounds. “Come.”

Temari quickly made her way upstairs and followed Karui.

“What have you seen?”

“A child lives here”, Karui said and they walked inside a room, that undoubtedly belonged to a teenager. Karui, who had a teen daughter herself, found similarities to Chocho’s room immediately.

A bed not entirely made, pictures up on the mint green walls, paintings andmagazines scattered all around. It smelled almost like flowers inside. Temari became almost nauseous of the scent, as it was so fake. Fake floral, too sticky and soft.

“A girl”, Temari said. “It has to be the girl Chocho, Inojin and Shikadai fought. Inojin’s cousin. Kira.”

“She must be around their age”, Karui said and pointed at one of the photographs on the wall. Based on the description Chocho, Inojin and Shikadai had given, Kira had brown hair and blue eyes. There were two girls on the photo, one with brown hair and one with blonde hair. Karui pointed at the girl, who had to be Kira, and let her finger slide across the face. She almost wanted to rip the photo in half, put needles right where Kira’s eyes were, and scratch a cut across her stomach at the L3 level.

“It was her fault”, Temari said, referring to the consequences Inojin and Shikadai had faced after the fight. “She was the reason they fell. That little bitch…”

Shikadai’s memories from Inojin’s fall and what had happened after – the Blood Eagle, the road to the hospital and his walk home had almost completely turned into nothingness, erased by his brain in a try to protect him from those traumatic memories. His memories before the fall were, however, intact and he had managed to give a timeline of the fight against Kira. He remembered her name, what she looked like and what her jutsus were.

It had been hard for the parents to hear the broken story. Especially from Chocho, who remembered everything vividly, and Inojin, who remembered everything as well. He remembered the utter helplessness down in the ravine, with a boyfriend slowly losing reality and a spine snapped in half.

“Where are they?” Karui mumbled. “Where is Kira?”

“They could be anywhere”, Temari said.

 _Guys! There as to be a cellar beneath you! I sense chakra there,_ Ino said into their heads. _Go and check who they are, do not let them see you. Report back to me and Sai will go inside._

A cellar?

Temari and Karui made quickly their way down the stairs.

“Where are the stairs to the cellar?” Temari asked after they had looked through the whole lower floor.

“It has to be hidden somewhere”, Karui mumbled. “Probably an illusion of some sort.”

“Release”, Temari said and touched the walls in the living room and the kitchen at different places.

“Temari, here”, Karui said and pointed at the sofa. In its light grey fabric, pecks of dirt, oddly similar to footprints, cluttered the middle of the sitting cushion. “It has to be behind the couch. Someone has just walked over it.”

Temari walked over to the couch and placed her hand by the wall behind it. The simple wall turned out to be hollow, with a staircase going down into the ground. The frame around the opening was lined with metal, a certain metal with chakra blocking effects. Lithium. That was why they had not been able to sense anyone down in the cellar before Ino managed to penetrate the blockage. There was a smell of smoke and of petrol oil inside.

“Shit”, Karui whispered. “Don’t tell me those underground catacombs come up to this place? _This_ was where they began?”

“So there were hundreds of kilometres of tunnels”, Temari said.

“The Terasawa clan is older than Konoha by far”, Karui said. “They could have made the tunnels a long time ago and no one from the outside knew.”

Temari placed a hand on the wall by the tunnel opening, just to get a little support, because this was beginning to creep her out for real now.

What she hadn’t considered was the fact that the jutsu she used to attack the genjutsu was still lingering in her hand after she had commanded the release commando earlier, and when she placed her hand against the wall, the same commando repeated.

The whole wallpaper vanished in a flash when the genjutsu it turned out to be released itself.

“Oh my god”, Temari said as she stared on the wall and what was below the genjutsu.

On the wall, there was a giant painted tree, each branch and leaf representing the family members.

A family tree, of generations and generations of the Terasawa clan. Someone had painted a red string following the members of the main bloodline. By following the red string, one could conclude that this clan mainly was a matriarchy. Temari and Karui followed the red string until they found names they recognised.

_Terasawa Kimara and Terasawa Jouni_

_Terasawa Kumiko and Terasawa Oikaro_

_Terasawa Kira._

And then, originating from Terasawa Kimara and Jouni’s names, there was another name written.

 _~~Terasawa Kenta~~ _ _Yamanaka Sai and Yamanaka X_

“Holy shit”, Karui said. “This is the whole family tree. Sai must come and see this.”

“Look”, Temari said. ”They even added Inojin’s name to the tree.” She pointed at the name written below Sai’s.

_Yamanaka Inojin_

And beside Inojin’s name, there was a little scribble, as if someone haphazardly had written it while holding a steaming hot teacup with one hand and a crayon in the other.

_TBK before June._

“This does not feel good”, Temari said.

That was the moment they heard someone walk up the staircase going into the ground. Karui raised her katana, Temari held her fan up high. The person exposing themselves was an old woman, age closer to sixty.

“Who are you?” she snarled and neither Temari nor Karui spared mercy.

 _Now, get down!_ They yelled into Ino’s head and Ino forwarded the info to Sai, who stormed through the door.

The walls of the staircase turned out to be drenched in chakra infused Ink, which the woman quickly summoned into manifested creatures.

But when Temari is around, no Ink Creatures go free. Wind is strong against Ink and can with one good strike send them falling into drops and splatter.

The woman staggered back as the monstrosity out of Ink cut down into liquid and she ran down the stairs. Now Sai had come inside and he, Temari and Karui went chasing her. They didn’t need much time before they were at her heels down in the dark tunnel, since their feet ran faster than her old legs. Karui jammed herself into the woman, pushing her down on her knees.

“Who are you to intrude into my home?” the woman yelled when Karui had managed to overthrow her. The woman was now lying on the floor with Karui’s foot at her neck and katana against her throat.

“Get her upside where there’s light”, Sai said. “Let’s see what she says then.”

“Yes”, Karui said, and grabbed the woman’s shoulders. “Get up, you old hag. We got business with you.”

Karui pushed her up the stairs, holding one hand firmly against the woman’s wrist and the other one at the katana’s handle, pointing the shard edge at one of the arteries of the woman’s neck. The woman was completely silent.

In the kitchen, Ino and Shikamaru had already put a chair forth for the woman, ready to interrogate her and ask her _why._ To their surprise, the woman didn’t seem too scared. She just looked down, stared at her feet with an annoying defiance.

“Look at me”, Sai said. She stared down. “I said, look at me.”

“I know what you look like”, the woman said. “I don’t have to look to know.”

Something inside Sai snapped. His son’s life was changed forever because of this family. Inojin had gone through so much pain and Shikadai had spiralled down to insanity because of what this family did.

Consumed by a rage he hadn’t ever given himself space to feel he grabbed the woman by her chin and forced her face upwards.

“I said, _look at me!_ ” Sai almost yelled into her face. “Look at me, _mother._ Look at me in my eyes and tell me why you did this.”

Terasawa Kimara, Sai’s biological mother, looked up in his eyes. She smiled, and Sai had no idea if it was a sorrowful smile or a sarcastic one. He stared down at her face with disgust rising in his own, eyes finding similarities between himself and her, between _Inojin_ and her. This was his mother. A person he had dreamt of and longed, _yearned_ , for.

A person who gave him up to Danzo.

For a split second he wanted to let the brush with a knife point at the end fall into his hand, turn it upside down and stab the pointy end down Kimara’s face.

He didn’t.

“What a challenging gaze”, she said. “I know that gaze. You look like your sister.”

“Shut up”, Sai said, fighting the urge to strangle her on the spot.

“You never had that gaze when you were a little child”, Kimara said. “You would smile to me and show me drawings and you would play with the Ink Cats until your hands turned black of Ink when you tried to hug them. You loved hugs. That was what settled it once upon a time. Kumiko was deemed stronger.”

“I… I don’t remember this”, Sai said. “I don’t remember any Ink Cats, or hugs or drawings or anything! The cursed seal removed all my memories of you. Removed… my feelings.”

“It would be better to die emotionless than with regret and dream of a family who love you”, Kimara said.

“But you seem to care of your family”, Ino interrupted, voice almost shaking. She pointed at the huge painted family tree on the wall and on Inojin’s name. “You wrote down the name of my boy. My son, who faced permanent injuries by your family’s hand.”

Ino let her fingers trail Inojin’s name. She stared down at the little note, the pathetic scribble that seemed to have been written with a crayon, beside it.

“What does TBK before June mean?” she whispered. “What happens in June?”

“June the first is my grandchild’s birthday”, Kimara said. “Tomorrow.”

“Kira, I take it”, Ino said.

“Yes”, Kimara said. “She turns fourteen, the year of coming of age. We had a festival for her earlier this spring. She is the heir to our family.”

Ino’s eyes widened as she realised what TBK was an acronym for.

_To be killed._

To be killed before June.

It was the final day of May today. June the first was tomorrow.

Ino sensed desperately for more chakra systems inside the house or the tunnel but found none.

“Where are the rest of your family?” Ino gasped, almost no volume coming out of her mouth. The rest of the family wasn’t here. Kumiko wasn’t here. Kira wasn’t here.

“There was a girl’s room on the second floor”, Temari said. “But it was empty.”

“Where is my sister?” Sai asked. “Where is Kumiko?”

“And where is the girl?” Ino asked.

Kimara didn’t answer. After what felt like time that had stopped Sai grabbed her neck, by now totally consumed by the darkest of emotions.

He was not emotionless anymore. He could process all emotions again, he could feel them all. Love, compassion, empathy.

But also rage and hatred.

“Where are my sister and niece?” he hissed, hands wanting so bad to rip out the throat of his birth mother.

“Kira turns fourteen tomorrow and they have to get rid of the blind alley of our blood”, Kimira said. “I’m sorry, my son. Kumiko has, as our leader, all the power in our family as of now, and I can’t stop her. Your son might be dead already.”

Ino slapped her hands against her mouth.

“Oh no”, she whispered. “Oh no, we left them at home alone!”

“Shit”, Shikamaru hissed, seeing the scenario in front of him. “Shikadai is going to try to protect him, oh shit, he is not stable enough to do it yet!” In that moment, he saw Shikadai take a killing hit for Inojin, flashing on his cornea.

“Chocho is there”, Choji tried to say, as if that could give even the slightest of comfort to the horrible situation.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no”, Ino mumbled. “We have to get back! Inojin can’t fight on his own, oh no, he can’t – if they try something, he won’t be able to defend himself. He can’t even stand on his own yet!”

All the horrible images ran through Ino’s head. She saw Inojin die inside her head.

“Not Inojin!” she yelled and ran through the door.

For the first time in Sai’s career, he had no idea what to do. He had always followed order to the degree of him never having the chance to make his own choices. After his deprogramming he still followed the orders of his Hokage, even if it allowed him to make changes in the missions whenever he deemed it necessary and logical.

This wasn’t a mission which was based on logics.

This was a mission that was completely based on emotions. They had one goal and that was to kill his sister. He hadn’t even had the capacity to imagine what to do with his mother, especially not now when Inojin’s life could be in danger back in Konoha.

He could have just unsheathed his tanto as cut her throat, but he didn’t. There was so much more he wanted to ask, but had no time to. There was _so damn much more_ to ask. Instead he quickly grabbed some ninja wire, belonging to basic ninja equipment, and bound her to a supporting pillar by the wall. He tightened the wire so hard it cut into her skin, making her bleed, but Sai didn’t care.

All he could care for was his son, who might already have been slain.

_Remove all your emotions. Think of the mission._

_Your name is Sai._

It was a mantra he usually found some weird comfort in when things had overwhelmed him when he was younger. That overwhelming feeling returned, and he tried to look for the same comfort that once worked. Today it didn’t work.

_Your name is Yamanaka Sai._

_Think of Inojin. Save him._

“One day your family will perish by my hand”, Sai said coldly to his mother. “And not mine.”

Ino had already run away in a panic-filled mess to save her only child with the rest of her team. She hadn’t even looked over her shoulder to check if her husband had come or not.

“You love him”, Kimara said and Sai wrinkled his forehead. “You love your son.”

“Of course I do”, Sai said.

“You are able to feel love?” Kimara said. “After what Danzo did to you?”

“Do not speak to me of Danzo”, Sai said. “You know nothing.”

“I know everything”, Kimara said. “I know what ROOT was.”

Sai bit him teeth together, fury burning through ever fibre of his body.

“Do not speak to me”, he said and left his mother Kimara there, with wire cutting into her skin and fingers bound together to immobilize her abilities to perform shinobi techniques.

Sai followed the rest of the company back to Konoha, and they could only hope, wish and dream to be able to reach their home in time, before Inojin would be slaughtered.

Inojin froze in place as he realised it wasn’t Shikadai walking into the living room. Instead of the black hair in a ponytail and green eyes, or the caramel coloured long hair and dark skin he expected and looked forward to see, he stared at a young girl with brown hair and blue eyes and a white tiger by her side.

Kira.

The mental instinct to stand up and attack was there, but the execution was cut off. Inojin managed only to sit up in the sofa. His legs didn’t move. He didn’t have any weapons on himself. He had earlier that day washed his brushes and left them to dry in the bathroom. He had no kunai, nothing on himself.

Inojin commanded his Ink Tattoos to move and he put his feet down on the floor from the sofa.

He was completely frozen by fear, hands shaking and not wanting to move into the Mind Transfer sign at all.

“Hello, cousin”, Kira said. “I came to kill you.” She unsheathed her Ink Knife and smiled.

Kira was just about to give the Oil Paint Tiger the command to attack Inojin when she froze and snapped her jaw shut. She tried to look over her shoulder, but the shadow that had sneaked into the living room forced her to look forward.

“You do not touch Inojin”, Shikadai said in a low voice from the kitchen. The shadow had curved around the corner, keeping him out of sight from Kira. “I will fucking kill you.” His pronunciation was off.

“Will you?” Kira asked in a nonchalant tone. “You couldn’t kill me before. You just fought my Beasts, not me. And when you had the chance, you didn’t take it. You _gave_ me an opening to flee. You are the worst shinobi I’ve seen so far.”

Shikadai exposed himself from around the corner. When he walked forward, Kira backed towards him, caught in his shadow jutsu.

Shikadai had a kitchen knife in his mouth, the sharp edge pointing outwards and the less sharp edge pressing against the corners of his mouth. His hands were firmly pressed together in the Rat sign, to keep Kira from moving around.

Since he had come home from the ward, all of his ninja equipment was taken away from him. He was not allowed to carry any kunai knives, no senbon, bombs or ninja wire, because those were labelled as high risk to harm oneself. The only thing he was allowed to keep was his ninjutsu and his fan.

It was obvious that he had stolen the kitchen knife from the Yamanaka’s kitchen the second he had walked in and sensed that Kira had already entered. Kitchen knives where not optimal in fighting, since they only had one sharp edge and not two, their point of balance was totally off for throwing and the handle was not the most optimal either.

This was an emergency solution.

“Shikadai”, Inojin breathed.

When Kira was focused on the shadow around her legs, thinking about how she would be able to overcome this obstacle, Inojin scooted forward in the sofa, planting his feet securely on the ground.

He had one chance. If he failed and fell down on the floor, it would be over. As long as he was in the sofa, he had some sort of high ground, some sort of security, but sitting on the floor, unable to get up would be a death sentence.

He felt his tattoos vibrate when the chakra inside them activated.

He had to be able to stand up on his own now. He had to be able to fight somehow.

If he fell onto the floor, he would be killed.

The tattoo which ran up all the way to his back, up to above his point of injury, activated.

_One, two, three._

The tattoos pressed upwards against Inojin’s thighs and butt, giving him a momentum. Inojin stood up.

His hands trembled in the air, desperate for something to hold onto, because he would lose his balance any second now. Standing up without holding onto rails was _so hard._ He decided to lean back and let the tattoos on the back of his legs and back stabilise him. It was still hard.

“Inojin!”

Shikadai let the grip of the shadow go for a microsecond to be able to take out the knife out of his mouth and throw it to Inojin. He had guessed Inojin didn’t have any weapons on him, since he was on sick leave for an unforeseeable time. His fulltime job at the moment was getting the best recovery he could get and learning to live his life with his disability.

Inojin grabbed the knife, but by focusing on taking that, he lost his balance and fell back down in the sofa with a thump. Neuropathic pain, pain coming from damaged nerves, shot up his back and down his legs and he grunted loudly. But now he was at least armed with something.

“Shadow Strangle Jutsu”, Shikadai whispered, still staring at Kira.

It felt weird using chakra again after a month of not really using it. He was afraid of it being too weak.

A hand detached itself from the shadow around Kira’s legs and climbed up her leg, around her torso.

“Shikadai, watch out!” Inojin yelled, when he noticed the position Kira’s fingers were in. The moment Shikadai had slightly released his grip of his shadow to throw the knife to Inojin Kira had placed her fingers in the activating sign before being locked into place again.

“Let’s get the other filthy boy out of the way as well. Ninja Art. Super Beast Attack”, Kira said. The tiger didn’t attack Inojin.

It attacked Shikadai instead.

Shikadai had to let the shadow go around Kira to be able to jump up the wall, via the roof to jump down again onto the floor in front of Inojin. The tiger turned around, but didn’t attack immediately. It took a few threatening steps forward.

“Are you okay?” Shikadai asked, not even looking back at Inojin. He had his eyes locked on the tiger.

“Yeah”, Inojin said. “I can help you – “

“Will you be able to?” Shikadai asked. “Let me save you.”

“I don’t need to be saved”, Inojin said, but the lie was easily detected. Of course he needed to be saved. He was still so newly injured that every day life didn’t flow like it once used to, and he was in the beginning of the recovery – he couldn’t walk.

But that didn’t mean he was useless.

If only he got on hold of a scroll, Ink, and a paint brush so he can make a bird to fly on, everything will be okay. He can help Shikadai from the air, without using his legs. It could work.

It had to work.

If only.

As if Shikadai had read Inojin’s thoughts, he saw the little storage with Ink and scrolls they had in a cabinet in the living room. He knew what that cabinet was containing, having helped Inojin organize it before.

A single whip of shadow stitching made its way towards the cabinet – it was incredibly risky to divide one’s weapon and use it on something that wasn’t the enemy – and it snatched a single bottle of blue Ink, a bottle which had the brush attached to itself, and a little bigger scroll.

This was exactly what Inojin needed.

“Thank you”, he said when he got the Ink in his hand, ready to bring out the scroll and paint the bird when –

“Mum, the other boy came”, Kira said as someone closed the outer door.

“The boyfriend?” Kumiko said from the kitchen. “Kill him too.”

“I will”, Kira said, as Kumiko walked around the corner.

Both Shikadai and Inojin stared at her, stared at Terasawa Kumiko, Inojin’s aunt and Sai’s sister. She was a tall woman with black hair put in a neat bun by her neck and the exact same shape of the eyes as Sai’s. Her skin was a tad darker than his, but other than that, they looked like siblings.

Inojin felt fear charge through his body, remembered when Kumiko had strapped him down and forced a knife in his mouth and it had been so painful, so painful. His tongue felt warm and tender when even thinking about it.

Shikadai might have seen threatening, but inside him a fear was steadily beating through him. The fear for Inojin, the fear for his own life and the fear of going insane. He was not okay yet. Not ready for more blood and pain, yet here he was, ready to put his life on the line if needed.

Love is a pathalogical state. One does the most outrageous things while in love.

He licked his lips, slowly bringing up his hand to his fan, as Inojin slowly tried to pain something, while staring at the enemies.

“I can help you”, Kumiko said and the vials on her wrists opened, letting Ink and Paint pour into knives in her hands. “So, boys. Any final words?”

Shikadai’s final words were a sharp scream as Kumiko jumped forward and stabbed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final cliffhanger, I swear :D
> 
> So, will the boys manage to survive to live another day?
> 
> (and did you recognise that one line from To go down with the Sun? One of my favourite lines from that story, hehe).


	17. The greatest thunderstorm of them all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do I have to offer but a 7k long fight for you all! The second to final chapter, everyone!
> 
> Before you read, please look at the amazing fanart twitter user Soverel6 made of Inojin from this fic <3 Do you recognise the scene? Check it out [HERE](https://twitter.com/Soverel6/status/1298578368443682817)! It's so amazing!

Ino’s mother looked down at the delicious cream beige colour of the final crepe in the frying pan. Now all crepes were finished. She flipped over the crepe and placed it on top of the rest of the stack inside the folio wrapping to keep them warm.

Carefully she wrapped the folio around the whole bunch. She briefly wondered if she had made big enough batter, since Chocho was going to be there, and probably her dog too, but she felt confident after recounting the entire stack. There should be enough crepes for two teenage boys, a teenage girl with never-ending stomach and a dog.

Ino’s mother placed the crepes inside a basket, along with homemade jam from her own berries from the berry cultivation she had on the rooftop. She had three different jams, one apple jam made from apples from the little farming lot she rented outside Konoha, one strawberry and one raspberry.

Inojin liked the raspberry one the most. Ino’s mother smiled at the thought of her grandson, thinking of him as a small child with raspberry jam all over his chin after eating crepes, like so many times in the past. No matter what he had gone through, or whatever his remaining physical abilities were, she still loved him more than anything. Her only grandson.

Now she was finished. She put on her shoes, armoured with the crepes, and began walking towards her daughter’s home.

So many things happened at once. Kumiko had jumped forward with an Ink knife in her hand, ready to stab Shikadai, but at that precise moment Chocho had arrived, and immediately noticed what was going on.

“Human Juggernaut!” she yelled as her huge, round body whirled into the living room, causing chair to fly and plants to flip over as her rampage exceeded in the room.

Kira took it as her task to stop Chocho, but Chocho had already such a momentum up that Kira wasn’t able to stop her with just one whip of Ink. Chocho’s big body pushed both Kira and Kumiko forward. Kumiko lost her stance and balance.

Instead of managing to skilfully stab Shikadai, she fell over him and stabbed the Ink knife down the side of his face.

He let out a sharp scream of pain as his cheek ripped open and the tip of the knife missed impaling his ear by less than a hair.

Kumiko jerked the knife up from the stab in the floor and Shikadai grabbed her arm, trying to hinder her from stabbing him again, but with him laying on his back and she being on top of him – able to put her whole weight on her arm and knife, he was put in great disadvantage.

The tip of the knife came closer and closer to his face – his eye.

He wasn’t able to get a single sound out of him, all his focus on pushing away the knife. He was so out of shape, so thin after his poor eating habits since he fell ill again and he simply didn’t have the strength.

“Die”, Kumiko hissed. “Ouch! Fucking – “ A spear of solidified Ink had stabbed her in her side.

Inojin was still sitting in the sofa, too stressed to be able to focus on steering his tattoos to make him stand up after so little training, but he had the biggest scroll open in his lap and a paint brush that had just painted a sharp spear.

Kumiko had to drop the knife to use both her hands to dismember the Ink in the spear Inojin had painted, and her knowing exactly how the Ink jutsu worked she was able to penetrate the jutsu and destroy the spear.

Inojin’s brush ran over the scroll as fast as he could and painted the biggest bird that had space for on the scroll.

“Inojin!” Chocho yelled. “Escape!”

She had a kunai knife in her hand, and tied to the kunai was a paper bomb. She threw the kunai up the ceiling and the paper bomb ignited.

_Boom._

The roof exploded and Inojin had already painted a beautiful bird.

“Ninja Art! Beast Drawing – “ he began as tiles from the ceiling and upper roof fell down from the explosion into the living room. Without even having said the final words of his jutsu, the bird stepped out of the scroll and Inojin leaned over the bird.

It took off and Inojin almost slid off it since he hadn’t the time to carefully place his legs on either side of it. Everything took so much longer without functioning legs.

He yelped as his fingers dug into Ink and the bird flew through the hole in the ceiling and roof and out towards the sky. This was not a controlled flight. This was a bird infused with chakra vibrating with panic. If Inojin lost control over the chakra inside the bird it would combust into splatter and send him crashing to the ground.

In that case, he would die.

“Follow him!” Kumiko yelled and Kira leapt after the bird herself.

It was such a chaos. Kira leaping after Inojin, Chocho leaping after Kira, Kumiko giving up Shikadai and going after Chocho, and finally Shikadai hauling himself up from the floor. His head was spinning and he was consumed by one single thought.

_I can’t let them kill Inojin. I will do whatever I can to kill them. I will kill them._

“No!” Chocho yelled as both Kira and Kumiko painted birds on scrolls they had on them. Both of them took off, flying away from Chocho’s reach. “Oh no!”

They had the high ground now.

Inojin was somewhere in front of them, and they had no idea whether he had a plan or not, or even which direction he was heading towards. He was probably unable to contact them via his Mind Jutsu, since he desperately tried to control the chakra within his bird while dangling off it.

If only he could haul himself up on the bird, but without functioning legs it is impossible. His whole life hung by how well he can control the Ink inside his bird.

“Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck”, Shikadai whispered as he leapt over house roofs with Chocho at his heels.

“Shikadai, tell me if you begin to feel bad – “ Chocho began and Shikadai turned to stare at her, gaze hard, eyes red and a cheek bleeding.

“I don’t care if I fall sick again”, he almost yelled. “I have to save Inojin. I have failed so many times – there has to be one time I succeed. I will sacrifice myself if I have to! Even if I lose my mind!”

Chocho wanted to reach out and grab Shikadai’s hand, but their speed was so high and momentum hard that she was unable to make the movement to take his hand. To give him support and to mediate calmness and love when he felt like the world came crashing down. Not that Shikadai was wrong, the world was crashing around them and had done so for a long time.

This would be the final fight. They either succeed or die.

“I can see them”, Chocho panted and pointed at the birds Kumiko and Kira were flying on, as they made their way out of Konoha. They didn’t look behind, didn’t check if anyone came after them.

Chases and other weird incidents were everyday in a ninja village. No one who didn’t know them would probably look twice up in the sky at the birds, wouldn’t give weird looks at Shikadai and Chocho stumbling over roof tops in a desperate chase. No one would probably even follow them. They would just shrug their shoulder and continue living their lives.

Things like this were normal, after all. Such is the life of a shinobi.

“Where is he going?” Shikadai almost cried out. “If his chakra runs out – “

“He knows that already”, Chocho said. “Shikadai, seriously –

“Don’t make me stop!” he yelled back, not looking at her. “Chocho, it’s Inojin. I can’t – I can’t – “

“I know”, Chocho said. “And I won’t stop you, I’ll _help_ you. I’ve got a plan. Let me help you.”

Shikadai just nodded. He was out of breath and lactic acid burned in his legs, panic rushing inside his mind.

“You’ve got a plan”, he managed to get out when they saw Inojin’s bird lower itself to the ground, but after that the enemies lowered from the air as well. Inojin was out of shape as well, and probably had to rest his charka – or his arms – for a little while.

Right now, Inojin was incredibly vulnerable.

Shikadai hauled the fan into his arms from his back. From when he had fallen on his back, his back hurt and he had probably a giant bruise along his spine, but there was no time to think of possible bruises.

“Yes, I’ve got a plan”, Chocho said. “You are not going to like it, but it’s the most forceful plan I thought of.”

“What do you mean?” Shikadai panted as they ran toward the place Inojin had landed. They were now pretty far from Konoha.

“Our default Ino-Shika-Cho-formation won’t work as well right now”, Chocho said. “It is focused primarily on fighting against one enemy, now there are two plus their Ink Beasts. We need a larger area of effect.”

“I can widen my shadow”, Shikadai said.

“But your shadow might not stop the Ink Beasts”, Chocho snapped back. “Inojin can only possess one at a time, but he can’t most likely do anything but focusing on his own tattoos or having Ink helping him to not die. So we have to rely on his Ink instead of the Mind jutsu.”

“Your Human Juggernaut has so far been the best weapon against them”, Shikadai said.

“I have a better idea”, Chocho said, panic now audible in her voice as they ran along the trees. They could see Inojin sit on the ground, as well as Kira and Kumiko stand in front of him. They seemed to be talking.

Shikadai opened his fan.

“Wind Style! Sickle Weasel Jutsu!” he screamed as his voice cracked halfway through the commando.

The tornado forced both Kumiko and Kira to jump out of their way. They retreated into the shadows of the trees, apparently trying to gather a little bit more chakra after the chase out of Konoha.

No one knew how far they had been running, and Inojin sure as hell wasn’t aware of where his bird had taken him, since the only thing he had focused on was not falling off.

Inojin’s hands were blue of Ink from when he had forced them to hold onto the bird when his legs didn’t move. He sat in an odd position, legs folded weirdly after he had clumsily slid off the bird seconds before it had combusted, but he had had no time to manually – with tattoos or hands – readjusted them into a position that at least didn’t hurt to look at.

“Inojin”, Shikadai let out as he crashed onto his knees beside Inojin. “Are you hurt?”

“No”, Inojin said, eyes frantically trying to spot Kira and Kumiko from the darkness of the trees. “But I am exhausted, my arms are like noodles. I really thought I was going to fall at one point. I don’t know if I can fight.”

He took out the scroll he still had and dipped the brush into paint. His hand was so weak, shaking from exhausted muscles.

“I have a plan”, Chocho told Inojin. “It doesn’t require you to stand up or fight, you can sit here.”

“If I can’t move – “ Inojin tried to say.

“Shh”, Chocho calmed him. “Trust me.” She looked up at Shikadai with eyes almost burning through him. “You have to trust me as well. My plan will be triggering for you.”

Shikadai wrinkled his brows, one hand almost as if possessed caressing Inojin’s arm. It gave him more confidence to be able to touch Inojin. He had just said he was ready to sacrifice his health again. Even his life.

“We will create the strongest storm anyone has ever seen”, Chocho said. “You with Wind Style, I with Lightning Style and Inojin with his Ink.”

“L-lightning?” Shikadai repeated. “You can’t use lightning around me.”

“We have to”, Chocho said. “Trust me.”

“I trust you, but I break down when…” Shikadai began.

“We don’t have much time”, Chocho snapped back at him. Shikadai stared at her, shocked at being snapped at. Chocho usually handled him with care. But he understood. He understood why. “Shikadai, I’m sorry, you have to trust me. Focus on your Wind Style, not on me.”

“But the lights…” Shikadai whispered. Just the mere thought of lightning close to him made him want to curl into a ball of panic.

“You can do it.”

That was Inojin. His weak hand reached up and grabbed Shikadai’s. He pressed as hard as he could around Shikadai’s hand.

The touch was something Shikadai could ground himself against. His mind was racing and for a second that nasty giggle was ever so present, sounding like someone was standing right behind him, but when he held Inojin’s hand the world made a little more sense again.

“Come on my back”, Shikadai said. Inojin blinked.

“What?”

“I can carry you”, Shikadai said. “You would always hug me and make me stay here.”

“But my legs – “

“Activate the tattoos and bring your feet around me”, Shikadai said as he crouched down in front of Inojin. “I need my hands for my fan.”

They heard something ruffle in the leaves.

“Please, I _need_ you”, Shikadai said – pleaded. That wasn’t a lie, because Shikadai wouldn’t be able to fight without external help if Chocho was going to use lightning. And Inojin was the help he needed. The proof that this was reality, that Shikadai was _here_ and Inojin was _alive_.

Inojin needed help as well and being carried was one of the ways to get help.

“There is something…” Inojin mumbled.

“Yeah?” Shikadai asked as he brought his body as close to Inojin as possible.

“I… I might pee on you”, Inojin mumbled. “I can’t control it…”

“I don’t care”, Shikadai said. “If it happens, it happens, it’s not your fault.”

He knew of the bladder issues Inojin had, and it was understandable that the pressure put on Inojin’s stomach when Shikadai would carry him on his back could trigger the bladder to release itself – without Inojin being able to keep it inside with willpower.

Inojin brought up his arms around Shikadai while being hauled up. Shikadai helped Inojin to bring his lame legs around his own torso. To gain stability, Inojin activated the tattoos and commanded them to press his legs tightly against Shikadai’s body. He wanted to stare down to see if his pants turned darker of something wet, as he couldn’t even feel wetness, but there was no time to fuss about him wetting himself.

It was time to kill.

“Okay, Chocho”, Shikadai said and his voice was shivering. He grabbed his fan, hands shaking. He was so nervous, stressed about the fact that Chocho would use lightning. So, so scared. “Are you steady, Inojin?”

“I think so”, Inojin said. “Can’t really feel, but I think I’m okay. We’ll make it.”

He could see Kira walk out of the trees again with her painted tiger.

“Chocho, I’m ready”, Shikadai said, and opened his fan.

Ino sensed for Inojin and cursed loudly when she felt his presence somewhere completely elsewhere than safely in her own home.

She reached into the head of her mother.

_Mum! Are you at our home yet? I can’t sense Inojin there – he is somewhere far out of Konoha._

_What are you saying?_ Ino’s mother echoed back to Ino. _I am at my way to yours now._

 _We – we got new information,_ Ino almost cried into her mother’s head. _They are not here! The enemy is not here. They are trying to kill Inojin and he is so vulnerable right now. You must get to our house quickly to see what’s going on._

 _Where do you sense him?_ Ino’s mother asked, mind slightly shaking as she had probably began to run towards the house.

 _Somewhere between Kaneza and Konoha – to the east of you,_ Ino mumbled as she heard her mum gasp. _What is it?_

 _Oh dear…_ Ino’s mother whispered. _They’ve been here._

_Who has been there?_

Ino’s mother walked inside the Yamanaka household, through the unlocked door into the living room, which was in a total chaos. There was Ink splatter everywhere around the walls, all the furniture thrown aside, the plants in shreds. Ino’s mother walked further and found blood on the floor as well as the stab of a knife in the wooden planks.

The middle ceiling as well as the top ceiling had fallen in, making a hole in the roof. Inojin and his team had probably escaped through that hole.

Luckily, Ino’s mother was an excellent tracker.

 _They’ve escaped from here,_ she said, scanning the living room. _Inojin’s wheelchair is still here. He must’ve flown on an Ink bird. Your cabinet with Ink is opened, I guess he managed to get some._

Ino’s mother crouched by the blood on the floor. She let her fingers graze upon it, sensing the chakra inside.

_Shikadai has been here, and he is at least slightly wounded. His blood is on the floor. I assume he managed to protect Inojin._

The hole in the ceiling was the final piece of the puzzle.

 _They’ve had a green sealed paper bomb to explode the roof,_ Ino’s mother said.

_What?_

_Your ceiling is destroyed. They escaped through the roof._

_Our ceiling is destroyed? What on earth happened?_

_Someone had a paper bomb on them, creating a way to escape. I guess they were overwhelmed or surprised by the enemy._

_It must’ve been Chocho, Inojin nor Shikadai had any paper bombs with them,_ Ino thought into her mother’s head. _Thank you for telling me this. Oh dear Inojin, I really hope he managed out there with Ink as his shield._

Ino closed her Mind connection with her mum.

“Follow me, I know where they are”, she yelled to the others. “They’re all together. Oh, let’s hope they make it together.”

“Come close to me!” Shikadai yelled to Chocho and she moved as close to Shikadai as she dared, enough space so she won’t be hit by the fan. “Hold on tight, sweetie.” Inojin held on tight.

Shikadai took as deep breath and twisted his body to gain wind beneath his fan.

“Wind Style! Sickle Weasel Jutsu!” he yelled and turned his whole body a whole turn with the fan creating the jutsu with wind around him.

One of the biggest tornadoes Shikadai had ever created roared around them, creating a hostile and protective wall around them. If the enemy tried to penetrate the wind it would cut them to pieces, tear their limbs apart.

“Good!” Chocho panted by Shikadai’s side. It was hard to breathe inside the hurricane. “Perfect. Now, Shikadai, prepare yourself for lightning.”

_He could feel lightning kill him. It tried to kill him, kill Inojin, kill all of them._

He was so, so afraid.

“Lightning Style!” Chocho began, but Shikadai didn’t hear what her jutsu was, because suddenly he was inside a thunderstorm and lightning exploded around him. Inojin pressed his arms around Shikadai’s body.

“Sweetie, I am here”, Inojin said. “You will make it, Shikadai, listen to my voice. I love you, you are so, so strong, you will make it!”

“More wind!” Chocho hollered, and Shikadai’s hands were shaking. He couldn’t control his own body anymore.

“I can’t – I – I”, Shikadai began and his legs stopped supporting him. He crashed down on the ground and Inojin slid off his back.

“It’s okay”, Inojin said after shuffling himself closer to Shikadai again, stroking Shikadai’s back. He pressed his hands against his face, trying to find control where there was none inside his system. “Sweetie, look up at me. Chocho! You have to keep them away from us!”

“I will!” Chocho yelled back and stepped in front of Shikadai. She had guessed this would be too much for him, but the tornado around them was still in full motion. The chakra he had infused in the Wind was still ongoing, even with him sitting in a panic-filled mess on the ground. Maybe his disrupted state even egged on the chakra inside the Wind, turning this into a favour rather than a disfavour.

_I will save my team._

Chocho loaded lightning bolts in her hand, and projected them through her katana, which she by a damn stroke of luck had taken with her.

_Through Thunder and Lightning, I will save them._

_I have killed in a blood feud once._

_I can do it again._

_I will kill them if I must._

After Chocho, now stronger than she had ever been, had charged her katana filled with lightning she lifted her arm and the lightning passed on from her katana into the tornado. From there, the tornado could shoot lightning bolts out of it, hitting Beasts outside the tornado.

The sound was deafening inside the storm as the lightning crackled and exploded around them.

Shikadai had pressed his face into Inojin’s chest.

“I am dying!” he screamed when he had lost all common sense and terror consumed him whole. The symptoms were too strong and the attack had taken over him.

“Shikadai, listen to me, you will make it, you are not dying”, Inojin said almost right into his ear. “Please, sweetie, you have to fight. If the wind dies, Chocho’s powerful weapon will perish.”

Just as Inojin had said it, the wind began to fade into a more normal breeze. That gave them away, the lightning bolts didn’t carry anymore and Chocho’s aim was off. Now, their camouflage of air in motion thinned out and Chocho could see an _army_ of painted Beasts. Kumiko and Kira was standing side by side among their beasts.

“Their Ink must’ve run out now”, Inojin whispered as he was sitting on the ground with legs on weird positions, not being able to feel or move. After that many monsters and lions, the enemy can’t have much Ink left. They simply _can’t._ “Chocho, if – if we manage to – “

“Do we?” Chocho hissed. “Do we manage to win over them?”

The odds were against them, Shikadai immobilized by pain in his mind and chest and Inojin unable to walk or even stand up.

“Shikadai”, Inojin said, holding him close. “Sweetie, you have to be able to fight. You are stronger than your disorder, whatever you feel – it is not you!”

“It’s killing me”, Shikadai hissed.

“You are stronger”, Inojin hissed back. “Look up!”

“Shikadai, NOW!” Chocho roared as the beasts attacked. She lunged forward, katana loaded with lightning bolts. If only she had the wind to channel her lightning so she could strike multiple opponents at once.

Everything felt like going in slow motion, Chocho shouting as she charged, her lightning katana striking through Beast after Beast

Shikadai managed to push himself off the ground, head spinning and chest heaving and eyes crying.

He was mad.

So, so mad.

His hands were dirty from grippling the grass from when the panic was at its worst, but those dirty hands detached themselves from Inojin’s hands.

“Let me help us”, Shikadai whispered so silently only Inojin could hear him. Shikadai took the fan and screamed the activating words of his jutsu, Chocho’s lightning exploding around them.

Ino-Shika-Cho formation was all about a slow offensive. It was designed and nurtured by sixteen generations to attack singled out members of the enemy and for that it was a powerful technique as it was.

But the seventeenth generation was not able to attack right now. They were so deeply hurt from everything – every mental scar and disorder, every physical disability and wound and every hurt feeling – that the only current choice was the defensive.

Ino-Shika-Cho was not defensive, but Inojin, Shikadai and Chocho were more than just that specific Konohan formation. And the most of them all – they were more than a team of Konoha shinobi.

They were the children of Thunder, of Storms and finally of Ink. Children of the Elite in Kumo, of the Kazekage family in Suna, and of the rogue ninja Terasawa clan.

And when they combine their second set of powers, they get an entire new formation.

The greatest thunderstorm of them all.

Inojin could hear the splatter of Ink as the tigers and beasts combusted outside the hurricane and never in his life had he felt as useless as then.

He tried to lean forward so he was leaning on his knees and hands, but despite the tattoos he could not get his feet in a position that would get him to stand without help.

His team _needed_ him.

He looked up at the hurricane Shikadai recreated and desperately sat back and ripped his scroll onto the ground in front of his knees.

Instead of painting animals, he painted shuriken.

Twenty razor sharp shuriken.

“Ninja Art! Super Beast Drawing”, Inojin said, activating the shuriken.

Now, if his plan was working correctly, all three elements could be able to attack the enemy. He was still blinded by the hurricane, but assumed Chocho knew where to aim the lightning bolts.

The shuriken detached themselves from the paper in his scroll and got drawn into the tornado, whirling around them as dangerous projectiles, ready to shoot, hit and kill whenever Inojin chooses to launch them out of the tornado.

Shikadai had his eyes closed, focused on only one thing – keeping the tornado alive.

“You’re doing amazing!” Chocho yelled to Shikadai. “Now they have no Beasts left, I’ve destroyed them all. Now there’s only them two left. The enemy!”

Kira and Kumiko.

Ten Ink shuriken aimed at Kira, ten at Kumiko, launched in different patterns and different heights.

Now Inojin did what he believed he couldn’t do.

He did both his jutsu at the same time. By sensing for their chakra with his Yamanaka sensory jutsu, and thus without the sense of sight know exactly where Kira and Kumiko were, he managed to make the shuriken follow them. Since the shuriken weren’t the real deal, weren’t made of metal following the laws of physics, but made of Ink and followed Inojin’s command and chakra, they could follow their targets.

Kira and Kumiko could avoid them, but Inojin knew exactly where they were at any given time, and finally, his shuriken managed to do what he aimed them to do.

Since Chocho and Shikadai had ruined all the Ink Beasts with their thunderstorm, Kumiko and Kira were without protection.

_Splash._

And one of Inojin’s shuriken hit Kumiko right in her eye, dug itself right into her eye socket. She didn’t even scream. One would think there would be the sound of the most shrilling scream, but there was nothing but a loud grunt as she destroyed the Ink shuriken in her hand. A mixture of blood and Ink ran down her face.

“That’s it!” Chocho yelled in win as Shikadai turned around.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here”, he said, crouched down and lifted Inojin up from the ground as in a hug. He had lost all his self-confidence and cool, frightened to death even if they had managed to hurt Kumiko. Inojin commanded his tattoos to press around Shikadai’s torso again, as he held around Shikadai’s neck while Shikadai held around his thighs to stabilize him.

Shikadai began running towards the other direction, in the difficult terrain. Chocho followed them, until Shikadai realised where they were.

There was a big hole in the ground that looked so awfully similar.

They were at the ravine Inojin once had fallen down in and broken his spine.

 _This_ was where Inojin’s Ink bird of panic had brought him.

“Oh no, not here”, Shikadai hissed. Inojin tried to twist his head in the direction they were heading towards, not having seen the hole and the ravine. “Hold on close to me, sweetie, we’ll – “

They were now really close to the ravine.

Two things happen at once.

Even if Kumiko was blinded by the shuriken, she was skilled enough to keep moving through the pain and partial blindness. Kira was also running after them and of obvious reasons, with Shikadai carrying Inojin, faster than them.

Kumiko jumped forward and grabbed Chocho’s hair, forcing her down.

“Now you’ll die”, Kumiko hissed and Chocho fought the same battle as Shikadai had inside the Yamanaka household, with Kumiko trying to stab her in her face. Expanded fists took the blow of the knife, Chocho’s hand gripping around the obsidian sharp edges, with blood running from her palms down her wrists. The knife cut into her skin, but Chocho’s strong hand didn’t tremble once.

Chunin don’t give up – no, Kumors don’t give up – no, _Chocho_ doesn’t give up.

Kira attacked Shikadai and tired from the chase only managed to push him forward. With Inojin hanging around Shikadai’s neck he lost his balance and fell forward.

They were too close to the ravine. Shikadai lost his grip around Inojin as both boys tumbled to the ground, hard.

Inojin rolled, without controlling his own body –

– Over the edge of the ravine.

“ _NO!”_

Shikadai managed to just in time grab Inojin’s hand before he would fall _again_ down the same ravine.

How many times can lightning strike the same person?

Inojin was heavy and Shikadai’s forearms cut into the stone and granite of the edge to the hole.

“Don’t – don’t let me go!” Inojin yelled out of panic.

Because his legs weren’t functioning, he had no way of helping himself up. The only thing he could do was holding on, trying to get a good enough grip with his arms to haul himself up, but he was dangling quite far from the edge and he wasn’t strong enough to pull up his entire bodyweight when the lower body couldn’t help. His arms were already tired from holding onto his Ink bird there earlier.

Shikadai wasn’t strong enough either to haul him up, not since he lost weight and muscles.

It was a question of time before someone of them would give up and let the grip of their fingers slip away and let Inojin fall once more.

“I won’t”, Shikadai panted as he laid on his stomach, trying to hold onto Inojin’s hands as good as he could.

Holding an entire human by their hands is a very heavy job. It hurts in your arms, in your fingers and most of all, in your mind.

Inojin might fall again. And hurt himself even more now that he can’t control his legs.

Even die.

“Inojin, look at me”, Shikadai said as their grip turned slippery of sweat. “Look at me, sweetie, we will make this. I won’t let you go. I love you. Inojin, look at me, I love you so much.”

Somehow, the only thing Shikadai could focus on was telling Inojin how loved he is.

The things you tell someone who is about to die.

As Shikadai tensed his body to keep holding Inojin up, the wound in his cheek from when Kumiko’s knife grazed it opened up again and a single drop of blood fell down on Inojin’s cheek. It was oddly similar to how Inojin’s blood from his Blood Eagle had dripped down on Shikadai’s cheek.

“And – and if we make this…” Shikadai continued. “Then know that I will do anything to make your life easier – with all arrangements and hospital visits and pain and – “

He groaned as Kira stepped on his back.

This has to be the most vulnerable Shikadai had ever felt. Inojin’s life hung in his hands – literally this time – as he was laying on his stomach holding onto Inojin, and they had no weapons. The weight of Inojin’s life was far heavier than Inojin’s body.

Kira had, after she as well had tumbled down on the ground, walked up to Shikadai, and pressed her foot between his shoulder blades against his ribcage.

Breathing became hard, but Shikadai didn’t even twist his head to look up at Kira. He stared down at Inojin, who also focused everything he had in him to look back up at Shikadai.

“Two in one”, Kira said, smiling. Shikadai had to cough as her foot pressed down on him.

“Inojin…” he continued, and now the tears came. “Inojin, I will always love you. No matter what happens – “ He groaned at the weight Kira put on his ribcage. “ – I will always… you were always there for me when I needed you. I won’t let you go!“

“I might throw up”, Kira said slowly and unsheathed her knife.

“Shikadai, she will kill you!” Inojin yelled, staring up at the shadow of his cousin standing on top of Shikadai, the knife gleaming in the sunlight. “Let me go!”

“No”, Shikadai responded. “I won’t let you go.”

“I need one hand free”, Inojin said.

“I might drop you, I can’t – “ Shikadai tried to say but stop himself as Inojin’s cold blue eyes told him once and once again to…

_…let me go._

The pressure on Shikadai’s ribcage was almost paralysing as Kira raised her arm to stab him in his neck.

Shikadai let one of Inojin’s hands go. His fingers, joints, hands, muscles, _everything_ inside him screamed of pain as Inojin’s whole bodyweight was put in the same place.

His hands slipped, slipped, slipped, his fingers cramped, and his arm exploded in pain from the pressure.

Shikadai screamed out of panic that Inojin would fall at the exact same time as Inojin reached his free hand down to his pocket by his lame leg. And inside that pocket, there was the kitchen knife from the Yamanaka kitchen Shikadai had stolen and thrown to Inojin.

Inojin had no time to figure out distance or velocity or strength, he just threw the knife upwards.

Kitchen knives are not optimal in fighting. Not optimal for throwing either. But after all hell Inojin and Shikadai had gone through this time luck was in their favour.

One damn time the luck was in their favour.

The kitchen knife hit Kira _right_ in her throat, it dug itself right into the jugular vein by .

She staggered backwards, gasping out of pain as she yanked the knife out of her throat before collapsing in her own puddle of blood. Shikadai managed to grab both of Inojin’s hands, and suddenly there was a second set of hands helping him.

For a split second he was convinced he was hallucinating again, but these arms were from the real world, they were _there,_ and they were helping him.

It was Temari. Mum.

“Are you alright?” Temari asked as she grabbed Inojin by his wrists and in one single, smooth motion hauled Inojin up.

Their parents had arrived.

Inojin didn’t die.

A good distance away from them, Sai and Ino had ripped Kumiko away from Chocho, who was bruised and cut in her skin, but not fatally wounded.

Kumiko sat on the ground, vision impaired from having shuriken hitting her in her face. She could not stare up in her brother’s eyes. She said nothing, having given up the fight. Just like her mother, Kimara, she had her face angled down.

Sai looked at her for a good while in total silence, stared at his sister – at his _twin_ –before placing a kunai by her throat. There was no need for words now.

“Terasawa Kumiko, I, Yamanaka Sai, your brother, sentence you to die for attempted murder on me, my son, my wife and her team”, Sai said.

And that was when Sai killed his biological sister.

He didn’t feel the need to talk any more than saying those words. There was no reason to ask “why” of a person who was indoctrinated by evil, no use to get a bad reasoning why you would let family members die because of your wicked views.

Sai didn’t spare to give Kumiko a second look. Killing her was one of the only ways to free Inojin from the seal, after all.

“My seal”, Inojin whispered in Shikadai’s arms, when he felt a slight tingle on his tongue. He and Shikadai were sitting on the ground, both of them physically and emotionally exhausted. “I – I think it disappeared.” He stuck out his tongue to show his boyfriend his clean, pink tongue.

“It is gone”, Shikadai whispered back, staring at the clean tongue. It had a little round scar after Inojin’s piercing. “Oh god, Inojin, it is gone.” Inojin let out a sigh of relief before leaning against Shikadai. Shikadai cleaned with his thumb away the drop of blood on Inojin’s cheek.

The Akimichis took care of the bodies. Choji dragged Kira’s body away from close to where the boys sat, so they didn’t have to look at her.

“Inojin, oh my dear, are you okay?” Ino asked as she kneeled down beside him, to be on his eye level.

“Yeah”, Inojin said. “I’m just… really, really tired.”

Shikadai shuffled himself a little bit away from Inojin as Ino hugged him hard. That was when Sai also appeared.

“Oh my boy”, Ino sniffled against Inojin’s blond hair. “I was so frightened for you. I’m sorry for making the wrong decision, I really thought you would be safe at home, I really did. I – when I realised I was wrong, I really thought I had killed my baby…”

“Mum, I made it”, Inojin said, voice thin as if he didn’t even believe his own words. But he did. He truly did. “Trust in me. I can handle it. Even if I can’t stand on my own. But together with Shikadai and Chocho it doesn’t matter. They covered for me. We made it.”

Now Sai had finished staring at Kumiko’s corpse and came up to his son and wife. He crashed down on his knees in front of Inojin.

“Inojin…” he began, and the words got stuck in his throat because now all feelings that had been piling up for months were being released into an ugly cry. “I’m so… so, so, so sorry.”

Sai almost ripped Inojin from Ino’s hug and hugged Inojin as tightly as he could. His only son, his boy. His boy, who will struggle for the rest of life because of Kira and Kumiko.

“Dad”, Inojin said against Sai’s shuddering shoulder. “Dad. I’m not blaming you.”

Sai held his breath for a second, waiting what Inojin would say next.

“Those people, that family, isn’t you”, Inojin said. “It wasn’t your fault. It was my own. It was all my own.”

Sai remained quiet, just caressing the back of Inojin’s head.

“And we made it, dad”, Inojin said, as he felt tears rise in his eyes. “We… killed them… we made it…” He closed his eyes and let the tears fall as tension released inside his body.

“I love you, Inojin”, Sai whispered against Inojin’s hair. Saying those words felt sometimes weird for Sai, because he would forever stress over whether what he felt was _actually love_. What if it only was a fake emotion he had created to replicate love? But now, he felt the need to say them. Because now he was very certain. This is what love feels like.

“I know”, Inojin said. “You have always shown me that. I’ve always known.”

And after those words, Sai felt more whole again.

Shikadai has shuffled himself a little bit further from Inojin, struggling to stand up, because he felt almost like in a trance, not responsive to this world. He sat in a pose somewhat reminding of a foetus position, arms curled around his legs.

_Not another breakdown, not another breakdown, not another –_

“How are you feeling?” Shikamaru asked Shikadai.

“I have no idea”, Shikadai replied in honesty. He had no idea what he was feeling, only that he felt completely detached from himself. Hugging Inojin felt like the only thing grounding him, but now that Inojin’s parents where talking with him he felt guilty and selfish for demanding Inojin to touch him to help him. He quickly grabbed Shikamaru’s arm to have something warm and human to feel.

He leaned against his father and when Shikamaru brought his hand around Shikadai’s shoulders, Shikadai closed his eyes and broke down. He cried out his fright, tension, and mental nausea into the chest of his father as Shikamaru said his following words.

“I am so proud of you.”

Choji and Karui had taken on the responsibility to move the corpses away from Inojin and Shikadai. Chocho helped them under complete silence. Choji had hugged her and told her how proud he is of her, but Chocho wasn’t really listening. She was in a shock herself after the battle that had taken place, not being able to focus on anything but throwing glances at Inojin and Shikadai.

After the bodies were moved, Karui placed her hand on Choji’s shoulder.

“Let her be”, she calmly said and Chocho left them to walk to Shikadai and Inojin.

“Boys”, Chocho said, forcing a smile. “We made it. We beat the fuckers. We live together.”

She let herself fall on her knees.

The youngest generation of Ino-Shika-Cho, the _last_ generation, hugged each other close, Chocho and Shikadai sitting on the ground by Inojin’s sides.

Ino-Shika-Cho kill, fight and die together.

“Shikadai”, Temari said after the children’s never-ending hug. “It’s time to go. To the psych hospital, the emergency counselling. This time we go to it, right?”

“I don’t want to leave him…” Shikadai said, the trauma from when Inojin had been taken away from him bubbling up to the forefront of his mind.

“It’s okay”, Temari said. “Everything is okay. You are here, Shikadai. They will only help you. You don’t have to stay there for long. Just for the evaluation and therapy. You need it, honey. Trust me.”

“I know I need it”, Shikadai muttered and Temari helped him stand. There was a little dark patch on Shikadai’s lower back.

“Oh no”, Inojin said. “You could’ve said to me I peed on you.”

That made Shikadai laugh, a desperate little chuckle.

“Sweetie, I had other things to tell you than that you peed on me”, he said. “It’s okay. I can shower.”

“Ugh”, Inojin said after looking down at himself. So troublesome to not feel anything down there.

“Inojin”, Ino said. “Let’s go home.”

“I can carry you”, Sai said, and they helped Inojin up on Sai’s back.

Ino turned around to look at Shikadai and Chocho.

“When you are ready, when Shikadai is clear from the hospital, then we invite you all to crepes at my mother’s place”, she said. “Our house needs a little touch to patch up the roof.”

Yes, their house desperately needed to be fixed after the bomb inside. But that bomb saved Inojin’s life. ‘

They sure can pay that price.

Way later Ino and Sai returned to the house in Kaneza, only to find it completely empty. All furniture gone, and Sai’s mother had disappeared. If she had remained by the same pillar, bound by metal wire, she’d had starved to death already.

Sai didn’t feel anything but disgust. Kumiko’s husband and his parents were still out there, having fled somewhere.

The giant, painted family tree on the wall did not look the same anymore as before everything happened. It was just sheer luck they noticed the small changes before Ino and Sai burned the house down. Kumiko and Kira’s names were cluttered on the family tree.

Terasawa Kimara and Terasawa Jouni

 ~~Terasawa Kumiko~~ and Terasawa Oikaro

~~Terasawa Kira.~~

~~Terasawa Kenta~~ Yamanaka Sai – Yamanaka X

Yamanaka Inojin – ~~TBK before June~~ <\- Let him be. Let him be happy. - K

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Now there's only the finale left, the final chapter!
> 
> Please tell me, did you think Kira and Kumiko got the fate they deserved? Did you like the fight?
> 
> There might be a cute scene of Shikadai playing guitar and singing for Inojin in the final chapter.... :)


	18. Let me be the one to love you more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of To dance above the Stars. If you've read this far - thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly hope you will love this chapter and this ending.
> 
> And now, I'll deliver you a close to 10k finale. Enjoy!
> 
> Now that we have reached the ending, I want to thank Vee. Vee, without you this fanfiction would probably never have been written. Thank you for all the support you've given me ever since the spring.

Inojin opened his eyes and turned his head over to look at a peaceful Shikadai by his side.

“Shikadai? Are you awake?”

“Hmm? Yeah.” Shikadai didn’t open his eyes but smiled.

“Stretch me.”

Shikadai opened his eyes to look into the most beautiful blue he knew. He couldn’t but continuing to smile, even if his pillow were damp of drool.

“You can stretch yourself”, he groaned through his smile. Inojin poked Shikadai on his cheek.

“Stretch me”, he said again and repeatedly poked Shikadai in his cheek until Shikadai grunted and got out of bed.

“I can’t believe I love you”, Shikadai said and walked around the bed to stand by Inojin’s legs. He lifted the covers away, removed the pillow Inojin had wedged between his legs and lifted one of the legs up, letting his hand run along the backside of Inojin’s calf, thigh, and butt cheek. “No beginning pressure sores here.” He did the same check on the other leg. “Nothing here either.”

“Good”, Inojin said and shuffled around to get a more comfortable position. “Now stretch me.”

Shikadai shook his head in a gesture of fondness and bent Inojin’s leg over his stomach, stretching the back of Inojin’s thigh. It was important for Inojin to stretch his muscles in his legs, to increase the muscle function in the few parts of his legs he still had control over, to uphold healthy joints and to increase blood flow. Even if Inojin was paralysed and didn’t feel his legs, it was still important to take care of his body.

Shikadai had a little stretch routine he followed, stretching different muscle groups, tendons and joints, moving from the thighs to the knees to the feet. Inojin looked at him with a little cheeky smile.

“What?”

“Nothing”, Inojin said. “I just think you are cute looking so concentrated.”

“Pfft”, Shikadai said as he bent Inojin’s toes, one toe at the time. Some of the joints had that nasty cracking sound, but then again, Inojin’s toes hadn’t been able to move on their own for seven months now. “You’re done.”

“Thanks”, Inojin said and sat up after Shikadai had placed down his legs again. With the help of the tattoos, his feet slid down from the bed. He grabbed the edge of his dresser by his bed with one hand and held the other hand securely at his bed, while he activated the tattoos and stood up.

It had taken him five months to learn to walk with the tattoos. He had spent hundreds of hours in physical therapy, walking in a harness, holding onto the rails, and slowly learned to do it without the harness. The balance was still a great issue. Even with the tattoos activated, his balance was so poor he had to hold onto something while walking, otherwise he’d fall. Sometimes he walked with crutches, but most of the time when walking inside his own house he just held a hand against the rails Sai has screwed into the walls of their house to offer him support.

Outside the house he mainly used the wheelchair. When he once envisioned he could walk again, he had imagined to just stand up and stroll about, even running and never actively think of the act of walking because it was second nature and just like before his injury. It had been a naïve dream. Walking wasn’t second nature anymore and would never return to that state. Yes, he could stand, and he could walk short distances, but the pace was slow, and he could never relax and he became exhausted by it. His stamina reached just a hundred meters before he had to sit down again.

Walking wasn’t the same and would never be, and soon enough he had forgotten the feeling of walking without neuropathic pain, of running, of climbing. And he had accepted that he would be dependent on a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

With one hand sliding along the rails Inojin walked out of his room and to the bathroom. His steps were on the clumsier side – as his sensation to his feet never returned, it was hard for him to regulate his steps and he stared intensely down to make sure he didn’t trip over his own feet. The neuropathic pain was present in every step.

Inside the bathroom he held onto a rail screwed into the wall while he with the other hand haphazardly dragged down his boxers before he sat down on the toilet and reached for the catheters he had in a little cabinet by the toilet, as well as the disinfect.

This was reality now. This was every day now.

He disinfected his hands before inserting the catheter, which drained his pee into the toilet. The inability to control his bladder was more of a problem than the lack of walking.

He threw the catheter away into the trashcan by the toilet, gathered strength to be able to stand up again, groaning a bit while standing up as pain shot down his legs, and leaned with his elbows against the sink while washing his hands.

Holding onto some of the rails screwed into the walls, Inojin waddled in his slow pace back to his bedroom. Shikadai had fallen asleep again in his bed.

Inojin let his gaze rest on Shikadai for a few fond seconds before deciding to let him sleep a little bit more. He sat down in his wheelchair and rolled over to the kitchen. He didn’t want to walk again for a while.

“Good morning”, Ino said when he appeared around the corner. “How are you today?”

“Okay”, Inojin said.

“Is Shikadai still sleeping?”

“Yeah”, Inojin said as he wheeled up to the counter and began measuring coffee into the coffee pot for Shikadai.

“The new medicine is hard on him, isn’t it?” Ino asked as she poured a huge glass of water for Inojin

“Yeah”, Inojin said. “They make him sleepy.” He began drinking the glass of water while opening the little container where he kept his own medication, medicine for his bladder and for pain management. He swallowed the pills. “But he takes them, he knows they benefit him enough to go through the side effects.”

“Hmm”, Ino hummed, placing breakfast at the table. There were some cupcakes among the salmon rolls.

Inojin had turned sixteen yesterday. The birthday party would be later the same week, but he had had a tiny celebration with his parents and Shikadai yesterday on his real day. Celebrated that he was alive.

And no, the seven months since his injury have been anything but easy. Processing and dealing with his permanent injury had been rough, it had been hours of physiotherapy and many backlashes. There had been urinary tract infections – a common complication since the bladder isn’t working properly, there had been neuropathy pain, there had been that one skin sore that took ages to heal.

There had also been the long process of accepting his new body. Accepting his disability and to love himself as he is, not for what he could’ve been.

There had been many late nights when Ino or Sai had sat with him and he had just spit out every emotion he had inside him, anger and sorrow. The long talks helped through the grieving of his old body. He mourned who he had been and mourned the ablebodied life he would never get to feel again. Mourned his shinobi life that had in the matter of an instant been taken away from him.

But life didn’t end here.

It would just take a little bit of time to find his new path in life. But life goes on. Life will roll on wheels from now on, but it is not over. It goes on.

“Morning”, Shikadai said from the door opening. His eyes were barely opened, and his hair looked like a disaster. He was standing there, leaning against the door frame while yawning. Inojin looked at him and the only thing he could think of was _oh damn, he is so sexy._ “You made coffee for me?”

Inojin had to tear his eyes from Shikadai’s crotch – where he had stared and smiled. He loved doing those small favours for Shikadai, the small things, like preparing coffee for him in the mornings when he knew Shikadai sometimes had a hard time getting out of bed. And he loved even more when Shikadai acknowledged that effort.

“Yeah”, Inojin said.

“Aws, thank you”, Shikadai said and lazily threw the little fabric pouch with all his medication on the table.

“Did you sleep well?” Ino asked.

“When I fell asleep, yeah”, Shikadai said while he was pouring coffee in his cup. “Took me a while.”

Sai looked at the clock on the wall.

“I have to leave for work”, he said. He moved over to Ino and gave her a kiss on her forehead, then he moved over to rub Inojin on his shoulder. “Have a good day. I’ll come home in time for the news.”

Sai’s work was split into two parts, three days a week he worked with coordinating the ANBU soldiers and two days a week he was out on missions himself. Today was a paperwork-day.

Inojin and Shikadai said their byes to Sai before they began eating breakfast.

Neither of them had shinobi work anymore. The plan was to after New Year give them halftime positions in administration shinobi business. After many, _many_ , discussions with the psychiatrist that had had worked the most with Shikadai and his therapist, the Nara family, including Shikadai, and the professionals came to the consensus that Shikadai would not go back to active shinobi duty.

He was simply not fit to put himself under stress anymore. His disorders turned out to be, for the time being, too severe for him to be able to work as a shinobi. And yes, that had required a grieving period for Shikadai too, to accept that fact.

But his life was not over either.

He was going to be able to work after a little more intense period of therapy. This year around, after his second hospitalisation, he was part of a programme where most of his days were spent on different kinds of therapy and he worked on small tasks to make him feel happy again. One day he may be able to work fulltime again without crumbling under shame and frustration over having been so ill.

Because the most important thing he had to learn about himself was that even if his mind could be a giant monster, he was not. And he had just like Inojin, a path of learning to love himself ahead, even with all the issues and diagnoses. It didn’t even have to be love, just the acceptance that he is who he is, and he deserves to feel happiness too.

Shikadai took a small careful gulp of his coffee and he and Inojin talked casually about this and that.

“So”, Inojin said. “How did the story of Naoki’s great gay confusion continue?”

Naoki and Shikadai had exchanged addresses while staying at the ward and exchanged letters ever so often. Naoki lived in a coastal town by the sea in western Konoha and worked as a stationary shinobi there, and Shikadai had once gone to visit him. To thank him for saving his life. Without Naoki’s support back when Shikadai had been at his lowest, there might have been another end to this tale.

Later during the autumn Naoki had in one of his letters asked Shikadai ‘how it feels to be gay’, a question which both amused and confused Shikadai. It turned later out that Naoki was crushing on a boy in his hometown and was overall confused over his feelings.

It had turned into a chronicle, which Shikadai and Inojin jokingly called ‘Naoki’s great gay confusion’, since they found it funny to instruct him through letters how to accept his feelings, especially since they were younger, but in this aspect more experienced. Naoki was very dramatic in his letters, finding Shikadai as a person he could be honest and true with.

“I’m still waiting for the update”, Shikadai said. “In his last letter he promised me he would ask the guy out.”

“I have waited two months for him to dare to ask the guy out”, Inojin laughed.

“Hey, we still don’t know if the guy is straight or not”, Shikadai said. “Just because we had luck doesn’t mean he has. He is really anxious about being rejected.”

“Yeah, that’s true”, Inojin mused. He had after all been really scared himself when he had been thirteen and realised he liked boy instead of girls.

Ino, who had with a little amused smile on her lips listened to the boys’ conversation about Naoki’s gay adventures from the living room came into the kitchen and announced her leave, since she was going to open the flower shop.

She left the two boys alone.

“I heard you play guitar during the night”, Inojin said as soon as Ino had disappeared. “When you couldn’t sleep.”

Shikadai looked up from his cup, a red colour spreading over his face.

“Oh no, did I wake you up?” he asked, clearly embarrassed.

“The bathroom isn’t really soundproof”, Inojin chuckled. “I just thought it was cute.”

“The playing grounds me”, Shikadai mumbled. “My thoughts became bad again. The music takes it away a little and just the touch of the strings vibrating feels nice.”

“I know, sweetie”, Inojin said. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know it helps you when your thoughts are mean.”

Since Shikadai had learned the beginnings of guitar playing he quickly figured out it could have a positive effect on him, and he had gotten a guitar as soon as he came home from the psych ward. He used to play on it when his thoughts began to cripple him – telling him mean things, accusing him of horrible things, or if he became paranoid. His anxiety was becoming a little harder to deal with when it was winter again and dark outside.

That meant he took the guitar with him to Inojin’s too when he stayed overnight, in case he needed the little mental activity, to keep his fingers moving and his brain working on something simple that brought him music.

“I heard you sing too”, Inojin continued softly.

Shikadai stared at him.

“Oh no”, he nervously laughed. “Ignore everything you heard.”

“When are you going to sing for me?” Inojin asked, punching Shikadai playfully in his bicep. “I have waited half a year already.”

“I regret I ever gave you that promise”, Shikadai chuckled.

“But you _did_ promise to sing for me”, Inojin said.

“When you were in hospital and newly injured”, Shikadai pointed out. “Like, I would’ve done anything for you. I was kind of desperate then.”

“Oh, what a pity”, Inojin said dramatically. “My boyfriend will attempt to make me cry out of happiness only when I break my own body. He has high demands.”

“Oh god, you drama queen”, Shikadai said. “My singing voice is ugly.”

“It is not!” Inojin said. “I heard you this night and your singing voice is wonderful.”

“I cannot play any songs”, Shikadai tried.

“Yes, you can”, Inojin said. “You got the sheet notebook for your birthday and I know for a fact you can play at least ten different songs by now.”

Shikadai rose from his chair and leaned forward to press a loud kiss on Inojin’s lips.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but only because you are so damn cute”, Shikadai said and walked over to Inojin’s room to fetch the guitar. Inojin backed a bit from the table, and lifted one of his legs to cross the other one as he leaned against his knee – a position he liked being in when resting. Shikadai slammed himself down on the chair. “Ehum. I think I forgot all the chords…”

Shikadai was silent for a little while as he played something aimless on the strings.

“Um…” he finally said. “When I was at my lowest… thinking about this helped me get through the day. It kind of gave me a purpose, to learn to play to I could sing for you one day…”

“You’re so going to make me cry”, Inojin said. “Good thing we’re alone.”

“There was one song I heard on the radio a long time ago”, Shikadai said. “A really long time ago. I think I heard it the first time even before I came out and we were a really new thing.”

“Aw, when we used to kiss behind trees and corners”, Inojin chuckled. “We were so cringy back then. Imagine that Chocho knew all the time!”

“Yeah”, Shikadai said, thinking of the first months of their relationship back when they were about to turn fourteen and just kissing was the most exciting thing on earth, just as much as it was scary – since they were both boys and they knew that being queer was unwanted by society.

They didn’t think that anymore. Now they didn’t give a rat’s ass to anyone undermining their relationship, because they themselves knew their relationship and feelings were valid and real and true. With all the disabilities and disorders involved.

Once kissing was the most exciting thing on earth – now they were looking forward to really try out more sexual acts than before. It was a long road of figuring things out for them ahead, with everything that came with Inojin’s injury. But everything will come at their own pace.

“Anyways”, Shikadai said. “There was that one song, and when I heard it, I immediately thought of you. I was crushing so hard on you, you know, and I don’t know, maybe I am a hopeless romantic.”

“You are”, Inojin said and stroked a hand over Shikadai’s cheek, over the scar that remained from when Kumiko had cut him with a knife.

“Any _ways_ ”, Shikadai said again, with more emphasis. “Um. I’m just going to sing for you, okay. And no laughing.”

“I’m more prone to weep, you know”, Inojin said.

“Then weep”, Shikadai laughed, cleared his throat, and placed his fingers on the strings. He was silent and still for a few seconds before music existed as he began playing. After a few chords he opened his mouth, voice a little shaky. His singing voice was angelic to Inojin.

“ _See me as if you never knew, hold me so you can’t let go”,_ Shikadai began singing. _“Just believe in me, I can make you see, all the things your heart needs to know.”_

His fingers moved over to the next chord of the song, this time an octave higher. He hesitated for a split second, because this was the first time he ever had sung in front of someone else, and he didn’t have the best self-confidence when it came to his singing voice.

“ _I’ll be waiting for you here inside my heart”,_ Shikadai sang and his eyes locked onto Inojin’s. Inojin had the biggest smile on his lips and his eyes were wet of happy tears. “ _I’m the one who wants to love you more. Can’t you see I can give you everything you need?”_

He took a breath before singing the final line.

“ _Let me be the one to love you more.”_

Shikadai waited out the final soundwaves from the guitar before smashing a hand up his face.

“Was it good?” he asked without looking at Inojin.

He felt how Inojin grabbed his arm and guided it away from his own face. Inojin leaned forward in his wheelchair and softly yanked Shikadai’s arm closer to himself.

“Come here and kiss me”, he whispered and Shikadai placed the guitar on the floor and came closer so Inojin could just lean into him. “Oh god, I love you so much, do you know that?”

Shikadai just smiled against the kiss Inojin gave him. When he straightened his back again, Inojin could see how red in the face Shikadai was.

“The lyrics… I think they fit pretty well”, Shikadai said. “Because you used to be scared of the future – “

“I still am scared of the future”, Inojin said. “About what position I can get and what work I can do. In a month, I will have a meeting with the Seventh and he’ll assign a position to me. I wonder what they’ll find for me.”

“I think I know”, Shikadai said. “I heard they’re clearing a position for you to design Konoha’s webpages and some intra network stuff. Now that they finally understood they can have a webpage.”

Inojin stared at him.

“Designing webpages? Wow.” He had to blink a few times. This position would not require him to do any physical activities, which means he could… just be himself at work. He wouldn’t be shunned or alienated for his wheelchair or lack of walking. He would still contribute to Konoha – to the shinobi trade – even with all the extra attention he had nowadays.

 _Designing?_ That sounded actually really cool.

“But I wasn’t talking about work stuff”, Shikadai said.

His own future was still held in the dark, he didn’t know what his new position would be after it was decided that field missions wouldn’t be assigned to him anymore. He desperately needed more money as he still had a bit of debt to Kumo left to pay.

“I was talking about your personal life”, Shikadai continued. “When you first got hurt, you thought I wanted to break up with you because you would be in a wheelchair. I just want you to know, that I will never break up because of how you move. No matter how your body is, I will love it just as much as before. Maybe even more.”

Shikadai took Inojin’s arms and stroked his fingers over Inojin’s forearm. Because his arms were in constant use – from pushing the wheelchair or holding onto things, or transferring himself over to different surfaces, the muscles on them grew in size and the veins on his forearms became visible and popped up under his skin as blue trails. Shikadai found those veiny arms extremely attractive and could stare and stroke them for minutes as he felt blood pump down on him.

Inojin smiled, knowing Shikadai stared as possessed on his arm.

Shikadai took a deep breath, tearing his eyes from Inojin’s arm.

“When you feel like you can’t love yourself, I will have to love you more for you”, he said. “God, that sounded really cheesy. What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you”, Inojin said. “But you do know that that applies back to you, right? Because I know how hard it is for you to love yourself. And no matter what you think or feel, or how horrible your thoughts are, no matter what the voices say, know this: I will always love you as well. For everything you are.”

Shikadai was blushing hard now.

“This is so sweet I’m rotting”, he laughed. “Okay, enough singing.” He sat up and grabbed the guitar. “What do you want to do today? We can go to the arcade hall. I checked it earlier this week, it’s accessible. My therapy isn’t until two o’clock.”

“Sounds good”, Inojin said. “Just gonna visit the bathroom again, because I don’t fancy peeing on myself while we’re out.”

Yes, life was different with a disability and it included more planning and the toilet visits were longer and stressful, and – yes – it was embarrassing to pee on oneself without realising it before you felt it with your hand, but life had dealt its cards and Inojin had to accept and make the best out of the situation.

And making the best out of the situation together with Shikadai made life and the future feel less scary.

He could reclaim his life, just like Shikadai could reclaim his life.

Together.

Shikamaru came by the flower shop when Ino was working there. He was just walking past it, but decided in the last moment to curve inside, where she was rearranging some of the blooms.

“Hello”, she said without looking at him. Of course she had sensed already who it was. “Going to get something for Temari?”

“No”, Shikamaru said. “I was just walking by.” He looked over the flowers. “What does Inojin wish for his birthday party?”

Ino blinked.

“Ah”, she said. “You are more than welcome to help financially with the new wheelchair we’re saving up for.” She sighed. “They’re so expensive. It will be custom made for him, and we have the fitting in two weeks.”

“Yeah”, Shikamaru said. “Sure, we’ll help with it.”

“Sunday. Two o’clock. The birthday party, I mean”, Ino said. “It’s just your family and Choji’s and my mum coming. Inojin didn’t want to have more people invited. I think he is still a little shy to show people what he looks like nowadays. And there’s a videogame he wants. I’m sure Shikadai knows what the name is of it.”

Shikamaru nodded.

“We’ll be there. Money for the wheelchair and the videogame Shikadai probably knows the name of. Check.”

“So, you’re not so useless after all”, Ino said. Shikamaru snorted and turned around, ready to walk out of the flower shop.

“And oh”, Ino said. Shikamaru turned to face her and Ino was almost shaking her head fondly at the thought of what she was going to tell Shikamaru next. “Inojin asked me to ask you this. Okay, so. He asks if you’ll let Shikadai move in with him when they turn eighteen.”

Shikamaru blinked.

“Wait, what?”

Ino laughed, smiling at the thought.

“You know the building that they built this summer at the end of our road?” Ino said. “The apartments in that building are owned by a foundation for shinobi who have gotten permanent injuries from their profession. If a shinobi has an injury that essentially made them stop actively working, they can apply for a flat in that building and pay a low rent. Inojin read about it and is convinced he wants to live there when he can move out. I saw the blueprints; the flats are completely accessible for him.”

“And are you going to let him move out at age sixteen?”

“Of course not”, Ino said. “But he dreams. He dreams of being able to move out, because he says that ‘we help him too much and we’re annoying parents.’”

“Well, that makes one of us”, Shikamaru said and Ino narrowed her eyes.

“Are you implying that I am an annoying parent?” she asked. Shikamaru laughed.

“Inojin just said it”, Shikamaru said and Ino tried to pinch him in his arm, but he just managed to get away.

“Anyways, I said that Inojin may apply for an apartment when he turns eighteen”, Ino said. “He dreams that Shikadai could move in together with him when that day comes. His sale speech was convincing, as the foundation has a house service one can rent for basically nothing. Inojin’s disability would grant him help with house cleaning once a week, and then one can hire more, depending on how much help he would need. But he is convinced he will be able manage everything by himself, ‘because he can stand up if he needs to’.”

Oh, the naivety of a teenager. The thought itself was, however, heart-warming.

“Since when did they get so old?” Shikamaru asked to the void, a fond smile on his lips.

“Don’t ask me”, Ino smiled. “It’s just like yesterday they began the Academy.”

_Just like yesterday they were nothing more but a Poppy Seed and a Pebble. And now they’re sixteen and have their lives defiled by trauma, but they still fight so hard to remain happy and they dream of moving in together one day and they want their happy ending._

“One day they’ll move out for real”, Ino said. “And begin their own stories.” She looked out of the window. “Maybe they’ll get a family of their own. Maybe they don’t. But to be honest… I don’t really care anymore. I know now that I’ll be happy whatever Inojin decides to do in the future. And every Yamanaka who calls him a failed heir or whatever can go fuck themselves.”

Shikamaru chuckled.

“Yeah”, he said. “It’s a new era. We will manage, somehow.”

The friends fell into content silence, thinking of their sons, who they once upon a time never imagined would fall in love with each other.

“Did you ever think life would turn out this way?” Ino asked. Shikamaru looked over at her before slowly shaking his head.

“Everyone calls me one of Konoha’s greatest strategists”, he said. “But it looks like I can’t strategize life all too well. No matter how much I plan, life fucks it up either way. Like Asuma. Dad. Those are things that maybe could have been avoided, but I couldn’t foresee them well enough.” He took a deep breath. “I never had anything against Shikadai being homosexual, I just never thought it was a possibility. It just never occurred to me, which again, is a testament I am not perfect at seeing something that was right in front of my nose.”

Shikamaru shook his head, thinking at how stupid he had behaved when he first found it out. He had been so surprised at the thought of Shikadai being in love with a boy, with Inojin out of all people. A member of the Ino-Shika-Cho. But, if there is something such as soulmates, then maybe Shikamaru could say that those two boys are.

“I never thought Shikadai would fall ill to an anxiety and panic disorder, or this psychotic disorder, I never imagined it to develop for the worse, no”, Shikamaru said. “There are many things I never thought. Like our line of the Ino-Shika-Cho ending with them. But just like you said, the formation is not worth mourning over. Our boys are alive and in love and try to be happy. That is worth celebrating, isn’t it?”

Ino nodded, smiling sadly at the thought of what their children had gone through.

“Well. Maybe Shikadai can move in with Inojin when they’re eighteen. If they want.” Shikamaru cleared his throat. “Oh and, are the boys okay?”

Ino nodded.

“Shikadai played guitar in the middle of the night, but it was okay for us”, she said. “If it makes him calm down, then he can do it, even if it wakes us up. Inojin has asked me to not comment anything if we ever hear him play.”

Shikamaru hummed.

“He becomes embarrassed if we tell him we heard him”, he said. “He wants the playing to be his haven. And to be honest, I am so happy for him that he found a way to work around his destructive thoughts… It… has been tough.”

It had been very tough. Nights Shikamaru and Temari couldn’t sleep because they were frightened for their son, nights they had sat with him, while he was scared and anxious.

_I think Inojin hates me._

_He doesn’t hate you. This is just your brain lying to you. It’s fake. It’s not true._

_My skin crawls. My mind won’t shut up, I hate this, please take it away!_

This was why the guitar was so important. It grounded him. It really, truly helped him alongside the medication, therapy and support from family and friends.

“As long as they’re happy”, Ino said. “And moving out at age eighteen may not be optional, but time will tell. The building is at the end of the street. He would be close to us.”

“That would be in two years.”

“But two years move fast.”

“They do”, Shikamaru responded. _They grow up so fast._

It felt bittersweet.

When the workday was over for Ino and Sai, and Shikadai had gone home, Ino and Sai sat by the dinner table. They had lit some candles, just to lighten the mood when the December evenings were cold and dark.

Inojin was in the bathroom, taking a bath. He had learned a new system of taking baths, how to transfer in and out of the bathtub, because getting up from the curled position in a bathtub with tattoos alone was impossible, and would sneer to his parents the second they asked if he needed help. He could take care of his own hygiene, thank you very much, that was his attitude. But even if he was confident, or wanted to feel like in control when he was trapped in his body, it had happened that he couldn’t get out himself, because the feet would slip against the porcelain and he simply didn’t get up.

But now it was quiet in the bathroom, which meant he probably was laying in the warm water, content and satisfied, having the water a little warmer than normal. Since he could feel a little temperature at the places in his legs where he still had sensation, he loved feeling the warmth, hence the higher temperature to be able to feel it.

As if Sai had guessed what Ino was thinking about when she stared at the reflection of the candlelight.

“You’re thinking about Inojin”, he stated to open up a conversation. Ino nodded.

“I talked with Shikamaru today”, she said. “I told him about Inojin’s dream to move away from home and be independent one day.”

Sai listened patiently.

“If… if Inojin never gets a child, will you be disappointed?” Ino asked into the darkness outside the window.

“No”, Sai said. “… would you?”

Ino sighed.

“I have thought about this ever since it became clear he likes boys”, she said. “And now it’s even more current. I’m thinking of the legacy, of course. Who will learn the Mind Transfer in the future.”

“I thought you were okay with not having a generation after Inojin”, Sai said.

“I _am_ okay with it”, Ino said. “I know it would be unfair to force them into keeping a legacy ongoing when it obviously will be a struggle for them all.”

“But you are sad”, Sai said.

Ino sighed.

“I don’t know”, she said. “It’s just hard…”

“It doesn’t have to be a child of his blood”, Sai said. “We know he will most likely never get a biological child, but that is okay. Family is more than blood. Way more than blood. Family is what you make of it.” Ino looked at him for the first time during their conversation. Ever since the truth about Sai’s filthy blood family, the topic was hotter than ever. A blood family doesn’t automatically mean the best family, or even the default family. Family is what you _make – create._ “If, and only if, Inojin wants to be a father – together with Shikadai or not, there’s plenty of children out there who desperately need a family. And if he one day would take in a child, would you see it as fake? Would you not see it as your grandchild?”

“If Inojin gets a child, of course it would be my grandchild”, Ino snarled.

Sai smiled at her.

“There, my sunshine”, he said. “Their generation might be the last unbroken biological Ino-Shika-Cho, but the legacy can always go on. No matter what their situation is. And you would love Inojin no matter what. Because he is our son.”

“You always know what to say”, Ino said through a smile as a little faint voice could be heard. She immediately fell still, her smile growing bigger. “Do you hear that?”

“He is singing”, Sai said as he listened to Inojin’s voice from the bathroom.

Both parents listened intensely.

“It’s a love song”, Ino said. “Aws. Probably for Shikadai.”

Sai made the mental note that it is cute to sing a love song, ready to use this knowledge when the situation desires it.

Inojin was still unaware his singing could be heard through the wall.

“Let him sing”, Ino said. “He sounds happy.”

He did sound happy.

“Come on, come on”, Chocho said and took Inojin’s hand, guiding him toward a specific place on Chowi’s belly. “Do you feel it?”

They were sitting on the floor of the Akimichi household’s living room. Inojin had his legs spread out in front of him and Chowi was laying on her side by his side. Shikadai was sitting opposite to Inojin, fingers almost touching Chowi’s tail as it lazily whipped back and forth.

Chowi’s belly was big, because she was expecting puppies.

When Chowi had turned two, Chocho decided to breed on her. Convincing Choji had taken about ten seconds, convincing Karui had taken half a day. And then the hunt for a sire dog began. There had been a time period of looking up possible candidates and counting the days to her heat, when the heat very suddenly was there and Chocho had to move fast.

The sire dog was a big black, fluffy thing and everything has ended successfully. Now Chowi was over one month in on her pregnancy.

Inojin pressed his fingers gently against Chowi’s belly, feeling the head of a puppy on the other side of the skin.

“Oh wow”, he said. “How many do you think there is inside?”

“I have counted up to four individual heads or butts”, Chocho said. “Chowi’s litter had seven puppies, so there might be many siblings inside. I’m so excited.”

Shikadai leaned over to pat Chowi, who immediately turned over to sit up and lick him in the face.

“Hey Chowi, I wanted to feel your pups”, Shikadai laughed when the big dog tongue licked his cheek. “Thank you for the kisses, but _come on!”_

“She loves you!” Chocho said.

“You taught her to do this”, Shikadai said and hugged Chowi, while talking to her in a baby voice. “Yes, did Chocho teach you to always give me kisses, didn’t she, yes she did.”

Chocho looked fondly at the sight of them. She knew Shikadai was grateful for the support Chowi gave him.

“Two weeks left until the puppies due date”, she said. “I will not go out on New Years Eve this year. I’ll stay at home with Chowi, it would be unfair to put her under the stress of firework alone now that she will give birth so soon.”

“We won’t go either to the party hill”, Inojin said. “It’s nothing but troublesome, the whole thing.”

“Fireworks, inaccessible terrain, people being drunk around us, fucking breakdowns and so on, no thank you”, Shikadai said.

“And grass on the hill!” Inojin said. “Do you know how freaking difficult it is to wheel over grass? I won’t struggle on the hill just because it’s tradition. We’ll make our own traditions.”

“You can come to me”, Chocho said. “We can be home here, we three and celebrate the New Year just us. And Mitsuki will also come by a little while, when the year changes. For the New Years kiss, obviously.”

“And I thought I would stop hearing you babble about Mitsuki when you got together”, Inojin said and Chocho slapped him on his leg. The triumphant grin on Inojin’s face made Chocho even more agitated, because her slap had been for nothing as Inojin couldn’t even feel it. She slapped his arm instead. “That’s better.”

“Do you want me to slap you on your head as well to you can feel it all right into your brain, huh?” Chocho asked, eyes narrowed.

“Just offer me a place to sleep and I’ll be here on New Year”, Inojin said.

“Idiots like you sleep on the sofa”, Chocho said.

“Can’t, it’ll give me skin sores”, Inojin said. He noticed immediately the look of guilt and shame in Chocho’s eyes. “Whatever, we got a mattress I can take with me.”

One of the things Inojin hadn’t known was an issue for paraplegics before he became one himself was the skin sores. Because he due to his paralysis didn’t move his legs during the night when he was asleep the skin got easily irritated from the same constant pressure and would without care and pressure relief break into sores. Sleeping on other surfaces than ones which had special compression abilities could give him those skin sores in just one night.

“I can make us banana muffins”, Chocho said before giggling like a fool in love. “Mitsuki likes bananas, you see.”

During the autumn Chocho and Mitsuki had _finally_ become a couple, like Chocho had dreamed of from a year back. Their relationship was still very innocent and in the beginning stages, but Chocho was in love and Mitsuki genuinely liked her too.

“Nice, I like raspberries and Shikadai loves spinach”, Inojin said through a sarcastic grin, and Chocho slapped him on his head.

“Hey, I freaking hate spinach!” Shikadai snarled and slapped Inojin’s shoulder before they all burst into laughter.

Yes, this New Year would be different. There would be no visits on top of the party hill above the Hokage’s stone heads, there would be no enjoying the sound and lights of fireworks and there would be no trying out alcohol because that is what teens do when they grow up and want to stretch their boundaries.

But maybe it’s okay. They were not like other teenagers, no. Not with everything that happened to them but is was _okay_ to not be like everyone else. It was okay to have to do things in life a little bit different than others who hasn’t been through hell.

It was okay to avoid events if they trigger you and put you in a bad mental space.

It was okay to switch the party place to something that was more accessible for a wheelchair.

They were going to be okay. They might not be okay right now, but with time, things will become easier.

Even if Shikadai’s psychotic disorder had developed into a chronic one, he could learn to live a life with it and all the monsters.

Even if Inojin would never walk and live like an ablebodied person, he could learn to live with his disability, make up new systems and ways of doing the tasks that once were easy and gain more use from his tattoos, and love himself for how he is.

Even if Chocho suffered guilt, she could learn to love herself for all the mistakes she had made and love and support her team, her friends – her soulmates, with all her might.

They were going to be okay.

Chowi’s puppies were born the second week in January. Four puppies, two orange coloured ones and two black ones. Three girls and one boy.

A week after they were born Choji and Karui invited both the Yamanakas and the Naras to come for a cup of tea in the afternoon, both to show the new puppies and to just spend time together.

“Remember to be quiet”, Chocho whispered when she, Shikadai and Inojin went down the hallway leading to Chocho’s room. She opened the door. “Hi, babies. Hi.”

In one of the corners of Chocho’s room, on top of a nest of blankets, Chowi and four small puppies were laying. The puppies were huddling around and around over each other, in a constant search for Chowi’s teats.

Inojin lined the wheelchair close to the nest and transferred as controllably he could from the chair to the floor. Shikadai sat by him and reached his hand forward to pet one of the silky-smooth puppies.

“Oh, their fur is so soft”, he said.

“Well, soon they’ll be fluff monsters just like Chowi”, Chocho said proudly. “The father has a massive coat as well.”

The children cuddled with the puppies, talking lowly to not disturb them and their little power battle over the teats when the door opening became crowded. Temari and Shikamaru came inside Chocho’s room and soon enough Ino and Sai were there, as well as Choji and Karui.

“You guys”, Choji said, voice filled with affection. “It almost feels as if I became a grandpa when they were born.”

“You are a fool”, Karui snorted, but her voice was filled with affection as well. There was no lie in Karui’s tone either – both she and Choji were so in love with Chowi’s babies.

“Aren’t they small”, Temari said and walked inside the room. “Which ones are the girls, and which one is the boy?”

“This orange one is the boy”, Chocho explained and pointed at one of the orange puppies. “The two blacks and the other orange are the girls.”

Temari crouched by Shikadai’s side and stretched out her hand to gently touch one of the black puppies.

“Shikadai”, Temari said. “One of these puppies are yours.”

It took Shikadai a few seconds to understand.

“What?” he asked. “Mine?”

Temari smiled at her son as he carefully looked up at her.

“We’ve talked with your therapist”, she began. “And we think that you getting a dog would help you.”

Shikadai stared at the four huddling bundles. He began smiling uncontrollably.

“We heard that the therapy dogs helped you a lot when you were at the ward”, Temari continued. “We have contacted the owner to the therapy dogs, and she will help you train your dog to become a, well, we can call it a service dog. Basically, she would train your dog to recognise your anxiety attacks or when you begin to feel bad or disconnected to our world, so your dog could help you overcome them easier.”

It was true Shikadai loved dogs. He loved that Chocho had taught Chowi to give him kisses, he loved that he could hug Chowi if he felt like a wreck and the visit from the therapy dogs had saved his day at the ward when all he had wanted was to disappear.

He had used to joke he should get a dog himself, because he knew the benefits of one in his life.

It turned out his parents had recognised that need as well.

_One of these puppies are yours._

He let his hand touch on of the puppies as his lower jaw began shaking.

“Did… did you all know this?” he asked.

“I knew”, Chocho said. “Your parents asked us before they were even born. Hey, hey, don’t cry, Shikadai, this is a good thing!”

“I… _know_ it’s a good thing”, Shikadai whispered as a tear made its way down his cheek. “But I don’t deserve – “

“Shikadai, you deserve the world”, Inojin cut him off, stroking his back. “You deserve this.”

“Can I just… choose?” Shikadai asked, the thought sounding almost absurd to just choose a puppy as if he chose candy.

Chocho nodded.

“We have not put any of them up for sale”, she said. “You can choose first of all, whichever pup you wish.”

“I would like one of the black ones”, Shikadai whispered and Chocho lifted up one of the black puppies into Shikadai’s lap.

“They’re both girls”, Chocho told him through a smile as she watched Shikadai _beam_ as he held one of the puppies. After cuddling for a while Shikadai gave the first girl over to Inojin and took the second one as well.

“They’re so sweet”, he said slowly. “Wow.”

“You don’t have to choose now, they’re only a week old”, Chocho said.

The second black puppy he held in his lap had a white paw. All black, except the white little paw and a soft pink pad.

“I think it’s you”, Shikadai whispered to the puppy in the serene moment. “I think you are my little puppy.”

Behind his back Shikamaru and Temari were smiling. Maybe, just maybe, after two years of mental health struggles and anxious nights, things would look better. Shikadai’s new medication worked well and the cognitive behavioural therapy was better suited for him.

Maybe this dog would be the final piece in the puzzle for Shikadai to, even if his disorder was chronic, get better – for real – this time.

Shikadai held onto his decision. The black puppy with the white paw was his. She grew up to be a lively, wonderful puppy when she turned older and the Nara family prepared the house with toys, food, and bed for her.

Soon puppy girl was nine weeks and was prepared to move into her forever home.

Shikadai was visiting Chocho again, visiting his soon-to-be dog. Puppy was more than just a dog, she would be his service dog, his helper when the thoughts became too dark and the voices too loud to deal with and Inojin’s words wouldn’t penetrate. It was unfair for Inojin as well to be the one to always drag him up from the dark pit during his bad days, and they _had_ decided that they would not be each other’s caregivers.

They were boyfriends. Maybe, one day in the future, they would live together fulltime. And yes, that came with the love of helping the other one. Inojin would always need some kind of help, and Shikadai wasn’t either able to fully manage without support, but their relationship could not be limited to helping.

That was why puppy girl would be the saviour for both of them and their relationship.

“What are you going to call her?” Inojin asked. He held puppy girl in his lap, but she wanted soon enough to jump down to play with her littermates. It had been important for everyone that the puppies would be used to be around a wheelchair and be calm about it, and it had taken zero time for them to ignore the fact that Inojin for most of the time moved around differently to Chocho and the rest. None of them were scared of the chair.

“I have decided on a name already”, Shikadai said.

“Let me guess”, Chocho said. “Shikamiko.”

“Shikamiko”, Shikadai repeated. “No. Nothing with Shika.”

“Not?” Inojin said. “Spit it out.”

“Her name is Inori”, Shikadai said.

“Inori”, Inojin said. “You didn’t have to go with something Ino either. Or, I mean, Chocho named Chowi as if that was her child, but you don’t have – ”

“That was just a bonus”, Shikadai said. “Because I want her to be like yours as well. But no, that was not why I chose that name.” He took a deep breath. “It means prayer. Inori.”

_Prayer. Hope and wish that we will one day be okay and happy again._

“Inori”, Inojin said again. “I really like it.”

“I do too”, Chocho said.

“There was one thing Naoki told me”, Shikadai said. “He said… that even if I lost a few years to this damn illness, it is possible for me to still live a fulfilling life. Like… I am not ‘doomed’ to feel shit forever, even if I will probably for most of my life struggle with this diagnosis. But my life is not over with this disorder or with the lost years, and it will one day feel good to be alive. And I think Inori will help me with that. And you guys.” He smiled to his teammates. “Oh damn, of course I would freaking cry again. Ugh. I just… thank you. So much.”

Chocho and Inojin hugged Shikadai, and soon enough Inori waddled over to him and with her head a little turned sideways and big pointy ears pointed towards her future owner she reached up and gave Shikadai a lick on his chin.

Inori.

The final piece in the puzzle.

“Okay, bye, bye”, Shikadai said. Temari, who already had her shoes on in front of the raised her eyebrow, looking dissatisfied at her son’s behaviour. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Everything will be fine.”

“It’ll be empty at home without you”, Shikamaru said, already standing outside in the corridor outside the apartment.

“I’ll call tomorrow”, Shikadai said. “Thank you for unpacking with us, but bye!”

Temari snorted.

“Yes, yes, I know you’ll call when it’s time to do the laundry the first time”, she said. “Because I’m sure you never listened when I tried to teach you.”

“I _can_ do laundry myself”, Shikadai said. “Bye!”

“He is really trying to get rid of us, Tem”, Shikamaru said with a fond smile.

“I _will_ call you tomorrow”, Shikadai said.

“Well then”, Shikamaru said, looking over Shikadai’s shoulder at Inojin. “Have fun and good luck. Remember to call if there’s anything you need.” Shikamaru crouched down to pat Inori, who sat by Shikadai’s feet, on her head. “I’ll miss having you beg for treats by the breakfast table, Inori-girl. Take care of Shikadai now, will you.”

Shikadai snorted.

“We will make it”, he said. “And I will call you tomorrow”, he added for the fifth time.

Temari bid her goodbye to Inori as well, before drawing Shikadai into a hug.

“Now you’re this big”, she said. “Moving out and all. Good luck, my son.”

Shikadai hugged back.

“Thank you for trusting me”, he whispered into Temari’s ear. She enclosed him even harder, before letting go.

She then moved over to Inojin, leaned down a little bit to hug him as well.

“Good luck”, she said to him as well. “Take care of each other.”

“We will”, Inojin said

And that was when Temari and Shikamaru let Shikadai move out.

They let him build his own life, his own future, together with the one he loved the most.

This part of parenthood is the hardest. To let your child live his own life.

Shikadai had had a second relapse that was way milder than the first two and was still dependent on medication and therapy, but even with the obstacles that made him experience the real world differently, he still managed to have a fulltime job as a planner for future Dual Citizen Events over the continent.

And even after everything Shikadai had experienced, Shikamaru and Temari let him go. Because that is part of parenthood.

Ino and Sai had been there earlier, helping them move furniture and getting bookshelves up. They had spent an eternity hugging Inojin and wishing him the best, both giving him independence and panicking over letting their son, who needed so much special needs, go and live his own life.

But they did it as well.

They loved and let their son go out to live his life.

Inojin and Shikadai were sure their parents, all four, would go out and get hammered, celebrating and mourning that their children all of a sudden got so old and moved out.

Shikadai closed the door after his parents and turned to face Inojin, who had the brightest smile of them all.

“Hi, sweetie”, Inojin said and brought up his arms to hug Shikadai. He kissed him on his temple. “Now it’s you and me in our own place.”

“This feels amazing”, Shikadai said, inhaling Inojin’s scent. “I love you so much.”

He could feel Inojin smile against his cheek.

“Inojin”, Shikadai said. “You know what we should do? To celebrate?”

“Hm?” Inojin asked. Shikadai straightened his back and walked over to the CD-player, choosing a certain CD and put it in the player. He jumped over the first four songs and Inojin recognise the fifth song from the very first tone.

It was the love song Shikadai once had sung and played to him on the guitar.

Shikadai turned around and held his hand out.

“Yamanaka Inojin, will you dance with me?” he asked and Inojin burst out in laughter.

“Oh my god, what is this?” he laughed and wheeled up to Shikadai. He lifted his feet down from the footplate of his wheelchair and Shikadai would take his hands.

“One, two, three”, they said and with the help of Shikadai and the tattoos, Inojin stood up.

Shikadai drew him close, half holding his boyfriend up with a strong grip around Inojin’s hips.

“Are you holding me?” Inojin asked as he himself held himself up by Shikadai’s neck.

“Yes”, Shikadai confirmed. “You can trust me, I won’t let you fall.” He squeezed even harder around Inojin’s hips in the hopes he would feel it. On his body’s good days he had some better feeling around the hips, on bad days he felt nothing.

“Ah”, Inojin said. “I _think_ I can feel your hands now. It tingles.” They both laughed a little. Inojin being paralysed was now the norm. They had both forgotten the feeling of Inojin moving independently.

“Can you move your legs?” Shikadai asked.

“A little”, Inojin replied, focusing on the tattoos and the little amount of muscles he could control.

“Let’s dance”, Shikadai said.

They wiggled – slowly, clumsily – around in their very first, own living room while the song was playing.

They didn’t care what they looked like, if anyone would think they seemed silly to be overjoyed by the slowest and clumsiest dance in the world. All they cared about was the closeness and the chance they had, the chance to dance a little bit in together. Once they believed they would never get to do it, but when Shikadai held hard around Inojin’s body, they could do it. Inojin could dance, wiggle around.

 _Let me be the one to love you more,_ the singer blared out from the stereo.

That day, it felt like they were dancing above all the stars.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Shikadai is singing is called To love you more by Celine Dion.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading!
> 
> I really hope you've loved this story as much as I do. Please, let me know what you think! 🖤
> 
> I hope to write a third and final installment in the "To love and never let go"-series, To find hope in the Universe, which would be a shorter epilogue with plot for these kids, taking place quite soon after this story ended. I have hopes to write it in December and publish it in December/January 2021.
> 
> You can find me on twitter @majsasaurus. I post a lot of fic writing rambles and some art sometimes, if anyone want to interact with me!  
> You can find me also on tumblr @unioncolours
> 
> I hope we meet again in my future fics! And I'm not done with Shikadai x Inojin, and I believe that you'll find me soon again in that tag with a new fic. I still have many plans for fanfictions I want to write.
> 
> See you, and take care!
> 
> \- Majsasaurus


	19. Sequel: To find hope in the Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading this story! Hopefully you love it just as much as I do.
> 
> Welcome to the teaser chapter for the final instalment, To find hope in the Universe!

**Excerpt of chapter 1**

**Stigma**

Shikadai wanted to smash his forehead down the keyboard of his work laptop, anything to be able to parry the chatter of the three boys the Tsuchikage had assigned under his care. He was on his first work trip abroad as an official employee of the DCE committee over the nations, and the location had been Iwa, Stone Country.

He had packed his bags, left Inori, his dog, at home and gave his goodbyes to Inojin and hopped on the train up North.

To be completely honest, yes, he was anxious about this whole trip and as soon as he had arrived, he had regretted his choice to leave Inori at home. If she were here, he’d be able to bring his hand into her fur – a sensation which always affectively calmed him down when his thoughts turned darker, and now she wasn’t.

“But like… what are we going to do?” one of the boys asked. “The next DCE will be in Suna, so why do we have to do a hassle here?”

The team of three boys were genin the Tsuchikage just have shoved onto Shikadai. The official representant from Iwa – she who Shikadai was going to have meetings with – had gotten a sudden high fever and had to stay at home, which led the Tsuchikage to just assign three _stupid brats_ to help Shikadai with the work he had to do.

“I don’t know, you can make a mind map over things you think represent Iwa and come up with ideas you want to be visible or presented at the next DCE”, Shikadai said, continuing reading the report. He wished he could just tell the kids to leave him alone. He could work alone just fine. He didn’t need three genin who didn’t know what they were doing disturbing him. “You get one hour. Come to me with your mind map after that. And be quiet, I got work to do.”

“But like… what has already been done?” another of the boys asked.

“It’s best we look up the protocols from the other DCEs to get ideas”, the third one said and started their computer. “Mister Shikadai, what is the password?”

“You don’t know the password to the files?” Shikadai asked as he got up from his comfortable desk chair. “What a drag. It’s 73959dce. Now get to work and don’t disturb me.”

The boys got to work and Shikadai returned to his computer.

“Let’s check up the first DCE, the one in Kumo!”

Shikadai felt his stomach grow cold. He stared at text blurring together into nothing, trying to breath evenly through his nose. He could control himself. He had gotten good at this. He didn’t need to –

“Wasn’t that the one that ended in a terror attack?”

Shikadai swallowed.

“Yeah”, the other one responded. “Let’s read the drama.”

“I doubt you find something interesting about Iwa in there, since it was a Kumo-only conference”, Shikadai said, throat dry.

“But this is fun”, the boy replied. “Explosions and drama and stuff. Makes a good story.”

Shikadai resumed to stare at his computer.

_Makes a good story. Fucking hell._

“It was one of the guests who did it”, the one who had begun investigating said.

“Ah, yes, wasn’t he like, sick in his head or something?”

“Oh yes”, the first one replied. “Why would you let loose someone who is dangerous?”

“People could have died”, one of them said. “Do you know if he is in an asylum now?”

Shikadai closed his eyes, now completely focused on only breathing.

“I would be surprised if he wasn’t”, the first one said. “With a straight-jacket and all that stuff.”

Shikadai put his hands above his ears in a discreet manner, anything to stop hearing what the idiot kids were talking about, like they talked about a movie. They didn’t know. They would never know.

_So, this is what people thinks about me._

_Mm, yes, Shikadai, they hate you, they hate you, they hate you._

_Breathe in and out… breathe…_

“What was his name? I want to look him up”, the first kid asked.

“Wait, let’s see, they didn’t write the name out to protect his identity”, the researcher said. “Oh wait – here!”

There was a piercing silence.

“Nara Shikadai of the Sand…” the second kid said.

Shikadai knew they stared at him.

He didn’t open his eyes.

**Coming in January 2021**

**To find hope in the Universe**

Happiness is a choice.

No one knows it better than the youngest generation of Ino-Shika-Cho.

Happiness if a choice.

They had been injured. They had fallen ill. They had suffered.

Happiness will always be a choice.

No one chooses their family, their genes or the path that had been laid out for them.

But you can always choose to defy that path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, time for me to sit down and write this. 
> 
> The plot is a mess, but so am I, let's crush this thing!
> 
> See you soon!
> 
> -Majsasaurus
> 
> twitter: majsasaurus  
> tumblr: unioncolours


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